2 Unhitched (10 page)

The three fairies’ pudgy faces brighten.

“We could tell you everything about her,” says Flossie.

Everything?
Just the word I wanted to hear. I suppress a wide smile.

“Once upon a time—”

Fairweather immediately cuts her off and rolls her eyes. “Flossie, we don’t have all day for an epic story. Jane can read all about it in
Grimm’s Fairy Tales.”

I want to stuff Fairweather’s mouth with an apple. She’s so damn rude and bossy. And she’s defeating the purpose of my trip.

“Jane, since we have so little time, why don’t you ask us each a question.”

Why can’t we at least play “twenty questions”? I need info. Lots of it.

“Me first,” says Flossie, raising her chubby hand like an eager schoolgirl.

Dragonballs. Just three questions. But I have a zillion! I need to narrow them down and choose wisely.
Think, Jane. Think!
Okay. Question #1. “What does the wh—I mean Aurora look like?”

Flossie chimes in first. “Well, let’s put it this way. They didn’t call her Sleeping Beauty for nothing. I was the one who gave her the gift of beauty. She has the face of an angel and a mane of hair that is beyond compare.”

I shudder inwardly. Just like the princess Gallant ran off with!

“Jane, do you have a question for me?” asks Fanta eagerly.

Question #2. “Did she ever have a relationship with Gallant?” Boy, that wasn’t subtle.

Fanta grins broadly. My heart thuds. I’m not sure I want to hear the answer.

“Ah, yes.”

Yes?
The word penetrates me like a bullet. I’m shell-shocked.

“When we disguised ourselves as peasants and kept Aurora hidden in the woods to protect her from her curse, Gallant used to send her secret notes all the time. Such beautiful words he wrote. So caring and loving. Aurora always wrote him back.”

My heart sinks to my stomach.
They were childhood sweethearts? They wrote each other love notes?

“Such a sweet, smart boy, that Gallant was. He used to address them to Briar Rose so that Malevolence wouldn’t get wind of where we were hiding her.”

“Who’s Malevolence?” I stammer. Crap! I meant to ask: “
Did she always sign them ‘Forever, Aurora’”?
Damn it! I just blew my third and final question.

A dark cloud descends on the three big-butt fairies. Their lips press together into hard, grim lines. Silence. Finally, Fairweather answers.

“Malevolence is a distant relative. A dark, sinister fairy also known as The Mistress of Evil. She was not invited to Aurora’s christening but showed up anyway.”

“She was angry, very angry,” chimes in Flossie.

“And she bestowed upon Aurora the curse of death,” adds Fanta.

Fairweather shoots her sisters a dirty look. “Shut up, you two. I’m telling the story. More specifically, she proclaimed that Aurora would prick her finger on a spindle and die. The terrible day came on her sixteenth birthday. We were busy making preparations for her Sweet 16.”

Fairweather pauses for a moment and sighs. “It was our fault. We should have been more on our guard.”

Flossie and Fanta bow their heads in shame.

Fairweather takes a deep breath and continues. “Thank goodness, we were able to save her by using our magic powers and putting our beautiful princess into a deep sleep.”

“We were a little rusty,” giggles Flossie. “We accidentally ended up putting the entire kingdom to sleep.”

“But we covered it up by saying our little faux pas was on purpose,” smiles Fanta.

Fairweather’s mouth drops open. “Shame on you two! How could you give away one of our best kept secrets?”

Flossie shrugs apologetically while Fanta cowers with fear. Fairweather continues to give them her stink eye. I’m growing impatient. Enough about Malevolence. I want them to get back to Gallant and Aurora. Fairweather continues.

“The spell worked like this: Aurora—and everyone else—would awaken after she was kissed by her true love.”

Her true love?
My ears are burning
. And…

“Lo and behold, Prince Phillip came along, kissed her, and broke the spell.”

“Wait!” I cry out. “What happened to Gallant?” Uh oh! That’s my fourth question! I’ve exceeded my limit. I’ll never find out!

“He battled the dragon,” replies Fairweather. Phew! No one’s counting anymore.

“What dragon?” I’m confused. Very confused.

