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I nodded. The dream was still with me and I could
still feel him. I couldn’t shake his fear.

“Yeah, that tattoo was really big,” I said. “There
was something else, too. Just a feeling, but it was strong. He was
terrified. Really, really scared.”

“You’ve never had other people in that dream
before?” she asked, pouring the steaming water from the kettle into
our cups.

“No,” I said. “I’m always alone. Like when I was in
the lake.”

Kate had never asked too much about when I died.
Only once actually, and it was just about whether I had seen Mom. I
wished I had. But on hindsight, I wouldn’t have wanted to see her
in the place where I was, a place no light or goodness or angels
ever touched. So when I told Kate that no, I hadn’t seen Mom, that
was the extent of her questions. I knew all that kind of stuff
wasn’t Kate anyway, believing in the afterlife and all. She was
much too logical for any of that. Besides, as she often told me,
the past was the past and the only place to move was forward.

“Kate, it’s just a feeling. But I think the guy in
my dream was killed. I’m sure it wasn’t a suicide at the very
least.”

She looked at me like I was crazy. But I could also
tell that she was thinking the same thing.

“It never felt right to me,” she said. “But this is
all too weird.”

We talked a little longer before she saw that I was
fading. She let me sleep in her bed while she worked at her desk at
her laptop. I don’t think she ever did get any sleep, because she
was in the exact same position when I woke up and light was
streaming in through the window.

“No school today, Abby. Doc’s orders.”

I smiled and rubbed my eyes.

“How’s the head?” she asked while she kept
typing.

“Good,” I said. She walked over to me and put her
hand on my cheek.

“Good. Okay, here’s your cell phone and those pills.
I’m going into work for a few hours but will be back early. Call if
you need anything, anything at all. Remember, if your head starts
hurting, take one right away.”

As I sat up I saw she was all dressed. Makeup,
shoes, jewelry, everything. I didn’t mind staying alone though.

“Bye,” I said.

“See you later,” she said, and soon I heard the door
slam.

I made a grilled cheese sandwich and started
flipping around for something to watch. My head felt back to
normal. It was nice to take a day off. I settled on an old Bogart
movie. I preferred black and white movies these days because then I
didn’t feel like I was missing anything.

At about four, the doorbell rang. I nearly opened
it, but suddenly my arms filled with goose bumps as I thought about
my dream and that dead old guy. I looked through the peephole.

“Jesse!” I shouted. I flung the door open and threw
my arms around him. I knew I was overreacting, but it really was
great to see him. He just laughed.

“Take it easy, Craigers! It’s only been like a few
hours since I saw you last,” he said. He was dressed in snow
clothes so I knew where he’d been. I got him a soda as he slid out
of his ski jacket and boots.

“Kate left a weird message, said you were home and
wanted me to check up on you. Feeling okay?”

We sat at the table.

“I’m good,” I said. I told him about the migraine,
going to the ER, and seeing Dr. Mortimer.

“How was the snow?” I asked.

“Oh, man! Perfect!” he said.

Jesse seemed to be a little checked out of school
this year so far, and I was hoping it didn’t have anything to do
with me. He never would have ditched to snowboard last year. I knew
he would be able to keep up on his grades, but I also knew that the
basketball coach had a strict policy about missing practices, even
off-season.

“I know what you’re thinking, Craigers, and you
don’t have to worry,” he said. “Basketball practice is just
starting. So relax. Anyway, the snow was incredible! I think you
should really think about getting back out there.”

“Stop nagging, dude,” I said. “I’m not quite ready
to fly down mountains yet.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what you need. It will cheer
you up,” he said, tugging at his hat.

I paused. Lately he had been saying things like that
a lot and it made me wonder if I was just walking around like a
giant depressed freak.

“You think I need cheering up?” I asked.

“Just a little,” he said.

I stared at him and could feel those crazy emotions
swirling around in my gut. His eyes sparkled. I tried to remember
what color they were, but couldn’t. I wanted to say something, but
I wasn’t sure how it would turn out.

“Jesse,” I said. “What color are your eyes?”

“What color do they look to you?”

“Light gray,” I said, staring at them. “With little
black flecks. But I can’t remember the color.”

