0373659458 (R) (17 page)

“Me, either, baby,” she said softly, pressing her hand to her lips then her fingers to the screen. She doubted he’d let her do that much longer, but until she got the “Ewww, Mom!” reaction, she wasn’t about to stop a moment before she had to. Right now, however, her baby only said “Bye!” and vanished from the screen.

In the reflection she saw Zach standing behind her, his hands in his pockets as usual, all steady and sturdy and studly, in his own quiet, bespectacled way. And annoyance with her ex tangled with that which she’d been feeling for this dude for some time, and for a moment she thought she’d combust.
Breathe, girl, breathe
, she thought, slowly spinning around. “Ready?” she asked.

And the look on his face made her stomach drop to her knees.

Or it would’ve, if she’d been standing.

* * *

Somehow or other, he’d forgotten how frickin’ beautiful she was. Okay, not really, but seeing her now, her hair shining against the fuzzy blue scarf...his heart jammed somewhere in the vicinity of his throat. Just as a million words were jammed in his brain—what she’d said and he’d said and what his brother had said. Even what Heidi might’ve said, if her ghost or spirit or whatever could be here.

This was gonna be a lot harder than he’d thought.

“Zach?” Mallory said gently, her lips curved.

He actually gave his head a little shake. “You want to take your car or the truck? I’m good with either—”

“The truck’s fine,” she said, smiling, then wheeled past him toward the front door.

The surprise in her voice when he’d called had been pretty obvious. Not that he blamed her. And he still wasn’t sure about...any of it, really. What he was supposed to think, or do, or say, or even be. And he sure as hell had no idea what might happen. Or what he wanted to happen. But the more he thought about that conversation, the more he had to admit he’d turned her down far less out of nobility than from plain old stinkin’
fear
.

And that didn’t sit well. At all.

The plan was, since the drive itself was over two hours, to check out the horses—there were two the owner thought would be suitable—have lunch and drive back. He noticed her purse was on the large side, but then, women often carried bags large enough to smuggle a pig in. Of course, what she didn’t know was that he’d stuffed a few things in a plastic sack and tossed it behind his seat. You know, just in case.

And yes, that’d made him feel like a horny teenager hoping to score.

“So who has the kids? And Benny?” she asked once they were settled in the truck. Never mind that other, far more crucial questions shuddered between them. Or maybe not, maybe she was one of those women who, once rejected, simply moved on. Although according to his brothers, such women were rarer than white rhinos.

“My folks,” Zach said. “Which they do a lot, anyway.” He tossed her what he hoped was a not-nervous smile. “One reason why I’m kinda married to where I grew up.”

“Family, you mean?”

He looked back out the windshield. He’d decided to take a series of back roads until they got past Santa Fe, since this far north I-25 meandered through the mountains like a drunk with no sense of direction. “Yeah.”

“Makes sense. Especially with that family.” She flashed a grin in his direction. “Not sure I’d want to leave a great support system like that, either.”

“Of course, they’ve been on their best behavior around you, so...”

She laughed, then said, “And why else don’t you want to leave?”

“Look around you.”

Every second, it seemed, the panorama changed, a kaleidoscope of red rock outcroppings and blazing yellow and orange and gold leaves, of looming blue-green forests and luminous clouds clotted like sheep in the never-ending sky.

“It is pretty darned magnificent,” she said. “Which is why I love it, too, you know.”

“Still. It’s not home for you.”

She fiddled with her scarf for a moment. “Have you even been anywhere else?”

“Let’s see...both coasts and pretty much everything in between. Canada. Mexico. Alaska.”

He could feel her smile, almost literally warm on the side of his face. A smile that made him feel more relaxed and wound up at the same time. Figure that one out. “Texas?”

“Even Texas. Yes, ma’am, I’m better traveled than you might think. Mom and Dad took road tripping to new heights, determined we’d see as much of the country as possible. Then Heidi and I did our fair share, before the kids came. Always grateful to get back, though.”

It took him a second to realize his voice hadn’t caught when he’d mentioned Heidi. He wondered if Mallory’d noticed.

