31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) (16 page)

‘I hope in a good way?’ he asked, as his brow
raised and a smile appeared on his face.

‘An excellent way. I’m so sorry, that was
insubordinate of me.’

‘Not at all. I’m glad you’ve noticed the change.’

‘You’re really happy with your new man?’

‘Ecstatic. I had no idea how unhappy I actually
was, until you pointed out my demeanour at work was less than desirable. It
forced me to sit down and have a difficult conversation with my wife and put me
on the right path. Now I may be speaking out of turn, but I never had children
of my own and I feel very protective of you. It bothers me that you’re not
happy. I wouldn’t presume anything, I appreciate that there’s pretty much
always a divide between boss and employee, but if you need someone to talk to
you can come to me. I promise our discussions would go no further, they
wouldn’t impact on my view of you as my Junior Partner, and certainly wouldn’t
influence me if your arse needed kicking in any way in the future.’

‘I don’t know what to say,’ I replied, as my eyes
found new tears. ‘Shit. You’re going to make me cry, just as my swollen eyes
were starting to go down.’ I fluttered my hands in front of my face and John
reached out and took one between his.

‘Are you free on Friday night? I’d like to take
you to dinner. If you don’t want to confide in me that’s fine. But I promise I
shall regale you with tales of my blissful life if you don’t.’

‘How about we agree to split the conversation and
the bill 50/50?’ I smiled.

‘Conversation agreed, bill most certainly not. I
may be gay but I still have chivalrous principles,’ he chuckled, making me
laugh. ‘I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty if that’s ok with you?’

‘Perfect. Though I’ll look like a bloated whale
with lunch and dinner out in one day.’

‘Nonsense. If anything you need to put on some
weight. The first topic of conversation will be how you can afford to live in Pavilion
Mews on the salary I pay you,’ he nodded.

‘O God, you’d better be prepared for a late
night.’

‘Dancing?’ he enquired, with a hopeful look on his
face.

‘Only if you take me to the most outrageously
fabulous gay club you know, I’d love a carefree night where no one’s hitting on
me,’ I grinned. He patted my hand before releasing it.

‘Girlfriend we have a deal, you’ll be my new fag
hag,’ he exclaimed in his campest possible voice as he clapped his hands
excitedly. I burst into a fit of girlish giggles at his stereotypical attempts
to cheer me up. I doubted anyone would suss that John was gay and I couldn’t
wait to hear his story. I returned to my office remarkably more cheerful,
picking up a coffee along the way. I’d been working for a few hours when my
phone rang.

‘Hi Natasha, who do you have for me?’ I asked. I
was call screening in case Dan rang to check on me.

‘Brooke Hanson. She sounded rather put out when I
asked who she was and what it was regarding. It’s best I don’t repeat her
answer.’

‘God, I’m so sorry Natasha, I’ll have words with
her,’ I sighed. I could only imagine Brooke’s response.

‘No need, I’m used to it and she actually made me
laugh.’

‘Yes, she has a habit of doing that,’ I smiled.
‘Put her through, but knock on my door if you get any important calls for me as
she may be on a while.’

‘Sure thing, Miss Baxter.’

‘Regardless of my job title it’s still Ellie,’ I
reminded her. She laughed and hung up. ‘Good afternoon, Brooke.’

‘What the fuck was with the French inquisition?’
she demanded.

‘Spanish.’

‘She’s
Spanish
? She has a bloody cockney
accent.’

‘That’s because she’s a Londoner through and
through, it’s the Spanish inquisition, not the French inquisition.’

‘Whatever Miss “I’ve got a bloody degree in some
arty fucking farty” … whatever.’

‘Did you get out of bed the wrong side?’ I asked.

‘I’m pissed with you. Again.’

‘What have I done this time?’ I objected.

‘Ermmm hello? You got back from Scotland last
night and I’ve not had a damn update. I feel like I don’t even have a best
friend anymore,’ she moaned.

‘Don’t be so melodramatic,’ I laughed. ‘I’m sorry,
ok? Things … things didn’t go so well after I spoke to you yesterday and I just
needed to try and get some sleep before this meeting today.’

‘How not well?’ she sighed.

‘As in it’s over, we won’t be seeing each other
anymore and stop
right
there,’ I ordered as she went to interrupt. ‘I’m
at work, I can’t deal with this now, ok?’

‘Want Molly and I to come around with wine, a
takeaway, tissues, chocolate and ice cream?’ she offered.

‘Honestly? I’d love that.’

‘You need to talk to me babe, stop bottling it
up.’

‘I know, it’s nothing personal Brooke, really.
I’ve just been offloading on you for six damn months and I don’t want you
getting fed up of me.’

‘You’ve had years of me offloading. So as I’m in a
happy place for once, I’ll take whatever you need to dump on me, ok?’

