A Dad for Her Twins (18 page)

“It's not that easy,” he protested.

“Yes, Cade, it is.” She held his gaze. “He's forgiven me for my failures. I should have phoned Max's commanding officer and told him my suspicions that my husband was suffering from PTSD, but I didn't and Max died. Maybe that was my fault. I certainly wasn't the loving wife he deserved.”

“Max thought you were,” Cade murmured. “He loved you. He'd have done anything for you.”

“Anything but share the horror he kept locked inside. He always kept me at arm's distance from that.” Abby wept, releasing it all into God's hands. “I was determined never to let myself trust in love again. And then I met you and you showed me what true love is. It's total sharing. It's believing, hoping, trusting in the other person with nothing between you. That's what I want from my love for you, Cade. I love you. If God is with us, no one and nothing can defeat us.”

He was the most unlovable man in town. Everyone knew that. And yet—how he wanted to be the man she thought he was. But he wasn't and never would be.

“I can't be that person, Abby. I'm sorry.” There was nothing more to say. Cade turned and left, wishing with all his heart that he didn't have to but knowing there was no other way.

To drag Abby and the twins into his uncertain future was a betrayal of everything he'd promised Max, of everything he wanted for her. She'd received enough money to tide her over for a few months. Eventually the rest would come. She would find a job. Abby's friends would gather around her and help her through whatever she encountered.

She didn't need Cade messing up her life.

I love you.

Abby's words to him the afternoon of the babies' births wouldn't be silenced. Cade drove himself relentlessly to finish up the things on the ranch that needed doing, but no matter how long he worked, the image of her face and her profession of trust never left his brain. He longed to hold her and the babies, to assure them that he would always be there.

But when God didn't answer his plea for help, Cade knew that even though Abby was the woman of his dreams, some things just weren't meant to be.

Chapter Fifteen

A
bby opened her front door two weeks later and blinked in surprise.

“I've brought you a baby gift.” Hilda Vermeer pointed behind to an old-fashioned red car sitting in Abby's driveway. “I know it's not the usual gift, but I thought you needed transportation more than another fancy outfit or stack of diapers for those babies.”

“Hilda, that's—”

“Don't argue with me,” Hilda said sternly. “It's been sitting in my garage doing nothing for years. It might as well be used. Oh.”

Abby cut off the rest of her words by the simple expedient of reaching out and folding the older woman into her arms, hugging her and ignoring Hilda's stiffening body.

“You are a darling,” she said and kissed the woman's perfumed cheek. “What a lovely, thoughtful gift. Thank you so much.”

Hilda huffed and grumped, withdrawing, then blurting, “Well, are you going to show them to me?”

“The twins? Of course. I'm a very proud mama.” Abby ushered Hilda into her tiny home. “Have a seat,” she said, moving a stack of fresh laundry. She lifted Adam and set him in Hilda's arms. “Meet Adam Maxwell McDonald. This is his brother, Eric.”

“Oh.” Hilda seemed frozen, her arms rigid as she stared at Adam. “He's—small.”

“Well, yes.” Abby laughed. “He's only a baby but he'll grow.”

“Maybe the car seats I had installed are too big,” Hilda worried. “I don't know anything about babies. I never had one.” She lifted her head and looked straight at Abby. “I always secretly wished I'd been a mother.”

“I'd love for you to be godmother to my twins. I'm going to ask Ed to be their godfather.” She saw Hilda's frown and hurried to explain. “It's not that I'd expect anything from you. It could be an honorary title only.”

“That's too bad.” Hilda finally moved, cradling Adam against her. “I think I'd have to object to a mere honorary title.”

“Oh.” Abby sighed. What mistake had she made now?

“I'd need more of a relationship than a title.” Hilda grinned at Abby. “Much closer. Like maybe godmother and honorary grandmother. And not so honorary that I can't stop by to spoil them. Okay?”

“Absolutely.” Abby hugged her again. Then Hilda asked her a hundred questions about the babies and Abby answered them all. After a while she put the twins down for their nap and served tea. “Peppermint because caffeine keeps those two up,” she explained.

“I like peppermint tea. My mother used to make it.” Hilda accepted a cup and leaned back in her chair, eyes narrowed. “Now tell me about the adoption agency. I haven't seen anyone working there for days.”

Abby explained about the asbestos.

“We worked so hard,” she said sadly. “And the community was so gracious in their donations. But Wanda can't afford the remedial work that needs to be done to get rid of the asbestos and I haven't got enough money to help her.” She named the figure she'd been given. “That's way beyond our means.”

“So you've had to abandon the project. Which means you're out of a job,” Hilda added.

“I'm afraid so.” Abby sighed. “I think I can manage six months of what I'm calling maternity leave. Then I'll have to start looking for work.”

