A Beautiful Mess (37 page)

After a few long moments passed, Olivia got her breathing under control, her crying mostly done. “Your clothes are all wet,” she said quietly.

“Oh, Love, that’s the least of my concerns right now. I’m worried about you. What happened?”

“It was just that stupid dream again,” Olivia replied, her eyes shifting to stare at the soap dish.

Alexander knew she was lying. It wasn’t the same dream. The dream was changing. He knew it. But he didn’t know if he should bring it up with her at that moment. She seemed like she was ready to break at any second.

“I know how hard it must be for you to relive that day every night. Sometimes you just have to let yourself have a big cry to release all the pain you’re holding inside. You always try to stay strong, ignoring the past, but you can’t keep it all inside, Love. It will destroy you.” He tilted her chin up so he could stare into her eyes, the water still cascading over her naked body. “It will destroy me, too.”

Alexander’s words chilled Olivia to the core. What was she doing to him? She didn’t want to hurt him, but at the same time she couldn’t cope with all the pain she had been dealt in the past. And at some point, Alexander wouldn’t want to deal with all the drama anymore. No one would. And he would leave her. Just like everyone else in her life.

It was at that instant that everything became incredibly clear. She knew what she had to do. She needed to listen to the voice.

Olivia resolved to do the one thing that she could in order to maintain control over the situation. She needed to distance herself from Alexander. She had gotten too close to him, too fast, and the only one who would end up hurt would be her. She couldn’t let that happen again. She would get through the weekend. Then she would push him away. It wasn’t what her heart wanted, but she needed to do this for her own survival.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” she said, a blank expression on her face, devoid of any emotion.

“Don’t apologize, Olivia,” he said, brushing her hair out of her face. “You’re a beautiful mess.” He winked.

“I feel better now after that,” Olivia said dryly.

Alexander saw her face and realized the panic had passed. “Good,” he said, kissing her deeply, which she only half-heartedly returned. He looked at her, pulling away. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Yes. I’m sure. I’m just cold and pruning. I need to get out of this shower.”

He turned off the water and stepped out of the tub before grabbing a towel and wrapping Olivia in it. He rubbed her arms, warming her up. “Feel better?”

She gazed into his eyes. She was going to miss those brilliant green eyes. A tear escaped at the thought of not seeing those eyes first thing when she woke up in the morning. Alexander reached out, catching the tear.

“Sorry. Just a straggler,” Olivia explained, leaving the bathroom. She turned to look as Alexander stripped out of his wet clothes. She stared for a moment, wanting to savor everything about the man in front of her. She knew her time with him was limited.