‘Ok,’ I nodded. ‘You’re the best. Why are you
ringing me at work anyway? You usually facetime.’

‘Someone’s obviously stamped on another iPhone to
avoid Arsehole Three as you haven’t replied to the five times I’ve tried you,’
she scolded. I could just imagine her scowling down the phone.

‘No stamping, but I think I put it on silent for
the meeting. Sorry.’

‘Apology accepted and you’d better apologise to
the Spanish chick too as I gave her what for when she fired loads of questions
at me.’

‘I’ll apologise to Natasha again for you don’t
worry.’

‘You
already
apologised? Without my
approval? Oooo you’re getting spanked later, babe,’ she laughed. ‘Anyway, isn’t
Natasha a Russian name?’

‘Brooke, seriously, I love you for ringing me and
all but I’m at work, I have deadlines to meet.’

‘Yeah, I guess I’d better go do Mr. Greedy’s back
wax. Urghhh, the thought of his pale blotchy wobbly bloated flesh and all that
hair makes me want to heave without even seeing it for real. You could plonk
him in Borneo and a fucking gorilla would try and mate with him that’s how damn
hairy he is. Ewwww, I think I just vomited slightly in my mouth at the thought
of it.’

‘Right there with you,’ I shuddered. ‘Love you.’

‘You too, babe. Hang in there, only four hours to
Brolly love.’

‘Brolly love?’

‘My idea, Brooke and Molly, Brolly. How cute is
that?’ she giggled.

‘Precious,’ I laughed. ‘Better than Mooke I
suppose. See you later.’

‘Ok, ok I can take a hint. So do you want Cantonese
or curry? Peanut M&M’s or Chocolate Buttons? Champers or wine? O my God, we
had
the
most
amazing
wine the other night, shall I bring three or
four bottles of that?’

‘Obviously you can’t take a hint, Miss Rambler. You
choose and I’ll go with the flow.’

‘Ok babe I’ll surprise you. I’m going to go now
and let you get back to the scintillating world of marker pens on documents.
Don’t forget I want first dibs on any seriously hot lesbian or bi erotica.
Actually I don’t mind reading about cock too, just because I’m not getting any
now, doesn’t mean I can’t read about it does it? Sorry, I know I’m going on,
but I’m really trying to take my mind off the fact I have to do an arsehole
bleach on him as well. I mean come on! That thing’s never going to see the
light of day. The only time it does is when I bleach the bloody thing and last
time he even farted when I was bending over trying to see what I was doing. I
swear I nearly lost vision in both eyes it was that rancid. I’m traumatised for
life. And Ellie?’

‘Please God, let that story be over,’ I sighed, as
I laughed and shook my head.

‘Dan’s a bloody idiot for not trying to win you
back.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. Love you.’

‘You too, now please go or I won’t be out until
midnight.’

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. See ya, babe.’

‘Bye, Brooke, I really have to go so I’m hanging
up right now so don’t be offended, ok?’ I could hear her still talking as I put
the phone down. I looked up at the photo of her and Molly on my desk and
smiled. We’d taken it at Covent Garden, Molly had just stuck her ice cream cone
in Brooke’s face and she was laughing while Brooke had a complete look of shock
on hers. You could just see the love they had for each other oozing out of them
though. It always made me smile looking at that. I took a deep breath before I
looked at the other picture. The one of Dan in his boxers in the snow. I gulped
and quickly put it face down. If he was going to torment me in my thoughts, he
sure as hell wasn’t going to be in my line of sight as well. I turned my
attention back to the manuscript I needed to finish before I left for the
evening. The thought of a fun night with Brolly was all the encouragement I
needed to crack on and lose myself in my job, instead of the painful emptiness
of my heart.

Saturday 12
^th
July ~ Year One

Dan

I touched down in London
to find James waiting for me. He rolled his eyes when I carried my own case and
loaded it into the open boot myself.

‘You can always become Logan’s full time driver if
you’re going to keep rolling your eyes at me,’ I advised, as I gave him a
friendly slap on the shoulder.

‘Surely Sir wouldn’t subject me to that? I still
haven’t recovered from his “Filthy for the Night” fantasy appointment.’

‘Yes,’ I laughed. ‘He did tell me that he had to
pay you a massive bonus for that night.’

‘He
told
you, Sir?’ James uttered, looking
horrified.

‘Not the particulars, no. He’s very discreet. Just
that he asked you to witness something that went against your moral code. Do I
need to give you a raise? Are you struggling?’

‘Not at all, Sir. You pay me very well indeed. But
the extra payment Mr. Steele offered coincided with our wedding anniversary, so
I wanted to do something special for her.’

‘What did you do?’ I asked as I ducked into the
car. He shut the door and climbed into the driver’s side.

