0373659458 (R) (19 page)

Zach nailed her with his gaze. “Why didn’t you ditch his sorry ass long before?”

“I guess...because I needed him? Thought I did, anyway. For a boatload of reasons that changed through the years. Took me a long time to realize how dependent on him I’d let myself get. And it actually wasn’t terrible. Well, aside from the sex thing.”

“That’s kind of a biggie.”

“True. But Russell opened doors for me I never, ever would have been able to open on my own, and I wasn’t stupid enough to look that particular gift horse in the mouth. Besides, I was busy with my work, and then I had Landon, which gave me another, wonderful focus, and...”

She shrugged, looking so lost, so vulnerable, Zach’s chest fisted...followed by another, even sharper cramp, that she felt comfortable enough with him to open up like this. He’d never felt more honored, and more frightened, in his life. Not even when he’d said “I do,” not even when the kids were born.

Not even when her eyes had flown open in delighted surprise a moment before she fell apart in his arms.

Frowning, Zach crossed his arms high on his chest. “I can’t help wondering why he married you to begin with.”

“I fed his ego? He was in love with the idea of seeing his protégée succeed? You know, a Henry Higgins complex?” Her shoulders bumped again. “Who knows? I suppose we were more friends than lovers. No, that’s not it, either—
colleagues
. And as I said, it wasn’t awful. Until I was no longer who he’d married, I guess. Oh, and then I found out he was cheating on me.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. Fun times.”

“So the new wife...?”

“Not that new, as it turned out. To him, anyway.”

Zach picked up his fork again to shove in the last bite on his plate. “Not that you’re bitter or anything.”

“I think
disappointed
is more accurate. Not easy for someone who...” Her eyes watered again. “Who doesn’t accept defeat easily. Or failure.”

“Which is why you won all those championships.”

“Pretty much, yep. And when I realize something really is out of my control, that there’s nothing I can do to make it right or change it...it kinda makes me crazy. What’s so funny?” she asked, smiling.

He pointed to himself.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Maybe we should start a club or something.”

“Except we’d never be able to hold conventions because the planning committee would never be able to compromise on
anything
.”

This time her laugh filled the room...and his heart. Except then she took a sip of her diet soda and said, very gently, “Can you tell me what happened? With Heidi?”

Zach was actually surprised it’d taken her this long to bring up the subject. He also supposed he owed her this much. What wasn’t a surprise was that the timing didn’t seem nearly as weird as he would’ve thought. Because this was Mallory, he supposed.

So he told her about how Heidi had decided to make a run into Taos to pick up some last-minute Christmas gifts, late at night after the boys were asleep. That she’d hit a patch of black ice and lost control of the car. How he’d refused to believe the sheriff, when he’d come to the house.

Tears glistened in Mallory’s eyes. “Oh, Zach...” She reached for his hand, which he grabbed like a lifeline. “I can’t imagine. And at Christmas...how on earth did you even get through it?”

“I’m not sure we did, truthfully. Holidays...they’re still pretty rough. Because she loved them so much. Which seems so unfair for the kids. Especially for Jeremy.”

“I’m sure,” she said, then sighed. “How heartbreaking. For all of you. I’m so sorry.”

He nodded, waiting out the stab, then lifted his eyes to hers. “What about you?”

“How I ended up like this, you mean?” He nodded, and her shoulders hitched. “Got too big for my britches, took on a slope I wasn’t ready for. Missed a turn and...” Another shrug. “My ski didn’t pop off like it was supposed to. Filed under ‘crap happens.’”

Still holding her hand, Zach lifted it to his mouth, his heart twisting at her sad smile. He squeezed her hand, then let it go, nodding toward her plate. “You done?”

“Guess so,” she breathed out, tucking her folded napkin underneath the rim. He waved for the check as Mallory checked the time. “So...if we leave now—” she lifted her eyes, luminous and hopeful and not quite as sad as they’d been a moment before, to his “—we’ll be back by six?”

His logical side practically screamed,
Hell, yes, get while the getting’s good.
His logical side knew the more he tried to make her happy, the more likely he was to break her heart. His
logical
side said what he was thinking was ultimately selfish, no matter how it might appear on the surface. That while he could give her this, he couldn’t give what she most deserved. Especially after what she’d just told him about her marriage.

