150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (61 page)

Mark and John Polonia were twin brothers who worked together on some twenty low-budget films between 1987 and 2008.

Trivia Quiz

Who gave the Polonia brothers an Independent Film Lifetime Achievement Award?

A: Director Bill Rebane

B: Actress Jacqueline Lovell

C: Director Jess Franco

D: Actor Brice Kennedy

Answer: D. Kennedy acted in nine of the brothers' films and gave them a special award during a surprise birthday party. If passion translated to talent, they and Ed Wood would be as celebrated as Orson Welles.

PRODUCER
Antonio Sarno

WRITERS
Massimo Felisatti, Fabio Pittorru, and Emilio Miraglia

DIRECTOR
Emilio Miraglia

STARS
Anthony Steffen (
Lord Alan Cunningham
), Marina Malfatti (
Gladys Cunningham
), Erika Blanc (
Susie
), and Giacomo Rossi-Stuart (
Dr.
Richard Timberlane
)

A nobleman (Steffen) is released from an insane asylum … only to find himself haunted by the ghost of his dead wife. Will he end up back in the booby-hatch, or will the secret behind her restless spirit be uncovered in time to save him?

Why It Sucks

The protagonist of the film, Lord Cunningham, is a wealthy, masochistic serial killer who gets his rocks off by picking up hookers and torturing them to death in his estate. The creators of this travesty obviously think the viewer should feel sympathy for this reptile. Worse, the “surprising twist” about the ghost was a tired cliché forty years ago.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Director Award goes to …
Emilio Miraglia for making a movie about which nothing positive can be said except “Erika Blanc is easy on the eyes.”

And the Worst Writer Award goes to …
Massimo Felisatti, Fabio Pittorru, and Emilio Miraglia for creating a collection of completely unlikeable characters and for ending their story with attempts at twists that are so lame and goofy that one has to wonder if anyone bothered to read the finished script.

Betcha Didn't Know

This Z-grade picture spawned a highly acclaimed poster.

Emilio Miraglia worked on roughly a dozen Italian films in a variety of behind-the-camera jobs before leaving the business in the mid-1970s. This film and
The Red Queen Kills Seven Times
were his biggest successes.

They Really Said It!

Lord Cunningham
: It's not unusual for a man to do strange things for kicks.

Trivia Quiz

Critics and fans refer to violent mystery films like
The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave
as “giallo pictures.” Where did the term originate?

A: With the first director who made such a film, Mario Giallo

B: A series of cheap paperback mystery novel adaptations which served as the beginning of the subgenre these films represent, books that were known for their yellow cover designs.
Giallo
is Italian for “yellow”

C: The title of an early violent Italian mystery movie

D: American film critic Roger Ebert, describing his squeamishness for movie violence to an Italian newspaper, in which he stated “I'm yellow … giallo”

Answer: B. These books were first published in 1929, but the term was used of a certain kind of mystery movie starting in the early 1960s

PRODUCERS
Godfrey Ho and Thomas Tang

WRITER
Duncan Bauer

DIRECTOR
Bruce Lambert

STARS
Glen Carson (Ford), George Dickson (George), Bruce Lambert (Bruce), Dinny Yip (Alan), and Christine Wells (Christine) A Hong Kong crime syndicate and an Evil Ninja Cult become embroiled in a turf war over who gets to sell illegal arms to the Arabs. A Good Ninja (Carson) and his girl sidekick (Wells), in the employ of the CIA, are tasked with putting a stop to all the armsdealing shenanigans.

Why It Sucks

Ninja Phantom Heroes
is an incoherent patchwork of a movie, cobbled together from scenes of a boring gangster/romance film and footage of grown men embarrassing themselves in ninja outfits. This is the worst of Godfrey Ho's efforts. The plotline involving two American ninjas, once good friends but now deadly enemies, is lame even by Ho standards.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Film Award goes to …
Godrey Ho for taking a dead project with too many characters in its story and adding a bunch of ninja nonsense.

And the Worst Acting Award goes to …
Everyone who dubbed voices for this picture. It's rare to hear voices acting as devoid of talent as we experience here.

They Really Said It!

Glen
: Now that we've exposed ourselves, we must be extra careful.

Betcha Didn't Know

“Bruce Lambert” is one of forty different confirmed pseudonyms used by producer/director Godfrey Ho. The Bruce Lambert actor who appears in this film may be the
real
Bruce Lambert, however.

Actor Richard Harrison blames Godfrey Ho for ruining his career after he “starred” in several Ho films via outtakes and cut scenes that originally came from other films.