Tonic (35 page)

He took his time, and I let him, watching him with my pulse rushing in my ears, dress hitched up around my waist and tugged down at the neck, his fingers, covered in ink, holding my breast like it was precious, kissing it like it was delicious, his lips opening, closing. My back arched in offering.
 

I’d give him anything. My body. My heart. It was all his.

He pressed against me, the denim of his jeans rough, and I longed for the softness of his skin. My hands skated down his chest, to his belt. He sucked hard and let me go, the cool air tightening my nipple at the loss of him, but he gave me more than that, backing away to take off his clothes. I watched him, trying to catch my breath, my eyes on his hands as they gripped his belt and unfastened it, then his button and zipper. Then his shirt, leaving his pants gaping, the ridges of his abs leading down to the shadow as he reached behind him and grabbed a handful of jersey and yanked it off. Then his pants, pushing them to the ground, leaving him gloriously naked, a beautiful man who was a work of art in so many ways, in all the ways.

I opened my arms, and he climbed into them, wrapping himself around me as I wrapped around him, the warmth and comfort of him filling my heart and my soul. And I knew I didn’t want to be without him again. The loss of him had been so complete, it had left me in shock. But now he was mine, and I wouldn’t let him go so easy.

All I’d put on was the dress itself, and he didn’t take it off of me, but dropped the straps from my shoulders until they draped in my elbows, baring my breasts. He kissed down my body again, his hand lingering on my breast as the rest of him went lower, spreading my legs. I watched as he trailed his fingers up the inside of my thigh, as he stroked me gently, his eyes on his hand. He spread me open and brought his lips down, kissing me deep, sucking and pulling, stroking me as I twisted my fingers in his hair, and his eyes closed, his dark lashes brushing his cheeks.
 

I wanted the weight of him against me. I wanted him in my arms. I wanted him inside of me, and I told him so. So he climbed up my body, dragging up the hem of my dress to meet the neck, then ran his fingertips down my ribs, over my hip, down my thigh as he settled in between my legs. First the length of him lying against me, sending my hips rolling. Then his lips against mine, promising me his heart. And he guided himself until he pressed against my core and flexed, slipping into me, giving me what I wanted with a sigh and a whisper.

I was caged in his arms, his fingers in my hair, his body against mine, and I was safe. I was whole. I was his.

He slipped out of me and flexed, slamming in with a satisfying jolt. Again — rolling his body, and I opened my thighs, wanting him as deep as he could get. And he took my permission, pushing harder until he hit the end of me. My eyes had closed — I hadn’t realized it — and when I opened them, he was watching me, his lids heavy and full of emotion. And I saw him, and I knew he saw me, and there was nothing between us.
 

Faster he moved, faster went my heart, faster my shallow breath slipped past my lips, and he said my name, a whisper, full of pain and adoration and love, and my body let go. I came with a crash and a gasp, my hands on the backs of his thighs, squeezing, pulling him into me with my entire body. He kissed me hard, slipping his tongue into my mouth, his breath heavy and sharp, and he came right behind me, his body pumping and shuddering, head hanging down to press his forehead against mine.

He collapsed and rolled, wrapping his arms around me, taking me with him. One arm was around my waist, the other around my back, his hand cupping the back of my head, holding me against him like he’d never let go. And I never wanted him to.

Joel

SHE LEFT ME SHAKEN. SHAKEN from pleasure, from emotion, from breathing her breath and touching her skin, she shook me to the core. She was an earthquake, and I was changed forever because of her.

I held her for a very long time, until we had to part, cleaning up and coming back together so I could hold her some more. We talked about the time we’d spent apart, and we talked about the future. We talked about our fears, and then there was no more talking, only the comfort of her body, only the sweetness of her against me for a long afternoon and a long evening. I fell asleep with her in my arms and woke with her body wound around me.

It was like the universe had been knocked off kilter without her, and now, everything had been set straight. The rightness of her, the peace I found, it was more than I’d ever known before, through everything I’d been through. I’d been missing her my whole life. And even after I’d found her, I’d lost her. But not again. Never again.

