A Family To Cherish (16 page)

Doug sprang from his chair. “That's enough, Pam! You're out of line.”

Pam forged ahead heedlessly. “How convenient that Trent Townsend lives right next door to you, Barb. But that hardly matters, because when Benny and I came to visit we found your handsome Mr. Townsend right there in your cozy little cabin with you and Janee. No wonder you don't want to go home to Doug.”

“How dare you, Pam! How could you!” Barbara felt herself collapsing inside, her emotions unraveling. She was swooning, sinking. “You're twisting everything!” She reached out for Doug, and he gripped her hand.

Pam remained unruffled. “I'm sorry, Barb. I've been silent long enough. You tell me—what kind of message does that send to an innocent child? You and your old boyfriend shacking up in your little mountain hideaway?”

“We never—Trent's a friend, nothing more.” Barbara stared at her husband. She was trembling, cotton-mouthed. “You believe me, don't you, Doug?”

Judge Wetherell broke in. “Mrs. Logan, Mrs. Cotter, I will not have this hearing deteriorate into name-calling and hysterics. If we can't resolve this situation calmly and with decorum, I'll place the child in a foster home until the court can decide where she belongs.”

The judge fixed his gaze on Pam. “You may continue, but I order you to discuss only the child, not idle rumors and hearsay.”

Pam shrugged and settled back in her chair. “Whatever you say, Judge Wetherell. But I want you to understand. I'm not trying to besmirch my sister-in-law's good name. It's just that I can't figure her out. One minute she's begging me to take Janee, and then she's saying she wants to keep her. So which is it?”

“You know which it is, Pam,” said Barbara under her breath.

“Where is this conversation headed, Mrs. Cotter?”

“Just this, Your Honor.” Pam licked her glossy lips and inhaled deeply, as if she were gearing up for a new verbal attack. “Personally—and I say this with deep concern—I think Barbara has an unhealthy fixation on Janee. She sees her as the little girl she lost.”

“I do not, Pam! You know I—”

Pam pivoted, legs crossed again, and looked directly at Barbara with her cool, violet-gray eyes. “I'm sorry, Barb. I've got to say it. You're trying to replace your dead child with Janee. But it won't work. Janee isn't Caitlin, and if you tried to raise her, one of these days you'd realize that and want us to take Janee away. Just like you did when you phoned me that day.”

“You'll never let me live down that call, will you!”

“Why should I, Barb? You can't do that to Janee again. She's been through too much already. You know I'm right. If you care about her, do what's best for Janee and let us take her.”

A sob tightened Barbara's throat. Her head ached, her senses whirled. She couldn't think, couldn't speak, couldn't ward off any more of Pam's vocal blows or deflect her vile arguments. Maybe it was all true. Maybe on some subconscious level she had
encouraged Trent's affection. Maybe she was trying to replace her darling Caitlin with little Janee. Was she so blind to her own motives that she couldn't even see what she was doing?

Surely she was committed totally to her marriage and to Doug. Surely she wanted Janee for her own sake. Didn't she?

“Barbara, honey, are you okay?” Doug was leaning close, gripping her arm, looking concerned. “Barb, do you hear me?”

She wanted to respond, but a paralysis had seized her body even as emotions rose in her chest and pressed painfully against her ribs.

Judge Wetherell was watching her intently, his small black eyes narrowing in small pouches of flesh. “Mrs. Logan, are you ill?”

She managed to shake her head.

“Would you like some water?”

“No.”

“Are you able to tell the court your side of the story?”

Barbara closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hand. God help her, she was falling apart at the most crucial moment of her life and coming across as an emotional wreck.

“Your Honor, maybe I should speak first,” said Doug, still holding her arm protectively.

“I have a better idea, Dr. Logan,” said Judge Wetherell. “Let's adjourn for the day. We'll reconvene in the morning. My chambers. Nine a.m.” He
pushed back his chair, then paused and looked at Doug. “Before you go…where's the child, our little Janee Myers? Did she come to San Francisco with you?”

“Yes,” said Doug. “She's at our hotel. With a sitter the hotel provides.”

The judge rubbed his chin, contemplating something. “I'll tell you what, Dr. and Mrs. Logan. I'd like you to bring the child with you tomorrow. I want to have a little talk with her myself.”

