You Said Forever (Club Decadence) (11 page)

After a quick stop at the bakery to grab her stuff, they were soon headed out of the city.  As soon as they hit the outskirts of San Antonio, her cell phone began to ring and chime with texts and voicemails.  She ignored the calls and the text messages started shortly after.  The first three were from Rick and seemed increasingly frantic.

Where are you, babe? They told me you were feeling sick.

Regan, answer your phone or call me back. Now!

WTF REGAN. Call me back. I’m worried!

Her phone was blowing up with calls and text messages from Rick, Dex and Megan.  The cabbie dropped her at the front door of the Shadyside Motor Lodge and hightailed it out of there.  She didn’t blame the guy.  She was a mess and had cried all over his back seat.  Regan uselessly swiped at the tears that would not stop falling as she checked in.  She used cash knowing her husband could have his security team track any credit card activity and they’d be at her doorstep within the hour.  The desk clerk eyed her warily and offered to contact the authorities if she needed it.  She laughed it off, putting on a brave face admitting to a fight with her boyfriend and thanked him for his kindness.

She looked around the shabby motel as she made her way to her room.  She thought bitterly of the girls she knew in high school who had shared their Deflowering at the Shadyside stories.  A couple had even wound up pregnant.  What an unfair world it was.  Regan couldn’t get pregnant no matter what she tried but a girl like Jeanne Whitehead, the slutty head cheerleader back in high school could.  She remembered hearing rumors that Jeanne had aborted her unwanted pregnancy. How ironic.  Her phone alarmed with another text message from Rick.

REGAN!  I’m home and you are not.  I’m really worried honey.  Please call me.

She couldn’t torture him any longer and whipped off a quick reply.

I’m safe.  I just need some space.  I’m sorry to have worried everyone.  I’ll call you tomorrow until then I’m turning off my phone for the night.

She knew that cryptic little nothing of a message would really piss him off.  Oh well, might as well push it while she had the opportunity.  Maybe if she was such an unstable, head case and an uber-bitch he wouldn’t fight the separation and would gratefully move on without a fuss.

She let herself into room 113.  After double locking and dead bolting the door, she slid the flimsy chain into place.  That wouldn’t stop the wimpiest of criminals.  It should have worried her that the room had an outside door and the entire place seemed kind of sketchy, but she was too emotionally drained to care.  Her husband would hate it and be furious if he knew she was staying here alone.

The next thing she did was throw the bedspread onto the floor.  Even in her mixed up state of mind she recalled the news reporting they never washed the things more than once a week at most, leaving semen and other body fluids behind for the next guest.  Eww.  She then crawled onto the bed and slipped between the remarkably clean looking sheets.  She laughed caustically at how messed up she really must be to worry about a flippin’ bedspread when her life was falling apart at the seams.

Regan lay there until her foggy mind cleared.  She went over her actions in the past few weeks that culminated in her being here, right now, alone in this crappy motel room.  She was neurotic and impulsive, she realized this.  Sadly, it was the neurotic and impulsive part of her brain that seemed to be ruling her actions of late.  She had to consider the possibility that she was really clinically depressed like her mom and may be losing touch with reality.

She lay there and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours, unable to sleep.  A steady flow of tears ran unchecked down her cheeks causing her hair to become plastered to the side of her face and her pillow was soaked.  Feeling guilty, she turned on her phone to check for any other messages.  Twenty, and about ten of them were from Megan, begging her to call.  Another two were from Elena asking her to do the same and another from her cousin Moon.  The remainder were from the guys on the team warning her that Rick was about to lose his shit and she better get her little subbie ass home,
tout suite
.  That came from Jonas, he spoke French?

There was only one additional message from Rick.  It had come about five minutes after she turned off her phone.

REGAN.  Tonight, you have your space.  Enjoy it while you can little girl because your ass is mine.  Be home by 9am sharp.  If you are late, by even one minute, I will unleash the full resources of Rossi Security on your naughty ass.  I will find you and when I do there will be almighty hell to pay.  I suggest you come in under your own power and be here on time.

