3 Straight by the Rules (30 page)

She hurried over to me, bracelets jangling.  “You know those thirty-five clients you’ve got left on your list?”

“How could I forget?”

“Guess who found a way to tempt them all at once?”

“You’re kidding me!”  When she continued to grin, I yipped with joy and hugged her.  “How did you manage it?”

“Honestly, it was a miracle.”  She spread the blueprints on my kitchen table.  “I knew all those people work for the same company, but this morning, there was a note on my desk telling me all thirty-five would be attending a seminar today.”

In my experience, miracles were never performed in Hell, so I asked to see the note.  Immediately, I recognized Patrick’s precise penmanship.  Below the message about the seminar was a brief note: “Harmony told me that you needed some help.”  I smiled.  Okay, maybe miracles in Hell were possible if they were performed by a fallen angel.

Although tempting nearly three dozen people at once intimidated me, I had a wonderful, anticipatory feeling knowing I’d walk away from the job as a free woman.

Delilah rubbed her chin.  “The question now is, what’s the best way to tempt all those people?”

As we studied the blueprints, a few commonalities emerged.  All thirty-five clients were married men with children, and they all shared the same set of vices: overachieving workaholics who were driven to succeed.  It didn’t surprise me to learn that their family lives sucked.  All were distant father figures and unsupportive husbands.

“I have to make them do something they don’t want to do, right?”

Delilah nodded.

I bit my lip, thinking.  Maybe I could persuade them to give money to charity.  Although, that wasn’t much of a challenge since most people will willingly toss their pocket change into a collection basket.  No, I needed something they
really
didn’t want to do.

Delilah rubbed her eyes and wearily sank into a chair.  “You got any coffee?”

As I fetched a mug from the cupboard, she sat at the table and flipped through a Naughty Nancy catalog.  I kept throwing those things away, yet Corrine kept leaving them around my apartment.

“This is the nastiest stuff I’ve ever seen,” Delilah said.  “Fur-lined handcuffs?  Is this a succubus catalog?”

I laughed.  “No.  It’s home party stuff that my neighbor sells.  It’s trashy, I know.”

“Well, this is kinda nice.”  Delilah held up the Sweetheart Collection insert and pointed to a hot stones spa gift set.  “Have you ever had one of these types of massages?”

I nodded.  To the uninitiated, having warm, basalt stones put on your back might not seem like a big deal, but believe me, it’s heavenly.  In fact, it’s one of my favorite ways to relax.

“My husband used to get me all kinds of fancy lingerie for my birthday.”  She snorted.  “Like that was any kind of treat for
me
.”

On Valentine’s Day, Ted used to lay in bed wearing nothing but a smile and a pair of boxers with red hearts on them.  Then he’d say that he had an
enormous
present for me to unwrap.  The memory still made me roll my eyes.  “Real women want couples massages and candlelit dinners,” I said.

 “You got that right.”  She tossed the catalog aside, disgusted.  “Who am I kidding?  I don’t need a spa in my office; I need to get to get out of Hell.”  She drained her coffee and stood.  “I better finish some of those reports before the old lady throws a fit.”

“I can’t help get you into Heaven, but after this job is finished, I’m treating the two of us to a spa day,” I told her.

Delilah put her hands to the small of her back and arched her spine.  Her vertebrae cracked loudly.  “Sounds good to me.”

I picked up the catalog insert.  Delilah was right; some of the Sweetheart Collection items weren’t too bad.  If Ted had spent as much time romancing me as he did building his orthodontics practice, we might still be married.  Then again, considering the naked model/actress I’d found in my bathtub, maybe not.

I was about to throw the catalog in the trash when I had an epiphany.  Immediately, I chased down Delilah.  “I know what I can do!”  When I told her, her face lit up in a smile so wide it could have lit the darkest room in Hell.

“That’s perfect,” she said.  “Perfect!  You’re a genius!”

“We make a great team,” I told her as we fist bumped.

I’d been wrong before.  There
was
synergy in Hell.

Corrine picked the phone up on the first ring.

“I changed my mind about hosting a party,” I said.

For a moment, she didn’t reply.  Then, carefully, she said, “Really?”

“Really.  But I want you to
only
bring the Sweetheart Collection inserts, got it?”

“Why?”

“You’ll see.  And, trust me, you’ll be making some major sales, so have plenty of order forms on hand.”

“If you say so,” she said doubtfully.

I hung up and smiled to myself.  It was time to stop being a succubus and start being a cupid.

According to Delilah’s notes, the training seminar was being held in a meeting room on the first floor of the company’s office building.  It was an all-day event complete with a catered lunch.  I decided I would hijack the podium at noon, give my speech, and let Corrine take things from there.

The setup went smoothly.  Evelyn agreed to pick up Ariel from basketball camp and keep her occupied for a few hours.  Corrine promised to text me when she’d arrived at the event.  And I put on a demure, gray dress and sensible heels before heading into the otherworld.

