Authors: Wodke Hawkinson
“Old?” Sue almost laughed, but
caught herself. Zeke didn’t like to be laughed at. “I’m not even twenty yet,
and you can’t be much older than me.”
“Right.” Zeke rolled his eyes.
“Well, are you?”
“Let’s focus on what’s important,
Sue. You just can’t see the big picture, can you?” He shook his head in
disappointment. “What’s in front of us? Work, bills, getting old, then dying.
That whole scene doesn’t appeal to me. I want some adventure. I want to
explore. Experience. Live. I can’t do that in this town. No, baby, I need to
get out.”
“Back to New York?” She held her
breath.
“No, not yet. First, I want to
travel, wander,” he said dreamily.
Sue exhaled her relief. If they
went to New York it would claim him, take him away from her. Thank heavens it
wasn’t New York he was pining after.
“What about your mom?” Sue latched
onto Zeke’s demanding mother, the human wreck who relied on him to run errands,
keep their crumbling house together, and provide her with companionship.
“That old drunk? What about her?”
Zeke wiped the fog from the window and stared out at the night. He pulled his
knife from his coat pocket and Sue gasped. Ignoring her, he began to clean his
nails with the tip.
“Who will look after her?” Sue
persisted.
“Not my problem,” he said coldly.
“She had her chance at a life. Now it’s my turn.”
“What about my classes?”
“Well, what the hell then?” Zeke
said angrily. “If you don’t want to go with me, just say so. Don’t drag it
out.”
“No, no, I didn’t say that.” She
rushed to soothe him. “I’m just thinking out loud here.”
“Okay, then.”
He sheathed his knife and slid it
into his coat pocket. He seemed distracted, and she watched his profile in the
dim lights of the dash. His thin face suddenly appeared sallow under his black
hair. Even that, however, could not diminish his beauty or detract from his
sharp but compelling features.
She slipped without warning into
that familiar dread, the fear of losing him. “It’s just that we have things
here...jobs, my school, our families...”
“Forget school. Forget your mommy
and daddy. Forget this town.” He reached out and turned her face toward him.
“Come with me. We’ll fly under the radar, take the scenic routes. We’ll go
wherever we want. Do whatever we please. You can always settle down later, when
you’re old. This is your one and only chance to break free from the bourgeois
establishment; spread your wings and fly.
You
can come back anytime you
want, but when
I’m
gone, I’m never coming back.”
He was persuasive as he made his
arguments. As he talked, she thought of making love to him without fear of
interruption, without worry of being caught. She thought of his hot skin under
her fingertips, his tongue in moist places, and his dirty talk. She felt a rush
of anticipation. Freedom beckoned. Freedom from a rigid schedule, from parental
concern, from homework and classes. And freedom from mopping floors and dumping
trash at the nursing home.
An idea came to her. “What if we
just took a vacation? We could go to Acadia, see Bar Harbor.”
“Ah, Susie.” Zeke sounded sad. “No,
bunny. A vacation is not what I have in mind. If anything, I want to head
south. Or west. You need to understand me here, Sue. I want to
leave
.
I’m writing the story of my own life, metaphorically, creating it as I go. And
the only reason this place is still part of my story is because you are here.
But I won’t stay; not even for you, Susie. Not even for you. Come with me.”
Sue stared thoughtfully at her
lover. A man so handsome that people actually stopped to stare at him, this
beautiful man, was asking her to run away with him. Sue allowed herself to
gloat privately.
Plain old Sue caught the most exciting guy in town.
On
the heels of that thought, the memory of his moodiness also flickered through
her mind, a quick warning to cloud the moment like a squirt of black ink in a
clear pool. As if he perceived the reason for her hesitation, he reached under
her clothes and caressed her.
“Sweet sexy Susie,” he murmured. He
told her how much he cared for her, how he loved her like none other, how he
would look after her. “We’ll be wild gypsies, a caravan of two. Passionate
adventures.” He paused to nuzzle her neck. “It’ll be romantic.”
“Okay,” she breathed, hardly
believing the words as they left her mouth. “We’ll do it. We’ll just hit the
open road.”
Afterward, Sue went home pretending
everything was normal. But, inside she was wound up, distressed and excited at
the same time.
