Year of Living Blonde (Sweet Life in Seattle, Book 1) (57 page)

“WHAT THE HELL
is going on?” Anthony growls.

He’s wearing his motorcycle jacket, helmet at his side, looking just like he did when he came to her that first night. The big bad wolf at her door.

The sight of him makes her knees go weak and her heart flutter. She can’t stop the stupid smile on her face.

But Anthony isn’t smiling. He looks concerned and she should have known he’d guess something was wrong. He’s too perceptive for anything less.

After he comes inside, she turns so he can follow her into the next room, but his hand reaches out for her arm.

“Hey, where are you going? Come here.”

He pulls her into him and kisses her, surrounding her with his windblown scent. His mouth tastes so good. Like love and happiness, and the hottest sex she’s ever had. Natalie gives in to it. Kisses him with passion, hungry for more. But then she pulls back, because she knows this is going to be hard enough already.

“Miss Natalie, I’ve missed you,” he murmurs, his hand on her ass. “I was getting worried.”

She moves away from him, walks toward the kitchen as he follows.

“Are you still pissed about your phone?” He puts his helmet down on one of the chairs near the island. “I know I’ve been preoccupied lately. I swear, I’ll get you a new phone by next week.”

“That’s okay.”

He frowns. “Why didn’t you want to come over tonight?”

Natalie leans against the counter. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, I’m not thirsty.” He studies her. “You’ve been so distant. I’ve been racking my brain. Was it meeting my parents?” He lets out a deep breath. “I know that was awkward for you. In hindsight, I should have handled it better.”

“Peter’s been here.”

Anthony freezes.

“He’s been coming over for dinner.”

Anthony still doesn’t move. The tension in the room grows palpable. She waits for him to speak, and when he doesn’t, she continues.

“He wants me back.”

Anthony curses. Then suddenly he’s in front of her, hands on her sides. She gasps when he lifts her so she’s sitting on the kitchen counter. He stands between her thighs and places a hand on each side of her.

She stares at the white strip of leather that runs across the zipper on his motorcycle jacket.

“So I was right,” he says, an edge to his voice.

“You were,” she admits.

“Should I be worried here? You said you were mine.” She can feel him watching her. “Look at me, Natalie.”

She lifts her head. He searches her eyes. Judging by the hard expression on his face, he doesn’t like what he finds. But then his face grows thoughtful.

“What if you’re pregnant?”

“I’m not.”

“How do you know?”

“I got my period this morning.”

He turns his head. She thought he’d be relieved by the news, but he doesn’t look it. She wasn’t relieved either.

“Don’t do it,” he says, turning to her again. “Don’t go back to him.”

Natalie puts her hand to his jaw, scratchy the way she likes it. If only she could touch him forever.

“It’ll be a mistake,” he tells her. “So just don’t do it.”

“I think I have to.”

Anthony closes his eyes.

She watches his beautiful face and her heart hurts. The ache of it travels through her whole body. She tries to swallow, but it feels like there’s something blocking her throat.

Her breath gets shaky. She wishes things were different, but they’re not.

When Anthony opens his eyes, they are dark and intense. He shakes his head slowly. “No.”

His hand comes up and touches her cheek, his thumb rubs over her lips and then his fingers slide through her hair, holding her still for him. He claims her mouth. Kisses her roughly, at first. But then it changes to something erotic and deep. Both his hands move down and her arms wind around his neck, her breasts pressing into his hard chest. She feels his hands on her back, then under her shirt until he’s caressing bare skin.

Natalie knows what he’s doing. Seducing her. Using all his weapons. And for a little while, she lets herself enjoy it.

Her eyes fall shut. Inhaling him. His smell and taste. Trying to remember everything.

His palm moves over her breast. “Let’s go to your bedroom,” he whispers.

She’s tempted. The pull of her desire for Anthony is so strong. Chloe is home, but even if she wasn’t, she knows it wouldn’t be fair to him.

So she draws back and unwinds her arms from his neck. “I can’t.”

He doesn’t give up though. Moving closer, he tries to kiss her again. “I want you.”

“You can’t keep me like this. It won’t work.”

“We’ll see about that,” he murmurs. His fingers slide down each side of her leg.

Natalie takes a deep breath. “I’m letting Peter move back in.” She’s only now just decided it. But realizes it’s what has to be done.

Anthony flinches.

It hurts her deeply to see it, but she continues. “Chloe is so happy when he’s around. I haven’t seen her like this in a long time. I have to give her the one thing I never had. A stable home.”

Natalie tries to take his hand in hers. This time Anthony pulls away, shakes her off. But she knows he understands because he has Serena and he’d do anything for her, too.

“A stable home has love in it,” Anthony says. “Are you telling me you still love Peter?”

Natalie sees the calculated expression on his face. And then she knows what she has to do. The one thing that will set Anthony free. She has to lie. “Yes,” she says. “Yes, I do.”

To her surprise, he smirks, though it’s humorless. “I don’t believe you. You’re going to have to be more convincing than that.”

“It’s true.”

He shakes his head. “No, it isn’t.”

“I still love him. I really do.”

His intelligent eyes meet hers. “Is this really how you want to play it?”

“It’s the truth. I want Peter back.”

He lets out a deep breath. “I love you, Natalie. But if you want me out of your life so bad that you’ll lie right to my face, then I’ll step aside and give you exactly what you want.”

“You will?”

“Yes.”

Natalie tries to speak again, but can’t. Wants to tell him this isn’t what she wants, but it has to be this way. Can’t he see? It’s like she’s suffocating, though.