But at least the conversation got easier as they passed one tiny New Mexican village after another, through forests and mountains and the occasional field dotted with horses. They talked about their childhoods, their parents, the equal parts delight and terror of raising boys.

“Ohmigosh,” she said, “one time, when Landon was about three? He figured out how to unlock the front door and got outside. Mind you, I had trouble with that dumb lock, but it was no obstacle to ol’ nimble fingers. Who’d dragged a chair from the dining room over to the door to reach the latch. Scared the stuffing out of me when I went to check on him in his room—since he was supposed to be napping—and he wasn’t in his crib.”

“Same thing happened to us with Jeremy. Only he was even younger. Maybe two? Still have no idea how he got out, but a neighbor brought him home. Nothing like opening your front door to find your child in someone else’s arms.”

“I believe the term you’re looking for is heart-stopping. So how’d you prevent a repeat occurrence?”

“Installed more and higher locks. And basically didn’t sleep for the next three years. Not that we had much before. You?”

“We installed these special security locks on all the exterior doors that practically required an advanced degree in mechanical engineering to get out of the house. Okay, so not really, but there was a time there when all I wanted was to be able to turn a doorknob and, you know, leave. Not to mention open a cupboard or a refrigerator without going through eighteen steps.” She turned to him. “You ever wonder how babies ever actually made it to adulthood before all this stuff?”

“All the damn time. And I’ve still got one more little one to keep an eagle eye on. Although Liam isn’t nearly as adventurous as Jeremy was. He gets into stuff, sure, but all in all he seems more content than Jeremy, who used to go looking for trouble like it was his God-given mission to find it.”

She chuckled, then got quiet for some miles, her arms folded over her stomach. “You think you’d want more kids someday? If you remarried, I mean.”

It wasn’t an off-the-wall question, really. Or an unusual one, given the number of times other people had either insinuated it or outright asked. But given...things, it suddenly seemed much weightier than it might’ve been in other circumstances.

“Not that I’m real big on hypotheticals,” he finally said, “but I suppose that would depend on a whole slew of variables. Number one on the list being the unlikelihood of me remarrying.”

Zach could feel her gaze again. “You sound pretty definite about that.”

“It’s been more than two years. Nothing’s happened to make me change my mind yet, so...” He shrugged. “In any case, Heidi and I had decided two was enough.” He paused, then figured, well, hell, she’d asked him, so... “What about you?”

“Me? No. That is to say, I can’t.”

He glanced over. “Because of—”

“The injury?” She shook her head. “There were complications after Landon’s birth.” Her voice got soft. “Meaning no more babies for Mallory.”

“I’m sorry.”

“At the time, so was I. Although to be honest, even if I could have more kids... I’m not sure I would.”

“Why not?”

She was quiet for a long time before she answered. “You know, it amazes me, how people are always saying how brave I must be. As if I had a choice in any of this. And maybe that’s the way I present myself, I don’t know. But not a day passes that I don’t second-guess myself about how I’m doing with Landon.
What
I’m doing with him—”

“And that has
nothing
to do with you using a wheelchair.”

Annoyance had propelled the words before he even knew they were there. And he immediately realized how it sounded. Even before she gave him a look that made his ears hot. Then, sighing, she looked out the windshield again.

“Which would be my point,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my kid to pieces. But even before the accident I never felt as though I was giving him... I don’t know. Enough? And that was with only one kid. Seriously, I do not know how people do it with a half dozen. Or more.”

“Okay, for one thing? Any parent who tells you they’ve got this parenting thing nailed is lying through their teeth. We all make it up as we go along and hope for the best. And for another...”

He glanced over into wide, startled eyes, then back to the road, thinking how weird it was, the way she was so confident in some ways and not in others. Then again, he supposed he could say the same thing about himself. But they weren’t talking about him right now.

“Watching you with Liam at the rodeo? Or more to the point...” To his surprise, his throat clogged. “Watching Liam with you? You’ve got nothing to worry about. In fact, I wish there was some way to play back that conversation I overheard between you and Landon the other day.” His gaze briefly cut to hers again, then away. “The kid obviously adores you. So I think you need to scratch that one off your list of things to worry about.”

