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He paused.

“Abby, you’ve never spoken too much about your
accident. Maybe it’s time.”

I sat back again. My body tensed, but I had to be
brave. I had to go forward. I wanted more of my memories back. And
that last breakthrough happened when I was sitting in the same
chair, so I figured I might as well open up a little more.

“Would you like to talk a bit about it today? I
mean, it’s probable that your interest in the paranormal is
related. And perhaps it would be good to explore some of what
happened, as well as some of your feelings about it.”

I had done it. Pandora’s Box had been opened and
nothing was going to close it back up.

“Okay,” I said.

“What do you remember about that day?”

I thought for a moment. I hadn’t thought about that
day in a very long, long time. I had pushed it down far in my
mind.

“Nothing, really,” I said. “Just waking up in the
hospital. Everything was white and I was really sore. And scared.
Kate was crying next to me. Later they told me that I had drowned
in a lake and that I had died and they brought me back to life.
That’s about it.”

“What about before that. What do you remember before
you fell through the ice? Take a moment. What were you doing that
day?”

I sat back and closed my eyes. The soft, buttery
leather was comfortable and I heard the faint buzz of the heater
humming in the background. I tried to remember.

“I remember the lake,” I said. “I remember it was
white, that it looked like a snowy meadow.”

“Good. Stay with it, Abby. What were you doing on
the lake?”

I really didn’t know. I had no idea.

“I’m not sure,” I said.

“What time was it?”

“There is light in the sky. It must be the
afternoon, I guess. Maybe it’s snowing.”

“Good. And why are you on the ice?”

I smiled and opened my eyes.

“Because I’m a moron,” I said. “A big, huge
moron.”

I looked away to the trees outside trying not to cry
as Dr. Krowe wrote in his notebook.

“Come on, stay with it, Abby. It’s important. There
has to be a reason you are out there. Were you ice skating? Playing
hockey with your friends? Why are you on the ice?”

I thought some more but I really had no clue why I
was out there.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t remember. I don’t
remember anything about that day.”

“Except you’re sure about being a moron? Sure that
you would just walk out onto a frozen lake and fall in. You’re
positive about that.”

I shrugged.

“I don’t know. But, there’s something,” I said.

“Something, what?”

“Something I feel bad about. Something I did. That’s
why I think I’m a moron. I mean, obviously. I blew it, Dr. Krowe. I
fell through the ice, right? I mean, nobody made me go out there.
It was just me. And it was stupid. I lost my life in that lake,
regardless of what they brought back.”

I knew I sounded bitter and I didn’t want to be
bitter. But the words spilled out and I hadn’t been able to stop
them. I should have been appreciative, thankful for being alive and
brought back from that awful darkness that engulfed me in those 44
minutes.

Jesse had done the math. He had figured out that I
had been dead for 44 minutes.Exactly.

Dr. Krowe held his pen, waiting for more. But I
didn’t have anything more to say.

“I think we should go there, Abby. To the lake,” he
said, piercing the awkward silence. “I think you know there are
missing pieces and you could find them there. It’s up to you to
figure all this out, and I want to help.”

Chills shot through my body. The idea of going back
to the place of my nightmares made me want to vomit. I never wanted
to go back. Ever. I shook my head.

“No,” I whispered. “I can’t.”

“Well, it’s completely up to you,” he said. “I can’t
force it, but I’m pretty sure it would help in your recovery. There
are things you need to know, and I think you’re ready.”

I didn’t understand what he was talking about.
Although I wanted all my memories back, I didn’t see how returning
to the lake would help me get them. And it felt like it was too
high of a price to pay.

But something else inside, something deep, told me
to stop fighting, to face my fears.

“All right,” I finally said. “I’ll go back. But not
yet.”

“Good,” Dr. Krowe said, looking up from his notes.
“Good.”

CHAPTER 23

Kate and I headed to the hospital after I finished
my homework. It was cold outside, a dark winter night, but clear
with a zillion stars spread across the sky. On the way over, I
couldn’t stop thinking about what Dr. Krowe had said. It whirled
around my mind like a tornado as we walked up to the sliding glass
doors.

