Years of Summer: Lily's Story (14 page)

She ran to me and hugged me and fell apart.  “Oh, Lily, I was so scared.  I came home and your car was gone, I knew what you had done.  Then I walked in and saw the letter.  I didn’t even read it.  I didn’t want to know.  Lily, don’t ever do that again.  You have so much life ahead of you.”  She pulled me to the couch and sat down and Dave went and sat down in my dad’s recliner. 

“Then I went and looked in Mom and Dad’s room and you had left a letter on their bed too, what were you thinking?”

I started crying again.  “I wasn’t thinking . . . about anything . . . except making the pain stop.  Everything hurts, Ally, I can’t get away from it . . . and I felt like that was the only way to escape.  I want to not hurt.  I want Jace back.”

Ally became angry with me.  “JACE IS NOT COMING BACK, LILY!  He’s dead, he’s gone.”  It felt as if Ally had slapped me in the face.  I fell apart again.

“I . . . know . . . but how . . . do I . . . let him go?”

She pulled me to her—my precious little sister—and leaned my head on her shoulder and just let me cry while she spoke, softly and calmly.  “You start over, Lily.  Jace didn’t take your life with him.  You are still here.  You know what I thank God for everyday—that you were not in that truck with him.  That could have easily happened.” 

Dave cleared his throat; he sounded a little choked up.  “Lily, I have thought the same thing.  Ally is right; you could have been in the truck with him.  I know you wanted to be, but that was not the plan, Lily.  There are other plans for you.  If you were meant to be with Jace, you would have been in that truck with him, don’t you know that.”  Dave came over to the couch and sat on the other side of me as I still leaned against Ally.

Dave placed his hand on my arm and then moved a few wisps of hair away from my eyes.  “Sweetie, you have your entire life to live.  It’s waiting for you.  You never know what could happen.  You made plans.  You wanted to be a teacher.  You were about to start your student teaching.  There is something more out there for you than Jace, and he would want you to claim it.  I can only imagine the abilities that you possess, and the possibilities that come with it.  You were meant to carry on, not crumple up in a heap and be defeated.  I have seen you come through things that many people couldn’t have and yet you kept going.”

Dave’s eyes were alit with determination for me.  “Lil, you can keep going.  I know you can.  It’ll be hard at first, but the more you push, the better off you’ll be.  Don’t you want to accept that challenge?  You may be the only light in a child’s day once you start teaching.  Every life experience teaches us something.  He wanted to show you what life could be like when you found that person destined just for you.  That’s the only explanation I have, and he found his in you Lily.”  I burst into tears again.  Ally cried with me and Dave hugged us both. 

They allowed me to calm down again and I sat up and leaned against the couch.  Ally looked at me.  “Lily, now the choice is yours.  Are you going to go back to your room and forget you ever had a life or are you going to reclaim your life?  The ball is in your court.”

Dave and Ally both were waiting for my answer, like their next moves depended on what my answer would be.  I realized at that moment that not only had, what had been happening to me, affected my life, but it affected everyone else around me too.  I was actually being selfish.  Dave wanted his best friend back. Ally wanted her big sister back so she could go back to being the little sister again. My mom and dad wanted their daughter back.  I was suddenly faced with an important decision, one that affected many people.

I started asking myself a bunch of questions. 
Could I go back to school without flunking out?
 
Would it be too hard?
 
Do I have the strength to do what needs to be done?
  I knew the only way to answer those questions would be to try, and if not for myself, then for all the people that cared about me.  I owed them that much.  Well actually I owed them so much more, but that would be a starting point. 

I started crying again—so very afraid.  Somehow Dave knew.  “Lily, I’ll help you; I’ll be there for you. If you stumble, I’ll catch you; I won’t let you fall.  Lil, I know you can do this.” 

I took Dave’s hand and Ally’s hand.  “As long as you two will be there, I believe I can do it!” 

Dave hugged me.  “I know you can do it Lily.  I’ll pick you up a transfer application and financial aid application Monday when I’m there and I will help you get everything together so you can be enrolled by January, next term.”

