Wrestling Against Myself (39 page)

“For shame,” Cart admonished playfully. “You know it's on the school logo when you come in.”

“Yeah, and who looks at that when they're trying to figure out where the auditorium is the first time they show up for Freshman orientation. Come on; let's not keep our brothers waiting.”

“Right behind you.” 

The day finished and Antonio made his way to the locker room to get a light workout in with Carl. Tony's legs were still sore and it was more noticeable to others than he would've liked. The only positive was people asked him if he was injured instead of bringing up Courtney. He didn't think that the conversations about the girl were bothering him that much until he noticed how relieved he felt to be talking about why he was walking around like a zombie instead of why he was talking to a girl that was born in a boy's body.

Thinking of Courtney, as he navigated through the emptying corridors as students filed out of school in a rush, Tony noticed that the taunts and the petty bullying had stopped. He wasn't about to believe the situation resolved itself. There was still Peter and his cronies, but he hadn't heard or seen much of them lately. That didn't mean they weren't around, and Tony had a sneaking suspicion they were still working toward their goal.

It was the way that no one interacted with Courtney that came into Tony's mind as he opened the locker room door. He watched her, mostly from afar, as they passed through hallways between classes. No one chatted with her or even acknowledged she was there. It was as if the entire school pretended she didn't exist and Tony realized that the hazing was in full swing. It saddened him and he hoped they wouldn't be successful in driving the girl out of school.

“Tiny,” a loud voice boomed behind him as Tony made his way to his gym locker.

Antonio paused. He knew the voice well, but hadn't heard that degree of displeasure in a long time. He turned around slowly. “Yes, Coach?”

“Get your butt in here,” Coach Walker said outside the coaches’ office, holding the door open.

Tony shuffled his feet as he obeyed. It took him longer than usual, but he made it to the coaches’ office.

“You wanted to see me sir,” Tony said in a meek tone.

“I thought we had a deal,” Coach Walker said as he sat on the corner of the desk.

“What deal is that, coach?”

“I thought you were going to ease up on the workouts until we got into preseason conditioning.”

“I have been taking it pretty easy.”

“Really?”

Tony nodded but kept his mouth shut.

“Tiny, you know you can't lie to me.”

“I'm not lying. I cut my workouts down and I haven't lifted a single weight since you told me not to.”

“You think I can't tell that you're walking gingerly today? What did you pull, a hamstring?”

“No. Just a little sore. I went jogging yesterday and I guess I jogged too far.”

“Jogging?”
“Yeah, around the track.”

“You want to stick to calling what you did jogging?”
 

“That's what it was.”

“Tiny, one of the football coaches saw you. Said you were full sprint and weren't letting off the gas.”

Tony hung his head. He liked being reprimanded just as much as the next teenager.

“Said you almost broke a 5 and a half minute mile.”

“No way,” Antonio was astonished by the number.

“It's the truth. He said your technique sucks, but you have a good motor. I've known that for years. Tiny has no quit, we should put that motto on a bumper sticker and slap it on your car.”

“I don't put stuff on my car, it's a classic.”

“You got one of those Jesus fish things on it.”

Tony smirked. “You got me on that one, but that's because the car is God owned.”

“Tiny, it's just us and I know you too well. What's eating at you?”

“A problem with a girl at school,” Tony admitted.

“You didn't do something you regret, did you?”

“No, nothing like that. It's as if the whole school is determined to get this girl to drop out of school and I don't know why people can't leave her alone.”

“Oh! Her!”

“What do you mean, oh, her? You know who I'm talking about?”

“If it's who I think it's about, then the entire staff has been made aware of her situation.”

“Then it's probably the same person.”

“They didn't mention you by name, but I assumed it was you when Mrs. Reed said the girl had a student protector. Did running yourself into the ground solve anything?”

“No, but it sure got out some frustration.”

“Tiny. I know you're a religious person and people respect you for that. Are you sure this is a situation you want to put yourself in the middle of?”

Tony shrugged. “I don't think I have a choice. It's the right thing to do.”

“And Tiny always does the right thing, right?”

“I try.”

“I hope you don't learn this the hard way, but sometimes you have to pick your battles.”

“You think I shouldn't help this girl out?”

“It's a dicey situation and it shouldn't come to any surprise that people are reacting as strongly as they are. It is definitely placing people outside of their comfort zones.”

Antonio could see the coach's point. Maybe it wasn't odd that the people had issues with Courtney and maybe it wasn't a stretch that they took their course of action. It is common for people to get rid of things that make them uncomfortable and what Courtney was doing flew in the face of convention. Maybe the odd thing isn't the other students' reaction to the situation, Tony thought, but the lack of a reaction from himself. “Do you think she is wrong for what she is doing, Coach?”