“Here in Buffalo Gap?” Hilda asked.

“I'm a social worker. If the agency doesn't go ahead, there's really nowhere else for me to work in town. I'll have to move, make a new home for my children.” Abby told her sadly. “But at least, thanks to Cade's persistence, I won't have to give them up.”

“I hear Cade will also be leaving.” Hilda leaned forward, peering into her face. “I thought the two of you had something going.”

“I love him,” Abby told her honestly. “And he loves me though he won't admit it. He feels compelled to get his father additional therapy and since the only place that offers that is the nursing home, Cade intends to sell the ranch to pay for it.”

“Ed Lebret will hate a nursing home,” Hilda said with an inelegant snort of disgust. “He's always lived for that ranch.”

Abby nodded but said nothing more, unwilling to speak lest she reveal to Hilda that her faith in God's leading wasn't as solid as she made it out to be.

“I've never met anyone like you before, Abby.” Hilda frowned, her gaze scrutinizing Abby.

“Like me?” Abby stared at Hilda. “What's so different about me?”

“You're someone who stands on her faith no matter what. Someone who isn't afraid to say what they believe and match your actions to it.” Hilda smiled. “Of course, that's what we're all supposed to do, but I'm afraid most of us fail. Including me.” She rose suddenly and walked toward the door. “I think I've failed God more than anyone,” she murmured, almost in a whisper.

“God always forgives,” Abby reminded, confused by her sudden departure. “Do you have to leave?”

“Yes. It's time I took a stand, too.” Hilda smiled and fluttered a hand. “Enjoy the car,” she said. “Maybe you should take your babies to see Ed. I'm sure he misses them. Cade, too.” Then with a wink, she left, pulling the door closed behind her and leaving Abby staring after her in confusion.

Just then Eric wailed.

Maybe taking the twins for a drive was just the thing, Abby mused. She would visit Ed. And Cade. Her heart leaped at the thought of seeing him again.

Ten minutes later she was on the road to the ranch.

* * *

Drawn to the house by the sight of a strange vehicle, Cade wondered who had arrived. He found Abby and the twins in the garden with his father. He drank in the sight of her, his heart turning to mush.

“Hi, Cade.” Abby had only to smile at him and his world turned rosy. “Hilda Vermeer gave me the car as a baby gift so we came for a drive to try it out.” Her emerald gaze held his. “How are you?”

“Good.” His gaze slid from her to the twin in his father's arms and the other in Abby's. “They've grown.” As if drawn by a magnet his eyes moved back to her. “You look well.”

Her smile lit the embers that lay deep in his heart. He knew now that he would never get over Abby. She was part of him. Like breathing.

She watched Ed hand him the baby, then roll his wheelchair inside, giving them privacy.

“I'm feeling much better now that Eric has figured out a sleeping schedule,” she said, struggling to fill in the silence that stretched between them.

“Good.” He couldn't stop staring at her lovely face.

“Ed tells me that the sale is going ahead,” Abby said with no hint of reproach, though Cade knew she still disagreed with his decision.

“Yes.” It was painfully difficult to watch his dad mourn the loss of his life's work but even Ed finally agreed that he needed help to achieve the next stage of health. The past was over. Now they'd begun to build a real father-son relationship. And it was Abby who had made that possible.

“I don't suppose you've learned anything more about the adoption agency?” She shook her head almost as soon as she said it. “No, of course not.”

“No.” Cade didn't know what to say to her now. A thousand things flew through his brain but all of them had to do with his feelings for her. He could hardly tell her he loved her now. What good could come of that?

“If you don't mind, I'd like us to finish the quilts, though I don't know what we'll do with them,” she said, her face downcast. “I guess we'll have to remove the tags Hilda made, too. I'm so sorry you sold Liberty for nothing, Cade.”

She sounded so sad. It pierced his heart but he couldn't let her think he wished for his horse back.

“It was worth it. I'd sell her again in order to get your machine back,” he murmured.

“Thank you,” she whispered, tears welling in her emerald eyes. “Oh, Cade—”

“Don't,” he pleaded. “Please don't.” Suddenly he couldn't stand there any longer and not embrace her, hold her, tell her he would make everything all right somehow. But it would only hurt more when he had to let her go. “Sorry,” he apologized as he set Adam in his car seat. “I have to go.”

Abby nodded, but said nothing.

Cade left as quickly as he could, needing to escape the look of love that glowed in her eyes. He saddled a horse and rode away from the house and Abby, out into the open space of the foothills, where he'd always run when he needed to get away. He had no idea how long he rode. It didn't matter. All that did matter was that he was giving up the one thing he cared about more than his own life and the pain of it was excruciating.