“Sue?” Her mother stood near the
kitchen doorway. “Joyce called. She said she tried your cellular phone, but you
didn’t answer.”
“I had it turned off when I was at
the library.” Sue let her eyes rest on her mom for a moment. She took in the
plain flowered cotton gown and was seized by a momentary urge to fling herself
into her mother’s arms like she had when she was a child. Instead, she turned
toward the stairs. “I’ll call her before I go to bed. Goodnight, Mom.”
“Goodnight, honey.” Her mother
flicked off the kitchen light and headed toward her bedroom.
“Mom?” Sue swallowed. “I love you.”
Her mother paused and turned to Sue
with a smile. “Well, I love you too, dear.” Then, a wrinkle of concern appeared
on her forehead. “Is everything alright?”
“Yep, everything’s fine.
Goodnight.”
Sue ran lightly up the stairs,
anxious to be away from her mom before her feelings got the better of her.
She’d come way too close to blurting out her plans.
Lying on her bed she stared around
her bedroom, overwhelmed by the gravity of her decision to leave. To give up
everything familiar and run headlong into the unknown was the most frightening
thing she had ever contemplated. Numbing herself to these emotions, Sue picked
up her notebook. She crafted her goodbye letter carefully, following Zeke’s
instructions, giving no clue as to his identity. The next morning, she would
spirit some of her clothes and personal items away, take a portion of her
college fund out of the bank, and meet Zeke at the graveyard where she would
abandon her car. She thought guiltily of the pain she was about to cause her
family, and then her body warmed with the memory of Zeke’s touch and her
resolve strengthened. She
had
to do this; she’d hate herself if she let
the chance pass her by.
Unable to keep the news to herself,
Sue picked up her phone and called Joyce. Speaking quietly, Sue told her friend
that she had met the man of her dreams and that she was going to leave with
him.
“Is it that guy from the bookstore?
The one you said was sooo sexy?” Joyce couldn’t hide her derision.
Sue was stunned when she mentioned
the store. Zeke would kill her if he heard what Joyce said. Quickly, she laid
those suspicions aside. “Guy at the bookstore? Oh, no, not him. This is a new
guy at work. He’s adorable. Beats the hell out of that other guy. And listen,
Joyce, this is a secret. You can’t tell anyone, okay?”
“But, you’re just going to go away
with this guy? Someone you just met? Sue! You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Well, why not? I’m an adult. This
is a free country. What is there here for me?”
“Your job. Your school. Your
family. That’s what’s here. For god’s sake, Sue. This isn’t like you. Why can’t
you wait until you know the guy a little better? I don’t care how sexy he is;
he’s basically a stranger. If you want my advice, I’d say you better think it
over very carefully.”
Sue sighed. She’d better allay
Joyce’s fears before she did something to ruin everything. She wouldn’t put it
past Joyce to rat her out, thinking she was saving Sue from some dark fate or
something. Regretting she’d even shared the news, Sue rushed to correct the
mistake. “God! I guess you’re right. It’d kill my parents if I just took off.
I’m glad I called you first. Thanks, Joyce. You’re a real friend.”
They talked about mundane stuff for
a while before Sue hung up, certain she had convinced Joyce she wasn’t going
anywhere.
The first thing Zeke did when she
got into the van that morning was to ask for her cell phone. He turned it off,
turned his own phone off, and then threw them both in the back on top of their
clothes.
“The last thing we need is a bunch
of phone calls from people trying to talk us out of living our dream.” He
winked at Sue.
The vehicle was now fitted with an
old mattress. Zeke didn’t say where he’d obtained it, but he did point out how
comfy it would be for sleeping. “And other activities,” he added with a leer.
They gassed up the van and left
Cyrus before ten o’clock. They made Clear Lake by noon, crossed New Hampshire
into Vermont by evening, and pulled into the small town of Assaria shortly
after. The lights of the town, blurred by a rainy drizzle, reflected wetly on
the pavement. Zeke filled the van with gas at a convenience store, and grabbed
some sandwiches and drinks for them to eat on the way. He had held his hand out
for money before they got out, and she willingly passed him a couple of
twenties. They paid for their items and ran laughing through the cold night air
back to the van. It was exhilarating to break away, Sue thought.