A lot of things had changed since the accident.
Everything actually. And it seemed like Dr. Krowe was telling me
that if I went to the lake where I drowned, my old life would float
back to me. Was it really that simple? I wasn’t really sure.

But the one thing that Dr. Krowe had asked burrowed
in my brain like a leech. What was I doing out on that frozen lake?
I wouldn’t have been ice skating and I was sure I wasn’t goofing
around, either. There had to be a reason. He was right. I needed to
figure that part out. I needed that particular memory back to make
sense of everything else. It was the key. I could feel it.

But first things first.

We planned on meeting Dr. Mortimer in the quiet
waiting room of the orthopedic section of the hospital. It was
empty. Framed paintings of the Cascade mountain range were hanging
on the walls, large leafy plants were in the corners, and big
overstuffed chairs were everywhere. It didn’t look anything like
the waiting room downstairs in the ER and I was betting that he
came here a lot on his breaks to catch a few minutes of peace.

We walked around looking at the art until we heard
the elevator. Dr. Mortimer walked out and we hugged. It was good to
see him.

“It feels like a long time since I’ve seen you,
Abby,” he said. His stethoscope hung around his neck and he wore
scrubs. “How are you doing?”

I was wondering if he had been avoiding me these
past few weeks, given his new relationship with Kate.

“Good,” I said.

His eyes had a sparkle and he was surrounded by
light, which grew brighter when he turned his attention toward
Kate.

“Hey, Kate, good to see you, too,” he said,
beaming.

“Hi Benjamin,” she said.

Benjamin! Things really were different. She glanced
at me after she said that and we all laughed nervously. Kate still
hadn’t talked to me about whatever it was that was going on between
them, but she did tell me that she was planning on having a talk
with Matt on the weekend.

We sat down.

“Kate told me about your memory breakthrough. That
was just the best news, Abby. I’m really, really happy for
you.”

I knew that he meant it too, that it was almost as
important to him as it was to me.

“And I know it’s just the beginning,” he said. “Keep
working with Dr. Krowe. He’s a great psychologist and he’ll help
you get it all back.”

“I think so, too,” Kate said. Her phone rang and she
pulled it from her coat pocket and frowned. It must have been
Matt.

“I gotta take this but I’ll only be a minute.
Promise,” she said, walking over to the corner.

“So, how’s the ER these days?” I asked. “No more dog
maulings I hope.”

“No, not since that one time, thank God,” he said.
“Everything here is fine. Kind of same ol’, same ol’.”

I could see the energy shift as he talked about some
of the patients. His lightness faded and I figured he probably
wasn’t so excited about the work anymore. Or maybe he was just
tired.

“So, what about school? Boy, you’ll be done with
your senior year before you know it.”

“School’s fine. Same ol’, same ol’ too.”

I didn’t like thinking about the future. I looked
over at Kate, who was animated as she talked on the phone. I
couldn’t tell if she was upset or not, just that her hand seemed to
be doing most of the talking.

“How’s your brother?” I asked, wanting to change the
subject.

Dr. Mortimer leaned back, his long legs stretched
out in front of him. He yawned.

“Oh, he’s okay, I guess,” he said.

He rubbed his eyes. We both looked at Kate, who was
now laughing nervously. She held up a finger signaling one
minute.

“So have you had any other memory breakthroughs?” he
asked.

“No,” I said. “But Dr. Krowe wants me to go back to
the lake.”

He was quiet as he thought about it.

“Wow, I imagine that would be hard,” he said. “You
sure you want to do that?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

Kate walked up quickly and sat down next to Dr.
Mortimer. He smiled as he watched her, lightness flooding back
around him.

“Sorry, I had to take that,” she said.

“Okay, ladies, tell me what is going on,” he said,
leaning forward.

Kate told him everything, from the very beginning
with the first dream of me seeing the mermaid tattoo on the
homeless man’s neck to the vision about the murder of the arsonist.
I watched Dr. Mortimer as she spoke, trying to gauge his reaction.
He was straight faced through the entire story and I couldn’t tell
what he was thinking.