“Sorry, I forgot to mention that Malevolence had the power to transform into a monstrous fire-breathing black dragon.”

So, Mr. Smooth Operator, Phillip, got to the Sleeping Slut first and literally fed Gallant to the coals. No wonder Gallant wasted no time wakening Snow White with a kiss. He didn’t want to be burned again, no pun intended.

In my spinning head, I begin to piece it all together. Aurora’s probably always had a thing for Gallant, her first love. And now for whatever reason she and Phillip are in splitsville, and she’s making the moves on him. And he’s falling in love with her all over again. I want to vomit!

Something startles me and stops me in my thoughts. A rabbit scampers over my feet. We’re in the Enchanted Garden, where the extreme makeover party is going to take place. I’ve been so wrapped up with this Sleeping Beauty story that I’ve lost track of my surroundings. The sunlight contrasts sharply with the darkness filling my heart.

“Jane, what do you think about our new and improved Enchanted Garden?” asks Flossie. She sounds sickeningly cheerful.

“It looks great,” I mumble, still in shock from what I’ve learned from the Badass Fairies. Truthfully, it looks the same as it did before, with its overgrown patches of fruits, vegetables, and herbs. The Queen of Hearts, the cheapskate that she is, probably skimped here.

Ahead of us, a handful of bizarre looking people are picking fruit and setting picnic tables. One of them has wings of bright orange hair sprouting from under his tall, crazy hat. Another has a blue beard that extends to his knees. Of course, Bluebeard. Inmates. A maniacal fire burns in their eyes. They make me feel more unsettled than I already am. In fact, frightened as I’m reminded that I used to be one of them. I’ve had enough.

“Let us introduce you to some of our new inmates,” says Fanta.

“They’re an extremely challenging group,” adds Fairweather.

Obviously. Not one of them is dancing or singing “lalala.”

“You’ll be such an inspiration to them,” chimes in Flossie.

I need to get out of here. I don’t have any time to be anyone’s rehab goddess. Nor do I want to be. It’s too late. Fanta and Flossie grab me by the arms and pull me over to a tall, wiry man wearing a tattered topcoat. He’s playing an eerie tune on a musical instrument. A flute, I think. There’s madness in his eyes. The hypnotic melody makes my skin crawl.

“Jane, say hello to the Pied Piper.”

The man leans into me until the instrument is right under my nose. His carnal eyes burn a hole in me. The hair on the back of my neck rises.
Get away from
me, you creep!
I jump back.

“Don’t worry, Jane, He won’t hurt you,” says Fanta. “He prefers little children.”

Flossie, on tiptoes, whispers in my ear. “He’s a pedophile. The first we’ve had here.”

An image of Calla flashes into my head. My sweet little girl. Thank goodness, she’s safely at home. I hope The Queen’s not bringing her along to the party.

The fairies drag me over to another inmate. The one with the tall hat. He’s pouring tea.

“Jane, this is the Mad Hatter.”

He removes his hat and bows down to me. “’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; all mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe.”

I don’t need to hear a word more. He’s definitely mad! There’s even a teapot on top of his crazy hat.

As the Badass Fairies tow me away, he shouts out, “What a lovely head you have. Can I hat you?”

I shudder. This place is whacked. Even more whacked than I remember.

“He’s here for animal cruelty,” Fanta tells me.

“He once even tried to stuff a poor dormouse into a teapot,” adds Flossie.

“The Queen almost had his head but The King convinced her to send him here instead,” says Fairweather.

I don’t want to know more. About him or any of these nutjobs. I just want to get out of here. To my dismay, the Badass Fairies usher me over to a frail, fine-boned woman with long, straggly gray hair, who is picking wild flowers. At one time, she may have been extremely beautiful. Even now, beauty transcends her haggardness. She lifts her head, and her eyes, purple with a rim of gold around the irises, connect with mine with disturbing intensity. There’s something frighteningly familiar about her.

“Who is she?” I ask.

“We don’t know,” replies Fairweather. “She was found wandering, close to death, in the Forbidden Forest. She hasn’t spoken a word since her arrival.”