“They’re whatever you see now, Craigers,” he
said.

I knew I should stop there. But I didn’t.

“I still remember that night. You know, the one when
we were looking at the stars?”

This wasn’t how I wanted to start it. Bad beginning,
especially when I saw his face turn pale and his eyes fall to the
floor.

“Yeah, I won’t ever forget that,” he said.

My stomach was in knots. Big knots. I wanted to
hurl. But I needed to push ahead, at the very least let him know
that I was wrong about everything that night.

“I can’t seem to erase that stupid scene from my
mind and I wanted you to know how sorry I am about what I
said.”

He sat back in the chair and was quiet.

“You shouldn’t be sorry for your feelings,” he
finally said.

“But, Jesse, look, I…”

But he wouldn’t let me finish. He jumped up.

“I gotta get going,” he said. “It’s not a bad thing,
what happened. Really. It turned out for the best. You were
right.”

“But Jesse, my feelings have changed, I love
you…”

I blurted it out as I walked up to him. I sounded
stupid and desperate, I knew that. But I had to say it no matter
how dumb it made me feel.

He shook his head and finished putting on his boots.
I cautiously walked closer. I knew he still loved me, I could feel
it. He gave me a quick hug and then pulled back.

“I’m sorry Abby, but it’s too late,” he said. Then
he left. My stomach dropped as I watched him walk down the
street.

By the time Kate returned from work, I had stopped
crying. But it had taken an hour to get my emotions back in check.
I hadn’t expected that. I thought Jesse would forgive me.

“They don’t usually release these,” she said,
placing a photograph on the table in front of me. “In fact, Cooper
wasn’t even supposed to take it. But anyway, here it is.”

I stared at the 8x10. It was of the dead man with
the mermaid tattoo. The man I saw in my dream.

“Same guy, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s him,” I said. It was hard to
believe.

“That’s just so weird,” Kate said. “Seriously, Abby.
How could that be?”

I shrugged. Kate sat down across from me.

“The medical examiner found water in his lungs,” she
said. “So he did drown. Whether it’s a suicide or an accident, they
don’t know. The basic toxicology report came back, showed alcohol
in his system. But because it showed some other unidentifiable drug
too, they’ve sent for a more thorough tox report to a lab in
California.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess.”

“Yeah. At least they’re keeping the case open until
they get that one back. But those take weeks. They aren’t thinking
it’s murder, though,” she said. “He didn’t know how to swim.
Probably just tripped and fell into the river.”

I had a strong feeling that wasn’t what
happened.

“I think there’s more to it,” I said after a strong
chill shot through my body.

CHAPTER 9

A huge Thanksgiving storm dumped over a foot of snow
on Bend and once again everything was white. But it was beautiful,
especially when you could stay home and watch it fall from the
windows. The house was warm and we blasted The Cure, Josh Ritter,
and Miles Davis as we cooked. Ten people were coming, making it our
largest Thanksgiving ever.

Jesse never was able to make it because he went down
to San Francisco to visit his mom during the holiday. I had never
met his mom and he didn’t talk much about her. All I knew was that
she worked in a gallery and had left when he was little.

Since confessing my love to Jesse, our friendship
was hanging in a strange kind of limbo. I didn’t see him much and
it made for super lonely days at school. I would catch him going to
practice or heading to class, and although he would wave, I could
tell it was strained. He didn’t sit with me at lunch either, and I
wondered if our relationship would ever be the same, if we could
even be friends anymore. The entire thing sat like a pit in my gut,
not feeling right and not going away.

“Abby, focus!” Kate yelled as I drifted off. I was
stirring cranberries over a burner.

“Got it,” I said. I hadn’t told Kate about the
incident with Jesse and I was planning on keeping it that way. I
didn’t know how to get back to our friendship. I would settle for
that now. I just kept blowing things.

Kate looked great. She was wearing a tight black
dress that fit perfectly and stilettos that clicked with authority
as she walked across the wood floors.

Matt showed up early and I was glad that Kate put
him to work. I was really glad that she covered him in a clean,
sterile apron and made him wash his hands for five minutes like he
was about to perform surgery.

