A Dash of Style (14 page)

I'll take you with me —if you want to come. But not:

I'll take you with me: if you want to come.

"If you want to come" is an afterthought, not a culmination, and as such a colon could not be used here.

Conversely, in most cases, a dash cannot be used where a colon is intended. For example, you could write:

Here's what I want to tell you: I love you.

But not:

Here's what I want to tell you —I love you.

"I love you" is the direct culmination of "Here's what I want to tell you," and as such a colon is necessary. Using a dash here would incorrectly denote an afterthought or aside.

That said, there is a function that the colon and dash share: setting the stage for an elaboration of the text that preceded them. Personally, I feel that this usage stretches the capacity of the dash, and that this function is best reserved for the colon. However, many master authors disagree, and have used it well for this purpose. Consider this example from Carol Bly's "The Tomcat's Wife":

We were making up the usual funeral spread—ground-up roast pork, ground-up roast beef, two onions chopped, three boiled egg yolks ground up, and Miracle Whip.

The dash works, sharing the colon's function. The dash also allows a less formal feeling, which could benefit a tallying up, such as above. Note Bly's masterful way of using a dash to offhandedly recite the "funeral spread," thus bringing the mundane to a profound event and making us realize they have experienced far too many funerals. F. Scott Fitzgerald uses the dash in this capacity, too, in
The Great Gatsby:

About half way between West Egg and New York the motor-road hastily joins the railroad and runs beside it for a quarter of a mile so as to shrink away from a certain desolate area of land. This is a valley of ashes—a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens, where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and finally, with a transcendent effort, of men who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air.

The dash here sets the stage for Fitzgerald to elaborate on what it means to be a "valley of ashes," the same function that could have been shared by the colon. Again, I prefer the use of the colon in this capacity, but you should at least know that the dash can be used this way.

• A common error is the use of only one dash when you intend to use two. Writers who haven't fully mastered the concept of the double dash sometimes begin an offset with a dash but never close it, leaving the reader to read on, wondering when the offset will end. Like this:

I took my kid to the ballgame —he'd been begging me for a year and we hit great weather.

A sentence like this will cause the reader to reread several times until he finally moves on in frustration. It's like a train that switches tracks, intending to return to the main track, but which never does. Ultimately, the reader will realize you made a mistake and that it's supposed to read like this:

I took my kid to the ballgame—he'd been begging me for a year— and we hit great weather.

Strangely enough, writers rarely make this mistake when using parentheses; perhaps the use of parentheses is so ingrained that they'd never consider beginning a parenthetical aside without closing it. But the double dash is not always given the same respect.

• Finally, some sentences use parentheses as a crutch. As Charles Boyd said in his 1928
Grammar for Great and Small,
"The test of a parenthesis is whether the other words make sense without it." How true. Parentheses should embellish the sentence at hand — but never be integral for its construction. For example, if we take this sentence:

The building was constructed (the old-fashioned way) and thus could withstand any storm.

and remove the parenthetical aside, we see that the sentence does not work without it:

The building was constructed and thus could withstand any storm.

Thus we see that it was not truly a parenthetical aside, and parentheses must not be used:

The building was constructed the old-fashioned way and thus could withstand any storm.

If a sentence can't work on its own after you remove the parentheses, then the parentheses aren't being used properly. They should be removed, and the sentence reconstructed.

CONTEXT

When everything is an aside, nothing is. Overused dashes and parentheses detract from each other's power. The writer who rarely uses these marks will be able to use one for maximum effect when he needs to. Be sparing, and always consider the context of the greater work.

• Dashes and parentheses are attention grabbing, and will dominate a sentence and squeeze other punctuation marks out of the way. For example, the dash as afterthought will detract from the power of the period: if a sentence is brought to a near halt just before its end, the period will pack little punch. When debating whether to employ a dash or parentheses, consider whether you can afford to lessen the power of a nearby comma, semicolon, or period. Which mark needs to have the greatest impact in order to capture the intent of the sentence? Consider this example from Daniel Meyerson's
The Linguist and the Emperor:

Thus proclaims the "midwife" —Robespierre the "Incorruptible"—a skillful orator whose stirring speeches have helped him seize power (a power maintained with denunciations and spies and fanatic scoundrels).

Here Meyerson uses both a pair of dashes and parentheses in a single sentence, allowing for a much richer, more interesting, and more complex sentence. Notice, though, how strong the usage of dashes and parentheses is, and how it will make other punctuation marks pale by comparison.

• Keep in mind that dashes and parentheses aren't the only marks that can offset: a pair of commas can handle this task, too. A comma offset isn't as striking or powerful as an offset with a pair of dashes or parentheses, and it's not as versatile either, since when using commas, the material in the offset must be intrinsically related to the rest of the sentence. Nonetheless, commas can perform this task. For example:

I told Jennifer that I missed her and that—if she wanted—I'd write to her.

Can also be:

I told Jennifer that I missed her and that, if she wanted, I'd write to her.

There may be some instances when you'll want to replace your dashes or parentheses with a pair of commas, since a pair of commas allows the smoothest sentence flow and is less jarring than dashes or even parentheses. Alternately, you may want to replace a comma offset with dashes and parentheses if you want more of an impact, or if you already have too many commas in a sentence. Indeed, dashes or parentheses can be effective in helping prevent confusion in a comma-laden sentence.

• Likewise, dashes and parentheses aren't the only marks that can indicate an afterthought. Commas can perform this function, too:

I was going to tell those kids to stop screaming—but I fell back asleep.

