A Different Shade of Violet? (17 page)

I cuddle into him further and hold him as tightly as I can. Hearing him say stuff like that makes me feel again. I feel like I want to cry, but I know I won’t. I only cry in my dreams these days.

“I’m sorry I left. Cassie threw me and you stopping upset me. I just don’t know how to think or feel anymore, Hudson. And you throwing your mixed signals all over the place is doing my head in to be perfectly honest,” I say and he exhales and holds me tighter.

“I love you, Violet. There was never any doubt of that. And I want to be with you, more than anything, but you know with our jobs that makes life more difficult for us. I can’t be seen to be dating a madam. It just wouldn’t work, Vee. So, for as long as we’re here, this can be our last time together. After you come out of protective custody, we can still see each other. I don’t want you out of my life completely because I can’t function without you. But for as far as being a couple, I don’t think it’s possible. Not unless one of us gives up our job, and I know I can’t do that because I’ve worked too hard and seen too many good people fall not to be out there catching the bad guys—”

“Are you asking me to quit my job?” I ask looking up at him raising an eyebrow.

“No, I would never ask you to do that. Cupiditas is your business. I know you don’t go on call anymore and trust me I’m grateful for that, but even so, being the owner of an establishment like that means we can’t be together. I suggest while we’re here we make the most of our limited time together,” he says and I frown.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Won’t it just make our separation harder?” I ask starting to feel that emotional pull again, the one where I feel like everything is ending.

“Probably, but Vee, I can’t be in this small cabin with you and not be around you. Especially after tonight. I need to know you’re okay. I need to feel your body and kiss your lips because there’s one thing I don’t want and that’s for us to avoid each other, even when this is over. I want you in my life. I don’t know how or in what capacity yet, but I know I can’t live in a world without you in it. When I thought Mad Dog had you, I couldn’t cope, Vee. I fell apart in front of my co-workers. I was literally shaking and crying wondering where you were. You scared me to death, Vee, and it made me realise I need you in my life… always,” he says and I look into his eyes and see that he's completely serious.

“I just think that if we spend our time together here, when we leave it will be that much harder and I don’t think I can do it.”

He swallows hard and frowns. “Okay, just don’t avoid me then. Treat me like an old friend if you have to, just please don’t ignore me.”

I nod my head and nuzzle back into his chest as the hot water runs over us both.

“I’m sorry things worked out this way, Vee. I wish the rules could be broken,” he says and I close my eyes wishing that I didn’t have to give up my business to be with him. And to be honest I don’t know if I’m willing to do that or not.

I mean why can’t he give up being a cop?

If he really wanted to be with me, wouldn’t he give it all up for me? So I decide to let him go. I agree with him that being strangers in this cabin would result in an awkward tension and I don’t want our last days together to be filled with that. I’m going to act normal from now on around him and just enjoy his company. If anything happens, it happens, but once we leave here, it’s officially over between us.

“I still love you. I will always love you, Hudson,” I say looking up at him and I can see in his eyes that we both know we are done. But we’ll keep up the pretense for now and just see what happens. I’m not going to force anything and I don’t think he will either. What will be, will be.

He caresses my head and leans down toward me slightly. “Can I kiss you?”

I love that he asked.

Why is it that when he’s not around, I’m strong and as tough as can be, but the moment he gets close or touches me I lose my self-control and become weak and insipid?

“Anytime you want to,” I say, rolling my eyes at the fact that I just proved my own point -
I’m completely weak when it comes to Hudson.

He smiles and leans down kissing me gently in the warmth of the shower.

“I love you too, baby,” he whispers against my lips and I sigh knowing this is only making it harder, but right now I don’t care. His lips against mine are all I want. We kiss slowly for a few minutes just taking each other in. The chemistry is starting to return and I open my mouth to let him in. His tongue dances with mine and I notice his cock hardening against me, but I don’t make any moves. It’s just nice to know kissing me still turns him on. He moves his hand from my back down to my arse and he grips it tightly while his other hand grips onto my hair. I start to kiss him a little more forcefully, I can’t help myself. He kisses back passionately and I start to move my body without realising it. I grind into his erection and he moans slightly into our kiss. I run my hands up his back and into his hair holding his mouth to mine forcefully.