She stirred against my chest, squeezing me.

“Hey,” I said softly and brushed her hair from her face.
 

“Mmm,” she answered with a smile, though she didn’t open her eyes.

So I wrapped her up again, resting my cheek on the top of her head.

That is, until she shot out of my arms with wide eyes that were locked on mine.

“Hairy.”

“Shit,” I said as I flipped off the covers and climbed out of bed. I found him asleep in the bottom of her closet and picked him up, carrying him back to bed.

She looked at me like I was a slab of naked, tattooed, kitten-holding meat. “My God. That might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

I chuckled as I set the cat down and slipped back under the covers. He pranced over to her and wound up in a fluffy ball against her chest.

“I can’t believe you got me a cat,” she said, smiling.

I propped my head on my hand. “Believe it.”

“You can’t just get me a cat every time we fight, you know?”

I shrugged. “Says you.”

She laughed. “I’ll be the crazy cat lady, shaking out cat food on the fire escape.”

“You’re only crazy if you live alone and have lots of cats. That’s a scientific fact.”

“Well, I can’t live with Kira and Roxy forever, so eventually it’ll become a truth.”

“Well, maybe you won’t ever be alone. Maybe you’ll find forever with someone else.”

She smiled at me, the soft, rosy flush of her cheeks filling my heart with a warmth I couldn’t put into words. “Oh, you think?”

And I smiled back, leaning in to steal a kiss. “Princess, I don’t think. I know.”

Joel

ANNIKA LAY STRETCHED OUT IN front of me, her naked back under my fingers. Her skin was unmarred, smooth and pale, not a freckle on her entire body. I’d know — I’d spent the last nine months getting to know every inch of her.
 

The machine in my hand buzzed, the needles bouncing faster than the naked eye could follow. She’d been in my chair for hours and endured the pain like it didn’t faze her. And of course she would. She was stronger than anyone I’d ever known.
 

“Almost done, babe,” I said gently, and she nodded as I finished shading the ice around her heart.
 

I’d come up with the idea just after we’d gotten back together, and when I drew it up, I was sure she’d never go for it. For someone who had no visible tattoos, letting me tattoo her back down to her tailbone seemed a stretch. But when I showed her, she pressed her fingers to her lips and said yes. I hoped it wasn’t the only yes I’d ever get from her when it came to the impossible.

I’d planned on painting it, if she’d refused — her naked back, skin split open to reveal her heart of ice. But inside, it glowed with fire that burned the ice away, sending it down her back in rivulets. I’d covered her old ice tattoo with silhouetted wildflowers that sprang up into watercolor in the same blues, reds, and oranges of her fiery heart.

I turned off my machine, though my hand still tingled, making it feel like it was vibrating as I wiped the extra ink and blood from the art. I stretched and pulled at her skin, turning my head to inspect it for mistakes. But it was perfect, and so was she.

The cameras around us kept rolling as she sat, and I showed her the piece in the mirror. Part of me wanted to step between her and the camera to hide her body, the body only I had the pleasure of seeing so bare, even with the sticky bra on, but the look on her face when she saw her back made everyone else in the room disappear. Her eyes were wide and wet, her breath short as she looked it over, telling me I’d done well. I’d done right by her.

“Joel …” she breathed.

I smiled, my heart expanding in my chest with pride and emotion. I couldn’t speak.

She was still looking in the mirror, her eyes scanning the piece. “It’s … God. It’s beautiful. It’s perfect.”

I stood and hugged her, pulling her into my chest, my fingers in her hair. There were no cameras, not other people, just us in that moment, and I kissed her temple as she wrapped her arms around my waist.
 

“You okay?” I asked, and she nestled into my chest.

“Yeah. I can’t believe it’s over. I can’t believe how it looks.”

I chuckled. “You doubted me?”

She pulled away to look up at me, smiling. “Never for a second. It was just more than I imagined.”

I pressed a smiling kiss to her lips and let her go to finish up. I rubbed the salve all over her raw skin, then taped a plastic covering over it to protect it for a few hours. She pulled on a loose tank afterward, and Laney smiled at us.

