You Had Me At Christmas: A Holiday Anthology (20 page)

“I… I can’t,” she panted.

Not satisfied with that answer, he gripped his hand under her thigh and shifted her leg up high and over his hip. It changed his angle, and he started thrusting again, and the cry he wrangled out of her was worth it. God, she felt so good. So hot and tight.

He could feel the clench of her nails in his back, could feel her body tightening around him again, could feel her squeezing down on his cock and suddenly it was all too much. He bent down to kiss her, even as he felt himself explode with one last heavy thrust against her while she cried out her pleasure again.

Spent, he let himself collapse on top of her. Absorbing the feel of her hands softly stroking his back, where before they had been clawing him. It was a pleasure he hadn’t realized he’d missed.

It made him feel cherished.

Sadly, he needed to get rid of the condom and she needed to breathe. Rolling off her, he dealt with the logistics, but was quickly back in bed, pulling her against him. He wasn’t going to think about that small resistance he felt when he tucked her up against him.

“What happens now?” she asked on a quiet whisper.

It seemed obvious to him. “We sleep,” he said as he kissed her shoulder. “And then we wake up and do it all over again.”

He closed his eyes and in seconds he was out.

John woke up
the next morning to an empty bed. When he ran his hands over the sheets next to him, he discovered they weren’t remotely warm. He wasn’t going to panic. She said it had been a while for her and she was just being skittish. Four orgasms over the course of two amazing rounds of sex was bound to unnerve a woman not used to something like that.

He glanced at the bed stand and frowned when he didn’t see a note. He got up, pissed, brushed his teeth and then went to discover that she’d left no note anywhere in his apartment.

He found his phone he’d left in the back pocket of his jeans and texted her.

Good morning, sweetheart. I wanted to make you breakfast :(. See, you reduced me to an emoji.

He waited for the excuse. The early business meeting she had. The morning appointment she couldn’t be late for. The landscaper who was coming to work on the lawn, which of course would be ridiculous in winter.

Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to be angry. He knew he was going to have to be patient with her. Take it slow. He’d sensed it last night with how nervous she’d been. She’d been wound so tight, until he’d fucked her into exhaustion. Or thought he had.

Frowning at the idea she had left in the middle the night when it had been dark and she was alone, John told himself it would have been easy enough for her to call a cab or Uber. Still he would feel better once he saw the dots appear on his phone letting him know she was alright.

Only the dots never showed up.

An hour later, and two more unanswered texts, he was starting to get really nervous.

Kate, this is serious. I need to know you made it home okay or I’m going out looking for you.

Finally he saw the dots. At least she was alive. But as quickly as they appeared suddenly they were gone.

She wasn’t going to answer him. If not for some damn dots on a screen, he would have been left to worry about her all day.

Suddenly a message popped up. At least she wasn’t that cruel, he thought, but he could feel her shutting the door in his face. Firmly.

I’m fine. Goodbye John.

He thought about any number of things he could say to change her mind. Except not via a damn text. John needed to talk to her. He needed to tell her she was just scared because what had happened between them had been really intense. It wasn’t just the sex either, he knew that. It was all the feeling behind the sex that had sent her running.

He had to see her to tell her that. He didn’t know where she worked. Hell, now that he thought about it he didn’t even know her last name. That’s how sudden this had all been.

All he had was a number, and that text had said it all. She wasn’t going to answer him again. For all he knew she was blocking him right now.

“Shit,” John said, throwing the phone at the unmade bed that still smelled faintly of her.

That’s when he had to accept it. Maybe this wasn’t her running scared at all. Maybe Kate had finally come to the realization he had that first time he saw her.

She was in fact out of his league.

K
ate stared at
her computer, looking at an email she’d read for the hundredth time, but it still wasn’t making any sense to her. Déjà vu, she thought sadly. Although in her defense nothing was making sense lately. Not a single thing had made sense since she got up out of John’s bed and left in the early hours of the morning.