Doug's tone was guarded. “Is that necessary?”

“Yes, Dr. Logan. I think it is. I have a feeling a little conversation with Janee might be very enlightening. Just what the court needs in making its decision.”

That evening, during their drive back to the hotel, Barbara looked desolately at Doug and said, “We've lost her, haven't we? The judge is going to let Pam and Benny adopt Janee.”

Doug kept his gaze on the road. “We don't know that for sure, Barb.”

“I know it, Doug. I feel it in every fiber of my bones. There's nothing we can say tomorrow to counteract all the venom Pam and Benny spewed.”

“Stop it, Barb. We can't let ourselves give up. The judge will hear our side in the morning. He'll see that we're the ones who should have Janee.”

“Will he?” said Barbara darkly. Her voice broke with unexpected anguish. “How do we know Pam's not right about me, Doug?”

He stared at her. “What are you talking about, Barb?”

“Can you believe it?” she said shakily. “Pam's got me doubting myself, Doug, questioning my own motives. I don't know what's true anymore.”

“Don't pay any attention to her, Barb. My sister's a cunning, mean-spirited woman. She had no right to say those things.”

“What if Pam's right? What if I'm not right for Janee? What if I'm destined to be a failure as a wife and a mother?”

Doug reached across the seat for her hand. “Don't do this to yourself, Barb. Please. We've got to believe everything will turn out for the best.”

She shuddered inwardly. How could she make him comprehend the knot of cold, hard fear in the pit of her stomach? “The only thing I'm certain of right now, Doug, is that we're not going to get to take our little girl home with us.”

W
hen they arrived back at the hotel on Fisherman's Wharf, Doug parked their rental car in the parking structure, but instead of getting out, he turned in his seat to face Barbara. “Listen, honey, before we go in, let's talk a minute.”

“Here in the car? Why not inside?”

“Because Janee's there in the suite with the sitter. We need to settle a few things privately first.”

Her heart sank. “Don't tell me you're starting to believe the things Pam said about me, too.”

He took both her hands in his. His grip was warm, firm. His sturdy face was semi-obscured by evening shadows, but he was still the most handsome man she had ever known. And the most wonderful. She couldn't stand to lose him now.

“Are you serious, Barb? I don't believe a word Pam said, but I can see that her words have eaten
away at your self-confidence. You're listening to the wrong voice, honey.”

“The wrong voice?”

He drew closer to her, massaging her shoulder with one firm hand. The spicy fragrance of his aftershave scented the air. “Barb, you're the one who's taught me so much lately about faith,” he said softly, his voice tender, consoling. “About our walk with God. You made me realize we've got to keep our eyes focused on Christ, always, every moment of every day. It's the only way to survive this life. If we focus on ourselves, we get discouraged because we see only frail, fallible human beings. If we focus on our circumstances, we feel hopeless and overwhelmed because we see all the problems and troubles on every side. But when we look to the Lord, we see all-encompassing power and unconditional love. We can do all things through Christ, Barb. He promises us that. We can win Janee. Or we can survive without her…through Christ. We have Him. We have each other. That's all that matters.”

Barbara went into her husband's arms and savored his warm, solid strength and closeness. “Oh, Doug, I love you. Thank you for reminding me of God's love…and yours. And thank you for reminding me why I love you so much.”

“I'm getting pretty good at this prayer business, Barb,” he murmured against her ear. “Shall we take
a few minutes now and turn over all our concerns to God?”

Barbara burrowed her head in the curve of his neck. “Please, darling. You begin, and I'll follow.”

Later, as Barb and Doug took the elevator up to their second-floor hotel suite, she felt as if she'd been given back her life. The poison of Pam's words had been washed away by the deep, utter conviction that God loved her and would give her His best always. In that truth she could rest, no matter what happened.

As soon as they entered their suite, Janee came bounding into their arms. “Aunt Barbara, can we go home on the big airplane now? Can we go back to our cabin in the mountains?”

Barbara squeezed Janee in her arms, treasuring her sweet warmth. “Not yet, honey. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay, but I can't wait.” Janee looked over at her sitter, a smiling, middle-aged matron with graying streaks in her permed hair. “Edith and I were playing Go Fish. It's lots of fun.”

“Sounds great, honey,” said Doug. He turned to Edith. “Mrs. Reid, would you mind staying this evening? We're going to take Janee out to dinner, then Barbara and I will be going out for a while.”

“That's fine by me, Dr. Logan. You bring Janee back when you're ready, and I'll get her tucked into bed for you.”

Janee tugged on Doug's arm. “No, I wanna go with you and Aunt Barbara. Please! Please!”

Doug swung her up in his arms. “Listen, half-pint, by the time we get you stuffed with hamburgers and milk shakes, you'll want to come back here and go right to sleep.”

“Can I watch TV first?”

“If Mrs. Reid can find you a program worth watching.”

“I'll do my best, Dr. Logan.”

“Great! Then get your jacket, Janee, and let's go chow down some burgers.”

They walked nearly two blocks downhill from the hotel to the harbor, Janee walking between them and holding their hands. From time to time they lifted her high between them and swung her back and forth. Each time she laughed and begged them to do it again.

“Why are all the buildings on hills?” she asked, looking around.

“Because that's how San Francisco is,” said Doug.

Janee chuckled. “Everything is up and down, up and down.” She watched a trolley trundle by. “Can we ride the funny car?” she begged. “Please, Uncle Doug?”

“Sure. After we eat. We'll take the cable car and go up and down some rib-tickling hills.”

Janee looked up quizzically. “Do they really tickle your ribs?”

“You bet. Just wait and see. They tickle you right in the tummy.” Doug playfully tickled her middle, and she doubled over in laughter. “But first we've got to get you that hamburger.”

“With
this
many French fries.” Janee held up ten fingers.

Doug nodded. “And lots of ketchup, right?”

“Right!”

They found a fast-food restaurant a block from the harbor. Doug and Barb sipped soft drinks, while Janee consumed a double cheeseburger, a large order of fries and a chocolate shake.

As Janee slurped the last of her shake, Barbara said with a teasing smile, “After eating all that junk food, you're going to dream of pink elephants.”

Doug chuckled. “And not just any pink elephants. They'll be pink elephants dancing in a circle with tutus and flowerpot hats.”

“No, I won't dream of elephants,” Janee scoffed. “I'll dream of fish.”

“Fish?” they echoed in unison.

She gave an exaggerated nod. “Big fish and little fish and fat fish and skinny fish.”

“Why fish?” asked Barbara.

Janee held her nose. “Because the air smells like fish. All yucky!”

“That's because we're here at the harbor,” said Doug. “There are lots of fish swimming around in the ocean.”

Janee looked thoughtful for a moment. “I won't
dream of elephants or fish,” she said softly. She looked up with wide, guileless eyes, first at Barbara, then at Doug. “I'm gonna dream that you're my mommy and daddy and I'm your little girl. Forever and always.”

Barbara scooped Janee up in her arms—greasy fingers, chocolate-covered face and all. “Sweetie, I pray your dream will come true.”

Janee nodded solemnly. “It will, Mommy—I mean, Aunt Barbara. Because I asked Jesus. And you said He hears little girls' prayers.”

Sudden tears streamed down Barbara's cheeks. “He does, honey. He loves you even more than we do.”

Barbara didn't say much as they walked back to the hotel. She was too choked up and didn't want Janee to see her tears. After tucking a very sleepy youngster into her bed and hearing her muffled prayers, Doug and Barbara said good-night to Mrs. Reid and slipped away quietly.

“Now for some real food,” said Doug as they walked hand in hand back downhill to Fisherman's Wharf. “I made reservations for us at that famous fish grotto on the pier overlooking the fishing fleet. It's famous for its Italian seafood and its breathtaking view of the wharf. So are you ready for some shrimp scampi or fresh salmon or lobster tail dipped in drawn butter?”

Barbara tucked her arm in Doug's. “Are you kidding? My mouth is watering already.” She gazed
around with an invigorating sense of adventure. The cool night air was moist with sea spray, and fog horns echoed across the dark waters. Even at this time of evening the harbor was still bustling with tourists and street vendors, and fishermen docking their boats, and local residents out to sample the cuisine and nightlife at their favorite bistros and clubs.

At the restaurant they were shown to a cozy candlelit table overlooking the wharf. But Barbara found herself too engrossed in her husband to notice the scenery. As they sampled the bread sticks and sipped goblets of sparkling white grape juice, she and Doug sat gazing into each other's eyes like lovesick teenagers.

“You look gorgeous in the candlelight, Barb.”

“And you're the same smooth-talking charmer I remember from all those years ago.”

He clasped her hand across the linen tablecloth. “You know, it's strange, Barb. In a way I feel like we've been—I don't know how to explain it—frozen in time, numb, in a deep freeze—” A smile played on his lips. “See what I mean? I don't have the right words. But it's as if we're both waking up out of a long sleep and we're finally feeling things again, finally in touch with our emotions. Do you feel it, too?”

“You couldn't have said it better,” she agreed. “Tonight I'm feeling emotions I had long forgotten. Sweet, bittersweet, poignant, wonderful emotions.
Love and longing. Wistfulness. Bits of memory…yearnings…and desire.”

He kissed her fingertips. “I like the sound of that, sweetheart. Maybe we should skip dinner and go straight to the dessert.”

She laughed. “Now that's the old Doug Logan talking.”

After dinner they took a long, leisurely stroll in the moonlight along the Embarcadero. They walked arm in arm, locked so close that they moved as one. The pungent sea air was damp and biting, with a sudden wind rising over foamy, crashing waves, but Barbara didn't care. This was a night like none she had ever experienced—a new beginning, imbued with fresh hopes and dreams. She and Doug had found their way back to each other through the darkness. They were alive again, alive in every way. God had brought them healing. And now, this bright magical night, Barbara was aware only of her husband's protective warmth and gentle caress as they laughed and kissed and counted stars and whispered sweet endearments.

All too soon it was time to head back to their hotel. Doug paid Mrs. Reid and sent her on her way, while Barbara showered and slipped into a lacy negligee. Then, while Doug showered, Barbara checked on Janee. She sat down quietly on the bed and gazed at Janee's cherubic face, smoothed back her soft, saffron curls. “I love you, my sweet girl,” Barbara
whispered. “I just pray that tomorrow you'll be ours, really ours.”

Janee stirred and her eyelids fluttered. Her rose-petal lips formed the word, “Mommy.”

“God willing,” Barbara whispered, tears starting. “Please, God, let it be. You've made me strong, but please don't ask too much of me now.”

There was a rustling sound. Barbara looked around, startled. It was Doug joining her at Janee's bedside, loosely tying his velour robe. He nodded at the slumbering child. “She looks like an angel, doesn't she?”

“She is an angel, Doug. Our little angel.”

“That's my prayer, Barbie. That she'll be ours.”

“My prayer, too.”

“He's already answered so many prayers.”

“I know, Doug.” Barbara rose and slipped into his arms. “He helped us find our way back to each other. I almost wonder if I dare ask for more.”

“God's in the business of answering prayers. It's what He does best. I say, go for the moon, if you want it.”

“It's not the moon I want, Doug.” With an alluring little smile, Barbara ran her fingertips over the solid contours of her husband's chest. “You smell wonderful. What is that? Something new?”

“Something just for you, Barbie.” He took her hand and led her quietly to their adjoining room. But just as he was shutting Janee's door, Barbara heard
a little voice call out, “Mommy? Daddy? I'm scared.”

With muted sighs they both returned to Janee's bedside. Janee sat up and rubbed her eyes with her fists. “I had a bad dream.” She looked up at Barbara. “Can I come in bed with you?”

Barbara looked at Doug. “Just for a few minutes?”

He shrugged. “Only until she falls asleep. Then it's just you and me, babe.”

“Okay, Janee,” said Barbara with a grin. “The big guy says it's okay.”

“Oh, boy!” Janee chortled. She jumped out of bed, scampered barefoot from her room to the master suite and dove into the king-size bed. She burrowed down under the covers in the very center and waited for Barbara and Doug to join her, one on each side. When they were all snugly under the covers, Janee whispered, “Look. Three bugs in a rug. Now we're a happy family.”

Barbara's throat tightened.
Almost, little one, but not quite.