Anthony doesn’t make a move at first. Just considers her for a long moment. Finally, he steps in close and kisses her on the cheek. “Be happy,” he whispers.

Then he picks his helmet up off the chair and walks out of the kitchen, out the front door, and out of her life.

Just like he said he would.

Natalie doesn’t leave her spot on the counter for a long time. She tries to catch her breath, but can’t. Tries to swallow, but can’t. Her chest is tight and it feels as if she’s coming out of her skin. Her heart hurts. The pain slices through her like it’s cutting her to ribbons. She starts to shake all over and then a loud gut-wrenching noise comes out of her mouth.

It’s a sob.

Oh, my God, I’m crying.

Peter moves back in the very next week. Chloe is over the moon and Peter is in great spirits as well. Everyone in the house is happy, except Natalie.

But she does a good job hiding it. She puts on her best poker face. The one she hasn’t had to wear since she was a kid. And she’s damned good at it. It’s not for nothing that her dad was a World Series Main Event winner. Nobody suspects a thing except Lindsay, who of course, sees through it all.

“This whole thing is a train wreck,” Lindsay tells her. “And I can’t bear to watch knowing that you’re in it.”

Lindsay moved all her stuff out. She’s living in her studio temporarily until she finds a place of her own.

“We’re going to make it work,” Natalie says stubbornly. “We have to.”

She hasn’t told Lindsay about the crying, though. Hasn’t told anyone. Natalie decides to keep it to herself. It’s bizarre, too, because after years of not crying, she now cries at everything. Cereal commercials, flowery greeting cards, even homeless kittens. Not that she’s seen any homeless kittens. But just the thought of a homeless kitten—so sad!—is enough to get her crying.

Peter and Chloe think she has allergies and that’s why she’s carrying around a large box of tissues everywhere. And how can she tell them the truth? How can she destroy their happiness?

And then, of course, she cries when she thinks about Anthony. Which is a lot. She can’t stop thinking about Anthony. He even invades her dreams at night. The way he whispered “Miss Natalie” in her ear. The way his arms felt around her. The way he laughed when she teased him. The way he made her feel beautiful all the time.

Natalie keeps that to herself, too.

She hasn’t had sex with Peter. He wants to, but she can’t bring herself to do it, even though they’re supposed to be a couple again. Natalie moves her stuff back into the master bedroom. After a few weeks, she even agrees to let him sleep in there with her, as long as he doesn’t touch her.

“I can’t believe you gave Lindsay our bedroom while I was gone,” he says, one night, lying in bed together. “Why would you do that?”

“I just couldn’t sleep in here alone after all those years.”

Peter softens. “I guess I understand that.” He pulls her close and tries to kiss her, but Natalie stiffens.

“I’m still not ready.”

He lets out an annoyed sigh. “It’s been almost a month now, Natalie. I’m trying to be patient, but how long is this going to go on?”

“I don’t know.”

Peter runs his hand down her back and lowers his voice. “I want to be with you. You’re so sexy.”

Natalie swallows and tries to smile. She feels like crying, but she’s getting better at controlling it.

“Just give me a little more time. I have to get used to all this.”

He sighs. “That’s what you keep saying, but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Do you still not trust me? Is that it?”

“You broke my heart. I’m still recovering,” she lies.

When he finally falls asleep, she sneaks out of bed, puts her robe on and heads downstairs. It’s summer and the nights are warmer, but she still wears her coat when she goes out into the backyard.

This is her new thing. Sitting out here at night alone, gazing at the stars.

She can still be close to Anthony this way.

First, she finds all the constellations he showed her, remembering how he told her they change with the seasons. And then she tries to find the planets, though that’s harder.

And then she cries. Quietly sobbing after holding it in all day.

She knows she’s in love with Anthony. She isn’t entirely stupid, and figured it out pretty fast once she had to give him up.

A part of her wishes now she’d known sooner, that she’d told him the night he said it to her, but a part of her is glad she didn’t.

Because then he never would have let her go. She’s stubborn, but Anthony can be stubborn in his own way, too.

The week after they split up, true to his word, she got a new phone. Maya came into the bakery and delivered it.

“How is he?” Natalie asked.

Maya shook her head. “Not good. He won’t talk to me about it. What’s going on with you two?”

“I went back to my ex-husband.”

“Oh.”

“I had my reasons,” she said defensively. “I wish I wasn’t hurting him, though.”

Maya tilted her head of dark curls and studied Natalie. “To be honest, you don’t look so good either.”

“I’m not sleeping much. Tell Anthony I said thanks for the phone.”

“You should call him,” Maya said. “Tell him yourself.”

But Natalie knew that was a bad idea. She needed to let Anthony go.

And so she sits outside alone every night, gazing up at the stars. She knows he went to Rome recently. Made the mistake of googling his name. It was excruciating to see pictures and read about him.

I won’t be doing that again.

At least she and Blair are solid once more. Though Blair and Lindsay have been hanging out together a lot, and the two of them seem to be of the same mindset regarding Peter.

“You know I felt betrayed after you started dating Anthony,” Blair says one day. They’re taking a break together, sitting out in front of La Dolce Vita where they set up some tables and chairs on the sidewalk. “I thought you weren’t thinking clearly, that you were throwing away everything we’d worked so hard for on a fling. But after watching your deterioration these past weeks, it’s obvious it wasn’t just a fling. Things between you and Anthony were serious, weren’t they?”