7 Years Bad Sex (25 page)

‘Do you think we’ll ever have kids?’ she blurted out.

Alex raised his eyebrows. ‘I sincerely hope so.’ He sipped at his wine and flashed her a wicked grin. ‘How about three or four? I think four would be great. Although didn’t Psychic Sam say we’d have only three?’

Casey shook her head, simultaneously pleased with his response and terrified by it. ‘
One
would be a good start. How are we ever going to manage?’

‘Oh, Casey.’ Alex sighed and took her hands in his, rubbing them gently. ‘We will. We’re bound to.’

‘But how, Alex? How? Nothing’s working.’

‘I know, sweetie. But this can’t last forever. Whatever it is—whatever’s afflicted us, we will make it go away. It’ll be like a migraine. One day, the pain is so intense that you think it’ll never go away, and then quite suddenly, it lifts.’

Casey swallowed. ‘I wish I had your confidence. But assuming for a moment that… that we remain stuck. Then what?’

Alex tsk’d softly. ‘What? You mean if we never have proper sex ever again?’

‘Yeah. Then what?’

‘I don’t know.’ Alex frowned. ‘I suppose… I suppose we’d have to learn to live with it and work around it. We could adopt children if you wanted.’

Casey drew in a breath. ‘You’ve been thinking about this too.’

‘Of course I have. But I don’t think we’re quite at that stage yet.’

Casey took a long drink of her wine, refilled her glass, and downed that too. She nearly swallowed the wrong way in her great haste to drown her sorrow, and she ended up coughing and spluttering ungracefully.

‘Sorry,’ she gasped when she had recovered.

‘No worries,’ Alex replied mildly. ‘Although it’s always safer to
drink
wine than to inhale it.’

‘I suppose we could travel the world,’ Casey offered out of the blue, ignoring Alex’s gentle reproof. ‘When we’re not touring with the band, I mean. I’ve always wanted to go to Alaska.’

‘To Alaska?’ Alex’s surprise was genuine. ‘Why Alaska? It’s cold and empty there, or so I’m told.’

‘Precisely. And wild and untouched, with big skies and bears and log cabins. I’d like to go one day.’

‘All right. We’ll go to Alaska, I promise. Me? I’d like to cross the Sahara on a camel.’

Casey snorted. ‘Really? I can’t think of anything worse. The heat and the stench and the lack of water…’

‘Hey!’ Alex sulked. ‘That’s not fair. I didn’t dismiss
your
dream, now let me have mine. I think it’d be fantastic—the shimmering heat on the horizon, the endless sky with a blazing sun, the tireless energy of the camels. The cold starry nights…’

‘That does sound quite romantic,’ Casey conceded. ‘While we’re at it, can we white-water raft down the Grand Canyon?’

‘Absolutely!’ Alex replied enthusiastically. ‘That would be awesome. And I want to dive on the Great Barrier Reef.’

‘Wow.’ Casey sighed, almost comforted. ‘There’s a lot for us to do if we can’t… if we can’t.’

‘There certainly is. But let’s not worry about that just yet, shall we? Whatever happened to “squeezing” the moment?’ He grinned wickedly. ‘There’s dessert to demolish yet…’

Casey laughed. ‘You naughty, naughty man!’

‘I aim to please,’ Alex replied easily.

 

~Alex~

 

Oh gosh, I hope everything goes to plan today!

Alex woke up when a sunbeam tickled his nose, and he instantly recalled where he was and why he was there. He lay quietly for a moment, pondering over the previous night. After their fabulous dinner, they had played games—dice and Monopoly—and put on some music to dance to. At eleven o’clock, they had retreated to the enormous and quite spectacular four-poster bed. They had cuddled and talked and allowed themselves to fall asleep without any attempt at romance. It had been very relaxing, a little disturbingly so.
Perhaps they were getting used to their quasi-celibate ways?

Casey was asleep next to him, and he smiled. How appropriate that he should be awake first today—exactly like the morning when he had conceived of the whole crazy plan.

Very carefully, he got out of bed, pulled on his dressing gown, and padded downstairs to the kitchen to start making breakfast. It was about nine o’clock, and the sun was low in the sky. But at least it was out, and the bay sparkled silver and gold in the early morning light. It would be a glorious day.

He whistled softly to himself while he cooked bacon and eggs, warmed through croissants in the oven, perked some coffee, and topped the strawberries. Briefly, he stuck his head outside to see if they might eat on the balcony again, but a fierce breeze pulled at his hair and face, and he decided they would be better off inside.

His pulse quickened with anticipation. It was exciting to have a secret plan. Exciting and slightly stressful. The whole thing was so carefully timed that any slight deviation could derail it. Still, there was nothing for it. It would simply have to work.

‘Morning, sleepyhead,’ he greeted Casey when she finally arrived downstairs, woken, no doubt, by the smell of a fry-up and fresh coffee.

‘Morning, chef,’ Casey replied after a long yawn. ‘Wow, you’re on form. Look at all this!’ She snaffled a strawberry and sat down. ‘Thank you. So what’s the plan for today?’

Alex’s heart nearly stopped beating.
Had she guessed? Was she teasing him?
He swallowed hard to contain his momentary panic. The innocent look on his wife’s face reassured him that she had no idea of his plans. Her question was genuine.

‘Um.’ Alex cleared his throat. ‘How about we go for a walk along the headland?’