“I’ve never wanted anyone like the way I want you, Vee,” he murmurs against my lips.

I know this isn’t achieving anything, but maybe it’s the goodbye we need.

“You can have me, Hudson,” I whisper back and he groans loudly.

His hand moves from around my arse to my pussy and I open my legs to let him in. We’re both breathing heavily and my heart is racing. It’s been so long since I’ve been with him and I honestly couldn’t handle it if he worked me up only to freak out again. But my body is defying my mind and it won’t stop.

His hand moves in between my legs and he cups my pussy with his palm making me moan, any touch from him sets me on fire and I love that he has the power to do that. He moves his finger along my folds and to my throbbing clit. He presses on it hard and I cry out into his mouth. A jolt shoots right through me which makes me grip onto Hudson’s hair tightly. His lips move from mine and he kisses down my cheek to my neck where I tilt my head to give him access. He sucks gently on my neck and starts to swirl his finger around my clit. I gasp as I start to breathe heavier and faster while he works me up.

I bring one leg up to rest on the edge of the bathtub so he can move easier. He swirls his finger on my clit again and his lips come back to meet mine. His kiss is full of passion and I can’t help it my body starts to react to his stimulation. I move my hips in time with his swirls as he brings his other hand down to my erect nipple. He rolls it between his fingers and pinches it hard making me gasp out in pleasure. He slips two fingers inside me and pushes them in deeply. I moan as my head falls back feeling the impending high creeping up on me. He pushes in and out making sure to hit just the right spot every time he pushes inside me.

Being intimate with Hudson again is something I’ve wanted for so long, now that it’s finally happening I’m taking it all in. A tingle shoots up my spine as he thrusts inside me with this fingers again and his thumb presses on my clit at the same time. I feel my body heating up ready to combust. The sparks shooting off between us is astounding and is only heightening my pleasure. I’ve missed his touch so much that every second he’s with me I crave more. I push my pussy into his hand so he knows I need it harder.

He chuckles slightly and leans in kissing me as he thrusts inside me deeper. I moan against his lips and he starts to move deeper and quicker than before and it’s working. My body starts to tingle and I’m not sure whether it’s the heat of the shower or the heat of the moment, but I’m burning hot all over. I start to sweat which is something I rarely ever do, especially in winter. My breathing starts to increase rapidly and I’m moaning on each exhale while his fingers work me up.

My legs start to feel weak as I move in time with Hudson’s movements, but I manage to keep upright. He presses on my clit as he pushes inside me faster and faster. I start to shake. I can feel the beginnings of my first climax in over a month rolling through me. He kisses me so deeply that I feel dizzy. I put my hand out on the wall to steady myself and he turns me around so my back’s against the wall while he continues to finger fuck me.

“Hudson,” I murmur against his lips.

“I know, come for me, Vee. I wanna feel your pussy tighten around my fingers,” he whispers biting my bottom lip and then kissing me forcefully.

I love it when he talks dirty. I grip onto his back and dig my nails in as my body quivers and a current runs through me forcing my breathing to hitch. He pushes in deep, pressing hard on my clit at the same time and a tingle shoots straight up my centre. I close my eyes tightly and hold on as the shock wave hits and I orgasm hard. It feels like a massive explosion inside my core, splintering out fireworks in every direction and the sparks only set me on fire again. I moan loudly and Hudson muffles the noise with his mouth on mine.

I start to breathe harshly out of my nose trying to come down from the unbelievable soaring high. He pulls his fingers out of me leaving me wanting more and he brings his hands around to my arse gripping on to my cheeks tightly. I kiss him back slowly now as I’m starting to feel the most relaxed I have in over a month. I wrap one leg around his arse and pull his hard cock toward me. I know he’s probably struggling with the images in his head right now, but I don’t care. I need him. All of him.

“I want you, Hudson. All of you,” I whisper and he brings his head back and he looks me in the eyes.

“I want you too, it’s just—”

“Then make love to me. Stop over thinking it.” I stare into his multi-coloured beautiful eyes. He exhales gripping onto my arse cheeks tightly.

“Fuck this, I’m so sick of fighting it,” he says and his lips crash back to mine forcefully. I wrap my arms around his neck and he grips onto my arse lifting me up against the wall. I inwardly grin as I wrap both legs around his waist. He lowers me down slowly and I can feel his cock at my entrance. I gasp at the feeling of his tip right against me.

This is what I’ve been waiting for.

He pulls back and looks me right in the eyes. I can see the hesitation in them, which scares me slightly, but I move in his arms and lower myself down causing his tip to slide in, just a fraction. I stare into his eyes as we both breathe heavily.

“I need you,” I say staring into his eyes as his search through mine.

“Fuck! I need you too,” he replies and then we both gasp as he slides me onto him fully while we stare at each other. His eyes are open wide and he’s looking at me as he enters me to the hilt. I bite my bottom lip. I know it must be hard for him right now, but he’s fighting through it and looking at me for me, not what I am or what l have been. I can see nothing but love in his vibrant eyes and I know he’s with me in this.

I move in to kiss him and he leans toward me, our lips meet as he holds me against the wall completely inside me, but not moving. I figure I’ll let him move first. I don’t want to scare him off or freak him out before we even start but having him inside me feels right. It’s where he’s meant to be.

The water is cascading in between the miniscule gap between us while he grips onto my arse tightly holding me up. He slides his tongue into my mouth and I feel him pull back slightly. I open my eyes to see if he’s freaking out, but his eyes are staring right back at me with nothing but love in them. He pushes back in and my eyes roll back at the undeniable feeling of love and devotion I feel for Hudson, which is creeping right back into my heart.

He moves inside me in a steady rhythm pulling me off and on him. I notice a slight moan coming from his chest and I open my eyes again just to check one last time if it’s a pain filled moan or a pleasurable one. By the way he’s still looking, kissing and moving inside of me, I figure it’s all pleasure. I run my hands through his hair and pull his mouth to mine even more as I ride him in the shower. I can’t believe I haven’t had this undeniable feeling of home for a month, and now that I have it, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to let it go.

Hudson is my home, my safe place, my sanctuary… my rock, and everything in me wants to be in this moment with him for the rest of time.

He moves me on him as he moves in and out of me. This is slow and sensual, nothing like the hard fucking he usually gives me. It’s like he’s taking his time and savouring every second of finally being joined together after so long apart. When we were together we would never go for longer than a day or two without being joined as one, so a month of our bodies aching to be together again, was the longest month of my life. He starts to moan as he moves his hips a little faster, thrusting deeply inside me. I relish his touch as I move up and down on him.

“God, I’ve missed you. You feel fucking amazing, Vee,” he says breaking our kiss. He rests his forehead against mine as we stare at each other. The energy surging through us is immeasurable as we make love tenderly under the stream of hot water.

He slides in and out of me, slowly working me up to another high, all the while we’re just staring at each other. I can see in his eyes that he loves me. I know because it’s the same look I’m giving him. He leans forward and slowly kisses me. I get lost in the moment and I shut my eyes just savouring his taste and the feeling of him inside me. He starts to move a little faster, but we’re still moving slowly and in time with each other.

That all too familiar tingle starts to appear inside me again. It starts in my lower abdomen and as it radiates through my body it sends a shockwave of heat that engulfs me. I start to breathe faster and heavier. My eyes scrunch shut and I clench them tight embracing the feeling washing over me. My body starts to clench tightly, every muscle tightening and constricting preparing for another release. My toes clench up tight and I start to shake as I moan loudly. He thrusts in deeply knowing I’m nearly there. I clench my hands in his hair pulling on it slightly which makes him moan. He pushes into me so deeply while he grasps my hips tightly and pulls me down on top of him. I feel his cock twitch inside me and with another deep thrust I moan loudly into his mouth as those illuminated sparks go off again, and, even though, my eyes are clenched so tightly shut I see flashes of light as my body constricts and then releases while I explode in Hudson’s arms.