‘I paid for a long weekend in Paris in a five star
hotel, with dinner on the Eiffel Tower where I went on one knee and gave her a
proper engagement ring,’ he beamed as he recalled the events.

‘A “proper” engagement ring?’

‘When I first proposed I couldn’t afford a quality
one, Sir. With Mr. Steele’s money on top of your generosity I was able to buy
her the ring she deserved. She was thrilled, though refused to remove the old
one for “sentimental” reasons, which I just don’t understand at all. So my
expensive ring is now being worn on her right hand. I’m not entirely sure I
understand the female sex.’

‘You and me both, James.’

‘You seemed very sad the night I dropped you at
the airport.’

‘I was. I am. Still.’

‘Miss Baxter wasn’t the lady for you?’

‘No, she’s definitely the lady for me. It seems
I’m not the man for her.’

‘Please don’t take this as a signal of my
attraction to you Sir, but why not? You’re a handsome well-built masculine man,
you’re kind, generous and filthy rich. What’s not to love?’

‘Thank you, James,’ I smiled sadly. ‘She loves me,
she loved me without even knowing I had money, which makes it all the more hard
that she still can’t accept me.’

‘Because of Miss Moira?’

‘Actually no, she’s prepared to accept that
situation on the proviso that I seek therapy with a view to one day making a
decision,’ I replied. ‘The problem is … children,’ I sighed.
Was I really
talking to James about this?
He knew my situation, but I didn’t really talk
about it to anyone other than my parents, Magda and Logan. And Ellie now of
course.

‘I see, Sir. You don’t need to say anymore.’

‘Do you think I’m crazy?’

‘It’s not my place to give an opinion, Sir.’

‘What if I promise not to fire you or reduce your
salary?’ I enquired. What harm could it do to have another opinion? I hadn’t
been able to come up with an answer to the crazy question myself since I’d left
her.

‘I’m assuming that you love this woman?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed. How perverse that I could admit
that to my chauffeur and not Ellie herself.

‘Am I also correct that you’re a …’ he coughed and
hesitated for a moment, ‘dominant man?’

‘
Yes,
’ I replied cautiously.

‘My understanding is that a dominant man in love
with his woman places her welfare and happiness high on his list of priorities.
He wants to be everything to her, for her to need him and only him, to
crave
him. Should not giving that woman something she so desperately desires be part
of a dominant’s role?’

‘Are these uncanny insights and observations inherent
in your nature, or formed as part of your military training?’ I asked, as I
looked at him in the rear view mirror. He’d just succinctly vocalised the very
thoughts that I’d been having for the last few days. I did want to make Ellie
happy, to give her everything she wanted, but the fear of losing her was still
overriding all logical rationale.

‘A little of both,’ he smiled.

‘Thank you for your candour,’ I nodded.

‘Any time, Sir. You’re a good man. You deserve
some happiness.’

‘So everyone keeps telling me,’ I sighed. If only
I could convince myself of that fact. He insisted on carrying my case into the
house when we arrived at my parents and I prepared myself for another grilling.

Ellie

I woke up with a serious hangover and aching feet.
I’d had a simply hilarious and fun night out drinking and dancing with John
last night. He’d definitely lost the nickname “Captain Cranky.” I had no idea
he could be so funny. We’d enjoyed dinner then gone to a camp nightclub, with
men performing on podiums in feathered head dresses and gold spandex shorts,
where we’d knocked back too many cocktails. He’d coaxed a summarised version of
my fling with Dan from me and told me that I was too fabulous to waste my time
on a man who didn’t appreciate everything that I had to offer. He’d seen me
safely inside at four a.m. and it was now eleven and I was face down on my bed,
still fully clothed. I hadn’t even managed to remove my bloody shoes. I groaned
and tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dehydrated. I needed serious amounts
of water and caffeine, then a shower, then food. In that order. I spent the
afternoon working at my desk, I’d finally polished my novel to a level that I
was happy with. Now I had to let someone else run their professional eye over
it to give me some critique. I felt sick at the thought of it and had a new
found appreciation for how my clients felt handing their writing babies to me.
I jumped at the door bell ringing. Damn it, Brooke was early and I’d wanted to
finish some notes from another client’s book I was reading. I raced downstairs,
clutching my head with every bounce on each step.

‘You’re early and why aren’t you using your key?’
I scolded as I flung the door open, only for the bottom to fall out of my world
to be confronted with Dan.

‘I wasn’t aware you’d invited me,’ he replied, as
his eyes raked up and down my body. I crossed my arms across my chest feeling
self-conscious. I was only wearing a tiny pair of denim shorts and a ripped
crop t-shirt. He was all dressed up like … like some bloody male supermodel in
his jeans, waistcoat and a crisp white shirt looking all sexily fuckable. My
stomach was doing triple axles as I willed myself to at least say something.
‘Speechless? Something I thought I’d never see,’ he smiled.