As I strode down Hell’s hallways, I rehearsed my speech.  If I wanted to touch all thirty-five hearts, I’d need a powerful presentation.  Also, I should work the room afterwards.  If I spent a few minutes with each man in order to remind him how special his wife and children were, that should guarantee…

I paused.  Where
was
I?  My tired legs told me that I’d been walking for quite a while.  Normally, it only took a few minutes to reach the proper doorway.  I should have found it by now.

My demon insisted I keep moving.  I started to obey, but then stopped, suspicious.  The hallway I stood in was a mirror image of every other hallway in Hell.  It was impossible to pinpoint my location.  “Where are we going?” I asked.

My succubus smiled evilly, and I realized I’d been tricked.  I could see flashes of her psyche.  She was outraged by my good deeds.  She hated me for forcing her to give up Tommy.  She was also sickened by the fact that I truly loved Grace, Ariel, Jasmine, and my dad.  She’d had enough of me and wanted to teach me a lesson.

My mouth went dry, and my heart sped up.  I was lost in the middle of Hell.  Without my demon’s sense of direction, I’d never find my way home.  I started to retrace my steps, but that was pointless.  The place was a maze.

Immediately, I opened my mouth to shout for William or Delilah, but my succubus snapped my jaws shut and held them so tightly it was like they’d been cemented together.

I cursed her, and she laughed at me.  Furious, I opened the closest doorway and found myself standing beneath a freeway overpass.  There was no telling what city it was.  I tried another door, but this one opened up on a desert landscape.  Door number three led to a swamp.  My succubus grinned evilly.  She could play this game all day.

Although time in Hell passed strangely, I could feel the minutes on Earth tick by.  If I didn’t get to the meeting soon, my opportunity would be lost.  The seminar would end, my clients would disperse, and I’d have to return to tempting them one by one.  “What are you trying to do, piss off Helen?” I demanded of my succubus.  “Because if we don’t finish this job soon, you know she’s going to be furious.”

My succubus shrugged.

“You might not care, but
I
do!  In fact, if you don’t get me to that seminar, I’ll rat you out to Helen!”  I gave her a mental glare.  “I’m not taking the blame for something
you
did.  Got it?”

I held my breath as my succubus mulled this over.  She hated making Helen angry as much as I did.

To my relief, my inner demon finally agreed.  In fact, she seemed downright cheerful as she led me to the proper doorway.

I walked into a bland meeting room.  Corrine stood at the podium addressing a hostile crowd of men who glared at her while they ate their salads.

Corrine, sweat beaded on her forehead, stumbled through her sales talk.  “Uh, the Naughty Nancy company, uh, has a new line of, uh…”

Seeing me, Corrine, glared.  She put her hand over the microphone.  “Where the
hell
were you?” she demanded.

“Exactly,” I said.

Throwing my succubus into overdrive, I approached the podium and sent out a smile so brilliant that every man in the room stopped eating to watch me.  “Gentleman, I want you to take out pictures of your wives.”

Hypnotized by my demon’s power, they immediately complied.  Some removed photos from their wallets while others brought up pictures on their phones.

“Now, remind yourselves of your wedding day.  Picture your wife as she was coming down the aisle.”  To my delight, there were smiles around every table.

To my relief, my succubus played along, boosting her irresistible allure and making sure that her power reached out to every corner of the room.  Even Corrine looked glassy-eyed.

“Think back,” I said.  “When’s the last time the woman in your life made you happy?”  I took the microphone from the holder and wandered among the tables, all the better to throw around the Devil’s shine.  I stopped next to an middle-aged man with a hawkish nose who smiled at the picture he held.  “What are you thinking of?” I asked.

“Katie gives me a backrub every day when I come home from work,” he said.  “No matter how late I come in.”

I patted his shoulder and moved on.  “What about you?” I asked a young man with a wedding ring so shiny it looked like he’d been married the day before.

“Every time I see Laura, I smile,” he said.

All the men were so happy that the room seemed enveloped in a nice, soft glow.  “Now, when’s the last time you made your
spouse
smile?” I asked.

Immediately, the glow faded.  Most of the men looked away from their photos.  Many shifted uncomfortably in their seats.  This came as no surprise.  After reading their charts, I knew they all suffered from the same, major vice: they took their families for granted.

“Men, it’s time to show the women in your lives how much you appreciate them,” I said.  “I want you to do something nice for them today by giving them the best gift you can: your time.”

At this suggestion, emotions tightened.  I was met with a wall of resistance.  Even if they knew it was the right thing to do, these type-A personalities did not want to leave the office.  I could tell by their frowns and headshakes that I was losing them.  They were thinking of their promotions and bonuses, of their responsibilities at the job.

Luckily, my succubus was still onboard.  She sent out more glamour than I’d ever seen her use before.  At the surge of otherworldly shine, the men’s hearts began to melt once more.  Their eyes drifted back to the pictures of their wives.  My succubus jumped up and down with glee.  Now!  This is the moment to get them!

I agreed.  “Show your appreciation by going home and cleaning the house for them.  Cook them dinner.  Give them foot rubs.  Run errands so that your wife has time to soak in a bubble bath.”

I made my way to the front of the room.  “You can also show your appreciation by buying your wife something for
her
.  Something that tells her you understand how hard she works, and how she needs to pamper herself.”  I handed the microphone to Corrine.