You're the One That I Want (9 page)

‘I’m just off to the loo!’ Ben shouted at us as he hopped his way through the excited group, continuing with his wacky moves as he went.

As we carried on singing along to the music, Robert grabbed my hand and thrust it up in the air, gesturing for me to spin under it. I did so. He then threw me around, spinning and twirling, several times with dizzying speed, causing me to get light-headed. I ended up laughing manically as I fell into his chest to steady myself.

As the song came to an end and the next song started playing, the mood suddenly changed.

The familiar piano intro to K-Ci and JoJo’s ‘All My Life’ filled the air, replacing the childlike mood with an intense
one, laden with sentiment and emotion … and a whole heap of sexual tension.

As my head was already on his chest and my body close to his, Robert gently placed a hand on my lower back, holding me securely into him, before picking up my hand and cradling it in his. With his head bowed, he rested his cheek on the side of my head.

I closed my eyes and savoured every detail of the delicious moment.

I could feel his heart pumping through his chest.

I could feel his hot breath in my ear.

I was aware of every single movement and spasm that our bodies were involuntarily making as we swayed to the music – his hand as it slowly moved across my back, his thumb as it rubbed up and down mine, and the fact that I’d almost stopped breathing.

Understandably, we were nervous. We’d never been this close before. This intimate. I willed it to continue – I didn’t want Robert to change his mind and stop. My whole body was in a state of suspense, waiting for him to make the next move – it had to come from him, there was no way I could have instigated anything. I had to know I hadn’t been stupidly making up the whole thing in my head.

He lowered his head further. With my eyes closed, I could feel the corner of his mouth rest at the side of my face. He stayed there for a few seconds before slowly sliding further down my cheek, his lips causing my body to tingle as they tantalizingly brushed my skin. I knew what was coming and I held my breath, waiting for it to happen. Willing it to.

He kissed me.

Actually kissed me.

Robert’s big juicy lips were on mine, as his hands roamed up and down my back, and in that moment I completely melted. I devoured the new sensations of heat and electricity running between us both, knowing there was nowhere else I’d rather be.

Okay, I told myself, you’re right – you do fancy Robert. But, not only that – it would seem that he flipping well fancies you too.

I stood frozen in the middle of the crowd as I watched the tender moment between my two best friends. My heart ached as it understood its significance and a feeling of sadness swelled through me. I felt lost – unsure of what to do with myself. Should I have gone over and made a joke of their locking lips, ruining whatever magic was passing between them? Should I have retreated back to the loos and come back out a bit later, pretending I hadn’t seen anything? Well, that’s what I wanted to do, but before I had a chance to do anything the song was over, they’d pulled apart and noticed me – both of them looking at me with great big grins on their faces, insanely happy with themselves.

I had no choice but to grab the nearest girl to me, who just happened to be Maddy’s roommate on that trip, Kelly, and give her a quick snog. It was horrible and sloppy, we even banged teeth in my haste, but at least I didn’t have to look at their elated faces, I thought. At least I didn’t have to talk to them.

It had been the last song of the night and as soon as it was over Miss James was ushering people to get their coats on and head outside. I managed to keep my distance from Maddy and Robert by diving in, getting my stuff and
walking outside before they’d even moved from their romantic spot in the middle of the makeshift dance floor.

I trailed behind at the back of the group as we walked to the hotel, aware of the irritatingly joyous chatter going on in front of me. Everyone was talking animatedly about how much fun the night had been and how wonderful they’d found the whole trip – I didn’t give a flying crap. I would have given anything to be able to teleport home and get far away from Paris and every single one of them.

Even though there were at least sixteen people between us, I could see that my two best friends were still holding hands. I was so inexplicably angry; angry at them for kissing, angry at them for thinking it was all jolly and fun and that there wouldn’t be any consequences, angry at Robert for kissing Maddy when he could have picked any other girl at school – but most of all I felt sorry for myself, because I’d missed out. My hopes and desires for that trip came tumbling down around me. I’d been a mere twelve hours or less from standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower and telling Maddy how I felt, but I’d been beaten to it. Accusing questions formed in my head as I started to beat myself up over my mammoth disappointment. Why did I think I needed some romantic gesture or setting to go along with my declaration of love? Why didn’t I just tell her months earlier when I first thought of doing so? Why did I allow time to get in the way and steal her from me?

It quickly dawned on me that I’d lost her. Either way, whether things continued between Maddy and Robert or not, there’d be no chance for us. Maddy, the girl who glittered beautifully, who carried an indescribable magic in
her very being, would never be in my grasp. I was heartbroken.

When we got to the hotel I scampered off to our room with great speed, but not before I painfully caught a glimpse of Robert and Maddy kissing once more as they said goodnight.