WOW!  Saying he was pissed was an understatement.  Never had he spoken to her in that manner, not even during a
role-play or punishment scene.  He was always respectful, firm but loving.  Emotion, which was often invisible in text and emails, leapt off the screen at her.  Maybe she should head on home and face the music now.  She looked at the clock, 3:10 AM.  Nope, she would use the quiet motel room to build her case and erect her shields.  She would stay strong in the face of his anger.

She rationalized that it was for his own good in the end.  He’d turn thirty-six soon.  By the time the divorce came through and he moved on he would still be young enough to start a family.  Big Boobs looked about her own age, maybe even a little younger. Still plenty of time for babies.

Chapter Thirteen

The orange cab pulled up to the house at five minutes before nine the next morning.  An exhausted Regan hauled herself out of the back and paid the driver.  She grabbed her little overnight case and headed toward the front door, time to face the consequences.   Did she even have her keys to the front door?  They usually went in through the garage.

She fumbled with her keys, all of them looked alike. She tried one and it opened the deadbolt. The other one must be for the main lock.  When she dropped her keys she realized that she’d have to try them all over again. 

“Fuck,” she said out loud.  Why had she never labeled the damn things?  As she started to try another key, the door suddenly flew open and before her stood six plus feet of enraged man.  He was absolutely livid.  His face was a mask of steely control but his green eyes burned with fury.

“Nice greeting, Regan.  How about keeping the profanity to a minimum so that we can have an intelligent conversation like two rational adults?”

She stared at him speechless.  She tried to wrap herself in that cloak of control she had worked on throughout the long sleepless night, but as she stared into his gorgeous face her resolve weakened.  Moisture gathered in her eyes and his beautiful features started to swim in front of her.

“Save the waterworks.  I am so angry, you could cry buckets and they won’t faze me today.  Come in so I can close the door.  It’s cold out here and you’re letting the heat out.”

She ignored his sarcasm.  Like he couldn’t afford to heat the whole freakin’ neighborhood.  “So much for two rational adults,” she murmured under her breath as she passed.  The sound of the slamming door startled her.

“Oh No.  You do not get to play that game with me.  You are the one who left me at The Club without a word about where you were going.  I left you safe and secure and supervised.  The next thing I know you’re gone and we were searching the entire club for you.  There were about
two hundred people there last night Regan and every single one of them stopped what they were doing to search for you.” 

Ignoring her horrified expression, he continued his lecture.  “Jenny, who was the only one who saw you leave, had gone off shift and left for the evening.  We didn’t find out that you had even left until Dex called her at home.”  Rick paced the length of the entryway.  He had started right in with the guilt and boy what a trip it was.  Regan felt about two feet tall and was feeling suitably remorseful when he laid down his trump card.  Game over.

“We thought you were kidnapped, Regan.  I am mixed up in this cartel investigation.  You know I’ve been receiving threatening emails and have enemies for Christ sake.  I thought they had kidnapped you and nearly went out of my mind.  If Dex hadn’t thought to call Jenny and she hadn’t seen you leave we would have launched a full out search, police, the feds, everyone.  Be damned happy things didn’t get that far.”  His voice had steadily risen until he was all but yelling in her face.  He had never been this angry with her and she didn’t blame him.

“My God, Rick.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t think....”

“No, you didn’t think.  You never think any more you just act impulsively and damn the consequences to everyone else.  You should have seen your sister, for crying out loud.  She had a meltdown when we couldn’t find you.  Tony had already taken her home so I went by their house to see if you were there.  When she found out you were missing Cap had a hell of a time calming her down.  She’s pregnant, you know that.  She can’t use alcohol or sedatives.  When Tony found out you simply left without telling anyone, well if he could have gotten his hands on you, he would have throttled you he was so angry.  So think about that, goddammit.”

Megan’s tears unleashed and she sobbed in shame.  “I am such a selfish bitch torturing you and my poor pregnant sister.”

“You’re won’t hear any argument out of me on that.  You definitely were a selfish bitch last night.  And then, you sent me that text message that said nothing except you were turning off your phone.”  With that said he grabbed her firmly by the arm and led her to the living room where he plopped her down on the sofa.  He resumed his pacing in front of her.