“See something you like, Love?” Alexander asked, placing his hands on his hips, showing off his manliness. Olivia couldn’t help but to laugh. “There. I knew I could put a smile on your face,” he joked as he grabbed a towel to dry off, unable to shake the feeling that Olivia was slipping from his grasp.

~~~~~~~~~~

That evening, Alexander took Olivia to a quaint restaurant right on the marina where they had a pleasant dinner, albeit relatively quiet. Thankfully Olivia was able to brush off her silence and blame it on nerves about the following day. That eased Alexander’s fears somewhat. It made sense.

After their main course and before dessert arrived, Olivia excused herself to use the ladies room. She walked through the crowded restaurant, finding the hallway where the restroom was located. As she pushed open the door, she nearly ran into an older woman who was trying to exit.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Olivia exclaimed, staring at the woman in front of her.

“Oh, it’s…” The woman stopped when she saw Olivia. She stood still for several long, uncomfortable moments.

“Are you okay?” Olivia asked. The woman was probably in her seventies. Her graying hair was pinned back, keeping her gentle facial features clear. She was just a few inches shorter than Olivia. Her eyes seemed so familiar, but Olivia couldn’t place where she could have possibly seen the woman before. But nothing that day seemed to be making any sense. Everything had spiraled out of control almost overnight.

The woman snapped out of her thoughts. “Yes, I’m sorry. You just remind me of someone.” A smile spread across her face, touching her eyes as if thinking of a fond memory. “Do you live around here?”

“No. I’m in town for the marathon. I live in Boston.”

“I see. I have some family members running tomorrow as well. Gosh, you just look so familiar. Are you sure you’re not from around here?”

Olivia thought the elderly woman looked familiar, too. “No. I grew up in Charleston. This is actually my first time in town here.”

“Well, welcome to Newport. My name is Rose. Rose Harrison.”

“Olivia Adler,” Olivia replied, extending her hand. Rose looked at Olivia, a look of surprise on her face.

“I’m sorry. What did you say your name was, dear?”

“Olivia.”

The older woman’s face went pale.

“Are you okay? You don’t look too well. Do you need to sit down?” Olivia held her arm, walking her to a chair in the vanity area of the restroom.

“Thank you, dear.” She sat down, her hands shaking.

Olivia sat next to her. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to help you back to your table?”

“I’m fine, dear. I was just reminded of someone I knew long ago. My little granddaughter was named Olivia.”

“Was?”

“Yes. She passed away. And you look just like her mother.”

“Oh. I’m sorry about your loss, Ms. Harrison.”

“Please, child. Call me Rose.”

“Okay, Rose. Can I help you back to your table?”

“Would you?”

Olivia reached out, helping Rose stand up, and walked her back to her table where her husband sat. After making a little small talk with both of them, Olivia excused herself to return to her own table.

“Well, that was interesting,” she said dryly, taking her seat.

“What was, Love?”

“I nearly toppled some poor woman over in the restroom and then when she heard my name, she looked as if she had seen a ghost.” Olivia looked out at the harbor, the lights of the yachts twinkling on the dark ocean.

“Oh, really? Why’s that?” he asked, taking a drink from his wine glass.

“She had a granddaughter named Olivia who I guess passed away, and apparently I look like the girl's mother.”

“What was her name?” Alexander asked. Olivia looked at him with a questioning look. “Reason I ask is I spend some time here and I’m just wondering if it’s someone I know.”

“Her name was Rose Harrison.” Olivia returned her gaze to the marina, wanting to shake the feeling that she was supposed to know that woman for some reason.

Alexander remained quiet, his face showing no emotion at the fact that Olivia had just met her grandmother.

O
LIVIA
woke up at five the following morning so she could have enough time to get ready and walk the mile to the start line. Alexander continued to sleep while she got ready. As she went about her routine, she kept glancing at him, sleeping so calmly and peacefully. She wondered if she should really push him away. But she had to. Ever since she made her decision, the voice had gone away. It was the only way. She had to regain control of the situation and the only way to do that would be to leave him. And eventually he would move on and be happy. Happiness wasn’t in the cards for Olivia, but that didn’t mean Alexander couldn’t be happy. So she needed to leave him. And she knew the only way to do that would be to leave Boston as well.

Looking at her watch, she saw it was time to head to the start line. She grabbed her race stuff and walked over to the large bed. Alexander stirred, opening his eyes and looking at Olivia.

“Getting ready to leave?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Yes. I should get a move on,” she replied.

He threw off the covers and stood up. Olivia gaped at his naked body.
God, I’m going to miss looking at that
, she thought to herself. He found a pair of shorts and slid them on before walking over to Olivia.

“Good luck, darling,” he said as he pulled her into his arms. “You’ll do great.” He gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Olivia returned the kiss, deepening it and kissing him as if it would be the last time she ever kissed him. Because she knew his kisses were numbered and she wanted to remember every single one.