Ally hugged me next.  “Lily you could room with me, Amanda will be moved up on the ADPi hall next term.”

“Ally, I appreciate that, but I believe I am just going to stay at home instead of the dorms.  I’ll get a student loan and finish paying for college myself.  I want you to experience dorm life; I have already had my fun. Why don’t you move up to the ADPi hall too?  You’ll get a much better feel for the sorority life.  I did and I was glad.  It’s the best fun you’ll ever have, but don’t forget to study.”

Ally started crying.  “
There’s
my big sister, always looking out for me.”

“And I’m sorry you had to look out for me for so long, but I appreciate everything you have done for me.”  I suddenly heard a noise and Ally panicked.

The garage door opened and we heard Mom and Dad’s cars pull in.  “Can we promise each other that this day is never spoken of unless it is referred to as the day I came out of my room?”

We all agreed.  Ally ran to Mom and Dad’s room and snatched the letter off their bed. She ripped it up into little tiny pieces, threw it away in the kitchen garbage, and dumped some food on top of it.  Then she came and sat back down with Dave and me on the couch, right as Mom walked up the stairs and into the den.  She walked in to me sitting on the couch and her face lit up.  She saw Ally too, and of course, Dave.

She came and kneeled in front of me.  “Lily, baby how are you?”  I smiled for the first time in a long time and felt it, it felt good. 

“I’m making it . . . getting there slowly, but one day at a time, right?”

“Yes my sweet girl, one day at a time.” 

She hugged Ally.  “Oh my precious girl I am so glad you’re home.”

“Me too Mom,” as Ally answered. 

Then she went and hugged Dave.  “How have you been?  I haven’t seen you in awhile.”

“Yes Ma’am, I’m doing fine, just happened by today and thought I would come see Lily and Ally.”

“Well honey, I’m glad you did.  You ought to come by more often.”

“I thought I would if that’s okay with you and Coach Aldridge.”

“Oh yes, honey, that would be fine.  As a matter of fact, would you like to join us for dinner?”

“I thank you, but no Ma’am; I would like to take your girls out to eat tonight.  May I?”

“Well of course.  You three have fun.  Go paint the town.”

Dave was serious.  He wanted to take me and Ally to dinner.  I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.  I started feeling panicky.  Dave took my hand and squeezed it.

Dad came up the stairs next.  He saw me sitting on the couch with Dave and Ally.  He came to me.  “Lily, baby girl, how are you?”

“I’m okay Dad . . . getting there.” 

“Well you keep on getting there.  I’ve missed you.”

Then he spoke to Ally.  “How’s my little baby girl?”

Ally answered.  “I’m good Dad.”  He kissed her on the head.

“Did school go well this week?”

“Yes Sir, I made an “A” on my history test.”

“That is fantastic.  Keep up the good work.”

Then Dad spoke to Dave.  “Hey Dave, how have you been?”

Dave reached up to shake Dad’s hand.  “I’ve been doing well, thank you.”

“It’s good to see you around again, I hope we’ll see you more often.”

“Yes Sir, I’ll be around more.”

“Good, what brings you here this evening?”

“Actually, I would like to take your girls out to dinner, if that’s okay with you?”

“Well, sure.  Have a good time.”  Then Dad went to fix a pot of coffee which was his normal routine when he came in from work.  It was good to see not much had changed since I had been absent.  Everyone seemed happier to see me up and around more than anything.  I never realized how much my life impacted everyone else. 

Dave patted me on the leg.  “See how important you are, Lily.”

I just nodded my head. 

“Okay, Lily and Ally, you two get yourselves ready and I’ll be back around five o’clock to pick you up.  You want Mexican or Italian for dinner?”

Ally and I both answered at the same time.  “Mexican.”

“Okay, I’ll see you at five. Don’t be late.”  Ally and I laughed.  I was a little shocked that I laughed, but it felt good.  Dave smiled as he walked out the door.