‘Lovely,’ Casey agreed amiably. ‘Looks like a great day for it. And maybe a pub lunch somewhere? Ooh, I know!’ She sat up straighter and punched the air for emphasis. ‘How about we make a pact not to get in the car at all today? Let’s walk and see where it takes us. What do you think?’

Alex nodded slowly. He wanted to nod fast and enthusiastically because that was
exactly
what he had in mind, but he didn’t want to reveal that he had thought the whole thing through.

‘Sounds great! I’m told there’s a little village a couple of hours that way—’ he gestured loosely in the direction of the other side of the bay. ‘Let’s see where the wind blows us.’

‘Great.’ Casey waggled her head emphatically. ‘Great! No set agenda, no plan, simply going with the flow. Perfect.’ She grinned. Alex grinned back.

An hour later, they set off on their walk. Alex took the lead, following the path up onto the headland and along the cliffs. He breathed deeply and tried to relax.
Not long to go now!

Casey threw her hands in the air and beamed a hundred-watt smile at him. ‘This feels so good! Look at the sky and the sea and all the greenery of the landscape! You’d hardly know it was nearly winter. Look, there’s even a few little flowers, bless them. Goodness knows what they might be.’

‘Late daisies, I think.’ Alex bent to pick a few. ‘Very late. Tiny, but very pretty.’ He gathered the stems in his hand and added a few long grasses to it.

‘What are you doing?’ Casey laughed.

Alex blew her a kiss. ‘Wait and see.’ He picked a few more of the little daisies and added them to his bouquet.

‘Flower arranging?’ Casey teased him. ‘I didn’t know that was one of your talents.’

‘Ah, you see, I’m full of surprises!’ Alex grinned and joined yet more of the delicate white and pink blossoms to his bunch. When he was satisfied that he had enough, he selected a particularly sturdy blade of grass and wrapped it around the bottom of all the stems to hold the bouquet together. He bowed and presented the result to Casey with a flourish.

Casey whooped with laughter and threw a clump of grass at him. ‘Silly man.’

Alex pretended to sulk. ‘Don’t you like them?’

‘I do. It’s just… it looks like… you know. A bouquet.’

‘A bouquet?’ Alex played dumb.

Casey shook her head. ‘Ignore me.’ She took the flowers from him at last and sniffed them. ‘They’re lovely. They even have a vague flowery scent. Thank you!’

‘You’re welcome.’ Alex took Casey’s free hand and they continued walking, keeping the headland on their left and the sea on their right.

Suddenly, a squat little church appeared in front of them.

‘Wow!’ Casey stopped and stared. ‘Well, that’s the last thing I’d have expected up here. It’s the middle of nowhere!’

‘It is, isn’t it?’ Alex did his best to appear surprised. ‘I wonder who comes and worships up here?’

‘Maybe there’s a secret hill path to the nearest village.’ Casey’s eyes gleamed with intrigue. ‘This is probably where they used to come to keep an eye out for loved ones at sea.’

‘Or smugglers,’ Alex suggested.

‘You read too many Famous Five books as a child,’ Casey suggested. ‘Although you have a point. They may well have used the church as a kind of lighthouse in the olden days. That would explain why it’s right here at this really exposed bit of land.’

‘Exposed’ was the right word,
Alex thought. As they were nearing the church, the wind buffeted them a lot more strongly, coming at them from this side and that, and tearing at their hair and clothes. Casey didn’t seem too bothered, so Alex said nothing.

They stood and looked at the church for a little while. Alex’s heart beat ever faster. He thought Casey must surely be able to hear it. This was it. This was the moment.

‘Do you… do you want to see if it’s open?’ he asked softly after a little while. ‘Would be a shame to miss out if it were. Open, I mean.’

 

~Casey~

 

‘Sure.’ Casey quite liked the idea of checking out this quaint little church. She was intrigued by the structure and by the possible romance of it. Sea-goers of yore, led to safety by lights in the windows and the tower; wives and children praying for husbands’ and fathers’ safety—there was a vibe in this place that was at once happy and tragic, full of promise and drama. Yes, she would quite like to look inside the church.

She took a tentative first step, clutching Alex’s improvised bunch of flowers in one hand and pulling Alex behind her with the other. It was a little odd, Alex suggesting to investigate. He wasn’t a churchy kind of person, and, as far as she knew, he wasn’t all that interested in old buildings either. But perhaps the magic of stumbling onto a church in this most isolated of places had got to him too. Or maybe he simply fancied a rest.

Together, they walked up to the sturdy door.

‘Do you suppose one knocks?’ Casey whispered, suddenly feeling unsure of herself.

‘Why are you whispering?’ Alex whispered back.

‘I don’t know.’ Casey giggled. ‘It feels like a whispering kind of place. Here goes.’

She tentatively turned the big brass ring that served as door handle and gave a start when the door swung open easily and silently.

‘Crikey! I kind of expected it to squeal and refuse to budge. This is too smooth, like it’s being used all the time.’

‘I suppose it must be,’ Alex concurred. He shifted from one foot to the other as though he was uncomfortable entering.

‘Look, it’s all right, we don’t have to go in,’ Casey said, trying to ease his discomfort. To her great astonishment, he nodded his head and motioned for her to go inside.

‘We’re here now. Let’s have a look-see.’

Casey stepped over the threshold and took a few hesitant steps while she waited for her eyes to adjust to the slight gloom inside.