You'll Think of Me (30 page)

Olivia’s mouth popped open.

Nate grabbed the back of Olivia’s head and hauled her into a surprising kiss. He pressed on her lips, flattening them to him then pushing her mouth open with a tilt of his head, thrusting his tongue in. It was almost brutal, possessive. Normally she liked this side of him. Nate’s kisses usually triggered a small heat inside of her. Now they did nothing. Not even a spark.

“I… I don’t know if I can,” she whispered honestly against his lips.

Nate recoiled as if he’d been slapped in the face. “How do you not know, Liv?”

She shrugged remorsefully. Olivia knew the answer.

“Where do I stand with you?”

“Where… Where do you stand?”

“Is there anyone else?”

That caused Olivia’s eyes to widen.

“No?” he countered. “God, I hope there’s not, I really do. Otherwise, what am I fighting for?” he said and kissed her again. The little simmer she once felt with Nate was gone.

Her fire only burned strongly for one person… Always had for him.

“Please, Nate. I don’t know if…” she breathed against his mouth with regret. Olivia pulled away. It was now or never and she knew it.

Nate hauled Olivia up by the backs of her thighs and carried her out of the kitchen. He sat down with her on his lap when they reached the couch.

“It’s you, Liv.”

Confused, she asked, “What?”

“You asked me what I want. I want you. I want all of you. But most of all, I want your heart.”

Olivia cracked inside at his honesty. He wanted a heart she didn’t have to give him.

“What makes you think you don’t have it?” she asked curiously into his amber eyes.

“I don’t know... I’m not used to feeling like this. Wanting a woman as much as I want you.” Nate laughed. “I’m just not used to letting anyone this close to me. I guess I’m just second-guessing everything I do and say. It’s pretty much all new for me.”

Sadly, Olivia wasn’t truly in love with Nate. Cared for him deeply? Yes. Lusted after him? For sure. But did she love Nate? No. She had given her heart to one man long ago.

“What do you want?” he asked patiently.

What did Olivia want? A month ago, she would’ve said Nate, but now that she knew where Luke stood, her answer to Nate’s question had changed. To know that there was a chance to reconcile her past with Luke, there was no way for Olivia not to want that. Their history was just too steep to ever forget. And truthfully she didn’t want to. Luke singing to her, the truth in his words, they were all too much to forget. They were too deep and too real to ignore.

The bridge between Olivia’s eyes started to throb. She squeezed the skin between her eyes and blew out a long breath. The sound of Olivia’s phone chimed. She looked down and saw a text from Luke.

Of course.

Nate nudged his head against Olivia’s shoulder and looked down at the screen with her.

Luke:
time fades…but the music never stops

“Luke?” Nate stated, dumbfounded.

“Yes...”

“Luke texted you? You gave him your number? Since when?” he asked incredulously. “What aren’t you telling me, Olivia?”

Olivia looked into Nate’s eyes, feeling guilty about so much more now. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you, Nate…”

“What do you mean you can’t tell me? Why can’t you tell me?” he asked with agitation.

Olivia sighed and removed herself from Nate’s embrace. She took a few steps and turned to look down at him. Pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes, she said, “I’m Luke’s mother’s doctor.”

She instantly hated herself for telling Nate that. “I gave him and his parents my phone number in case they needed anything.”

“His
mother
is your patient. Not Luke,” Nate clarified. “He doesn’t need it Olivia. Since when do you give your personal cell out?”

“This is a little different, Nate. I know them personally,” she said, drawing out personally. “I grew up in a small town with Luke. Nearly lived in his house. I can’t
not
be there for him.”

Brooding, Nate stared at Olivia before he asked, “How long?”

“How long what? Has he been texting me? I don’t know… Since the beginning?”

Nate’s eyes were a blend of hurt and simmering rage. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded in a low, deep tone.

“Why would I need to tell you? I’m treating his mother.”

“You know why,” Nate refuted as he stood. “You have a past with him, Olivia. A long one. It’s like you hid it on purpose. Did you really think I would be okay with this?”

“It’s my job, Nate. And it wouldn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not.”

Nate cocked his head to the side, took two steps and leaned into Olivia’s face. “Really?” he questioned her quietly.

“Yes, really. I’m trying to alleviate stress for him while he’s out on tour so he doesn’t have to worry or come home.”

“Worry? Come home? That’s not your job, Olivia,” he snapped. “How many times have you seen him?”

Feeling her heart kick up a notch, Olivia ground her jaw back and forth, debating what to tell him.

Nate closed his eyes. “Why would you not tell me, Olivia?”

“I didn’t think it would matter.”

“You’re kidding, right?” he deadpanned.

Olivia shook her head. “I’m just answering his questions about his mom. Why is it such a big deal to you?”

“What else, Olivia? What else are you not telling me? How about we just air it all out now so we don’t have to go through this again? Because I’m not so sure I would want to.”

As Nate waited for her to respond, Olivia tried to take deep, slow breaths as inconspicuously as she could. Nate locked eyes with her. He was a smart man and knew something else was coming.

Her phone chimed again and she groaned.
Damn Luke.
They both stood still.

“Something else you need to say to me, Olivia?”

Rolling her bottom lip between her teeth, she bit down so hard she tasted blood. Olivia said nothing as anxiety pulsed through her chest from Nate’s hardened gaze. The last thing she wanted to do was answer him.

“How often do you see him?”

Her shoulders tugged upward. “Whenever he’s in town.”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I know you know how often.”

Olivia wanted to lie, but wouldn’t. She needed to get it all out. If what Luke said was true about his music, then deep down she knew what she needed to do.

“He’s been to an appointment here and there… We saw him at Rum Bar.”

“Plus all the text messages. Which I’m going to say wouldn’t be just about medical updates, would they?”

She didn’t respond.

“What else?”

Olivia gulped, took a deep breath and looked into Nate’s scowling gaze. She tried to start off slowly. “He…” she said, trying to ease her way into it, but that was laughable. There was no way to ease anything when it came down to it. “He came to the bar last night. He showed up unexpectedly.”

Nate said nothing while he waited. Olivia chewed her lip as nausea took root in her stomach.

Nate scoffed. “This must be good.”

“I was feeling lonely and had a lot on my mind.”

“Get to the point.”

“I’d had a drink. Then Luke bought me a few…” she trailed off.

“So you’re drunk now. With Luke. Keep going.”

“We ended up dancing together… We danced to a few songs…” Olivia took a deep breath, placed her hand on her neck and said, “Luke and I kissed.”

Olivia’s eyes revealed her sorrow. The guilt was like a snake slithering inside of her, wrapping its way around her chest and squeezing.

Nate snickered. “And the night just gets better and better.”

“Nate—”

“Let me guess. It didn’t mean anything, right?” he mocked while he began to walk through her house.

Olivia couldn’t answer the question because it
did
mean something to her. “Let me explain,” her voice cracked with despair.

Just then, her phone rang.

Fuck her life.

“Answer it.” Nate walked over to her. Reluctantly, she did as Nate demanded.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Care Bear.”

Nate’s eyes flared, the gold flecks turning dark. Nate mouthed ‘Care Bear’ silently and glared at her.

Clearing her throat, she responded. “Hey, Luke, what’s going on?”

“Just... wanted to see what you’re doing.”

Olivia gripped the phone tighter. A dark and uncertain air current circulated around her and Nate. “Working on it. Listen, I need to get going. Talk to you soon.”

“Later, Livy.”

“He calls, too,” he said in utter disbelief. “Is there anything else?”

“No, that’s it.”

Determined steps took Nate to the front door. Before he could grab the doorknob, Olivia whispered, “Where are you going?”

Glancing over his shoulder, Nate looked deep into Olivia’s eyes. “I need to leave before I’m forced to regret something else.”

That stung.

“We all make mistakes, Nate. It was just a kiss.”

Nate dropped his hand from the knob and faced her. “Are you seriously going to tell me you didn’t kiss him back and that it was only once?”

Olivia began to stutter. “I... I didn’t.”

“Here’s something for you,
baby
. When we spoke, I heard how much you needed me, so I raced back and went to the bar since you weren’t at your house. Imagine my surprise seeing you in Luke’s arms with his hands all over your body. You have no idea what it took for me not to go and rip you from his arms and beat the ever loving shit out of him. It’s bad enough his brother kissed you; he’s a young kid and was drunk, but not Luke. Luke is a grown ass man and knew what the fuck he was doing. I watched him kiss you, Olivia. I
watched
you kiss him one last time before walking off the dance floor. So don’t even give me shit that it was one time and meant nothing. I saw it!” Nate’s voiced boomed around the room, slamming into her like a freight train. Jesus.

“You saw?” Then Olivia remembered the faint smell of aftershave that reminded her of Nate…

“Damn straight,” Nate bellowed while walking towards her. “It destroyed me to see you in his arms, Olivia. I hated you. Then I see you now, like this, with your stretched out shirt and your wild hair, and all I can think is how much I want you. That maybe I could let it go and forget it all happened, that I was taking the higher road and willing to be second best for you. But being here in front of you and seeing in your eyes that I’m not where I should be in your heart, I can’t.”

“But you almost made love to me, did you not?” she stated confusedly.

Nate shook his head sadly. “When it comes to you, Liv, I…just don’t know.”

“Please…” Olivia’s jaw quivered. She didn’t know what she was even asking for. Maybe forgiveness?

“You’re asking a lot right now, baby. You know that, right?”

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. “I do,” she whispered.

“And I just can’t give it to you.”

Olivia placed her hand on his forearm, but he pulled it away as if she’d burned him. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“Did you ever really want me?” he asked softly, changing his tone. His eyes were so sad it pained Olivia to look at them.

“Nate,” Olivia said, her voice cracking. “I’m so sorry. More than you’ll ever know. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Funny thing is, I think you do you mean that.”

“Please…” Olivia pleaded for him to believe her. “There is no excuse for my actions, I know that. You need to know that you were the first person I truly cared about since Luke. That’s the truth. You were never second best, Nate. Don’t ever think that. I fucked up, I know that.”

“Were.”

Olivia looked puzzled.

“You said ‘were.’ Everything you just said was past tense. Tell me, Liv, when did it change?” he asked in a broken whisper.

Bringing his hand up, Nate cupped her cheeks. “This is where the road ends for us, Liv. You go your way and I’ll go mine. It’s as good as it can ever be, but it’s not enough,” he said as he pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and cupped her face, his thumb grazing her jaw.

Tightness suffocated Olivia’s chest as she replayed Nate’s words in her mind. They weren’t cruel or harsh, but spoken with a sad clarity that racked her soul.

“I think I’ve been fooling myself all along. When I watched Luke look at you that night at Rum Bar, I knew. I just didn’t want to accept it.”

Olivia heard nothing except for the pounding against her ribs. Everything was a blur around them, fading as his words struck the center of her.

With an ache in his voice, he continued. “You love me on some level, but it’s just not the same kind of love. I
hate
knowing you share a connection with another guy just as strong, if not more. And before you say you don’t, take it from an outsider’s point of view, you do. Would it be fair to string us both along when we both know in the end it’s not what you truly want?”

Nate placed his arms around Olivia’s shoulders and pulled her close. Her eyes were rimmed with tears, tattered from admitting the truth, but from hurting Nate most of all. She wrapped her arms around his back, her small hands fisting his shirt and held on. She licked her dry lips and bit down hard, trying to ease the now agonizing pain that lacerated her heart. She never meant to hurt him.

“It’s alright, Liv. I understand it all too well. Just…let me down easy.”

Olivia’s emotions swelled painfully inside of her. Her legs were weak and her heart heaved as she fought the tears that streamed down her cheeks. She did love him on some level, but he was right. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

Placing his forehead against hers, he whispered, “It’s okay…Liv. I’m disappointed and pissed off at myself for thinking I could be enough this whole time when all along I never was. I fought hard for you in the beginning, but if I can’t have all of you, then I don’t want any of you. This is a two way street, honey. I hate to admit it, but Luke is one lucky guy.”

“You say that like I’m going to run into his arms.”

“Maybe not right now, but you will.”

Nate opened the front door and walked out, Olivia silently followed him wrenched with sadness Olivia said, “Look, Nate—”

“Don’t, Olivia. This is the end of the road for us. Just know that I loved you and could’ve loved you more than any other woman if you had let me, but you couldn’t. And it’s okay, baby. I’m not mad. I’m just hurt. It’s written in your eyes, Liv, you belong to someone else. I want to be able to love my woman fully and completely without holding back. You’re worth fighting for, don’t misunderstand me, but not when I’m dealing with a heart I never had to begin with. That guy is going to be one lucky man. Just wish it could’ve been me.”