150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (62 page)

Trivia Quiz

What is the origin of the black outfits worn by many ninja?

A: Kabuki theater performances

B: Like everything else about ninja, it is shrouded in mystery

C: Uniform commissioned by Oda Nobunaga in ad 1581

D: A Japanese costume designer who worked on the 1962 film
Godzilla vs. the Ninjabots

Answer: A. After gaining fame as scouts, spies, and assassins in sixteenth-century Japan, the ninja entered the realm of popular imagination and began appearing as characters in Kabuki theater.

PRODUCER
Marius Lesoeur

WRITER
A. L. Mariaux

DIRECTOR
A. M. Frank

STARS
Manuel Gélin (
Robert
), France Lomay (
Erika
), Henry Lambert (
Kurt
), Myriam Landson (
Kurt's wife
), and Caroline Audret (
Sylvie
)

Two rival groups head to a distant oasis in search of Nazi gold. There they are set upon by Nazi zombies who are guarding the treasure for who-knows-what-reason.

Why It Sucks

Jess Franco, in his second effort worthy of this chapter — hiding behind the pseudonyms A. M. Frank (for direction) and A. L. Mariaux (for the script, together with producer Marius Lesoeur) — managed to make a movie about sexually perverted Nazi zombies that is almost completely unwatchable. From its nonexistent story (nothing is explained and no characters are interesting or developed in the slightest) to its badly written dialogue, to its overblown musical score, bad makeup effects on the zombies, a near-criminal lack of gore and nudity, this is truly one of the worst movies included in this book.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Mysogonistic Sex Pervert Award goes to …
Jess Franco for making a film where the zombies tend to fondle a female's genitals while attacking her.

And the Worst Picture Award goes to …
Jess Franco and Marius Lesoeur for not even being able to pull off the idiot-proof concept of a horror film wth Nazi zombies.

They Really Said It!

Col. Meitzell
: Did you find what you were looking for?

Robert
: Mainly I found myself.

Betcha Didn't Know

The World War II battle scenes in the film were lifted from
Heroes Without Glory
(1971).

Two nearly identical vesions of this film were made, one intended for the French market and the other for international release.

Trivia Quiz

What classic horror novel formed the basis for one of Jess Franco's best films?

A:
Frankenstein

B:
Herbert West: Re-Animator

C:
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

D:
Dracula

Answer: D. With a cast that included Christopher Lee, Herbert Lom, and Klaus Kinski, in 1970 Franco managed to make one of his best movies

PRODUCER
Alfeo Bocchicchio

WRITERS
Lewis Simeon and G. J. Zinnerman

DIRECTOR
Clark L. Paylow

STARS
George E. Mather (
Lewis Moffitt
), Jospeh Conway (
R. J. Dobson
), Esther Furst (
Betty Crawford
), Norman Ollstead (
Lewis's roommate
), Lomax Study (
Professor Rayburn
), Pamela Raymond (
Alice Lund
), and Ollie O'Toole (
Dr. Walsh
)

A dippy graveyard caretaker (Conway) relates a deadly, dull tale of a medical student (Mather) who experiences the ultimate terror … and tries to bore the viewers to death.

Why It Sucks

From its cast of “college students” (played by actors in their late thirties or early forties) to the goofy plot, there's not much to recommend here. It's as if a group of actors whose starring roles had been in health education films wrote a script outline on a napkin from the strip-club they were working at, rented a camera, and ad-libbed the whole thing. No exaggeration.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Director Award goes to …
Clark L. Paylow. Maybe he liked this film, but I can't find anybody else who did.

And the Special Achievement in Discouraging Teenage Sexual Activity Award goes to …
The lover's lane make-out scene between the actors who are all twenty years' older than they're playing. It is so awkward and painful and embarrassing to watch that it will cool all but the hottest of jets.

They Really Said It!

Dobson
: All monuments, from the simplest to the most elaborate, stand erect on the closed books of the lives of our dearly departed.

Betcha Didn't Know

Clark Paylow's career in film spanned forty years. Among his many credits is producer on Steven Spielberg's sci-fi hit
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
(1977).

George Mather worked as a production supervisor on the original
Star Wars
(1977), overseeing the miniature effects.

Trivia Quiz

What other project did scripters LewisS imeon and G. J.

Zinnerman contribute to?

A:
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
(1977)

B:
Battle Star Galactica
(1978 pilot)

C:
Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
(1979 pilot)

D: None of the above.