He’d been snoring. Not a loud, obnoxious sound, just a soft rumble of his chest that made him even more endearing.

If that was possible.

Which is why it made perfect sense to leave him. While she could. Before she took this
thing
… whatever it was, too seriously. It was a fling. A Christmas miracle, in her case. She’d had some pretty amazing sex, and now she was good. No need for anyone’s emotions to get involved.

“Okay, you know you’re crying, right?”

Kate looked up to see Sally standing in her office door with a cup of Starbucks in her hand. She quickly brushed the corner of her eye with her fingers.

“Eyelash,” she muttered.

“Right.” Sally said unconvincingly as she set the white cardboard cup in front of her.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Kate asked, reaching for it with the idea that drowning in the coffee might make her feel better.

“I was coming back from lunch and I thought you might need it. I’m going to say this as politely as I can. You look like hell, Kate.”

Kate looked at her longtime friend and co-worker. “That wasn’t very polite.”

Sally sat down. “Please tell me what happened. I know this isn’t about my guy. Carol told me you bailed on the hookup, so I have to assume this is about the ex-con. You saw him again? Did he… I mean geez… did he hurt you?”

Kate let out a sad laugh. No, of course he hadn’t hurt her. He had destroyed her, which is why she left him. She wasn’t equipped to deal with that kind of pain.

“You’re not answering me, and if you don’t I swear I’ll call the police myself…”

“He didn’t hurt me. He was amazing and wonderful. And sweet. And perfect.”

“And?”

Kate felt her mouth tugging down in a way she couldn’t control. Then her shoulders were shaking and she realized this wasn’t simply crying. This was sobbing. Instantly Sally was up and had an arm around her shoulders while Kate struggled to get herself under control.

“Oh honey, it’s okay. Let it out and you’ll feel better.”

Kate pulled away from her and stood up, not able to take the comfort Sally was offering—especially when she’d been at fault. It was easier to keep moving, even if it was just pacing back and forth in her office.

“No, you don’t understand. I’m the one who ran. The one who hurt him. I just couldn’t… I mean it was all too much. I was lying there in his arms, thinking it was the first time I hadn’t been alone since my mother died, and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t risk letting him become that important to me, because what if he…”

Kate closed her mouth, uncertain of what she’d been about to say. Surely she wasn’t worried he would die. He was a strong, healthy man in his forties. It would be ridiculous to be so maudlin.

“Left,” Sally said. “The word you are looking for is left.”

Kate put her hand over her mouth, because she knew her jaw was gaping. “Oh my God,” she whispered. “Am I really doing that? Am I afraid every man is going to be like my father?”

Sally moved closer, but she didn’t try to touch her. Kate would have flinched if she had. Her entire body felt oversensitized.

“I’m no shrink, but it makes sense doesn’t it? The first impression you had of a man in your life was your father. Leaving you and your mother. You told me the story. Trust me, we’ve spent enough time drinking margaritas together at happy hour for me to have picked up on your deal. You’ve had a few shallow relationships in your life, but nothing solid. Instead you put all your energy into this company.”

Kate drew back like she’d been struck. “You mean this company that pays your salary. Makes it possible for your husband to go back to school to get his doctorate.”

Sally held up her hands. “Hey, I’m not saying this as any kind of criticism. I know what you’ve built, Kate, and hell yes I appreciate it because it pays the bills. I’m only saying that I’ve watched you for years, keeping men at arm’s length, and it’s not because you weren’t attracted to them, it’s because you were wary of them. This guy somehow got further than most, but because you’re afraid you cut and ran. Did you even tell him why?”

Kate shook her head. “No. I got up in the middle of the night and left him.”

“You need to call him. Better yet, you need to go see him. Explain why you’re afraid. Give him a chance to overcome that.”

“I can’t!” Kate snapped. “I was horrible to him. He tried to text me and I… I didn’t answer. Then he said he would come looking for me because he was worried… I told him goodbye and that was it. Then I blocked him on my phone and deleted his number.”