‘And I thought I’d never see you again. What are
you doing here? I asked you to stay away from me, Dan. I couldn’t have been
clearer on the matter. We said our goodbyes on Wednesday.’

‘No, you said your goodbyes, I didn’t agree to
split up. I want you, Ellie. I’ve never bloody wanted anything more in my damn
life and you don’t get to give up on me that easily,’ he bit back as he stepped
over the threshold. I reached out with both hands to shove him back, no way was
he coming in here again turning my world upside down. I’d got off that
Merry-go-round and wasn’t prepared to get back on it again. He grabbed them and
quickly pulled them behind me, anchoring them in the small of my back as he
stepped even closer, his full body length pressing against mine as he backed me
against the wall. I could hear him breathing fast, feel his erection swelling
against my stomach, smell his manly spice aroma. Everything about him was
intoxicating.

‘Stop, please,’ I moaned, as I desperately
wriggled trying to break free. ‘You can’t keep
doing
this to me.’

‘If you tell me that you’ve stopped loving me I’ll
walk away right now, Ellie. But you can’t can you? You know deep in your gut
that you’ll never get over me, just like I’m never going to get over you. Stop
fighting
me.’

‘I don’t have any fight left, Dan. We want
different things, it’s never going to work no matter how much we may want it
too. Let me go,
please,
’ I pleaded. Every second in his presence broke
me that little bit more. Made me forget the reasons why we couldn’t be
together, but I needed to hold onto them, they were valid and I didn’t want to
settle for less anymore. I’d wasted five years with Zac, I was done. I held my
breath, my heart cantering as he lowered his face to mine, our lips almost
touching. The heat of his heavy breathing mingling with my own.

‘You’re asking so much of me,’ he sighed, as his
eyes penetrated mine. ‘Too much.’

‘Well if you think you can come here and I’ll be
some good little submissive and bend to your will, giving up everything I ever
wanted you can forget it,’ I bit. I was furious with him. Furious and turned on
by the need for me I could feel radiating off him.

‘I can give you so much more in return,’ he
murmured, as he let his lips meet the edge of mine and groaned. I snapped my
head to the side as my chest heaved.

‘You could buy me all the jewels in the world, but
none will ever make up for not having a baby,’ I moaned as he lay a soft trail
of kisses up my neck, applying pressure in just the right place to ruin my damn
knickers.

‘I deserve a chance to prove you wrong. Come back
to Scotland with me, live with me in the house. I’d take care of you like no
one ever will, Ellie.’

‘I know myself too well, I’d always have regrets
and I don’t want to be the person who forces you to turn off Moira’s machine so
you can marry me and give me the baby I desperately want. You’ll end up
resenting me for backing you into a corner, that’s not the sort of relationship
I’ve dreamed of,’ I moaned as some stray tears started to leech from my eyes. I
felt my body starting to tremble as all the hurt I’d tried to squash down since
he left a few days ago started to resurface.

‘God damn it, woman. I don’t
want
anyone
else. Since the moment I saw your damn picture you’re all I can think about.
Being away from you these last few days has been hell. I’ve booked a therapist,
I’m really trying but you need to meet me halfway.’

‘No,’ I exclaimed. ‘It shouldn’t be this hard,
Dan. From the minute we met it’s been so damn hard. My emotions are on a constant
spin cycle with you and I can’t live like that every day.’

‘But we’re meant to be, Ellie,’ he groaned as he
dropped his forehead onto mine and closed his eyes.

‘So were Romeo and Juliet and that sort of need
for each other killed them,’ I whispered. ‘You’re killing
me
, every time
we’re separated you take a piece of my heart with you. If you keep coming back
soon there’ll be nothing left but the scars inside where your fingers clawed the
last fragments out, and I’ll end up hating you. I don’t want to hate you. If I
can’t have you the way that I want to, then leave me with some happy memories
of you.
Please
,’ I begged, as I lost control and took in a pained gasp.
I heard him swallow hard between my sobs.

‘You’re telling me that in time you’d be happy
again, if I walked away and left you alone?’ he whispered and it was my turn to
close my eyes, the hurt in his voice was too much. I took in a shaky breath
between my tears.

‘Yes,’ I confirmed quietly, knowing I was lying.
I’d never be one-hundred percent happy without him. Not knowing what I’d lost.
I reopened my eyes and looked straight into his dull defeated ones, my bottom
lip losing complete control.

‘If I leave now Ellie I’m never coming back, this
is it. If I walk out of that door we’re done, for good. This was your choice
not mine and I’m not a forgiving man. You’d better be damn sure this is what
you want, as I don’t handle rejection well. Once I step outside you’ll never hear
from me again. I’ll refuse to take your calls, or answer your emails and if you
turn up in Scotland I’ll refuse to see you as well. Are you sure you’re ready
for that?’