She pulled away and walked out of the master bedroom, leaving Alexander behind. She would have to get used to walking out on him, thankful that she had already worked out an escape route that the additional security she had agreed to would not be aware of.

The weather was a bit chilly on her walk to the start line, but the crowds of people congregating on Newport made her excited. There was something about the buzz of adrenaline at the start line of a marathon that Olivia had become addicted to over the years. She loved the feeling in the crowd of runners right before the starting gun went off. There were people who were running their first marathon and there were runners who were running their hundredth. Everyone had their own story about why they ran. And she loved it.

She got to the starting line area and encountered thousands of runners already milling about in the darkness of the early morning. She found a spot to sit down and ate her bagel as she waited for the race to start. She relaxed and mentally prepared herself for what she was about to do. Before long, they were calling the runners to line up in the starting corrals. It was a sea of people and Olivia loved it.

“This is it,” she said just before the starting gun went off. Once it sounded, she made her way to the starting line and began running at a conservative pace, not wanting to go out too quickly and burn out halfway through.
 

She had a lot to think about on her run. Many times, she tried to talk herself out of leaving Alexander. But every scenario she came up with only ended in him leaving her in the end. She just had too many issues and it would be inconsiderate for her to make anyone sit around and wait for her as she dealt with them. The voice grew louder every time she began to reconsider fleeing. She knew she had to leave. She had gotten too close to Alexander. And her feelings petrified her. She needed to leave before she could no longer silence the voice.

The miles zoomed by as she thought about leaving Boston. It would probably be for the best. She would leave Monday and drive until she was tired. A beach in Florida would be good that time of year.

She hit mile twenty-five and looked at her GPS watch. She was right on pace for a sub three-thirty finish. She still had some juice left in her legs, so she went for the final push, picking up her speed.

She neared the finish line and saw Alexander in the crowd, cheering her on. It warmed her heart to see him there, supporting her. But she knew it was only fleeting. She pushed harder and crossed the finish line with a final time of three hours and twenty-eight minutes. She qualified for the Boston Marathon. She knew she should be happy, but she wasn't. She didn't feel anything. She felt empty. And she knew it was because, after tomorrow, she would no longer see Alexander. And it made her heart ache. But there was no other way. She would only destroy him, too.

As she made her way through the finish line chute, she grabbed her finisher’s medal and found Alexander just outside of the runner’s area. He ran over to her, picked her up, and swung her around. “You did it!!!” he exclaimed. “I’m so proud of you, Olivia.” He put her down and kissed her full on the mouth.

Olivia pushed him away. “Gross. I’m all sweaty and salty.”

“I like you salty,” Alexander said, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the crowd. His enthusiasm was infectious and she couldn't help but smile weakly. Olivia cherished that moment. She knew it would be one of her last moments of joy.

Back on the yacht, Olivia emerged from the shower and saw Alexander sitting on the bed. “Feel better now, Love?” he asked, taking in her beautiful silhouette as she walked through the master bedroom in only a towel, her long hair dripping with water.

“Yes. Thank you,” she responded dryly.

There was something off about Olivia. Alexander had noticed it the day before. She seemed like an empty shell. No emotion. There was nothing there anymore and he didn't know what to make of it. The previous day, Olivia had said it was nerves about her upcoming marathon. But now, that was over. She had qualified for Boston. He thought she would return to her normal self, but even at the finish line, when he thought she would be thrilled for achieving her goal, she was distant. Aloof. She was empty. He could see it in her eyes. The spark was gone. He needed that back.

Olivia sat at a small reading table in the master bedroom. She could feel Alexander's eyes glued to her. She turned her head to look out the expansive windows, not wanting to look into his vibrant green eyes. The eyes that she knew she would be leaving the following day.

Everything still seemed so familiar as she watched sailboats float by. In the distance, she could faintly make out a military fort. She knew she had been there before. It was Fort Adams. She knew that. But why did she know that?

A lump formed in her throat as she thought about what it could all mean. The house yesterday. The dream. The green-eyed boy. She was losing her grasp on things. Her life was fine before Alexander walked into it on that night back in August. Since then, she slowly began to lose control of her own feelings. She had started to let him in. And she regretted that. Life was better before when she kept everyone away. And that's what she needed to do again. Keep everyone away. And get her heart back from Alexander.