“Cut.” The cameras lowered — all except one — and everyone chatted. The whole Tonic crew was there to watch us film the second season’s finale and the wrap party.
 

Season one had ended with a bang. We worked Annika into the show, and Laney softballed the editing for all of our sake. When they approached us for season two, we’d almost refused. But we’d gone all in with Hal and Liz — which was bizarre in its own right — and with that control over our fate and Laney on our side, we decided to go for it.
 

The ridiculous amount of money they offered us didn’t hurt either. Because the show took off. We were a household name, and it wasn’t the absolute worst thing in the world.

Annika had moved in months before — we filmed an entire moving-in episode. Surreal. — and we’d merged our lives. Merged our hearts. And I didn’t ever want to be without her again.

Laney caught my eye and gave me a slight nod.
 

I reached for Annika’s hand and pulled her back to the chair, adjusting it so she could sit. Her eyes were full of questions, though her lips still smiled sweetly at me. She’d changed so much and somehow not at all. But that hardness was gone, letting what was inside of her go free. And that made her all that much more beautiful.

I held her hands in mine as everyone hushed. And I looked into her eyes and took a breath, ready for what would come, hell or high water.

“I never thought I’d fall in love. Didn’t think it was for me, figured it was me who was broken. But then you walked into my shop and proved me wrong. You proved me wrong about everything, about who I thought I was, about what I thought I wanted. Because in the end, I only wanted you. The girl who pushed me, who wanted me, who loved me despite my many shortcomings. And it didn’t take me very long at all to realize I didn’t want to be without you. Not ever. I love you, Annika.”

She smiled, her cheeks flushed and eyes shining with tears. “I love you too, Joel.”

And then I reached into my pocket as I dropped to one knee, and her eyes flew wide, her fingers pressed to her lips, and the whole room gasped, even though almost all of them knew what had been coming. I opened the velvet box where a simple ring lay, two bands criss-crossing back and forth on each other, covered in small diamonds that made it shine and shimmer when the light hit it like sunshine on snow.
 

“Marry me,” I said quietly, simply, and her eyes jumped from the ring to my face, her hand falling away to reveal her smile, and she reached for me, cupping my face, as she said the word I’d longed to hear.

“Yes.”

It was shaky and sweet, and she pressed her lips to mine, wrapping her arms around my neck to the whoops and cheers of the crew. And I stood, cupping her face, kissing her to seal the promise.

I held her for a long moment, though not long enough, kissing her, whispering to her. And then I pulled away and slipped the ring on her finger with shaking hands before kissing her again. As much as I’d hated the idea of doing this with everyone around, in the end, it had felt completely right. The show brought us together, and they should all be part of our forever.

We walked around, hugging and receiving congratulations from everyone. PAs came back from the break room with flutes of champagne, and we toasted and laughed. And she was tucked into my side for all of it. But I could feel all the things she wanted to say, and I wanted to hear them, anxious for the moment when we could be alone.

But before that, we made our way up to the control room and to the green room where we filmed the engagement interview with Laney, answering questions and laughing and holding hands. And the second we were finished, we flew out the door and down a flight of stairs, into our apartment.

I’d hoped she’d say yes, and had planned for all of this, from wine next to the bed to rose petals everywhere. And she walked into our room, shaking her head.

“You did all this?”

I nodded, smirking.
 

She turned to me, laying a hand on my chest as she popped up on her tiptoes. “You’re just an old romantic, aren’t you?”

I wrapped a hand around her waist, mindful of her tattoo. “We’re both gooier than we let on, aren’t we?”

She kissed me. “That we are. I think we bring out the goo in each other.”

I chuckled, touching her face. “You said yes.”

“Of course I said yes. How could I ever be with anyone else? You’ve ruined me for all other men, Joel Anderson.”

“Good. Because you’re mine, and I’m yours. I’ll give you my name, my heart, my soul. Anything you want, so long as you return the favor.”

“I will. I already have. You’re it for me.” She paused for a second, watching me with her big, blue eyes. “Are you scared?”