Except...

The check came; Zach tucked his credit card into the folder, handed it back to the waitress and said quietly, not looking at Mallory, “Room’s ours until noon tomorrow, you know.”

Her silence brought his gaze back to hers, the smile playing around her mouth instantly turning him inside out. Not to mention on. Except this was about more than that. This was about...sharing. Comfort. Kindness.

Living
.

“And the boys? The dog? Your clinic?”

“Covered.”

The smile stretched into a grin. “Meaning you had this planned all along.”

“What can I say, loose ends drive me nuts.”

Several beats passed before she reached across the table again. “So until noon tomorrow the real world doesn’t exist. Deal?”

Zach could see in her eyes, hear in her voice, that she understood. That whatever this was, it was for now, this moment. And that she was good with that. A lot more than he was, he guessed. Then a smile tugged at his mouth. “Although...we just ate?”

Mallory pressed her napkin to her mouth to stifle her laugh, then lowered it and whispered, “Guess we’ll just have to take our chances.”

True, that
, he thought, taking her hand to press a kiss in the center of her palm.

* * *

“It’s nothing to worry about, Charley,” Zach said to the bearded, middle-aged man on the other side of the exam table as the pitbull mutt slathered Zach’s face with kisses. Dodging the hyperactive tongue, Zach bent his head to reinspect the scrape along the dog’s side where he’d sideswiped a branch. “The wound’s already healing, in fact.”

“But he keeps licking it so much...”

“It’s what dogs do,” Zach said kindly, scratching the grinning beast’s neck underneath his blue bandanna. And if the poor guy’s synapses were firing more regularly, he’d know this, since the Iraq War vet had always had dogs. “But I could give you some antiseptic ointment to put on it, if you like.”

Charley blinked. “How much would that set me back?”

“You know, I’ve probably got some free samples around somewhere. But honestly? I’m not sure it’d do much good. And then Loco’d have to wear a cone so he wouldn’t lick it off. And you’d hate that, wouldn’t you, boy?”

His butt wagging, the dog woofed and gave Zach another slurp. “Tell you what—” Zach heaved the stocky dog off the table, then straightened. “If you notice any change, give me a call. You’ve got my cell number, right?”

“I think so...”

Although he’d given the guy at least ten cards before, Zach pinched another one from the holder on the counter and handed it over. “Anytime, Charley. I mean it.”

“Okay.” He looked down at his panting dog, his forehead crunched. “But you’re sure...?”

“As sure as I can be.”

Relief flooded the man’s dark eyes. “So how much I owe you?”

“What’d we agree on last time? Five dollars, wasn’t it? Go on and settle up with Shantelle, and call if you need anything.”

“I’ll do that, Doc. And thanks.”

As Charley shuffled out, Zach released a sigh that had nothing to do with the man or his dog and everything to do with that trip to Corrales with Mallory the other day. As in, he could barely think of anything—or anyone—else. Why in God’s name had he thought giving in to his need would somehow alleviate it, release the pressure, instead of intensifying it?

Bringing his loneliness into even sharper focus.

And Mallory’s being so damned understanding only made everything worse—

Levi knocked on the door, a leash wrapped three times around his other hand, at the end of which a coonhound mix was clearly torn between wanting some lovin’ and wanting to run for the hills.

Zach could relate.

“Come on in,” he said wearily, and his brother frowned. Again, the seven years’ age difference meant squat when the “little” brother had served three tours in Afghanistan. Also, in contrast to the cupid-like curls framing a sharply planed face, Levi was the biggest and broadest—not to mention the baddest—of the four of them.

His brother tugged the dog into the exam room, where the beast promptly stood on his hind legs to give Zach a hug, a move the dog would undoubtedly soon regret.

Levi speared Zach with a don’t-even-try-to-pull-one-over-on-me look. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Zach said, ignoring the look as he readied the dog’s rabies shot. “How was the honeymoon?”

“Too damn short.” Levi crossed his arms. “Mom says she and Dad had the boys for the night while you took Mallory down to Corrales to buy another horse?”

“They did.”

“Dude. Corrales is less than three hours away.”

Zach held up the syringe. “And I could stab you as easily as the dog, you know. Get Radar up on the table, then help me hold him.”

