A Beautiful Mess (40 page)

Brighter than the Sun
- Colbie Calait

MoneyGrabber
- Fitz & The Tantrums

Misery
- Pink, featuring Steven Tyler

Gorilla
- Bruno Mars

Martin
- Zac Brown Band

As Time Goes By
- Dooley Wilson

Never Gonna Leave This Bed
- Maroon 5

I Will
- The Beatles

Beautiful Goodbye
- Maroon 5

Go Your Own Way
- Fleetwood Mac

A
S
Sarah Olivia Adler sat on the front deck of the beach cottage she had been hiding in the past few weeks, the glow of the setting sun behind her casting beautiful shadows over the ocean, she thought about all the decisions she made that led her to that point in her life.
This would be a perfect oyster throwing deck
, she thought to herself, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall at the memory of eating oysters with Alexander. She sighed as she grabbed her wine glass and retreated back inside her beach house.

As far as rentals, she had found a pretty good place. The two-story beach-front cottage on the north end of Amelia Island had an old-school beach house vibe to it that made her feel safe. She loved listening to the hardwood floors creak as she walked through her refuge on the coast. The ocean air blew into her house through the large windows that adorned each wall. There was an open and airy quality to the house that she relished. It was peaceful. No one there knew her name. And she liked it that way.

 
Olivia had been avoiding all sorts of technology since she arrived in Florida, not wanting to deal with the reality of what she had done. She got scared and she ran. Again. Her shrink was right. At some point, her friends would give up on her, sick of her always leaving and running.

They’d be better off without me in their lives
, she thought to herself.

October gave way to November and the weather began to cool off a bit. Olivia spent her days reading on the beach, trying to avoid all romance novels. She kept to herself, content to be a recluse in her little beach house.
 

She ran a lot. It helped her clear her head of everything to do with Alexander Burnham. Most nights she ate dinner on her deck, watching the waves roll in. She dreaded nighttime. The nightmares always found her. Often, she woke up screaming, clutching her heart, and then began to cry when she realized that Alexander was no longer there to soothe her sobs. His arms were no longer there to calm her breathing. And every night she continued to see Alexander’s face in her dreams, uttering those five little words that had changed everything.
It will destroy me, too
.

Olivia loved the mornings as the sun rose over the Atlantic Ocean, the sky a soft orange. If a storm was coming in, the street by her house would be lined with cars of surfers hoping to catch a few waves before the rain hit.

“Good morning,” a voice called to her one day, catching Olivia’s eye as she sat on her deck enjoying her morning coffee. He untied a surfboard from his Wrangler parked on the side street and made his way to the beach.

Olivia took in his surfer boy appearance, watching as his tall, lean body walked away from her. Her heart stopped a little when he turned around and smiled, his teeth bright against his tan skin and sandy hair.
No, Libby. Never again
, she reminded herself before getting up from the deck and retreating inside her house.
 

Her heart beat madly, all from a simple smile. Maybe a distraction was exactly what she needed to forget about Alexander. But the problem was, she just couldn’t forget about him. He was permanently ingrained in her mind and her heart. She wasn’t sure she would ever get over him. She wasn’t sure she wanted to.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on, Alex, you need to get out of this funk,” Tyler said to his brother as they sat at a bar on Boylston Street in Boston. “You need to get your mind off of…”

“Stop! Do not say that name. I can’t bear to even hear it.” He slung his shot glass back and signaled the bartender for another one. His eyes were fuzzy and he wasn’t sure another shot was such a smart idea. But he didn’t care. He needed to numb the pain he felt. He lost her. How could he miss the signs? She had become so aloof that weekend in Newport. But he ignored it and she left. He had searched for any sign of where she could be but couldn’t find her. Not yet anyway.

“Okay. Okay. I won’t say the name. But you can’t go on like this. You know that, right?” Tyler was worried about his brother. He had never seen him so upset before. Olivia had been gone for almost a month and he was still angry and hurt over everything that had happened.

“Whatever,” Alexander replied, downing yet another shot as he attempted to stand up. “I gotta take a leak.” He stumbled away from the bar and in the direction of the restrooms.