I got to our room, stripped off and got straight into bed, trying to hide myself in the hope that Robert wouldn’t want to talk when he came in. I was wrong, of course. Even though I was feigning sleep he sauntered in and started talking loudly as soon as he walked through the door.

‘There you are,’ he said, standing in the middle of the room with the biggest grin on his face. ‘What a night that was.’

‘Yeah,’ I muttered, pretending to be half asleep.

‘I tell you what, I wasn’t expecting that to happen when we went out tonight. I mean, it’s Maddy! Maddy!’ he practically squealed, puffing air from his cheeks as he mulled it over. ‘Maddy and me! Who’d have thought.’

Not me, that’s for sure. Well, I had, but I’d been talked out of thinking such paranoid thoughts. How ironic.

‘Why did you say you didn’t like her in that way?’

I was annoyed with myself as soon as I’d said it. Not only had I dropped the whole tired guise, I’d also asked him a question, prompting him to talk about the whole thing further. I’d given him the encouragement he’d needed to cheerily talk his head off about it.

‘Mate, I wasn’t sure how I felt. Until I could understand it myself, I thought I’d best stay quiet about the whole thing,’ he exclaimed, coming over and sitting on the edge
of my bed, happiness irritatingly radiating all around him. ‘I don’t even know what happened tonight – we were just dancing stupidly, you were there, you saw that. And then, that song came on and it got really … I dunno, heated. Seriously, it was weird. I had this urge. Well, actually, I’ve had that urge for a while, but tonight – I couldn’t stop myself,’ he shrugged in amazement as bewilderment flickered across his face.

I wondered whether he was already replaying the little moments between them – the gazes, the feel of her lips on his, her taste. The very thought crushed me.

‘I know she’s our best friend and all that, but, my God, Ben! I mean, it was electric.
She
is electric. How on earth have we not noticed that before?’

His face had become dopey, full of surprise and wonder at the night’s events. I’d never seen him like that. The more I looked at him, the sadder I felt. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who’d fallen for Maddy’s charms.

I’d had years to make some sort of sense of my overwhelming feelings so that I could tell her exactly how I felt, but I hadn’t. I’d hesitated and allowed life to get in the way – because of that I knew I had no right to be angry with either of them. They didn’t know that she was my world. That I’d loved her since the day she walked into class with her manic bob and cute red nose. I was a coward for keeping those feelings to myself and foolish for not realizing that I had to act on them sooner. I was gutted for myself that Robert’s confidence had led him where I desperately wanted to be – with Maddy.

I didn’t sleep that night. Instead, I repeated their embrace in my mind again and again, as though it was
some kind of mystery that needed to be solved. When I left them they were busting their stupidest dance moves to a bloody Hanson track and then, one pee stop later and that had changed into a lovers’ clinch. It didn’t make sense to me.

Confusion whizzed around in my brain as I tried to process how it had all happened and what would happen next. I dreaded them becoming an official item, I wasn’t sure how I’d cope seeing what I saw that night all day, every day. It was like I was trapped in some sort of nightmare. I wanted it to stop. I longed to wake up.

My only flutter of relief came when it dawned on me that if Robert was what Maddy was after, then I’d have had no chance anyway. In fact, the timing had done me a favour and saved me from a bitterly embarrassing situation. Like I said, it was only a ‘flutter’ of relief. It didn’t make it hurt any less.

I was deliriously giddy and couldn’t remove the smirk from my face as I kissed Robert goodnight. I hadn’t wanted to leave him, I could have easily stood in the hotel lobby and kissed him all night long, but Miss James wouldn’t have allowed it. Instead she sent us off in separate directions to our rooms, much to our dismay.

‘So you don’t fancy Robert, then?’ laughed Kelly, as we walked away from him and headed up to our room.

‘No, definitely not,’ I giggled, suddenly feeling like the biggest girl in the world as a strange feeling danced around in my tummy. Yes, you guessed it, butterflies. Robert Miles – my best friend of seven years, had given me butterflies. I loved the sensation.

‘Can you believe you kissed him?’

‘I really can’t,’ I said, shaking my head at the madness of it all.

‘Did it feel weird? Was it anything like kissing a brother?’ she asked with a perplexed look. ‘That’s the one thing I was worried about with you guys.’

‘Definitely not brotherly, no.’

‘Good! That could’ve been really awkward.’

‘You know what, it just felt right. We fit together.’

‘You lucky bitch,’ she howled.

I didn’t even bother trying to sleep that night – I couldn’t, someone had to stay awake and keep an eye on the grin that had exploded onto my face and refused to leave. Instead I spent the night looking at the ceiling, thinking of Robert. I wondered what thoughts were in his head at that moment, whether, like me, he was feeling light-headed from it all, or whether he’d regretted it as soon as he’d left me. I was sure it wouldn’t have been the latter, not so soon afterwards anyway. The whole thing had been too delicious to think negatively on.