But as Kate finished up, the room around us changed.
It grew darker, like the lights had dimmed, especially around Dr.
Mortimer. Suddenly he had a layer of black moving around him. I
stared at his face. Serious and brooding. I had never seen him like
this before. It was obvious how uncomfortable he was.

I kept looking at the moving dark energy that
surrounded him. When Kate started talking to me, I could barely
hear her. She sounded as if her voice was underwater, muffled and
soft. Dr. Mortimer walked over to me.

“Abby, what is it? What’s wrong?” he asked, his
words echoing in my head. Everything was falling away. “Is it your
head? Do you have a headache?”

I nodded. I didn’t.

And then it struck me. The blackness surrounding him
was the same darkness that was around the killer in my visions.

I shivered. How could this be true? Dr. Mortimer a
killer? It didn’t make any sense, but it felt true. Deep down, I
knew it was right.

I took some deep breaths and everything came back in
focus.

“I’m okay now,” I said. “Just light headed, that’s
all. Sorry.”

“You sure?” he said, still looking at me.

“Yeah,” I said.

I was too scared to look him in the eyes and my mind
took off, racing with thoughts about him being at the fire that
night. He was the one in the woods, the one I was following, the
one who killed the arsonist. Fear flooded my body and I knew I had
to get away. The darkness was still around him. I could still see
it.

“Well, no, actually, I’m not really feeling so well.
I think I’m just tired,” I stammered, trying to think fast, but my
brain was sludge. How could this be? Had I really seen that
right?

“Can we do this another time? I feel like I really
need to just get to bed,” I said. I stood up and smiled at Kate,
hoping she would see that I needed to get away. But she didn’t.

“Abby, relax, would you?” she said. “We’re not done
here.”

They both looked at me like I was crazy. I knew it
must have seemed odd. I grabbed Kate’s hand and led her away. We
had to get out of that hospital. I would explain it all to her
later.

I could tell Kate was embarrassed, but I didn’t
care. I heard her making excuses as I rushed us out past the empty
admitting desks.

We flew down the stairs and he followed. When we got
to the doors, she pushed my hand away and the two of them walked
behind me, talking in low voices as I headed to the parking
lot.

“Sorry, Ben, I guess we’ll have to do this another
time,” she said.

“She’s never had that kind of reaction toward me,”
he said. I could tell that he was hurt. Even though they were a
ways behind me, I still could hear everything.

“Kate, this concerns me. Maybe we need to run some
of those other tests we discussed. Maybe it’s time. It’s been a
while now, and I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. But with her
still blocking out certain events, and now these new dreams she’s
been having, well honestly I’m a little worried. What you two are
calling visions could very well be a very serious medical
condition. We have to check everything out medically before we call
in Ghostbusters. And now she seems scared of me. I think she might
need help, and soon.”

I said a quick goodbye and walked to the car. I
could hear Kate’s boots slapping the pavement behind me. I knew she
was mad.

She opened the door and I slid inside. When she got
in the driver’s side, she threw her purse down on the floor next to
my feet.

“Well that was great! Really, really great,” she
said.

“Sorry, I just had to get out of there. Like you
said before, we’re at this hospital too much.”

She was quiet. I knew she was stewing. I had wasted
everybody’s time and had just insulted the man who had saved my
life. But I now suspected that Kate was dating a killer and I would
have to tell her, although I doubted she would believe me. I barely
believed it myself.

“It’s Dr. Mortimer, Kate. He’s the killer,” I
blurted out. “I saw it! The darkness was around him! The same
darkness that hides the killer from me in the visions. It’s him! I
saw it and felt it tonight when I was looking at him!”

“What? That’s just crazy,” she said as we drove.
“You’ve flipped out a little, Abby. Come on now. That’s just not
possible.”

She was quiet for the rest of the drive home. When
we got into the house, she disappeared into her bedroom and slammed
the door. I didn’t see her the rest of the night.