Zombie Lover

ZOMBIE LOVER
  
-
  
xanth 22

Copyright © 1998 by Piers Anthony Jacob

First Edition: October 1998

Printed in the United States of America

098765432
    
I

contents

Prolog...................................................................... 9

1.
   
BLACK DREAM ...................................................... 11

2.
   
WE THREE KINGS ................................................... 30

3.
   
SOLITAIRE FOR Two................................................ 50

4.
   
DREAM CHASE ...................................................... 70

5.
   
GOOD MAGICIAN ................................................... 88

6.
   
WORLDS BEYOND KEN ............................................ 107

7.
   
ROAD TO THE ISLES................................................ 129

8.
   
ISLES OF WO ...................................................... 152

9.
   
SERIOUS SEDUCTION............................................... 170

10.
  
GALS GALORE ...................................................... 193

11.
  
ISLE OF WOLVES...................................................213

U.
   
IMPROMPTU INGENUE..............................................235

13.
  
LOVE'S LABORS .................................................... 252

8
     
Contents

14
    
NOTABIL NUPTIALS

Epilog

Author s Note

269

293

295

Prolo

S

he approached the Good Magician's Castle on foot an obscure woman of indeterminate age in a flowing robe, steadying herself with a staff She looked neither lovely nor regal, without being deficient in either quality She earned a large book in the crook of her left elbow

The castle was obviously not expecting visitors The drawbridge was up, laundry was hanging from a window, and the moat monster was snoozing

The woman was unperturbed She touched the surface of the water with the tip of her staff, then stepped onto the moat She walked across, her slippers denting but not penetrating the surface Small ripples traveled out across the moat

The moat monster woke with a start as a ripple gently lifted his nose He blinked then coiled into action He raised his head high, opened his jaws, and oriented on the figure He inhaled, ready to breathe tierce water vapor on the trespasser

"Relax, Souffle," she said

The monster blinked, then sank back down into his snooze without even a snort

The woman reached the inner bank and then the front door It was locked closed She touched it with her staff, and it opened She walked into the castle There was no clamor of discovery, whoever else was in the castle remained unaware of the intrusion

She
 
made
 
her
 
wiy
  
through
  
the
 
dusky
  
recesses,
  
mounted
 
the

10
     
PIERS ANTHONY

crooked stairs, and walked into the dingy office. There was Good Magician Humfrey, poring over his huge archaic tome.

"Isn't it about time?1' she inquired.

The gnomelike man's near ear twitched. He raised his head and focused a bleary eye on her. One or two synapses connected. "Oh, hello, Clio," he said.

"And a similar greeting to you, Humfrey," the Muse of History responded. "Now I'm sure you have the matters well in hand, but thought I should verify the details, purely as a courtesy. I do have an interest in the cases."

The Good Magician pondered, evidently sorting through his voluminous but dusty memory, until several more synapses fell into line. "I shall attend to it."

"Of course." Clio was too polite to suggest that he might have forgotten the matter. "I'm sure it will be a fine occasion. Are the invitations in order?"

Humfrey looked blank.

Clio gave the shadowy ceiling a you-men-are-all-alike glance. "Invitations," she repeated. "How else do you suppose the participants will know about the main event?"

"Invitations," he agreed, finally getting it. But his aspect seemed to be a trifle deficient in competence.

"Assign Jenny Elf to do them."

A rheumy eyeball widened in dull surprise. "But—"

"Who else?" she inquired rhetorically. "She's surely competent. Now do you have any proper notion of the other assignments?"

Humfrey started to turn the pages of the vasty old tome before him.

"Forget the Book of Answers," Clio snapped. "This needs to be more flexible than that. Ask your Designated Wife to make them. She will have proper taste and finesse."

"Wife," he agreed, relieved.

The Muse of History turned, about to leave, then paused. "I trust I will see you there."

Humfrey looked as if he had swallowed a stink horn. He hated to go out in public. But now he had no choice. "Yes."

Clio completed her turn and stepped out of the dismal study. Only then did she allow a small smile to hover in the vicinity of her lips. A person who did not know better might have supposed that she enjoyed discomfiting the notorious Good Magician.

BLACK DREAM

B

reanna felt fortunate. It was partly her appearance, which was filling out nicely: she had lustrous black hair to her waist, and glowing green eyes. Her dark skin fairly shone. That was because she was a bright healthy girl of the Black Wave, and proud of her heritage. She should really be something, she thought, when she finally turned sixteen.