“If it isn’t Alexander Burnham,” a soft, sultry voice called out.

Alexander turned a little too fast and had trouble steadying himself. He squinted, trying to make out who had called his name, his vision blurry from the excessive liquor he had consumed that night. She took a step forward and Alexander took in her brilliant auburn hair, long legs, killer rack, and deep brown eyes. Eyes almost as deep and brown as…

“Chelsea Wellington,” Alexander slurred, propping himself up against the wall. “It’s been a while.”

Chelsea smirked, throwing her wavy hair over her shoulder as she sauntered over to stand near Alexander. “It sure has. I’ve missed you, Alex…” she exhaled. “I heard you were dating someone, though. I couldn’t believe my ears at first…”

“Well, you heard wrong,” Alexander barked.

Chelsea grinned, crossing her arms over her too tight black dress. “I was hoping the gossip mills were wrong. I mean, Alexander Burnham and girlfriend in the same sentence? There’s something wrong with that statement, if you ask me.”

Alexander stared off into the distance. There was nothing wrong with him having a girlfriend. He missed his girlfriend more than life itself. But she left and the gap in his heart was threatening to kill him. He needed a distraction.

His eyes closed in on Chelsea’s chest. “Wanna get out of here?” he asked, his eyebrows raised.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

He led Chelsea through the bar and past Tyler who just gaped, wide-mouthed, at his brother. He couldn’t believe Alexander was actually resorting back to his old ways.

Martin pulled up outside of the bar and ran around to open the car door for Alexander.

“Sir,” he said in greeting, eyeing Alexander suspiciously.

“Take us back to my place,” Alexander demanded.

Martin exhaled loudly as he closed the door to the car and ran around to get in behind the wheel. Out of all the women he used to bring home, Martin couldn’t believe Alexander chose to get back together with Chelsea Wellington. At least it wasn’t Adele, he thought to himself as he maneuvered the SUV through the busy Boston streets.

When Martin pulled up in front of Alexander’s building, Chelsea waited for Alexander to run around and open the car door for her.
Olivia would have just opened it herself
, he thought. He took a deep breath, half-heartedly regretting his decision to invite Chelsea over, but, at the same time, feeling that he needed to move past Olivia. And this was the only way he knew how. She wanted him to move on. That’s what he was doing.

“I just love the view from your place, Alex,” Chelsea said as they entered his penthouse. She kicked off her heels and made her way toward the staircase, turning back to look at Alexander who just stood at the entrance, a dumbfounded look on his face. “Are you coming or not? I don’t have all night.”

Alexander contemplated what to do. Yes, he did invite Chelsea over for the sole purpose of fucking her until Olivia never again entered his mind. But now that she was there, could he really follow through? Just a few months ago, he wouldn’t even be having second thoughts. He’d bring her upstairs and bury himself inside of her. Now, after Olivia, and after everything they had been through, it felt wrong.
 

Chelsea sauntered toward the doorway where Alexander stood deep in thought.

“Stop thinking,” she whispered, brushing her ruby red lips against his neck, nibbling ever so gently on his earlobe. “This is just sex, Alex. Nothing more. Come on. I know what you need. You need to forget about her. I can help you.” She pressed her body against his as Alexander wondered how she could tell he was thinking about a girl.

It all felt so different. There was no spark. Hell, he was even having a little trouble getting an erection. That never happened with Olivia. He was always ready to go when she was around. And even when she wasn’t.

Chelsea grabbed Alexander’s belt, pulling him toward her, quickly unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. Her small brown eyes met his as she reached into his boxers and helped spring him free.
 

“There’s my boy,” she smiled.

Alexander exhaled loudly, desperately needing to feel something other than the excruciating loss that he had been feeling those past few weeks.

“Just make me forget, Chelsea. Please,” he pled with her.

“Okay, Alex.” She pressed her lips to his.