“Wow,” Sally said. “You must have really liked him to be so thorough in your bridge burning.”

As if she had walked miles, Kate dropped onto the couch on the far wall of her office. She thought of all the times she’d slept on this couch when work would keep her busy well past midnight. It had been easier to pass out at the office than to bother going home.

This company. Her most long-term lover. As long as she was in control of it, it would never leave her. Never disappoint her.

“I really liked him,” she whispered, letting herself hear the words.

“Hey, you can fix this…”

Sally stopped and turned her head. Kate could hear it too. There was some type of commotion happening outside. Kate got off the couch and left her office. She could clearly hear her receptionist raising her voice to someone.

“Sir, you can’t come into this office without a visitor pass. I need you to leave.”

“That’s not happening. Look, just tell me which way her office is.”

Kate gasped and looked at Sally. “It’s him.”

Sally’s eyes grew wide and she mouthed a silent
O.M.G.

“I will not, and if you don’t exit this building, I’m calling the police.”

“Fine, tell them I said hi. There’s one in particular who might remember me.”

Then he turned the corner into long hallway that ended at Kate’s office, and Kate sucked in her breath. He was wearing his black leather coat and a pair of jeans that had seen better days, and for some reason she found the combination incredibly sexy.

She wanted to run into his arms and at the same time she wanted to run back to her office and lock the door. Yep, that was one heck of a contradiction. No matter what the outcome of today was, she probably should start thinking about therapy.

“Holy crap, he’s hot,” Sally muttered next to her.

Kate turned to her friend. “Can you please go talk to Mary?”

“Right. No cops.”

John walked up to her and Kate could feel everyone’s eyes on them. What a show for the boss to be putting on display.

“How did you find me?” she asked when he was close enough.

“LinkedIn. You said you were an entrepreneur. You said you had an assistant. I knew you lived in South Jersey. I took a chance. It only took a couple hours to find your picture. The company’s name was listed. Once I had that, the address was easy.”

He’d searched for her. For hours. Granted it had been online, but there was still a little thrill there.

“Huh. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say.”

“For one, how about I’m sorry.”

Kate heard someone gasp. “Can we do this in my office?”

“Right. Forgot. Boss lady. You lead the way.”

Kate turned and he followed her down the hall. Once inside her office she closed the door, but she could almost imagine her employees would find ways to casually walk past her office so they could see what was happening inside.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. It seemed to deflate him. Like maybe he’d been expecting her to put up more of a fight.

“Did I do something wrong? Did I cross some line I didn’t know was there? Geez Kate, did you even enjoy yourself?”

“Of course I did,” she hissed, realizing he was talking about last night. “You know I did.”

“I thought so, but something made you get up in the middle of the night and leave.”

Kate walked over to her couch and sat down. She patted the space next to her so that he would follow. When he sat it was close enough that their arms brushed and she could smell him. She wanted to lean into him and rest her head on his shoulder. She could honestly say she’d never had that impulse before in her life.

The way she’d treated him though, she doubted he would let her.

“It wasn’t the sex. The sex was amazing. At least I thought so.”

“It was amazing for me too. Usually women don’t go running out of my home in the middle of the night after amazing sex.”

Kate took a deep breath. “I freaked out.”

John nodded. “Okay. Something I can appreciate. Now you tell me why.”

Kate closed her eyes. She supposed the least she could offer him was the truth.

“The first time we talked, Christmas, I told you my father left when I was kid.”

“I remember.”

“He was a gambler, a bad one, which meant he also left us in a lot of debt. My mother and I worked hard and got through it, but it left its scar I guess. This place is a testament to my goal of getting as far away from that place of despair as I could. I never really grieved for him. I was too angry. Still am if I think about it. When people used to ask me why I never married, I used to say it was because I had to give everything to growing the business. But I think that’s not the whole truth.”

John turned to her. “I’m sorry your dad was an asshole but I’m not that guy, Kate. I don’t cut and run.”