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Nathaniel took off running and bolted through the
kitchen and then the back door. Dr. Mortimer rushed by me in
pursuit, but the killer vanished in the cold, snow-filled
night.

CHAPTER 33

We drove slowly over the icy streets. Dr. Mortimer
seemed sure where to find Nathaniel.

“So did you know your brother was a murderer the
entire time?” Kate asked. She was sitting up front and I wished she
hadn’t asked that. I knew that she wouldn’t be able to live with
the answer.

Dr. Mortimer was quiet. Then he sighed.

“No, not the entire time. Just since the fire. When
we arrived that night, I saw Nathaniel in the crowd and I followed
him into the woods. But I lost him. I couldn’t figure out what he
would be doing there and then later I read your story about the
body being found. I put it together, but I was hoping I was
wrong.”

He found my eyes in the rearview.

“Abby, you don’t even think twice about what he said
to you. It’s not true. None of it. He’s gone off the deep end. His
genius has betrayed him and it’s led him down a very dark path. We
performed CPR on you and that’s what saved you. You’re a miracle.
God’s miracle.”

I didn’t say anything. I wished I could believe him,
but I just wasn’t sure. He drove a little faster through the quiet
night.

“So it had nothing to do with the serum that he
injected into Abby?” Kate said. “You’re sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” he said as we pulled into the
hospital parking lot. It seemed like for one reason or another, we
were always pulling into this place. I was sick of it and never
wanted to see it again.

“He’ll be here. The serum is in the lab, along with
his research notes. He won’t leave town without them. It’s only a
matter of time before he shows up here and I’ll be waiting for him.
When I get him, I’ll call your police officer friend.”

Back at the house, Kate had been more than a little
embarrassed in front of James and his partner after Nathaniel had
disappeared through the back door. It was a strange scene and they
had no idea what was going on. Kate kept telling them that a killer
had just escaped and when Dr. Mortimer returned, he kept talking
about his brother needing psychological help. They soon left, but
told Kate to call them again if she found Nathaniel. They would
come back.

“They said they will come as soon as you call,” Kate
said.

“Good,” Dr. Mortimer said. “Because I know he’ll be
back here to pick up everything before light. And if I don’t get
him, he’ll vanish. He has the means to disappear for a long, long
time and he’ll just find another town to live in to conduct his
experiments. I have to get him here tonight.”

“Oh, he’ll be back here in Bend,” Kate said dryly.
“He’ll come for Abby. He made that real clear before he slipped
away.”

Dr. Mortimer sighed. I could feel his guilt and it
made me sad. The way I saw it, none of this was his fault, not
really. But he was consumed by it.

And then, of course, there was Kate. I was sure that
this wouldn’t sit well with her. She wouldn’t have liked that Dr.
Mortimer hadn’t called the police right away, that he protected a
murderer, even if it was his younger brother. It was a relationship
breaker.

“Then just get him tonight, Ben,” Kate said.

He nodded and glanced at his watch as he parked the
car.

“I want you two to go home, try to get some rest.
Especially you Abby. I’ll call you Kate as soon as I have him. I
promise.”

He handed her his car keys. We watched as he walked
in the snow toward the sliding glass doors.

CHAPTER 34

But Nathaniel got away.

On hindsight, it was foolish to think that we could
actually catch him. I thought about this as I walked to class.
Nathaniel was very methodical. Of course he had planned an escape.
He was always a few steps ahead of everybody.

Dr. Mortimer told us that he had confronted
Nathaniel at about three in the morning. A fight broke out, and
Nathaniel wrapped his arm around Dr. Mortimer’s neck and squeezed
until he passed out. It sounded like the same move I had seen him
use in my vision with the teacher.

Kate was a little suspicious of the story. I could
tell and she regretted leaving that night. It’s not that she was
calling Dr. Mortimer a liar, it was just that Nathaniel was his
brother and Kate understood those things. Blood was thicker than
water, she told me as she shrugged. Not everybody would be
comfortable turning their brother over to authorities. Maybe Dr.
Mortimer was like that. I wasn’t sure.