Alexander grabbed her by the neck, deepening the kiss. Slamming her against the wall, he tore her panties from her body and got lost inside of her, the whole time thinking about his Olivia and what she was doing at that exact moment. Wondering whether he should have looked harder. Thinking about whether or not Kiera was right. Would she ever come back? Maybe Olivia needed to know that Alexander would fight for her, no matter what. But he didn’t fight for her. He just let her walk away from him. Now it was November and the trail had gone cold.

He thrust even harder into Chelsea, needing to find some sort of release. Release from the hold Olivia still had over him. Would he ever be rid of that? He didn’t see how. Olivia always had a hold over him. Everything he had done throughout his life had been for her. Growing up, he just knew that she wasn’t dead. She couldn’t be. And his lack of serious relationships was due to that, always holding out hope of finding Olivia. And once he found her, he didn’t want to let go. And she left him.

“That’s it, Alex. Let go!” Chelsea screamed as Alexander bit into her neck, pulling out as he came in his hand. He just couldn’t bring himself to come inside of Chelsea. The last person he came inside of was Olivia and he wanted to keep it that way.

He turned and walked briskly down the hallway to the bathroom to clean himself up, leaving Chelsea alone in the living room. Looking in the mirror, he saw a shell of his former self. Maybe it would have been better if he had never found Olivia. Maybe he should move on, like she asked. Maybe he should just forget all about her. He
needed
to forget her.

He splashed some water on his face, enjoying the coolness of the liquid, before walking back down the hallway into his living room.

“Feel better now, Mr. Burnham?” Chelsea asked coyly as she sat on his sofa.

“Yes, I do. Thank you.” He strode over to the couch and took a seat next to Chelsea. The air was thick in the room, Alexander not really wanting to initiate conversation.

Chelsea sighed loudly. “So, want to talk about it?”

Alexander looked over at her. “No. Not really. I’d rather just forget about everything that went on these past few months and pretend none of it ever happened.”

Chelsea grinned. “Would you like my help doing that?”

His eyes met her small brown eyes. How could he possibly forget about Olivia’s big brown eyes? He would always see them in his dreams. He knew that. But maybe, with time, he could forget. “Yes, I would, Miss Wellington.” His eyes became hooded as he pushed her down on the couch, grabbing both her arms and pinning them above her head.

“Oh, Mr. Burnham, I love it when you tie me up,” Chelsea whispered.

“Stop talking. Don’t say a word until I tell you to,” he growled. He just couldn’t listen to her voice. Every time she spoke, all he felt was betrayal. And he didn’t want to feel that. He didn’t want to feel anything.

Alexander ripped off his tie and wrapped it around Chelsea’s hands, binding them together, before pulling out a condom and sinking back into her.

~~~~~~~~~~

Olivia didn’t even know his name, but every morning she looked forward to seeing surfer boy park his Jeep in front of her house and untie his surfboard before hitting some waves with his friends. He would smile at her and she would feel heat coursing through her body. It wasn’t the same as what she felt when Alexander smiled at her, but at least she felt
something
. And
something
was better than the nothingness and pain she had been feeling since she ran.

The mid-November sun shone through the thick clouds one morning as she sat on her beloved deck and drank her coffee like she did each morning. Olivia actually started looking forward to seeing surfer boy. She was surprised that he surfed every day. Some days, the waves were fairly non-existent. Regardless, everyday, like clockwork, his Jeep pulled up in front of her house early in the morning just as the sun rose.

One of Olivia’s favorite things about her new home was the location. It was so peaceful being able to wake up and watch the sun climb up the horizon over the crashing waves. There was something about the sunlight reflecting on the ocean that made everything seem okay. Not good. But okay. And Olivia was content with just okay. Nothing would ever be extraordinary. Only Alexander was extraordinary. So she settled for okay.

Just as the sun rose on that November morning, the Jeep pulled up as usual. And, as usual, he untied his surfboard and smiled. Nothing ever changed. A smile. A drink of coffee. A sigh. That’s what her mornings were composed of.

 
“My life is pathetic if my only excitement is some guy who’s name I don’t even know,” she said to herself as she read a book on her e-reader, drinking her coffee.