Wrong Kind of Love (11 page)

Any good brother would tell on Grace. I’m not a good brother. I’m a horrible brother. I haven’t always been one though. Jaden and I used to be really close. We would talk about everything and do everything together. I don’t have one childhood memory without Jaden in it. That’s the way it should be
, but the middle of freshman year Jaden started to become distant. I know people grow and change but this was different.

For example, Jaden is the same person he has always been. He just got secretive and stopped spending time with me. I thought maybe he was embarrassed of
something, or me so I did what I do best. I have the uncanny gift of being at the right place at the right time. It was a beautiful night and I had the urge to paint outside.  I hadn’t had the urge before or since. I don’t paint landscapes or scenery. I like to paint people, always have always will. But that night I wanted to paint the stars as I saw them. Beautiful globes of light shining down on us with their healing light.

Anytime I thought life was becoming
too much for me, I would stare at the stars. They were up there all alone. Yeah they appear in clusters but really they aren’t even close to each other. That’s how I felt, surrounded by all these human beings and I still felt alone. They were all alone up there but they kept on shining, even when the sun was out. I knew I could go on as long as they were up there.

So
that was what I was doing this particular night. I just had to paint what I saw when I looked at the stars. I wanted to compare what they meant to me. Then I heard female giggles. I knew Teagan was upstairs in her bed all tucked in for the night. Marie was still living at the house but I knew it wasn’t her. She wasn’t home yet from her future husbands, Max’s, house. Then they rounded the corner.

I have never seen Jaden as happy as I did then. Ava was everything to him. You could tell by the way he looked at her,
the way he touched her. The guy hardly ever smiled but here he was with a big goofy grin on his face. He was so in love. He even kissed her like he couldn’t get enough for her. It was totally romantic and made me sick to my stomach.

I packed up my stuff and went into the house. I could let the stars wait, Jaden was more important. It was a few weeks later that Ava was in a horrible car accident and lost her memory. Jaden became more distant and
angrier. I never told him I knew about Ava and I’m thankful I didn’t. Jaden loves his privacy and I knew that Ava’s parents didn’t let her date. Though she couldn’t be with anyone better than Jaden.

Our relationship was never the same after Jaden lost Ava. I miss the brother I had when I was little. I miss the brother who was there for me after what happened with Coach. I don’t know the Jaden who walks around
now, because lets face it; he’s a complete and total asshole. I really want to put Grace in that category with him but I can’t bring myself to do it.

Grace
, with all that blonde hair hanging down her back. Those dark blue eyes, full of life and passion. Her bow shaped lips just perfect for kissing, and the most wonderful curves that are to die for. And then it’s more than that. Like the way she smiles at little old ladies, or the way she brightens an entire room just by walking into it. Or the way she is there for Teagan even though you can tell she’s getting on Grace’s nerves by the expression on her face. Or the way she actually looks interested in what people are telling her during a conversation, like she actually gives a damn whether they are talking about schoolwork or the last book they read.

I love those things about her. I don’t know if I love her but I know I love the way she is. She does things to me I can
’t explain and it scares the shit out of me most days but I can’t seem to get her out of my head no matter how hard I try. It’s crazy and it’s wrong. I should have let it go or tried hard to win her. I did neither. Now I’m left all alone and stalking her like some psycho.

I have lost my damn mind.

“Okay so you mean to tell me you paint pictures of naked chicks?” Chance asks me while eyeing a painting I’m selling at the local gallery.

“They are more th
an that to me, but yes, Chance, I’m painting pictures of naked chicks.” I chuckle at his awed expression. No one else seems to give a damn about what I paint or come to see them.

I was
pleasantly surprised when Chance asked to come and see the paintings I had for sale. I took all the ones I had up in my apartment with Jaden and trashed them. They weren’t my best work and I couldn’t look at the angry pieces anymore. I’m no longer angry with any of it. Life chose to let me have Grace for a little while and took her away. Now I have to sit and wait. If she comes back, she comes back. If she doesn’t, then I pretend she didn’t exist and find someone who I can love despite the way I feel for Grace.

“That’s awesome.”
He walks up to one and places a hand on his chin. He looks like he needs to take a shit, but I assume he is trying to see the point. I wish I could explain to him that there isn’t a point. Each piece means something different to me, but they mean something completely different to the viewer. “I feel like all of these are of the same girl?” he says it like a question.

Fuck
. I didn’t really think he would notice. They are all Grace, of course. She is in various positions, in all of them she is naked, but you don’t see her face. If she walked in here right now I’m sure she would be surprised to see her naked body all over the gallery. Jaden, I know would never step foot in here, the guy can’t stand galleries let alone paintings. I have nothing to worry about there. I clear my throat. “Yeah they are all of the same girl.”

“You must have strong feelings for her.” He turns around to eye me up and down. I flinch and look away from his knowing eyes.

“Why do you say that?” I stammer out, scratching the back of my head.

“In the one where
you’re touching her, it’s in a loving way. Almost as if you don’t want to ever let her go. Then in the ones where you’re not touching her, you can tell her body is tuned to your hands. I never thought you could paint something so sexual yet tasteful.” He shakes his head and chuckles. “I knew you had mad skills, dude but this is amazing. You have some crazy talent.”

“Thanks.” I say, choked on emotion.
I’ve been hanging out with Chance off and on the past couple of months. Sometimes people walk into your life for a little while and sometimes they stay for the long haul. Chance has turned out to be around for the long haul. He’s even helping me with Declan who is a total wreck. I never thought I would see the day my sister brought a man to his knees.

“Okay enough of the girly shit. Lets go see if we
can’t get Declan out of bed.” Chance pats me on the shoulder and heads for the front door.

I follow
with a grin on my face. I couldn’t handle being in the same room with Jaden knowing he’s with the girl I want. So I moved out and decided I needed to help Marcus with Declan. The dude only gets out of bed to go to class and I think he only does that because Teagan dropped out. Mom and Dad were not happy about that.

I felt like Declan was a kindred spirit since we both got fucked over by women. Chance fits right in since his old lady dropped kicked his heart as well. I like to think
of us as the three broken hearted Douches bags. It has a nice ring to it.

My phone rings in my back pocket and I groan. My parents aren’t happy that I moved out of the apartment and they aren’t happy I don’t come home anymore. I say screw all of them. I love my mom but she doesn’t have enough
backbone and I can’t stand that she is still with my dad. I have never been close to Dad and I never will be. Throughout my childhood he only thought of himself and not his six kids. Fuck him. Jaden handled the whole Teagan/Declan shit badly plus him stealing my girl, I wouldn’t call him brother ever again. Okay that was lie. I’m just pissed.

The phone flashes
‘Mom’ and I almost hit the ignore key. I haven’t talked to her in a little while so I decide to answer. “What’s up Mom?” I ask fighting the irritation out of my voice.

“Honey! I
can’t believe you answered. We have been calling you for weeks!” I roll my eyes. They’re only worried about appearances. It looks bad that I have pretty much disowned them. Forest, Marie, and Jessica have tried to talk to me as well but they aren’t a part of what is going on. Besides they are all grown and out of the house.

“What do you need
, Mom?” I question grinding my teeth. Chance turns around when he hears the anger in my voice. I shake my head when he gives me a questioning glance.

She huffs over the phone and I fight back a grin. Mom never gets mad about anything and I can tell
I’m really starting to piss her off. I can’t really care since my parents have spent the better part of my life fighting. “Your brother called and said you moved out. And that you won’t speak to him. I have to say I’m disappointed in you.” I can see her in my head shaking her index finger up and down like she did when I was a kid.

“Look M
om, it’s my business if I close off my relationship with Jaden. It was long past time to take a break from him. I’m sorry you don’t like it but there isn’t anything you can do. What’s done is done.” I shove my hand in my pocket and stare at the ground. I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable. I haven’t ever talked to my mother this way.

“I didn’t raise you to turn your back on the people who love you.” She spits out in anger.

I lost it after that. “Who loves me Mom? Other then you, I don’t think anyone does. Dad resents me because I won’t over look his shit, because I know it’s wrong. Jaden took the only girl I ever wanted away from me, and then he turned his back on his best friend. Teagan God bless her soul is so full of herself she couldn’t love anyone anyway.”