The women’s full lips curl into a faint smile before parting. “Jane.” She says my name softly, almost like a prayer. It reverberates inside my head, sending a shiver up my spine.

How does she know my name? Did one of the Badass Fairies tell her about me?

Without taking her eyes off me, she stretches her withered, bony hand toward my face and brushes her fingers against my cheeks.

Her touch, tender but disturbing, sends a shockwave through me. I jump back. Get me out of here! Get me far away from Faraway and all these loonies. They’re making me insane. I don’t belong here anymore!

“I’ve got to go,” I say, panic in my voice.

“But, Jane, you’ll miss our tea party,” says Flossie.

“The Royal Family will be here any minute,” adds Fanta.

The Queen! Midas! That cheating asshole Gallant! I can’t let them see me here!

Calling upon every muscle in my body, I break loose of Flossie and Fanta’s tight grip and run madly back toward the entrance…

Smack into Fairweather. How did she get here? Magic, I suppose. She blockades me with her buxom body and looks straight into my eyes.

“Jane, there is something we didn’t tell you that you must put in your story.”

Oh, God. She’s going to tell me that Aurora and Gallant had a little romp in the woods.

“Everyone thought Gallant killed Malevolence. But he didn’t. She survived.”

Okay. I can handle that.

“Eventually, your father, The Huntsman, caught her and brought her to Faraway. But she managed to escape.”

What?
I thought no one ever escaped Faraway. That’s what Shrink told me. The liar!

“She fooled us all by morphing into a fire-breathing dragon once again.”

Information overload. “Why do I need to know this?”

“Because, Jane, she’s out there. Hiding somewhere in the Forbidden Forest that separates Faraway from the rest of Lalaland. Sometimes, I see her flying over us at night when there’s a full moon.”

I flashback to the night I tried to escape from Faraway. Pretending to be Fanta, I was wearing her magic wings and flying high in the sky. Just when I thought I had the flying thing down, a dragon came after me in hot pursuit. Roaring. Full of rage. Shooting its fiery breath at me. The flames singed my wings, and I fell from the sky. I would have died had I not landed on a tree branch.

A shudder runs through me. It must have been Malevolence.

“Be careful, Jane. She’s Lalaland’s most wanted criminal, and she’s out for revenge.” Fairweather releases me.

My body quakes.

Mission accomplished. Back in my coach, I head back to Lalaland, peering out the window. The darkening autumn sky mirrors my mood. My visit to Faraway has left me drained and disheartened. The Badass Fairies told me what I needed to hear. Not what I wanted to hear. Gallant and Aurora were childhood sweethearts. They’ve always had a thing for each other. A thing called love. A mixture of hatred, jealousy, and sadness courses through me.

The tears that I’ve been holding back trickle down my cheeks. The evidence is piling up like dirt. I’d better keep track of it all. Why not start now on the long, depressing ride home? From my purse, I take out my favorite stylus and the sheet of parchment I brought along (in case I got an inspiration for my next children’s book) and start writing everything down.

MY GROWING LIST OF EVIDENCE

(WORK IN PROGRESS)

1. Aurora’s love letter.

2. Steamy steam room gossip—Aurora’s split from Philip. (Gallant himself substantiated it.)

3. Gallant’s late night disappearances.

4. Gallant—thinks I’m fat (okay, it’s more like he hasn’t said I look thin lately.)

5. Gallant—seeing Aurora but pretending they have a business relationship. (“We’ve been meeting.”)

6. Gothel’s jealous behavior; she’s worried that I’ll soon be single again and available for Hook.

7. Gallant—his audacity to invite Aurora to Princess Swan’s coming out party. Embraced her and stealthily slipped away with her!

8. Badass Fairies’ story—Gallant and Aurora were childhood sweethearts!

9. Fact: Aurora married the wrong prince and wants Gallant back.

10. TBD (I’ll come up with something.)

I read over my list. There’s a shitload of incriminating stuff. The list actually makes me feel a little better. I’m glad I wrote it down. I definitely have enough evidence to prove that Gallant is having an affair with Aurora. Wait until I show this list to those naysayers—Winnie and Shrink. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces.