Your Republic Is Calling You (25 page)

He tries to imagine what Ki-yong would do. Now that it's clear he's being pursued, would he come to see his wife? He gives Supervisor Jong a call to see what he thinks. Jong sounds like he's eating something. "Hey Chol-su, you think people weigh their options before they act? No, no, we live by instinct. Do you know how the Yankees used to hunt wolves? They'd tie a dog in heat on a pole. Then a wolf smells her and comes by. The thing about these members of the dog family is that, once the male gets going, the head of its penis swells up and it's hard to pull it out. You know what I mean? You know the anchors you use when you're hammering stuff in walls? It's kind of like that. So anyway, when they're stuck together like that, they'd creep up—bam, and they'd beat him over the head with a bat."

"What about the bitch?"

"The bitch? Oh, the dog in heat? All you need to do is pet it and praise it, and it's happy. Then it sits there, still in heat, waiting for the next wolf." Jong starts chewing again, making a lot of noise. "Just you wait. You'll see. He'll come to her. Males are hardwired to go to their bitches."

Jong tells Chol-su that the wiretapping team was deployed, so if Ki-yong calls his wife, they can hone in on the signal of his phone. They hang up. Chol-su leans back in his seat, more relaxed. He's dead tired. Perhaps the humiliation he suffered in the hands of the detectives at the Coex mall sapped whatever energy he had. He's never been arrested before. For the first time in his life, he considers the feelings of criminals who are caught, the defeated state they must be in, dealing with people who toy with their fate. He closes his eyes and recalls Jong's words. He pictures a nineteenth-century forest, dark even at midday, the wolf's howl ripping through the frigid air, the bitch tied to a pole, whining, ruddy Anglo-Saxon hunters armed with sticks and guns, waiting for the wolf, and the wolf itself, circling in the vicinity, torn between lust and fear. That wolf had to be low in the hierarchy of the pack, or maybe he was a wanderer that was kicked out of the pack. Otherwise why would he risk his life on this adventure? Chol-su imagines the wolf approaching the bitch, faltering, placing his front legs on the bitch's back, and pushing into her swollen genitals—but then he dozes off.

By the time Chol-su jolts awake, the world hasn't changed much. How long was he asleep, as far away from consciousness as death? Reality dawns on him, rising slowly into his
consciousness like water filling a tub. He looks over at the showroom, which is even brighter than before; it has gotten darker. Thankfully, Ma-ri hasn't left yet. She's tidying up around her workstation, readying to leave. He checks his watch. It's just past 5:50.

K
I-YONG AVOIDS SAMSUNG
station, the subway stop nearest to the Coex Center, and goes on to the next station, Sollung, to catch Line 2. He gets off at Seoul National University of Education to transfer onto Line 3. He walks through the underground tunnels briskly, remaining alert to the people behind him. What is he running away from? Does he have to evade the tail so desperately, going to such extremes?

The subway car is fairly empty. He takes a seat. His thoughts are in a jumble. A lot of people get on when the train stops at the express bus terminal, one of those hubs always crowded with throngs of people. He studies the men closely but doesn't detect anything out of the ordinary. He closes his eyes. He's tired, but his mind is alert. The woman sitting next to him is gabbing on her cell. "I know, I know. Look, I know exactly what you mean."

What is it that she knows? Ki-yong wonders.

"I mean, yeah, I mean ... yeah, yeah."

Every time the person on the other end says something, she repeats, "I mean..."

"I know. Yeah, that's what I mean ... She's always like that. She's so annoying ... That's exactly what I mean..." Her call is suddenly dropped, but, undeterred, she calls out "Hello? Hello?" into the phone. She finally dials her friend back. During the brief minute she stops talking to redial, the car regains silence.

While she's trying to get through to her friend, the man across from Ki-yong receives a call. "Oh, me?" he says into
his phone. He swivels around. "Oh, I'm just passing Yaksu station. I'm almost there."

A blatant lie. They are only passing Sinsa station, and Yaksu is five stops away. As he hangs up, looking a bit embarrassed, the woman's conversation starts again.

"Why'd you hang up on me? You didn't? Oh, okay. I thought you did. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean ... I know, I mean..." She gets off at Apgujong station, her phone glued to her ear.

Ki-yong smiles to himself, realizing that he won't be subjected to other people's private conversations if he goes back to Pyongyang. The subway leaves Apgujong and moves on to Tongho Bridge. Clanking, they cross the Han River. The setting sun, opening its red mouth wide, is swallowing the river from far away.

A
-YONG IS WAITING
for Hyon-mi in front of a game console at the stationery store.

"Were you waiting for a long time?" Hyon-mi asks apologetically.

"What took you so long?" grumbles A-yong.

Hyon-mi doesn't answer, so A-yong starts guessing. "Were they a pain? Did something happen?"

"No, not really. We were just talking about ideas and what to do, and it took longer than I thought."

"Oh, okay then."

They head home, both sensing a little awkwardness.

"Are you going to Jin-guk's?" A-yong asks.

Hyon-mi changes the subject, a little coldly. "You really don't have to go to cram school?"

A-yong stops in her tracks. Hyon-mi keeps going, but when A-yong doesn't come after her, she whips around and snaps, "What, are you in love with Jin-guk or something?"

"What?" A-yong says loudly in disbelief.

"Why else would you keep bugging me about it? I told you I'm not going."

"When'd you say that?"

"Earlier!" Hyon-mi shoots back.

"You're acting really weird," A-yong comments, glaring at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind," A-yong says, tearing up.

Hyon-mi gets even angrier. "Now what are you crying for?"

"Who's crying?" A-yong retorts, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She stalks away.

"Where're you going?"

"I hope you're happy!" A-yong tosses back.

Hyon-mi calls out to her friend, but A-yong refuses to look back and breaks into a run. Hyon-mi doesn't chase after her, but she does call her name a few more times. She gives up when A-yong is too far away to hear her. Loneliness washes over her. She takes out her cell but puts it away. She feels even more alone. She kicks at a rock as hard as she can, causing it to roll into the sewer.
What do you think you're doing, Hyon-mi?
she chastises herself.
A-yong thought you were her friend and trusted you. You betrayed her and made her cry. She's vulnerable and you know she needs your help.

She starts after A-yong. Maybe she's waiting for her on the bench at the playground, where they often hang out. Maybe she's sitting there, having thought up some corny saying to toss at her, like, If you laugh right after you cry, you're going to grow horns on your butt! Hyon-mi trots along faster, her heart pounding. She feels anxious and rushed, as in a bad dream. When she glimpses the apartment complex they live in, she breaks into a sprint. But she doesn't see A-yong
anywhere. She enters the side gate between the tennis court and the complex. Three high school boys are standing around smoking, glancing at her as she dashes by. She runs past a rose-covered arch, benches under wreaths of wisteria, and a small fountain that has been broken for a while. She can hardly breathe by the time she reaches the playground. She stops near the jungle gym and looks around. All she can see is a woman and her baby, just learning to toddle. The mother steals a suspicious glance at her, a girl who dashed in suddenly, gasping for breath. The woman cranes her neck to look behind Hyon-mi, trying to figure out if someone is following her. She swings her baby out of the sandbox and buckles him in the stroller. Hyon-mi collapses on the concrete bench, which is sculpted to look like a log. It's cold. The woman leaves, pushing the stroller ahead of her. Now she's the only one here. The damp wind brushes against her bare legs.

Why do I feel so bad? I'm the one who made A-yong go away, but why do I feel like I'm the one who was left behind?
Hyon-mi takes out her cell and scrolls through the texts. The only message in her inbox is from her mom, from earlier that afternoon, telling her that she's going to be late that night. She deletes it.
Should I just go home and make ramen for dinner? Or should I go to the comic book rental store and borrow some books?
While she weighs her options, a bell chimes, alerting her to a new text.

"where r u. bored.

Her fingers fly over the number pad. "where r u?
"

Jin-guk's reply comes immediately. "coming? cool.
"

As she hesitates, a new text arrives, with his address. She doesn't send a reply, but she's already standing up, her feet striding toward Jin-guk's apartment. For the first time in her life, she understands that there must be some kind of automatic nerve system linking her mind and body, something different in character from the automatic nerve system she learned about in biology. That system isn't regulated by reason and has nothing to do with physical desire. But right now, her body and heart are following the dictate of this unknown nerve. It's almost as if an alien had entered her body and were controlling her mind, making her do questionable things. She isn't hallucinating, she isn't hypnotized. But she's staring down at herself and the choices she's making in a detached manner, as if she were hovering outside her body.

I
T'S SIX, BUT
Ma-ri doesn't grab her purse to leave, even though her coworkers are starting to head home, one by one. Finally, the last person to leave, the manager, comes up to her, briefcase in hand. "Aren't you going home, Ms. Jang?"

She purses her lips. "Go ahead, I'm going to..."

"Okay, see you tomorrow." He slowly heads out of the showroom, as if he's reluctant to leave. Or maybe he's conscious of the fact that Ma-ri is watching him walk away.

She's now alone in the showroom. Her eyes fixed on the manager walking away from the building, she wonders, out of the blue, about the model he's living with. Are they happy? Once, when they all went out for drinks after work, Ma-ri, coming back from the bathroom, overheard the manager whispering to the male employees that "skinny chicks aren't that great in bed. You end up getting bruises on your pelvis." Did they really do it so violently that their pelvic bones butted against each other? Well, maybe, at least in the
beginning. But she can't believe that they would go at it so intensely even now, after all that time together. She grabs a pen and doodles on a piece of paper. She draws a triangle on top of a triangle, creating a six-pointed star, like the Star of David. She scrawls another triangle, and then another. The scribbling morphs into a circular mess. She writes "pelvis" next to it, and also "bruised pelvis." She draws another triangle on top of it, and writes "pelvis" in an empty space amid the doodles. She keeps scrawling "pelvis" and "bruised," over and over again. The words soon lose their meaning, looking like just any other symbol, like the triangles. She takes out another piece of paper and starts the whole process over again, drawing triangles and jotting down "bruised pelvis."

"What are you doing, Ms. Jang?"

Startled, Ma-ri whips around. I-yop is standing behind her. She slides her arm over the paper but it's too late. "What are you doing here?" she asks.

"My car's dead. The tow truck's going to get here in thirty minutes."

Unlike the manager, Kim I-yop parks in the pay lot behind the building. He isn't allowed to park in front of the showroom because he doesn't drive a Volkswagen.

"I was just killing time, because I have to be somewhere at seven," Ma-ri explains, though he didn't ask.

They stand in awkward silence. I-yop snuck over to startle her, but since the paper he glanced at had the phrase "bruised pelvis" written all over it, that image is the only thing swimming around in his head.