I know I shouldn’t have said all that but I can
’t take the lies running around my family. The hiding and pretending everything is okay. Because it’s not. I’m not surprised to find she hung up on me.

“Are you okay babe?” Jaden asks while I sit at the kitchen table painting my nails.

I look up at him and smile. I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. I take in his shaggy black hair and beautiful blue eyes. He has on his athletic shorts and no shirt. He is truly beautiful, but when I see him it’s not what I want. I want shaggy blonde hair and lighter blue eyes. I want tattoos all over his skin and that cocky smile.

I’m the stupidest person that ever lived. I really am.

With my dad coming back into my life, I realize lots of things. Like that I shouldn’t have given up Caden. I should have dumped Jaden the second Caden asked me to. I don’t know, I just feel like everything is pointless without Caden in my life. Since he pretty much walked away from his family, I don’t see him except for the class I share with him. And that is pure torture.

I have to sit right beside him and I can
’t touch him. I can’t kiss him whenever I want and I can’t hold his hand. I can’t run my hands over his thigh or under his shirt and over those amazing abs. And I hate that I can’t. It’s eating away at me that I can’t be with him.

“Grace?” Jaden questions looking at me strangely.

I blink several times before I acknowledge him. “What?” I start to fidget in my seat and I know my face is flushed. Thinking of Caden does that to me.

“Are you okay? You have been
staring off into space a lot here lately. Something I need to know?” he sits down next to me and pulls my chair closer to him.

When his hand lands on my thigh I jump. Jaden’s hands are
calloused from years of football. And I hate myself for wishing they were Caden’s. I’m a horrible, horrible person. And a slut.

“I’m fine h
un. I just have a lot on my mind. I guess I’m just really worried about Teagan. You know?” Is that something Grace would say? God I hope so. She has a bleeding heart so I’m pretty sure I got that right.

I have been finding myself slipping up everyday and not just in front of Jaden but everyone. My accent will come and go and then I’ll snap at someone. Grace would never snap at someone. Fuck this is becoming
too much for me, really.

“Yeah I know. I’m really worried about her too. Mom said she has to force her
to eat and take a shower. She won’t even talk to anyone.” He rubs a hand over his face in a sign of frustration. I think everyone is frustrated with Teagan. I can only blame her family though. They shelter her too much. She didn’t have time to grow enough for the hormones in her body. She couldn’t handle having a miscarriage because she knew nothing of life. It was like a slap in the face.

I
honestly feel more sorry for Declan. To lose the woman you love and your unborn child in the same day must have fucked him up. I wouldn’t know though. I see him around campus sometimes but he doesn’t make eye contact with anyone nor does he speak. Jaden won’t even talk about him or to him. That pisses me off to no end. How can you claim someone is your best friend and then dump them when they are hurting? I understand he went behind Jaden’s back but still it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Jaden acts like Declan killed someone or something. Though Jaden has been acting a lot different lately. He seems to be getting angry at the littlest of things and sometimes he acts like he has
too much energy. Even after he gets home from practice.

“Maybe you should check on Declan? Or call your brother to see if he is okay?” I throw in. That is Grace, always worried about everyone else. Kayla is only worried about
what’s going on in her life. Honestly Grace is becoming a big bore.

“You would like that wouldn’t you? To hear about Caden? I know you want him. You want him way more then you ever wanted me!” he screams getting up out of his seat.

I flinch at his voice and my mind tries to go back to times when Daniel would scream at me when I was little. I try and keep calm, because Grace wouldn’t get up and scream right back at him. Kayla wants to get up and scream, “YES!” because we all know I want Caden.

“Jaden. Calm down, please. I was just asking a simple question.” I tremble for affect because I want him to feel bad about yelling at me.

He sits back down on his seat and puts his head in his hands. “I’m sorry babe. I just get so jealous when you say his name. It sucks he had you before I could even get a chance to ask you out.” He takes a hand away from his face and places it on my thigh.