* * * * * * *

I walked back to my room and sat on my bed, as I reached up to scratch my neck I felt the gold chain and the little Greek letters that hung from it.  Then I looked at my hand at my ring. 

In order to start over, I had to let go of the past.  I knew Jace was not coming back, the thought brought tears back to my eyes, but I allowed myself to feel it this time and the pain was tremendous.  I sat there holding myself together as I sat on the edge of my bed.  I took several deep breaths as I rocked myself, trying to regain control.  A voice in my head, that wasn’t Jace this time, but Dave, saying,
“I know you can do this.”
  I closed my eyes and let that fill my mind.  It gave me the strength I needed to do what I needed.

Ally came into my room.  She saw what I had in my hand, the little black velvet box my ring was in.  She put her arm around my shoulders as I opened the box.  It was empty of course; there was not a wedding band because Jace knew this would never happen.  He just wanted to make me happy, even though it probably hurt him to have to leave me with unanswered questions.  My hand started shaking as I held the little box, Ally took it from me and held it while I slowly removed my engagement ring and then placed it to rest in that box.  Then I removed my chain from around my neck and slid the little lavaliere off of my chain. The lavaliere stood in the middle of the band of the ring as I closed the box.  The box went into my cedar chest, never to be removed again. 

Ally hugged me and let me cry, because I just needed too at that time.  As my tears slowed I remembered my lavaliere.  I placed it back on my chain and put my chain away, because that was a part of me only and now of my sister, Jace never claimed that. I finally knew his reasoning.  It was my starting over and that is where I decided to begin.

Chapter 9

Ally helped me get ready and then I sat and watched her get ready. I was actually looking forward to dinner and so was Ally.  Dad had given us some money for our dinner and he said that if we chose to go out and do something else that was fine, but to call.  He seemed more nervous about us going out than he had ever been before.  I guess he thought I was going to crack, but at the moment I was feeling a little better than I had in a very long time.

I heard a truck coming down the driveway.  I looked and it was Dave.  Ally and I started out the door.  Dad stopped us.  “You two will be patient if I have to tie you to the couch.  If he is a proper gentleman he will come to get you, you will not go to meet him.” 

Ally and I rolled our eyes.  I knew Dad would not be disappointed in Dave.  Sure enough he came jogging up the deck steps and even knocked, he’d never done that before, normally he just walks in.  Ally and I started to get up and go, Dad gave us his “Dad look” and we sat back down.  Dad let him in.  “Dave, son, good to see you again.”  Dave looked at Ally and me and he just smiled.  Major brownie points scored with Dad.  Not that he was trying; he just knew how my Dad was. 

“Thank you sir.”  He shook Dad’s hand.  “Ladies shall we.”

“You girls have fun, call if you decide to go somewhere else.”

“Bye Dad,” Ally and I both said as we walked out the door. 

Dave‘s truck was big enough to fit three people in the front.  Dave offered each of us an arm and of course we took it.  He escorted us to his truck and opened the door for us.  Ally pushed me in first.  “Just in case you decide to bail you won’t be able to.”  She joked, but was serious because she was concerned about me still, especially after what I had tried earlier in the day, so I didn’t argue. 

“I hope you two can enjoy yourselves, I really hate to be a third wheel.”

“Lil, we’re doing this for you.  You need to have fun again.”

“I just hate to impose, Dave, that’s all.”

“Imposition, no way.  I get to have two very beautiful girls on my arms tonight; I think I’ll suffer through.”  I busted out laughing.  It felt good.  Ally laughed too and then looked at Dave and smiled, he smiled back.  “Don’t worry, Lil, you’ll be just fine.”

When we made it to the restaurant, he opened the door for us again and escorted us both in. The waitress seated us. It felt strange to be out amongst people again; I started feeling nervous.  Dave sat in the middle of his booth. Ally and I sat in one booth together.  I felt them, I felt them coming. Tears started welling in my eyes. I couldn’t blink them back quick enough and then the pain that came with them engulfed me.