Dr. Mortimer said that Nathaniel would be in hiding
for a while, and that he wouldn’t come back for a long time. He
would leave me alone. He told me not to worry and that he would
protect me.

But it was hard not to worry. I knew Nathaniel would
never be too far for too long. After all, like he said. We were
somehow linked.

I told Jesse everything at lunch. He saw how upset I
was and moved next to me, even putting his arm around me to stop my
shaking. Amanda shot us a nasty look, but I just didn’t care
anymore. There were bigger things to think about now.

“Craigers, okay, now it’s time to let all this all
go. Move forward. Think about Abby for a change.”

I nodded. It felt so right sitting with Jesse. I
loved him even more than before. He was what I wanted.

“I still want to talk, you know. Not here, not now
at school. Stop avoiding it, damn it. I have things I need to say
to you.”

He pulled me tighter. He smelled good.

“All right, we’ll talk, I promise,” he said. “But I
have a coach I need to see about letting me back on the team and
then I’m helping the old man again at the garage. Wish me
luck!”

I was happy Jesse was trying to get back on the
team. It was where he belonged.

“I know you can do it. Make him listen. And stop
skipping practice or I’m gonna lock up your snowboard until
summer.”

Jesse laughed. It was a thick and hearty chuckle and
it made me smile just hearing it.

“Okay, gotta get going,” he said and walked off.

I threw out my trash and went to the library. I was
really going to try harder for the rest of the semester. Maybe I
could get my grades up, at least a little.

I thought about Dr. Mortimer. I couldn’t blame him
for not wanting Nathaniel to go to jail. I knew Kate didn’t feel
the same, but I wouldn’t let anybody take Kate away from me. The
way I saw it, it was what families did. I was hoping Kate would see
it that way eventually.

After school, I headed over to Dr. Krowe’s office. I
was expecting him to bring up visiting the lake again. He was
right. I was ready and I decided that I would go in the spring,
when the weather was better. Different.

I also decided that I was ready to talk to him.
About everything. The visions, the Mortimer brothers, how I had
seen the college teacher dead in the river. I knew Dr. Krowe was a
key to my healing and I was hoping that by telling him everything,
I would get something in return. That all the memories that were
trapped at the bottom of that dark lake would rise up and come back
me.

CHAPTER 35

I saw it in the distance as we pulled onto a gravel
road. Dr. Krowe and Kate were in the front seat. It was May now,
but there was still snow on the banks. The water shimmered in the
sun.

I told them that I needed a few minutes by myself.
They stayed in the car as I walked up to the lake, the warmth
feeling good on my face. It was time. Time to face it.

I knew Jesse would be there. He was standing at the
edge of the water, throwing stones and watching them skip playfully
across the surface.

“Hey, Craigers,” he said as I walked up. I smiled
and gave him a long hug. It was good to be held in his arms.

“Hey, Jess,” I said.

We sat down on a log. He twirled a pine needle
between his fingers. The sun was shifting in the trees that were
blowing in the wind. It felt like summer: free, breezy, relaxed.
Days where he would ride his skateboard alongside me or we would go
to the farmer’s market or shoot some hoops. Or play soccer, just
the two of us, at the park by the river, Jesse in goal and me
slamming in shots one after another.

Jesse adjusted his hat, squinted from the
brightness.

“So, Dr. Krowe has really helped you, huh?” he
said.

I nodded.

Even in my black and white world, Jesse looked so
real. I put my hand on his shoulder.

“You needed help, that’s all,” he said. “So I
figured I should stay around a little longer. And they let me. I
kept waking up in my old bed every morning, smelling bacon from the
kitchen, hearing my dad talk to himself while he made coffee. I
just figured I’d stay and help until you were okay to be on your
own.”

He pushed up his hat to the very tip of his head
revealing the huge, horrible scar that ran across his entire
forehead, from where he had gone through the windshield last March
when we were driving back from the mountain. I put my fingers on
it, rubbed it. It felt real, too. Big, fat tears started rolling
down my face as I traced over it.

“So, you understand then,” he said. “That I don’t
live in this world anymore.”

“Yeah, I remember now, Jesse.” I held his hand. “I
remember everything.”