I lace my fingers with his even though I want to take my hand and smack the
shit out of him. “You have me now, hun. I’m not going anywhere I promise.” I rub his back as I speak. Everything out of my mouth is a lie these days. I don’t even know why I’m lying. Why am I becoming this person? Grace wouldn’t want to hurt Jaden but she can hurt Caden? I’m really starting to think there are two people living in my head.

Grace wants Jaden and Kayla wants Caden.

He frowns down at me and I start to get nervous. “Then why did you have sex with him? But you won’t with me?” This is a perfectly acceptable question but it still makes me want to slap him. I think most of the time I want to slap Jaden.

“I was drunk when Caden and I happened. Besides I want our first time to be
special.” Lie. I don’t want to have sex with Jaden. Yeah he’s hot and stuff but he’s not his twin brother. He doesn’t make my blood heat with desire. He doesn’t make my sex get wet with just the thought of him touching it.

I need a huge sign that says SLUT pointing right at me.

“Neither of us are virgins, why does it have to be special?” he states looking at me way to closely. Jaden much like his brother has too much insight.

I huff and stand up from my seat. I grab my bag from the kitchen table but leave my finger nail polish. I head towards the door before I answer him, “Because I thought we were special. I didn’t want our first time to mean nothing to
o you. I didn’t want us to mean nothing to you.” I huff again and turn on my heel heading out the door.

“Grace, babe, wait!” Jaden hollers, running after me. He catches me and gently grabs my
wrist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see it that way. I promise to make it special for you, for us.” He places a chaste kiss on my forehead and I smile.

If you play the right buttons you can get a man to do whatever you want. I learned that from my cold hearted mother. I’m happy I have somewhere to use her life lessons, even if I don’t agree with them.

This might be the dumbest, craziest, thing I have ever said but if I slept with Jaden I feel like I would be cheating on Caden. I don’t know what that says about me, but I refuse to feel guilty. I refuse to let my life become like my mothers.

She left someone who could truly love her for money and fame. I’m starting to see that if I stay with Jaden, forgoing what I feel for Caden, then I am becoming just like her.

A few months later I’m out shopping with Cassidy. She is the only cheerleader I can stand. She is actually smart and uses her brain. I can actually carry on a conversation with her, and I’m glad I have her around since Teagan is still out of commission.

Cassidy is actually a natural blonde but she has green
eyes, which shine like gems. She is quirky and we have a lot of fun together. I don’t have to pretend to be Grace around her. It’s just easy to be Grace around her.

I’m in the middle of telling Cassidy about something Jaden did when I see them. We are stopped outside an art gallery I haven’t noticed on this street before. Art for the Adults is the name of the place. What has stopped me dead in my tracks is one of the
artist’s names on the window front. CG Harper.

Caden Gabriel Harper.

I only know his middle name because his mom yelled out his entire name during Thanksgiving. I don’t even think as I enter the gallery. I have to see what he has on display here.

The name of the gallery says it all, because every piece in here is of nude models. Most of the paintings are of women in sexual
positions. They don’t make me feel anything. It’s like the whole thing is staged and that’s not what art is to me. Unless it’s a portrait. You have to feel something. Art should show you an emotion. The emotion the artist is feeling at the time. I guess it’s like anything that is considered an art, there should be a purpose, a rhyme, a reason.

It doesn’t take me long to find Caden’s paintings. And when I do I really want to find him and strangle him. Every single painting he has on display is o
f me. No one who hadn’t seen me naked would know it was me though. My face isn’t painted nor is my hair. Just my naked body.

As I study the paintings I come to realize something. I shouldn’t be mad at all. I should be pleased. The way he displays me in them is so beautif
ul. You can see the love shining through every stroke and color. My body is worshipped and is so tasteful.

Caden i
s in some of them with me. Those are the best. The way his hands possess me. The way his touch is loving and gentle. You can feel the lust coming off the canvas. If you didn’t know the people in the painting you would think they were long time lovers. Not two people who had sex five times. Who aren’t even together.

I’m lost in a daze taking in every single pose and every single
position. It’s real and it’s so beautiful. I don’t think anyone but Caden sees me this way. Maybe that’s the artist in him, or maybe it’s the man in him. These paintings say I’m his, that he owns me.

I’m starting to think they are right.