Coach Walker grimaced. “To be honest, Tiny, I don't know and that's the truth. A big part of me thinks it is weird for a boy to want to become a girl. It isn't an
everyday occurrence and, in all my years of teaching, this is the first time I've come across anything like this. That being said, I'm not her. I don't know what she is going through, or what she is thinking. Between you and me, I suspect she has gone through a lot of counseling or the school board would never agree to something this unprecedented. I question the wisdom of her doing this at school; it might not be the appropriate environment, especially in the same school district she already attended school at. In the end, she is the one who is going to have to live with her decisions one way or the other.”

“Do you think I'm wrong for sticking up for her?”

“No!” Coach Walker stated strongly. “It's your nature to stick up for those who are being kept down; it is one of your more admirable traits. You've never been a bully, even though you could get away with it, and you stand up to those who choose to bully other people. My concern for you is that this is a very highly charged situation and I don't want to see you getting hurt; physically, mentally, or emotionally.”

“I don't think it will get that far. Right now it looks like everyone has decided to blackball her and keep their distance. They stopped with the name calling and shoulder bumping and are trying to isolate her.”

“What if they try to isolate you too?”

“I didn't think anyone would try that.”

“Me either. You might be too popular for that to work on, and I doubt it would matter to you much. But you need to keep in mind that some of the students may turn the venom they feel towards this girl on you. I know you think you're indestructible, but don't fight battles that can't be won. And keep in mind, some battles you may win in one arena and lose in another.” 

“I'll do my best.”

“I know you will, Tiny. You've never given me anything less. Now, speaking about bullying, go easy on Carl. No matter how much weight you've lost, you're still a heavyweight and he's still a middleweight, or he better be. Make sure you take it easy on yourself too. If you break a leg, I'll shoot you like the horse you are.”

“Gee, thanks Coach. We're just going over technique, no live wrestling.”

“Good. Now get out of here.”
 

“See you coach.” Tony left the coaches office. The conversation was longer than he thought it would be, but he figured it had more to do with Coach wanting to talk to him about Courtney than it did with him overdoing things on the track.

Tony made his way to the back row of
lockers; Carl was already waiting for him.

“You get in trouble, Tiny?” Carl asked as he sat on the bench.

“Not really. Coach wanted to make sure that I wasn't hurting you during these roll-around sessions. I promised him we weren't going to wrestle live and would just go over technique.”

Carl smiled. “That's why he is a good coach, he protects his prize athlete.”

“Prize athlete, huh?” Tony said as he stripped off his school clothes and placed them in his locker. “I guess when you have trouble fielding a full team, any athlete is prized.”

“That's harsh, Tiny.”

“I'm just teasing. Since when did you become so sensitive?”

Carl laughed. “Just trying to lull you into a false sense of confidence.”

“Not going to happen. Come on,” Tony said after he put on his t-shirt and shorts and took hold of his wrestling shoes. “I figured today we could work on pinning combinations.”

“We can go over the power-half again. This time, remember Coach said not to break me.”

“I'll do my best.”

Carl looked at his friend suspicious and wondered in which way Tony was going to do his best; in keeping him safe or in breaking him. He was going to find out soon enough.

It was Wednesday afternoon. School was out and Tony already dropped Courtney off at her home. He was sitting in his room, the television and the lights were off as he lay on his bed. Everything was quiet and peaceful, at least outside of his own mind. Nothing happened at school that day, things struck an equilibrium, but it was a balance Tony wasn't pleased with. Outside of his small group, the other students still weren't interacting with the new girl at school and there wasn't anything Tony could do about it.

“Lord,” Antonio spoke towards the ceiling. “I was hoping that once people saw that I didn't have a problem with Courtney they would figure out that they didn't need to have a problem with her. What's wrong with them?”

Antonio knew he was being judgmental and shook his head at himself.

“What am I not doing right, God? How can I show them being Courtney's friend is the right thing to do? I guess I need to lead by example a while longer.”

Tony closed his eyes as his head sunk into the pillow. He wasn't tired, but he wanted to drown out the physical world for a while.

“What am I going to do about Shannon and Stephanie?” he asked in a whisper. “I didn't think they would respond the way they did and I don't like the idea of losing friends.”

Only silence replied. No matter how still he made the world around him, when it came to matters concerning the girl, he was still unable to hear that still small voice of God.

Tony thought that maybe he should go for another run, not as strenuous as Monday's, nothing more than a light jog to get the blood circulating and fresh air to clear his head. He didn't have to go to the school track; he could go down the causeway, jog over the bridge and make his way to Honeymoon island. He gave it some thought but remembered what Coach Walker said and decided against it.