Zombies (8 page)

The moan, then, becomes the vital tool in the gathering of a zombie horde. In scientific communities, any group of ten or more zombies is technically considered a horde, but most zombie hunters use the term to mean a much larger gathering. Otherwise, a horde is defined as any gathering of at least ten zombies where they are grouped closely enough that each member can hear the moan of at least three other members. When one zombie in a horde moans, the others will also, an effect that works like a lure to bring in zombies from all around. In cases of particularly large hordes, the cumulative sound of the moaning can reach painful volumes.

Even in a horde, atomic zombies are still mindless creatures. They do not employ any tactics
per se.
Surrounding their victims is only a happenstance of position and not a conceived plan. Despite this, a horde of zombies is extremely dangerous. Unlike their necromantic cousins, atomic zombies are incredibly strong. Since they feel no
pain, they will push their muscles past the limit. There have been cases where zombies have grabbed onto passing cars and had their arms ripped off at the shoulders rather than let go. In all cases it is best to stay as far away from an atomic zombie as possible. Once in their grip, it is difficult to escape, and their moan will soon attract others.

Thankfully, unlike necromantic zombies or revenants, atomic zombies have a clearly defined weakness. Despite their undead nature, atomic zombies still have one working organ: the brain. In the last few years, scientists have managed to conduct a number of neurological experiments on captured zombies. These tests have confirmed that while the creatures have no higher brain functions, no “thoughts” as we define them, their brains do coordinate and control their limited motor functions. If the zombie brain is destroyed, all motor functions cease, and the zombie deanimates, crumpling into a heap.

Destroy the brain and you destroy the zombie. In the late 1990s and the early years of the new millennium, this became the catchphrase of many amateur zombie-hunting societies. It appeared on T-shirts, bumper stickers, and key chains. As the internet grew in power and reach, the phrase traveled as fast and as far as email could carry it. It became an eight-word gospel, and many people died because of it.

Don't get me wrong, the knowledge is important, but the knowledge in isolation has two deadly shortcomings. First, as readers of this monograph will already be aware, the “destroy the brain” rule does not apply to all forms of zombies. It works for atomic and viral zombies but is less effective against necromantic zombies and revenants. Identify the zombie first, then determine the best way to dispatch it. However, even if you know you are facing an atomic zombie, there is a second problem. Destroying the brain isn't nearly as easy as it sounds.

Have you ever tried tossing a baseball in the air and hitting it with a bat? Most people, asked to do this for the first time, will swing and miss. In fact, many people will miss several times before they make contact. Now, imagine that baseball is coming at you with outstretched arms, a moan rasping from its blood-stained lips. Granted a zombie head is significantly bigger than a baseball, but it is also moving in an erratic pattern. The zombie isn't trying to dodge – they never do – but its broken-legged walk causes it to sway from side to side and up and down. You've got one shot with your bat. One swing to connect solidly with the skull with enough force to crack it open and smash the brains beneath. If you miss, if the shot glances off the skull, the zombie will wrap you in its arms and bite out your throat. In a matter of minutes, you will be one of them.

The truth is, most people have not developed their hand-eye coordination to a point where they can hit a moving target solidly with any degree of consistency. Sadly, most people badly overestimate their own ability, and this has led to many needless deaths. Even for those trained in combat (or baseball), engaging in hand-to-hand combat against atomic zombies is never recommended. Remember, these creatures usually travel in hordes; even if you take down the first or second zombie, there will likely be more than you can kill. Where hand-to-hand fighting is unavoidable, kill only as many zombies as you need to clear a path and then run. Once you are out of their reach, they will not be able to catch you.

In all cases, atomic zombies should be eliminated from a distance, but even then it can be more difficult than first imagined. Hitting a small moving target with a bullet is incredibly difficult, especially under pressure. Also, only a direct hit will penetrate the skull, as evolution specifically designed it to deflect blows. Still, a solid shot through an eye or smack in the forehead will take down any atomic zombie. The effect is virtually instantaneous, almost like flipping an off switch. The zombie immediately ceases all forward movement and collapses.

Because of the atomic zombie's weakness, it is particularly easy to prevent, even if the prevention is just as distasteful as the cure. A corpse with a destroyed (or removed) brain will not reanimate due to chemical conditions. While most morticians are aware of the zombie threat, few will apply this simple preventive measure unless it is specifically requested. Where the next of kin does request zombie-proofing, or more commonly if it is stated in the will of the deceased, the mortician will drive a long, thin nail called a skull pick through the crown of the skull down into the brain. It is quick, mostly clean, and completely painless (assuming the recipient is actually dead).

For those afraid of having nails in their head after they die, there is always cremation, which prevents all forms of zombie reanimation. If neither of these options is acceptable, bodies can be buried in a metal coffin. While this will not prevent reanimation, when combined with six feet of earth, it will prevent even the most determined atomic zombie from breaking out, leaving the unfortunate corpse to slowly consume itself.

