Zombie Lover (8 page)
Authors: Piers Anthony
Tags: #Fiction, #Fantasy, #General, #Historical, #Xanth (Imaginary place)
They came to the inner portcullis, which was badly rusted. A zombie guard challenged them with a corroded spear. "Halsh!"
"Hey, who you talking to. wormface?" a paving stone demanded.
"We three kings have come to speak with the Zombie Master," Dor said.
"Heesh nough inn."
Dor was getting the hang of zombie speech. "He's not in? Then may we talk with Millie the Ghost?" Actually she hadn't been a ghost for fifty five years—the same as Dor's age, coincidentally—but for about 807 years she had been a ghost, so her friends still thought of her that way.
"Ghoo onn inn."
"Thank you." They walked on into the castle proper.
The interior was a good deal nicer than the exterior, because this was Millie's domain, and she was no zombie. The floors were clean, and there were curtains on the portals. Even the air was fresher. Castle Zombie showed the fallacy of judging a thing by its exterior; it was actually a nice residence.
"Get a load of this," a stone lintel remarked appreciatively. A woman was approaching them.
"Oh, hello!" Millie exclaimed. "How nice to see you again. King Dor and Prince Dolph and—" She paused.
"Bink." Bink said.
"Oh, you've been youthened!" she exclaimed, delighted. "Chameleon too?"
"Chameleon too," Bink agreed. "She will be lovely, in about two weeks."
"Come in and have some tee and crumples," Millie said, ever the gracious hostess. She was now in her early seventies, in terms of active living time, and in her eight hundreds chronologically. Like Electra, she had taken a number of centuries out, remaining her then-age of seventeen. She was still a lovely woman. Her talent was sex
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appeal, and age had masked but not abolished it. Dor remembered how she had been his baby-sitter when he was twelve, and how her beauty and talent had affected him then. He was still a little bit in love with her, but he had it well under control. Her present physical age helped.
Her tee and crumples were delicious, of course. The tee was in cups shaped like the letter T, and the crumples were twisted and crunched bits of pastry that looked like failed efforts but weren't. They were appropriate for a place in which zombies thronged. "And to what do I owe the honor of this visit?" she inquired.
"Actually, we came to see your husband," Dor said. "But perhaps you can help us."
"Jonathan is away right now. What is your need?"
"We wish to know why the zombies are stirred up and walking all over Xanth."
"Oh, are they? I didn't realize. I haven't been out recently, because we don't like to leave the castle unattended. What are they doing?"
"Just walking everywhere. They don't seem to be doing any harm, but ordinary folk are bothered, you understand."
She smiled, and Dor felt the lure of her again. What a creature she had been, in her physical twenties, when he was in his impressionable childhood! "I understand. I do love Jonathan, but somehow I never quite became accustomed to his business of making zombies. Of course it's not the zombies' fault that they are rotten; some of my best friend are zombies. But they do lack social grace."
That was a substantial understatement. "Yes. We would like to ascertain what is rousing them, so as perhaps to put it to rest."
"Quickly," Dolph said.
"Of course," Millie agreed. "But I really can't think what the matter might be. The zombies have been doing well recently. They even elected a king from their own number, so as to form their own kingdom. He is Xeth—Zora and Xavier's son."
"Xeth!" Dolph exclaimed. "That's what that zombie was trying to say."
"He is a fine figure of a man now: you would hardly know he is part zombie. But he's a responsible person: he would not try to stir things up in the living world. Not without considerable reason."
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"A zombie king," Dor said thoughtfully. "He could stir them up, if he did have reason. Perhaps we should talk with him."
"I don't know where he is. Jonathan knows where all the zombies are; that's part of his talent. But he is away, in a manner of speaking, and I don't know how soon he will be back."
"We have an important wedding to attend to in a week." Dor said. "We really need to get this straightened out soon."
"Oh, I see." Women related well to weddings. "But it would be very difficult to find Jonathan right now."
"Exactly where is he?" Bink asked.
"That's complicated to explain."
"We will try our best to understand," Dor said firmly.
"I will try, then. Of course you know about Princess Ida's moon."
"Ptero," Dor said.
"Last year we learned that it is more sophisticated than we supposed. It is actually the manifestation of her talent of the Idea. All the folk who ever lived on Xanth, or ever will live, or ever might exist, are there, in their soul forms."
Dor was startled. "All the folk? But what about those of us who are here, now?"
"You are there too, only with the current year of your lives absent there. And time is different there; time is geography. But that's only part of it. There is an aspect of Ida herself there, and she has her own moon. And on that moon is another Ida, with—"
"Please," Dor said. "My comprehension is being strained. What has this to do with your husband?"