She turned away from the mirror pond and looked for a blackberry pie to eat before dawn. And that was the main thing: alone among the teens of her village, she had a magic talent. Normally only a baby delivered in Xanth had magic, but she was special. She blessed the day she had discovered it, for it had changed her life. She had come to the Land of Xanth with her Wave six years ago when she was nine, and thought she would never have magic. How wonderfully wrong that had turned out to be!

Her talent was to see in blackness. That was why she now went about by night, and slept during the day. It was just so much more interesting at night, when other human folk were sleeping, and the weird creatures of darkness were abroad.

Oh, yes, there was danger. But she had obtained a safety spell that warned her of any direct threat to her tender flesh, and that was enough. She hoped. She hadn't renewed it recently, so the spell might be fading. She was able to move quickly and silently and lose herself in the night, foiling most monsters. She also had a sharp dagger, which she hoped she would never have to use as other than a threat.

12
     
PIERS ANTHONY

Meanwhile the lure of the mysteries of darkness drew her to ever farther explorations.

There were no pie trees close by, but she did spy a tart bush. Tarts were a bit sharp on the tongue, but would do. She picked a black raspberry tart and bit into it, and it was fine. She found a coffee tree with a cup of black coffee, and that was fine too. At home she wasn't allowed to drink coffee yet, but that was yet another adventure of going out on her own: no one told her what not to do. Her folks were so dull that they could see only mundane things, despite living in a magic realm now. They would need special magic glasses to see most of the magic of Xanth.

Breanna really didn't miss Mundania. Xanth was so much more interesting. Oh, there were dangers, but they were mostly magical, instead of dreary things like robbers and drunk drivers. She might have liked to have some chewing gum, but here it was as apt to chew the person as to be chewed.

She saw what looked like a barrister bloom. Maybe if she wore its flower, it would enable her to argue her case better at home. It had a nice daisy-like flower. But as she touched it, something awkward happened. She jumped back. Oh, now she saw that it was a different plant, a bare aster. She wouldn't want to wear one of those flowers. She came to a river that seemed a bit too wide and deep to wade across. Fortunately there were big banana plants, or plantains, growing by its banks, with the biggest fruits she had seen. Magic could be very good for plants. So she grabbed onto an old plantain and managed to haul it down. She wedged it open and scooped out the remnant of its pulp. Now she had a banana boat. She used an old stem as a paddle, and moved across the water.

Another craft came floating down the stream. It was small, and had two hulls, and several cats were on it. Oh—a catamaran. It figured. It had a sail, but one cat was busily shredding it with its claws. Then the cat spied Breanna, and dived down out of sight, terrified. That one would be called Fray D. Cat, she was sure.

She landed, and saw a big dog house with a small pup tent beside it. That too figured: big dog. little dog. Things tended to be literal, in Xanth.

She saw a bright rift forming in the east, and realized that it was the first crack of dawn. Night was over, and soon light would spill

ZOMBIE LOVER
      
13

through the crack and inundate the region, flooding it with day. So it was time for her to sleep. She loved her talent, but it did have the small disadvantage of making daylight uncomfortably bright for her. She acclimatized when she had to, but preferred not to bother. Also, she got tired, after being active all night. So now she simply slept in the daytime, when away from home.

Unfortunately she wasn't sleepy yet. Oh—because of that coffee. She should have remembered that it had a mild wake-up spell. That was why her folks didn't let her drink it: they said she was enough of a handful by day, and they didn't need to have her active by night too. How little did they know! But though she hated to admit it, their rule would have helped her in this case. How could she get her rest? She looked around. She saw a large dried fish mounted on a pole. Birds were coming in to sit on it. That was a perch; it was a favorite resting place for birds. But she was no bird.

There was a commotion, and several small metallic objects ran by. They looked like keys for doors, still new and shiny. Oh—those would be latchkey kids, running home. As she herself should be doing, if she weren't too ornery to give up her adventure. She saw them charge up to a big block marked WRITER. What were they doing around a writer's block? They climbed up on top of it, where there was a board. They settled down comfortably on that board, each little key evidently having its own spot. When every key was in place, the block put down wooden pegs and walked away.