 

¹²
Contrary to popular mythology, zombies do not need to eat brains. This seems to be a confusion of the idea that an atomic zombie needs its own brain to function. Zombies will certainly eat brains, but show no preference for them.

¹³
Thanks to Prof R. Sullivan's “Porcine Feed Experiments,” blood has been ruled out as a zombie attractor.

As early as the mid-1960s, a few within the animate necrology community described the zombie threat as a virus. With necromantic, revenant, and atomic zombies, the undead seemed to continuously evolve, offering new threats just as humanity came to grips with the old ones. Then, sometime in the early 1970s, the metaphor became a reality. Like most viruses, it is impossible to trace the zombie virus back to its origin, that point where an essentially benign biological agent mutated into one of the greatest dangers of the twenty-first century.

Most necrovirologists agree that the first strands of the virus developed in China. However, because of China's strict media control, doubts remain as to the exact time and location of the initial outbreaks. The first confirmed report comes from 1972, when a group of American and Canadian backpackers became entangled in an outbreak near the Tibet border. The Chinese authorities held the backpackers in prison on supposed visa violations for nearly a year before bowing to international pressure for their release. Upon their return to North America, the outbreak survivors told their tale to anyone who would listen.
¹⁴
For over six months, the story made the rounds through television and newspapers but was eventually lost in the noise from the Watergate scandal.

Unfortunately, the problem did not go away. Instead, it spread. In 1977 several outbreaks occurred in remote parts of Vietnam. By 1980, almost every country in Asia had experienced at least one undead event. In those early days, most people didn't recognize the virus as a form of zombification. Working with only limited data, virologists assumed it to be a new strain of
Lyssavirus
, the family which includes rabies. It was not until the mid-1980s that specialists realized that virus victims were, in fact, dead. The victims still walked around and tried to attack other people, but by almost every other factual indicator their bodies had died. Their hearts stopped beating. They didn't breathe. Their brains showed no activity beyond basic sensory response and motor control. No hint of a personality remained.

By this point, the virus, now sometimes called the Z-virus, had spread to Africa and Eastern Europe. As it began to enter North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO)-protected territory, knowledge of the virus spread quickly through government
and military channels. Thankfully, previous outbreaks had been small and successfully contained, though more through luck than any coordinated response. Since most First World nations already maintained zombie-containment teams to combat earlier threats, they retrained them to tackle this new menace.

In 1994, the world witnessed its first mass outbreak of zombies in the suburbs of Mexico City. At first, the violence was mistaken for a massive drug war between rival clans. By the time the true danger had been ascertained, thousands had been infected and rampaged through the city. Despite the brave battle fought by the Mexican “Zorros” Special Forces, the government pleaded for outside assistance. Within twenty-four hours, a multinational task force headed by the Americans landed outside the city. The battle of Mexico City lasted for nearly four days, as anti-zombie forces scoured the city, eliminating the infected. When the smoke finally cleared, 37,000 people had died, including an unknown number of task force soldiers.

While the feeble cover-up allowed most of the world's population to dismiss the whole situation, people in power realized that the zombie threat had reached new levels. In the last twenty years, there have been no fewer than 342 confirmed viral zombie outbreaks, and who knows how many more have gone unreported. Incredibly, much of the world is still only slowly waking up to this massing threat. While no subsequent outbreak has reached anywhere near the level of Mexico City, many believe it is only a matter of time.

The Z-virus lives in the blood and tissue of the human body. It can be spread in two ways. First, it can be accidentally ingested. It is theorized that most viral zombie outbreaks begin with one individual either eating infected food or drinking contaminated water. It takes only a minuscule amount of infected tissue to taint a new host. Once infected, the host can live anywhere from one hour to a day and a half, depending on the strength of the virus and the determination of the host. During this time, the host develops severe flu-like symptoms, becoming pale and weak until death finally claims them. After death, it is only a matter of minutes before the now-lifeless corpse reanimates. The new zombie immediately seeks out others to infect, which leads to the second, more common way, the virus is spread.

Like most living organisms, the Z-virus has the overriding goal to live and to reproduce. Using its new host corpse, the virus attempts to spread itself by attacking noninfected humans. To spread, the virus must penetrate a victim's skin and infect the tissue beneath, which can be done with a quick bite or rake with fingernails. A wound that draws blood carries a nearly 100 percent chance of infection.

Viral zombies are not cannibalistic. Although they often attack with their mouths and may occasionally get a bit overenthusiastic in their efforts to infect prey, they do not need to ingest flesh or anything else to survive. As of yet, science has no explanation for what viral zombies use as a power source. So, unlike atomic zombies, viral zombies often infect a host, leave him or her wounded, and quickly move on to the next target. Because of this methodology, viral zombie outbreaks can rapidly and exponentially expand. In truth, it is this expansion potential that is their biggest threat, and why it is imperative that outbreaks be quickly identified and contained.