“OK, Regan, enough of this bullshit.  Tell me what’s happening with you dammit.  I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“I’m a mess, Rick.  I’m so unhappy I can’t stand it.  I feel like I’m on a roller coaster and I can’t get off.  I think I just need to go far away and leave everyone in peace.”  He stopped and stood in front of her struggling to make sense of her words as she sobbed hysterically.  Her arms were wrapped around her waist and she leaned forward as if in pain.

“That’s it?  Ten years together and you just want to up and leave?  What the fuck, Regan?”  He pulled her up by the arms, he was rough with her but not enough to harm her or even bruise her tender skin.  He was always conscious of his size, even during play he was always her protector.

“Please, Rick.  Just let me go.  I can’t bear it any longer.  It hurts too much and I can’t stand hurting you.”  She sobbed out her pain and misery.

Suddenly, something that her mother told him resurfaced.  “It’s the depression isn’t it, Regan?  They say the emotional pain of depression is as bad as physical pain.”  He pulled her close to him and wrapped her in his strong arms.  “Stay right here and don’t you dare move.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Shocked by his abrupt departure, Regan sat dropped back on the couch in absolute desolation.  She tried unsuccessfully to collect herself.  Her small body racked with sobs and she gasped for air.  Rick returned to her side about ten minutes later.  He crouched in front of her and slid his hands up and down her thighs stroking and soothing her. 

“OK babe, here’s what we’re going to do.  I called Dr. Windham.  She is going to meet us at the emergency room.”

“No, Rick. I don’t want that.”  She shook her head wildly her expression troubled. 

“I didn’t give you a choice, baby.  You’re going.  You aren’t thinking clearly and are dangerously close to being out of control.  You are acting out of character and are irrational.  Doc wants to evaluate you.  She says it may be a reaction to those antidepressants.”  He lifted her in his arms and carried her toward the garage.  Regan started to struggle in a panic.

“No, Rick, please.  I don’t want to go.”  Regan squirmed and pushed against his hold but she was no match for his strength.  Her protests didn’t faze him and he quickly moved out to the garage, his wife held securely in his arms.  The next thing she knew she was buckled into his F-150 truck.

“Rick, wait.”

Her words fell on deaf ears as the door had already slammed shut and he was making his way around to the driver’s seat.  The garage door was up and they were backing out before she calmed enough to speak intelligently again.

“Rick honey, please.  It’s not the antidepressants.”

“How do you know? A lot of those medications can make things worse instead of better.  Both the Doc and your mom say it’s often a matter of trial and error until you get on the right meds.”

“It can’t be them.  It’s not, I swear.”  She reached out and grasped his forearm trying to get him to listen.  As the truck rolled to a stop at the bottom of their long drive, he shifted to park then turned to look at her.  His previous anger had quickly been replaced by suspicion.  He had deep lines between his brows and there were dark smudges under his eyes that told the story of his sleepless night.

“But how do you know?”

“Because I haven’t been taking them,” she whispered her confession.  Thank God.  She had finally admitted the truth about something.  The relief she felt was worth what she was sure would come next. She closed her eyes and waited for the explosion.

“Dammit, why the hell not?  Doc says you’re clinically depressed.  No wonder you’re off the rails right now.’ He turned back to the wheel gripping it so hard his knuckles blanched white.  In an attempt to calm himself, he took several deep breaths before he continued and said something he’d regret later.  Regain could tell it was exerting extraordinary effort to keep his emotions under control. 

“We can’t change that now.  We’ll meet with your doctor and see what she recommends.  Whatever it is you will follow doctor’s orders.  You’ll do whatever she tells you and take whatever she prescribes, little girl.” 

Reaching for her, cupped her jaw as he angled her face up to his and his green eyes blazed into hers.  “I’ll see to it myself from now on.  If it’s a pill you’ll swallow it.  If it’s a shot you will take it without complaint.  If it’s a suppository I will gladly bend you over my knee and stick it up your hot little ass myself.  No matter the way, shape or form, Regan, your days of managing this situation on your own are over.”