“Hey, Abby, you’re looking nice today,” he said when
we were alone in the kitchen. I was wearing my Lucky jeans with a
collared shirt and a pinstriped vest but I guessed I looked a
little more dressed up than my usual sweats. Matt was chopping
garlic and was in charge of the stuffing. Truth be told, I actually
liked Matt, but more as an eccentric older brother. Not as my
sister’s boyfriend.

“Thanks,” I said. “How’s the new painting
going?”

“Good. I’ll bring it over when it’s done.”

“Cool,” I said. I was still unclear where Matt even
lived, let alone painted.

Dinner was nearly ready and was going to be good:
roasted turkey with rosemary and thyme, creamy sweet potatoes with
maple syrup, homemade cranberry sauce and stuffing made with
cornbread, cashews, and dried apricots. The guests were all
bringing different desserts.

The doorbell rang. It was Dr. Mortimer and his
brother.

“Hi, please come in,” Kate said, giving Dr. Mortimer
a long hug. She was glad to see him, I could tell. I said hello and
glanced over at his brother, who was taller and thinner but had the
same eyes. He also dressed really well, looking like he had just
stepped out of a GQ photo shoot, his silk suit freshly pressed. He
had longer dark hair that hung over his collar. He nodded to
everyone, smiling shyly.

“Kate, Abby, Matt, this is my brother, Nathaniel,”
Dr. Mortimer said, a hint of pride in his voice. “Another Dr.
Mortimer. Bet you didn’t think there were two of us! He lives in
Boston and is in town on business.”

We all said hello and he seemed to relax a
little.

“I’m not just visiting for business reasons,”
Nathaniel said. “Of course I wanted to see my brother for
Thanksgiving.”

Dr. Mortimer gave him a sarcastic look.

Kate led them to the living room as Dr. Mortimer
handed her a pink bakery box and a bottle of wine, which she took
into the kitchen with Matt.

“Abby here is my star patient,” Dr. Mortimer
said.

“Of course I remember Abby,” Nathaniel said. “You
haven’t stopped talking about her since that night. Abby, I’ve
heard all about you. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

I’m sure I turned six shades of red on the spot, but
managed to mumble “thank you,” before Kate returned. She handed me
a wineglass filled with Sprite and Dr. Mortimer opened the wine and
poured.

“Happy Thanksgiving everyone,” Kate said, lifting
her glass.

Soon the bell rang again and a bunch of Kate’s
reporter friends filled the house. Kate introduced them to the
doctor brothers. I knew all of the news staff. Before I could
drive, I’d walk over to The Bugler after practice and wait for Kate
to finish up. They were all friendly. And I was really glad to see
Tony, who was Kate’s editor. He was a large man with an easy laugh.
I thought of him as kind of an uncle, someone who we could count on
if we needed anything.

Erin, who was Kate’s best friend, came up and gave
me a hug with her big hair nearly suffocating me and slipped a
small box in my hand. Inside was a pair of blue earrings. As I
thanked her, I noticed she had tears in her eyes. She pulled me
close.

“I’m so happy you’re still with us, Abby,” she
whispered in my ear. “You’ve made this a real special
Thanksgiving.”

It felt good to have the house full of delicious
smells, a toasty fire, and friendly, fun guests. We put the
football game on and muted it and jazzy music weaved around the
room. Everybody loved the food and the wine was flowing. The only
regret I had was that I wished Jesse could have been with us.

“Abby, how’s your head been?” Dr. Mortimer asked
after dinner.

“Oh, good,” I said. I hadn’t had a headache since
that night.

“That’s great news,” he said. “Hey, happy
Thanksgiving!” He gave me a hug.

I walked in the kitchen and found Matt slicing up
the various pies everybody had brought. I helped him out for a
while, until my phone buzzed. It was a text from Jesse. He wrote
that he was having an okay time with his mom, but wished he were at
the “famous Craigers party.” I texted a quick message back telling
him I’d phone him later.

I headed back to the living room and told Kate that
dessert would be ready in about five minutes. Everybody was still
seated around the table. They were talking about the snowstorm and
how cold it had been.