"Each little moon is different," she explained. "With different magic. Jonathan thought there might even be a zombie world. If so—"
"I see. That would be the perfect place for the zombies to be. Especially if they had a kingdom. Their own world!"
"Exactly. So Jonathan is exploring to see if he can find such a world. He does what he can for his flock."
"Maybe the zombies are looking for it too, in regular Xanth," Bink suggested.
"No, I don't think so. They were supposed to wait."
"How long will it be before the Zombie Master returns?" Dor asked.
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"I don't know. He said to wake him up if he is gone more than three days, and it's only been one day."
All three of them did a quick reassessment. "He is sleepwalking?" Bink asked.
"No, just sleeping. In our bedroom. 1 check on him often, just in case."
"But then how can he be exploring worlds?"
"He made an arrangement with Princess Ida and the Night Stallion to explore them in the dream realm," she explained. "It's more convenient that way, and safer, because he can't truly be lost or hurt, and he can search more efficiently."
Dor was having trouble with comprehension again. "But if he's only dreaming, it isn't real. So whatever he finds won't actually be there."
"Oh, no, it's real. He's not real, while there, but the worlds are exactly as they are. I think. It is a controlled dream, relating to reality. He just won't be able to take anything from there, except information."
"He's like a ghost," Dolph said. "You must have thought of that."
"Why yes, I did," she agreed. "I have had experience. He seems real while there, and can talk with the people, but can't stay. If he gets chomped by a dragon, he'll be gone, though, and will wake on his own, and maybe unable to return. So I'm sure he's being very careful. I understand that there are remarkable sights there."
"There are some here in Xanth too," Dolph murmured, rubbing a bit of glaze off an eyelash.
"I don't think we can wait two days," Dor said. "We need to get the zombies settled well before the big wedding. Could you wake him early?"
"Oh, I wouldn't do that!" Millie said, horrified. "He said not to disturb him for anything short of an emergency, because he might not be able to find his way back to a choice site if he doesn't have time to mark the way."
"Mark the way?" Bink asked. "How can a dream be marked?"
"It's part of the magic the Night Stallion lent him. He can draw a glowing chalk line around something, that will stay in place after he leaves. So he can return later and make sure it's what the zombies want. But he can mark only one place at a time, so he has to be careful."
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"Could we go after him?" Dolph asked. "So we can find him, and ask him, without interrupting his search?"
"Why, I hadn't thought of that." Millie said. "I suppose if you sniffed the sleep spell, you could."
This, weird as it was, seemed to be a way. "Is there enough of that spell for all three of us?"
"Oh, yes, we have plenty of it."
"But how would we find him, in that dream realm?" Dor asked.
"Oh, that wouldn't be hard. He leaves glowing footprints. That's so I can find him, if I need to."
"Then why couldn't he follow his own footprints, on another visit?" Dolph asked.
"They won't stay after he goes. So he has to remember the way, and mark his place."
"Then perhaps that is our best course," Dor said. "We can find him, ask him, and return in time to get the zombies settled."
Millie had no problem with that. "You can use a guest chamber," she said. "I will bake more crumples for your return."
That seemed like an excellent arrangement.
3
SOLITAIRE FOR Two
B
reana woke at dusk, refreshed. It was time to go see the jood Magician, since she was now satisfied, for no sason she knew, that this was her only feasible escape from the zonbies. So she quickly ate some hasty pudding she found, and set her "ace toward the darkest east.
"There is an enhanted path leading to Magician Humfrey's castle," Mare Imbri aid. "But the zombies seem to be able to walk those paths, so thd's not safe for you. However, I know of another path that is privaUy enchanted, that should do about as well.
"What's a privae enchantment?"
"One that's noiqfficially sanctioned by King Dor. This one was set up by Com Pasion, and—"
"Is this a dragoi or tangle tree?"
' 'Oh, no, nothir<> like that. Com Passion won't hurt you. In fact Forrest Faun and I are her friends; we visit her sometimes to play-dreams vs. realitie. But you won't have to enter her cave; just keep on going toward tie castle. You should be there by dawn.
"Okay." Breana started walking.
Imbri trotted almg beside her.
"It's right this way, beyond the
Jackpot there.
Breanna saw a nan sitting on a big glowing pot. She paused. "I know the centaursire open about natural functions, and maybe some other folk are too,but I'd prefer to wait until he gets off the pot."
Imbri made a laghing neigh. "He's not having a function! He's
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giving away money. Everyone who passes him has to take some, to get on the path.
Sure enough, as they approached Jack reached down under himself, into the depth of the pot, and pulled out a handful of grubby coins. Imbri took one in her mouth, and Breanna took another in her hand.