He stared into her troubled blue eyes wishing he could figure her out.  It was true what he said, he barely recognized her.  His happy go lucky party girl had turned into a dysfunctional mess.   He released her chin and resumed the
ten-minute drive to the hospital.

“I’m sorry I lied to you, Rick.”  She whispered, her body shuddering as she tried to catch her breath.

“Ok honey.  Try to relax your breathing before you hyperventilate.  We’ll be there in just a few minutes.  Doc Windham will be meeting us there and we will face this situation head on for a change.  Up until now you have been OFP.  But I am taking charge of you now.  Effective today I am taking control of you and exercising my rights under our DD agreement.  As we agreed before we got married I have full authority over your health and safety if it’s at risk.  So I am now in charge of your sweet little ass and you’d best be ready to toe the line.”

“OFP?”

“Own fucking program.  It’s military slang for going off on your own, but that won’t be happening any more, little girl.”

“I’m not a child,” she insisted, but the pout on her lips made her claim unconvincing. 

“No, baby, what you are is my wife and I love you enough to help sort your shit.”  He pulled into the ER parking lot and was relieved to see Dr. Windham entering the building just ahead of them.  “Great, the doc is here already.’  He turned to Regan and unbuckled her seatbelt and hauled her across the driver’s side and out the door.  He carried her effortlessly in his muscular arms.

“I can walk, Rick.”  She wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“You my dear are a flight risk.  Doc is going to talk to you and I warn you Regan you are going to have two choices, listen to your doctor and get on a medication regimen that will treat your depression effectively.”

“What if I don’t like that option?  What’s option number two?”

Dr. Windham was waiting for them as they entered the emergency room through the sliding glass doors.  She had obviously heard the tail end of their conversation and didn’t miss a beat as she replied.  “Behind door number two is a seventy-two hour psychiatric hold for evaluation of your mental condition.  So, I recommend choosing door number one.”

Rick followed the doctor down the hall to an exam room with a metal door and a small glass window, reinforced with wire.  At first she thought it was an office because it had a normal table, four chairs, a desk and office chair.  Then she realized that the room must be designated for the psychiatric patients or those in police custody that needed to be locked up and secured.  The other beds were on an open ward where only curtains separated each patient from the next allowing little privacy.  Anxious, she clung to Rick as he set her down by the table and pulled out a chair for her to sit, but she didn’t.  Her eyes continued to scan the room and she noted the medical exam table, sink and cabinets like a regular doctor’s office.  She eyed the table suspiciously as she noticed the leather restraints hanging from the corners for wrists and ankles. 

“The restraints are for my less cooperative patients.  I trust they won’t be necessary with you Regan?”

“No ma’am.”  Obviously Dr. Windham was a Domme in her private life.  Regan thought she oozed authority and her dominance rivaled that of Rick’s, only she was lacking the size factor.  Instead, she probably used her wicked tongue to effectively subdue a submissive instead.  “You seemed so nice in your office.”

“Yeah?  That was before my day off was ruined by a naughty little girl who hasn’t been following orders and only been pretending to take her medicine.”

“How did you know?”  Regan turned her wounded eyes to Rick.  How had he told her already?

“Now don’t go blaming your Dom, little missy.  I didn’t know.  I only suspected until just now. Shame on you, all those weeks of therapy wasted while you have been lying to me. The problem is it didn’t hurt me Regan, the reality is that it hurt you and Rick. Other than wasting my time, I didn’t suffer at all.  I still got paid for my time despite your little performance.  Nice insurance you have by the way, Rick.”

Regan gulped and averted her eyes.  “Yeah, you are in trouble little girl.”  She didn’t miss the frown on Rick’s face or the crossing of his arms over his muscular chest.  Uh oh!  The doctor indicated they should sit.  Rick shook his head when she tried to climb onto his lap, instead guiding her to her own chair.  However, the death grip she had on his hand could not be broken so he pulled his chair in closer to hers and covered both of her hands with his big, warm ones.  It was reassuring to him that she still looked to him for protection and comfort.  He was relieved to know that bond was yet unbroken.