We were coming back from Mt. Bachelor. We had just
finished the best day ever of snowboarding. The snow had been fresh
and perfect, pure powder magic. We had great runs and ended the day
with a cheeseburger and fries at the lodge, and then started
driving back home.

Metallica blasted in the background. Jesse was
driving his blue Land Rover. Too fast, as usual. I never told Jesse
to slow down, but I remember that on that day I had on account of
the weather. And he did, for a while, but picked up speed again. He
was always such a speed freak. He couldn’t help it. On the
basketball court, behind the wheel. It was just who he was.

He passed cars that were going slow. Music filled
the car, drum solos pounding behind our conversation. We were
talking about Amanda. She had wanted to go snowboarding with Jesse
and didn’t like that we were hanging out together so much. Amanda
knew what was developing. She had sensed something was happening
between us, now that I had split up with Conner. She knew that
Jesse loved me.

“Okay, don’t get mad,” he said as we drove. Big
flakes were falling and sticking to the car. There were thick
patches of ice on the road. “I didn’t tell her you were coming up
with me today. I told her I needed to think about our relationship
on my own. So if she asks, you weren’t here.”

A wave of guilt radiated through me. I didn’t like
lying, didn’t like sneaking around. I didn’t know what would end up
happening with us, but they had been together for a while. And
seriously together. I didn’t want to be the cause of the breakup.
It made me feel terrible.

But it was obvious, and Jesse knew my feelings for
him had changed since the night under the stars. We loved each
other.

“Don’t worry, Craigers, I’ll fix this. It’ll all be
fine,” and he placed his hand on my thigh and the music was loud
and my heart thumped like crazy and I felt so good inside.

“Okay,” I said.

“I feel bad too, you know, but I don’t love her. I
love you. Always have. I wish it hadn’t played out like this, but
I’ve been waiting for you since we were kids,” he said, his green
eyes melting into mine. “I’m not ever letting you go.”

And then we hit the ice.

“So your memory is back,” he said.

“Yeah, seems so,” I said, more tears streaming down
my face.

Jesse sighed a heavy, sad sigh. It was the saddest
sigh I had ever heard in my entire life.

“It’s all my fault. I was so stupid. I am so, so
very sorry,” he said, pushing my tears away with the back of his
hand. “You and my dad were right. I was always going too fast. I’m
an idiot. Don’t you see? I ruined us.”

“Jesse,” I said, “you need to forgive yourself.”

He shook his head, but I could see his eyes were
filled and glassy. It broke my heart to see him so sad.

I put my head on his shoulder and felt his arm
around me. We stared out at the lake. The sun was hitting the soft
waves at such a perfect angle now. It looked so beautiful. It was
hard to believe that it held such darkness.

“I hate this place,” he said.

“Do you come here a lot?” I asked.

“All the time,” he said. He pointed.

“See there, that’s where you went in. Somehow, you
flew out of the car before it crashed into the tree. You mustn’t
have had your seatbelt on, because you were thrown clear, right
into the lake. There was a layer of ice on top back then, of
course. You went through, but some guys pulled you out.”

I remembered that white surface cracking under my
weight and then the icy water engulfing me. My body was in shock. I
was so cold, and I was trying to hold my breath. I tried for as
long as I could until I couldn’t, until I had to breathe, inhale
that dark icy water. And then I sunk down.

“And there’s the tree that the car finally bashed
into,” he said, pointing again. “I died instantly. There was no
pain. I want you to know that. You’ve had a much harder time with
everything.”

I sighed.

I looked behind me. Dr. Krowe was in his car,
smoking, and Kate was doing something on her phone. He waved when I
looked back.

“What are you exactly? Are you just in my
imagination or a real ghost? I don’t understand really.”

Jesse stared out.

“I think I’m real. I feel real, but I’m not sure.
I’m in contact with others sometimes. They say that I’m trapped
between two worlds. Like you, Craigers.”

“What?”

“Well, you weren’t supposed to come back,” he said.
“You were supposed to have died with me. But the doctor pulled you
back as you were transitioning, just as you were coming over.”