* * *

She’d known this man for, what? Not even a month. And he’d already shown her more support than Russell had in nearly twenty years. Real support, that is. Not only what served his purpose. Something she hadn’t entirely realized until this very moment.

Still. “Yeah, well, we butt heads like mad. All the time.”

“Because he’s
eleven
, Mallory. I was a pain in the ass to my parents when I was that age. And the twins?” He wagged his head. “There were times I was surprised Dad let them live. Levi, especially. He and Dad had actual yelling matches.”

“You’re not serious.”

“Nitro, meet glycerin. Mom was constantly coming between them.”

Having watched the brothers horsing around with each other, the obvious affection they all had for each other... “I can’t even imagine it.”

“Trust me, I was there. And the thing was...at heart Levi was a good kid. A lot better than we even realized at the time. But finding yourself is harder for some of us than others. And some relationships need more time to ripen. That’s all.”

She smiled at him. “How’d you get to be so wise?”

He frowned slightly. “Not sure that’s what I’d call it, but while everyone else was fighting? Or trying to break up fights? I was listening. Learning.” He was quiet for a moment. “Decided I really wasn’t a big fan of confrontation.”

Mallory shifted in the seat, trying in vain to get more comfortable, since her upper back had been giving her five fits since Española. Then she smiled. “Make love, not war?” she said, smiling harder when his hands tightened around the steering wheel.

“Sure,” he said, and she laughed.

And plunged, screw his distaste for confrontation. Although this was more about information-gathering, really. Or more to the point, her finding the courage to ask what this trip was really about.

“You know, I was pretty surprised when you called. Considering how we left things and all.”

A brief smile flickered across his mouth. “I imagine so.”

“So what made you change your mind?”

That he didn’t ask about what—not to mention how long it took him to answer—told her they were probably very much on the same page.

“You’re not the only one who needed to face a few fears,” he said at last, and
bam
! The heat level rose at least twenty degrees in the truck’s cab.

Willing her heart to settle down, already, Mallory looked at his profile. “And what fears might those be?”

A long pause preceded, “I wasn’t going to say anything until we got where we’re going. Maybe not even then, it all depended on, well, how things went, I suppose. Between us. But...okay. You know I really like you.”

“Zach. We’ve already kissed and stuff. Moving on.”

“Which part of me would very much like to do,” he said, so quietly she nearly missed it. “Even if I’m not sure I really can. As I said.”

“Fair warning, in other words.”

“Yeah.”

Mallory leaned forward, watching him. “But...?”

Another sigh. “I made reservations for lunch at this place near the horse farm.” His hands worked around the wheel again. “At an inn.”

She sat back, perversely enjoying his obvious discomfort. “As in, someplace with rooms? And beds?”

“Yep.”

“And did you also book one of these rooms?”

“I...might have.” Oh, dear. His cheeks were
so
red. “But it’s just like when I took you to ride up at the Flying Star, no pressure.”

She couldn’t help her smile. “You’re really bad at this, aren’t you?”

“There’s an understatement. Since I’ve never booked a room in the hopes of—”

“Getting lucky?”

“Being blessed,” he said, very quietly.

Her eyes flooded. Also, she was so turned on she thought she’d explode out of her skin. Then her brow knotted. “Not even with Heidi?”

That got a very vigorous head shake. “Not before we were married, nope. And afterwards
she
always made the reservations.”

“Aww...”

“Shut up,” he said, a grin pulling at his mouth. Then Mallory sighed.

“There’s one slight problem—”

“It’s okay, I brought condoms.”

“Good man. But no baby basket, remember? And I assume, given everything you’ve said...”

“It’s been more than two years. So, yeah, I’m good.” He turned to her, frowning. “So...?”

“There really is no delicate way to put this, but it’s probably best if I don’t eat...before.”

“Oh. Right. Actually, I knew that.”

“Really?”

“I, uh, did some research. Online. So I wouldn’t look—or act—like a total moron.”