Can also be:

I was going to tell those kids to stop screaming, but I fell back asleep.

A period can handle this task, too:

I was going to tell those kids to stop screaming. But I fell back asleep.

As you see, using a comma to create an afterthought doesn't quite give it the same punch, while using a period lends it a disconnected feeling. And neither of these is quite as effective or natural as the dash. It depends on your intended effect. Realize there are options before rushing to use the dash or parentheses as your tool of choice.

Let's conclude with an example from Melville, who relied on dashes often. Here's an excerpt from his story, "The Paradise of Bachelors and the Tartarus of Maids":

Sick with the din and soiled with the mud of Fleet Street—where the Benedick tradesmen are hurrying by, with ledger-lines rules along their brows, thinking upon rise of bread and fall of babies— you adroitly turn a mystic corner—not a street—glide down a dim, monastic, way, flanked by dark, sedate, and solemn piles, and still wending on, give the whole care-worn world the slip, and, disentangled, stand beneath the quiet cloisters of the Paradise of Bachelors.

Here Melville manages to use four dashes in a single sentence, helping to prolong it. Such a long sentence gives us the feeling of descending deeper into the setting, of turning corners, walking down streets. Note also the abundant commas here, making us pause at each turn, also forcing us to slow, to take it all in. The punctuation here truly reflects the content, and helps bring it to life.

WHAT YOUR USE OF DASHES AND PARENTHESES REVEALS ABOUT YOU

The Dash

A text filled with dashes could be indicative of different problems, depending upon whether the writer is advanced or amateur. With the advanced writer, the overuse of the dash (particularly the solo dash) indicates a writer who is overly stylistic. This writer strives to create a feeling of informality, of intimacy between himself and the reader, and his chief objective is to prove his lack of calculation. Yet the fact that he goes to such ends indicates an even greater degree of calculation. He is too concerned with the impression he'll make, too eager for the reader's approval. Of course, by seeking it, he will lose it.

With the amateur writer, the overuse of the dash indicates simple laziness and sloppiness. It is the writer who puts no stake on revision, who accepts his first draff as is. It also belies scattered thought.

The writer who underuses the dash is too concerned with formality, too unwilling to experiment. He won't put himself on the line enough, and his characters might also stop short of an ultimate journey, discovery, or revelation. This writer is safe. The good news, though, is that he is less inclined to be a scattered thinker, and more likely to put greater emphasis on revision.

Parentheses

One might overuse parentheses for a variety of reasons. In the amateur or sloppy writer, the overuse of these marks generally indicates scattered thinking. It also indicates an aversion to revise (perhaps for egotistical reasons, perhaps out of laziness), or a willingness to revise but an inability to catch one's own errors upon revision. Not every writer is a good editor for his own work.

The overuse of these marks could also be driven by an academic impulse to not omit any detail. Such writers think that merely moving a footnote into the main text (via a parenthetical aside) somehow makes it okay. It does not. In mainstream books, footnotes should stay where they are—at the bottom of the page, after the chapter, or in the back of the book—or better yet, be deleted altogether. You should find a way to say what needs to be said in the text itself. Facts are for encyclopedias. An unimpeded reading experience is for books.

The overuse of these marks can be driven by an impulse to avoid taking a firm stance. There is no greater way to sneak in a qualification than with a dash or parentheses. Readers, though, yearn for confident, authoritative prose, and a text filled with qualifications will only make them respect you less.

These marks might be overused as a way of escaping developing your main thought or argument. When one indulges in asides, it becomes easy to avoid a single point. This might arise from a lack of confidence in your own authority. One might also overuse these marks because one is an overzealous stylist, too desperate to create a feeling of intimacy or spontaneity. Ironically, such a style is even more calculating, since writing is crafted. Readers will often see through it and simply be turned off.

In general, the writer who overuses parentheses (or the double dash) is likely to think in digression. He will have a short attention span, be easily distracted, and be overflowing with knowledge, impatient to get it all in. He will likely write a longer, more uncensored book. Not as concerned with the reader as he should be, he puts too much stake in his own powers and in his first draft, unwilling to go back and rewrite so that parentheses are not needed in the first place. This writer is more likely to be spontaneous. He is more likely to lose his train of thought, to begin a paragraph on one note and end it on another. He will probably write a richer, less expected text, but will also be harder to follow—often not in a good way.

Since the use of parentheses often indicates a writer who is spontaneous, spur of the moment, who allows room for digressions and asides, the writer who underuses parentheses is more likely to be less spontaneous, to be more calculating, more formal. The good news is that he knows that information should go in its proper place, and will be a straight thinker. This, though, is a double-edged sword, as this writer is more likely to leave digressionary material out, possibly at the expense of crafting a less rich work. He might be too focused on the narrow road ahead, and less willing to explore detours on the course of the journey.

EXERCISES

• Tally up your number of dashes and parentheses in one of your works. How many of each appear on the first page? In the first chapter? If you find more than two parenthetical or double dash asides per page, it is likely too much. Conversely, if you find you don't use them at all, your writing may be too calculated, not as rich as it should be. The first step is awareness.

• In many cases, parenthetical or double dash asides are either best converted to sentences in their own right, or not used at all. Examine each and ask yourself if it is truly necessary. Can any be deleted? If not, ask yourself if the digressionary material must remain in the midst of a sentence. Can it be given its own sentence?