After the beast had been duly poked—and had duly peed on the table—Levi sat on the bench seat across the room comforting the dog, now lying across Levi’s lap and regaling Zach with reproachful eyes.

“Guilt’s a bitch, isn’t it?” Levi said softly.

His face warming, Zach tossed pee-soaked paper towels into the medical waste bin, then washed his hands at the sink. “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

“Mom. She said you wouldn’t even look her in the eye when you picked up the boys. Never mind that since a) you were gone all night and b) she knew you were with Mallory, it’s not like this is some big secret. Although
big
is exactly what it is. For you, especially.”

“You’ve got some balls, you know that?”

“Yeah. I do. Because I’ve been there, remember? And no, I’m not talking about staying out all night with a girl. Woman. Even if you weren’t thirty-four, for cripes’ sake.”

Zach grabbed more towels to wipe his hands. “Not that this is any of your concern. Or Mom’s.”

“Have you met our family? And in any case, I know from guilt, bro. Falling for your best friend’s wife?” His head wagged.

“Val was widowed, Leev—”

“And so are you. Doesn’t mean you don’t feel like you cheated on Heidi.”

“That Mom’s theory?” Zach said drily. “Or yours?”

“A mutual conclusion.”

Zach glared. Then sighed. “For God’s sake, it was just...a thing.”

“Was? Or is?”

The edge of the exam table biting into his palms as he leaned on it, Zach met his brother’s gaze. “God knows I’m no relationship guru, but nothing spells disaster like two baggage-laden people trying to make something work between them. Not to mention we’re not a couple of kids with no ties, no obligations—”

“At least you admit to the baggage.”

“Kinda hard to ignore.” Zach straightened, stuffing his hands in his lab coat’s pockets. “So don’t go reading more into this than there is. Or could be. Because that ain’t happening.”

After a moment, his brother shrugged, then shoved the dog off his lap and stood. “If you say so.”

“Dammit, Levi—”

“So you still seeing her? Or was that little trip to Corrales a one-and-done?”

“And what part of
none of your concern
are you not getting?”

“Oh, I’m getting plenty. As are you, I’m gathering. And man, I wish you could see your face right now. But there’s one piece that doesn’t fit.”

Zach sighed. “And what’s that?”

Grabbing the end of Radar’s leash, Levi walked over and clapped his hand on Zach’s shoulder. “You don’t have ‘things’ with women, Zach. Me, sure. Well, used to. Josh, absolutely. But you?” He shook his head. “Not your style. So you can put any slant you want on whatever you’ve got going with Mallory. Doesn’t make it true. And if you can’t be honest with anyone else, at least be honest with yourself.”

Levi was almost out the door before Zach said, “It’s not that easy.”

His brother turned back, giving Zach a look that was almost pitying. “From what I could tell you were spoiled, with Heidi. With how effortless things were between you. So now maybe you’re being asked to step up your game, and it scares the bejezus out of you. I get that. But guess what? It won’t kill you. And from what I’ve observed about Mallory? She’s more than worth the effort. And speaking of balls—no point in having ’em if you don’t use ’em.”

His brother hadn’t been gone five seconds when Zach’s phone buzzed. And at Mallory’s soft, “Hey, there,” his throat clogged with a tangle of emotions he couldn’t even begin to sort out.

“Hey,” he said back, hoping he sounded normal. Because he immediately realized his brother was right, that “casual” went against everything Zach believed in. Which meant—

“You busy?” she said.

“Nope, between appointments. What’s up?”

“Well, um... Landon came in a couple days early—”

“Really? That’s terrific.”

“I know, right? But...” Then he heard it, a hesitation in her voice that shouldn’t be there. Not after everything they’d done with each other. For each other. Guilt stabbed, but from an entirely different source. “But I was wondering if you’d like to bring the boys over for dinner tomorrow night? If you’d be okay with that, I mean.”

Her offering him space should have felt far more reassuring than it did. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because...the last thing I’d want is for you to feel you’re being manipulated into something you’re not comfortable with.”

Pushing out a sigh, Zach lifted his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose. “That’s not possible,” he said softly. “And I’d love to meet Landon in person. So would the boys, I’m sure. But just out of curiosity—what’ve you told him?”