She unwrapped their sandwiches,
handing Zeke’s over as soon as he pulled back onto the highway. The van was
cozy and warm, the wipers clearing the windshield like friendly hands.
Zeke took a big bite, chewed, and
then washed it down with his soda. “I wanted to put as much distance as possible
between us and Suckville back there,” he said. “Now we can take it slower, more
leisurely.”
At first, Sue had enjoyed watching
the scenery pass by, but she soon grew bored. She read intermittently from a romance
novel she’d brought along, and crawled into the back several times for short
naps. Zeke didn’t want her to use his laptop and she couldn’t call anyone. Zeke
also wouldn’t allow her to drive, but he did make frequent stops at rest areas
so they could use the bathrooms and have sex in the van. Although she was a
little nervous about this, Sue admitted Zeke was right; no one could see in the
tinted windows. Someone would have come directly up to the van to see them
inside. Zeke was very sweet to her and she credited this to getting away from
the stresses of home. The hours had passed in a surreal fashion.
“There’s an old school around here
somewhere,” Zeke said, pulling her from her reverie. “We can hang out there for
a while.”
Zeke leaned over Sue where she lay
on the old mattress in the back of the van. She moaned in pleasure. Her fingers
entwined in his hair as she gazed down toward where his head rested between her
legs. Moonlight filtered weakly through the tinted windows, and they had
propped a flashlight up on a pillow. She noticed the pale roots along the part
in his hair and understood for the first time that the glossy black color of
his hair was artificial. Until this moment, she had never questioned the
lighter color of his pubic hair.
“Do you dye your hair?” she asked
before thinking.
His tongue stopped moving and a
menacing silence filled the air. Slowly, he raised his head to look into her
eyes, his face cold and unreadable. “Why did you say that?” he asked evenly,
but she could tell he was displeased.
Not another mood, please.
“I
don’t know,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I think it’s great.
It’s good. It’s smart to choose your own color, I mean, not be locked in. To be
able to tell Mother Nature to piss off, you know.”
He relaxed back onto her legs and
began stroking her hips sensually.
“I’m dark,” he said quietly.
“Inside, I’m dark. I need the outside to match the inside.”
“I like it,” she said, quick to
calm the waters.
“It’s probably time for some touch
up. We’ll get some dye tomorrow.” He crawled up on her body and slid into her
effortlessly.
The van was in a clump of bushes
behind the abandoned school on the outskirts of Assaria. Nobody was around for
miles, and the old hulk looming over them was barely visible in the darkness.
When Zeke had first pulled into the
rutted road that led up to the derelict school, he went slowly over the bumps,
squinting as he concentrated on his driving. Sue could hear the swish of dried
weeds brush against the bottom of the van. The old path led up a small incline
to a brick monstrosity, abandoned for years, and surrounded by trees and brush
atop a small rise. When they had rolled to a stop before the three-story
building, Zeke rested his arms on top of the steering wheel and stared. “Oh,
yeah,” he said quietly. “We could have some fun here.”
They made their way cautiously over
the uneven ground before crossing the threshold into the main entrance. They
wandered around for a short time. Most of the rooms were in a dangerous state
of disrepair. A corner of the massive roof had caved in, and a large number of
the windows were broken. Zeke had wanted to sleep inside the building, but it
was too cold. A harsh wind howled mercilessly through the empty rooms and
stirred the debris on the floors. There was also evidence of rodents.
So instead, they decided to sleep
in the van their first night of freedom, going into town only long enough to
buy gasoline and supplies. Sue wanted a shower, but that was impossible. Zeke
decided to humor her and picked up several gallons of water and a pot to heat
it in so they could clean up. “We can’t have anyone in town spot any light out
here, so we’ll just make a small fire inside on the concrete floor in the
basement. We can wash up there,” he told her.
Sue nodded, but she already missed
the comforts of home. It was cold as a grave inside the building, and nearly as
dirty. Taking a sponge bath in those surroundings was more than a little
unpleasant. The big school echoed eerily with their presence, and she kept looking
over her shoulder expecting to find someone watching them. She was relieved
when they returned to the vehicle.