When the horse tired, Cade slowed him to a walk, turning his thoughts upward.

God, please help me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
The verse he'd memorized kept echoing through his head. He couldn't ignore it. It was the only way to deal with sense of loss that threatened to drown him. He could not go on like this and he knew it.

I'll trust You
, he finally conceded.
Your will be done. Just tell me what to do.

There was no response, no answer that rushed into his mind. All Cade felt was a sense of peace, a calm that said God would take over, that He was in control. He dismounted in a flowery glade near the creek and found a sun-warmed stone to sit on. And there he prayed, allowing the biblical promises he'd memorized to soothe his soul.

The first spatter of rain surprised Cade. He lifted his face, letting the droplets trickle down as he scanned the sky. This was no spring storm. The air was heavy with humidity, the wind dead. Black clouds loomed overhead, blotting the sun that had warmed him such a short time before. Lightning arced across the sky, stabbing the land with its electrical darts. It was as if nature held its breath, waiting.

It was dangerous out here. Cade had to get home.

He grabbed the reins and mounted the horse, wheeling around to head for the ranch. Above him the skies opened and rain fell so heavily he could barely see the path in front of him. Not twenty yards away, lightning ripped through the late afternoon sky and sliced open the ground. He prayed Garnet had finished branding the newborn foals and left them in the barn where their mothers would comfort them through the storm. Those foals were going to be the bonus to the sale of the Double L.

But as he mounted the last hill before home, Cade watched a spear of lightning hit the horse barn.

“Oh, no,” he whispered, urging his horse to move faster as the old wood ignited into a blaze, aided by the mounting wind. He kept riding, praising God when the lightning storm moved on. He spurred his horse on. Maybe he could put out the fire. Maybe...

Suddenly his heart stopped. In the distance he could see Abby standing in front of the barn. She was obviously calling someone. That's when he saw the empty wheelchair in front of the barn door. His father knew the value of the foals. He would spend his last breath trying to rescue them. If Abby went in after him and they both died—

Dread sucked at Cade. He kicked his spurs in the horse's sides.

“I can't lose them, God,” he yelled. “I love them. Both of them. Please help us.”

As he raced through the valley toward the barn, he could see nothing but the billows of smoke soaring upward. Cade fought back terror.

Then the words filled his mouth and spilled out, verse after verse, promises reminding him of God's great love for His children. And that Cade was one of those He loved.

“‘God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble,'” he recited in a loud voice. His words were immediately ripped away by the wind but Cade recited another verse. “‘The Lord hears good people who call out to Him.'”

He repeated them over and over until finally he arrived near the barn. He slid off the horse and screamed for Abby and his father. When there was no answer, he prepared to enter, another promise filling his head.

When I am afraid, I will trust You.

“I trust You, God.” He put his neck scarf over his mouth and reached for the barn door handle.

“Cade!” Abby's voice. Behind him. He turned and saw her, Mrs. Swanson and Ed sitting in the gazebo, well away from the fire, the foals and their mothers in the paddock behind.

Cade could think of nothing but that his loved ones were safe. He hugged his father who sat grinning, the babies in his arms. Then Cade tugged Abby near, certain he could never let her go again.

“I love you,” he said right before he kissed her, intending to show her without words how much he cared.

Sometime later Abby drew back in his arms, her face rosy, her eyes glowing with joy.

“I've never been so afraid in my life. I thought you'd gone inside the barn,” he told her, unable to release her from his embrace.

“I did. I left the babies with Mrs. Swanson because I thought you were in there,” she said, smoothing a finger over his frown line. “No way was I going to let you die. Instead I found your dad. He got the back door open so the horses could get out. We went that way and came over here.” Abby grinned at Ed. “He walked, Cade. Your father walked.”

Cade shared a grin with his father.
Thank You, God.
Two prayers answered.

“Not for long and not very far, but I did walk,” Ed confirmed. “I'm kinda looking forward to that therapy now.”

“Finally.” Cade threw his head back and let out a roar of laughter. Then he dropped to his knees in front of Abby. “Sweetheart, I don't have a future to offer you. It's too late to cancel the sale on this place so we'll have nowhere to live. I don't even have a job.”

“Neither do I,” Abby murmured.

“So we're both going to have to trust God with our future.” Cade took her hands and kissed her palms. “All I have to give you is my love and I offer you that freely, forever. Abby, will you marry me?”

“Cade, you're my life, my world and my heart,” Abby whispered. “I never understood about true love until I met you. These months here on the ranch, waiting for the babies, God helped me realize that love can be many different things. Sometimes it's being there for someone, helping them through the night. Sometimes it's only for a short while. Sometimes it lasts the rest of our lives. But the important thing is that love is from God. It's a gift He bestows on us and wants us to enjoy.”