A Glimpse of the Dream (25 page)

“I’ve never seen anything like that. To look at him, you’d think he could see,” Simon said.

“He always wanted to build a boat.”

“When there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Mr. Miller saw us walking toward Kane and said something to him. His head lifted, like a sighted man’s would. His hand stilled on the wood he worked.

“Hi, Kane.”

“Tea.”

“You’re building your boat,” I said.

“Yeah.” His hands moved lovingly over the wood. “It’s taking far longer than it should, but I love it.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Is it?”

“Very. The grain of the wood has lots of striations and the color is a warm brown. The curve of the hull, softly sloping comes to a gentle point. You’ve stained it darker, a rich mahogany, which is the exact color of the boat you showed me once.”

I was so focused on the boat, I didn’t notice Kane until I saw the look on his face as I described his boat to him, knew he was seeing it exactly as I did. “It really is beautiful, Kane.”

And then I saw the name, penciled on the backboard. He had told me that the name needed to mean something. Seeing the name he chose, my heart ached with love.
My Tea.

I wanted to throw myself into his arms, wanted to proclaim my love for him, wanted him to pull me close, to love me, to take up where we’d left off, but instead I banked all those feelings, put them aside for later, and focused on the part of me he needed now.

“Simon and I were going to the diner for lunch. Will you come?”

No was on his tongue, I could see his lips practically forming the word, but he stopped himself. Instead, he placed the paper he was using down and stood.

“I may need a hand finding the place.” My heart sighed.

Slipping my hand into his, I smiled up at him and knew somehow he knew I was. He squeezed my hand and smiled back.

Simon moved to join us. “Lead the way, Teagan.”

The diner looked exactly the same, and I was happy to see our booth was unoccupied. Once we’d settled, I found our names that Kane had carved into the table when we were younger and traced them with my finger.

Reaching for his hand, I pressed his finger on the carving.

“Our booth,” he said softly.

“Yep. Place looks exactly the same.”

“Same lights, those horrible orange globes?”

“Exactly the same.”

“God, someone needs to tell Henry it’s time to update.”

When our waitress approached, I couldn’t quite believe what I was seeing. Camille. The girl who’d wanted to live in Raven’s Peak, the house on the cliff, ruling over the town, was instead serving the town fast food. If that wasn’t karma in action, I didn’t know what was. Kathy had mentioned the estrangement between Camille and her dad. She hadn’t been exaggerating. As I’d noticed the other times I’d seen her since I’d returned, she didn’t look good. Her dye job wasn’t being kept up regularly, as evidenced by the dark roots. She was a bit heavy in the middle, and, though she was wearing a uniform, her street shoes were not of a high quality. Clearly part of the estrangement included not keeping her in the lifestyle to which she’d become accustomed.

“Well, as I live and breathe. Kane and Teagan. How nice.” Venom dripped from her words, or maybe it was jealousy. I couldn’t help but think of Kane entertaining her in the library when I’d first arrived. Why had he? She had known the truth about Kane all those years ago and took great delight in lying to me. She was a bitch. Why did he allow her in the house?

“So you’ve reconciled. Guess it will be the three of us going out now”—her eyes drifted to Simon—“or four. I must admit I’ve enjoyed having Kane all to myself. I think he liked my company too. Didn’t you, Kane?”

I hated that she knew exactly where to stick the knife. Kane said nothing, his silence speaking volumes, and in that moment I wanted him to explain how he could spend time with this person. She was vile. But I wouldn’t put him on the spot, wasn’t going to give Camille the satisfaction.

“So how long have you worked as a waitress, Camille? Didn’t you want to rule over this town at one time? What happened with that?” I asked sweetly.

Direct hit. If her eyes were laser beams, I’d be toast. “This is just temporary. I’ve had a tough time of it lately, but I’ll be just fine. You’ll all see.” Her focus drifted to Kane. “Oh, or maybe not.”

I was nearly out of my chair, but Kane’s hold on me tightened like a vise.

Simon, being Simon, leaned back and, though he looked calm, I saw the anger. “Really? This is temporary. I’m guessing you’re older than Teagan, here, by quite a few years, to look at you. So you’re over a decade out of high school and this is a temporary gig? If you say so.”

She looked about ready to launch. I waited for the steam to come from her ears, but laughter came from my side—Kane was laughing—a deep, throaty laugh. A laugh I had not heard in far too long. “I approve of your friend, Tea.”

Simon’s smiling eyes met mine. “What’s good here?”

Kane and I said “the chowder” at the same time.

He closed his menu. “Three bowls of chowder it is.” Simon stared pointedly at Camille’s name tag before adding, “Camille.” It was a clear dismissal.

Kane laughed again. “Yep. Really like your friend.”

Kane and I sat on the beach of Raven’s Peak. Simon was packing; he needed to get back to the shop. I wanted him to stay, but I knew he had to go. I had offered to help him pack but he claimed he didn’t want me hovering, though I suspected he didn’t want me to witness his attempt at sweet-talking Mrs. T into some food for the road.

My thoughts shifted to Kane and I asked, “Why were you entertaining Camille at the house?”

“She comes occasionally to chat. I feel bad for her. She doesn’t have any friends—not even her dad talks to her.”

“I understand her lack of friends—she brings that on herself, but why doesn’t her dad talk to her?”

“No idea. I tolerate her visits. Enjoying her visits, as she claimed, is a stretch, but I didn’t say anything to refute that—it’s pointless. Silence is more effective with her.”

“I’m happy to hear that—thinking you two have been chummy all these years really pisses me off.”

“I feel the same about her as I did when we were kids.”

“Good.” And it was wrong of me to feel that way, but I did. Camille was a bitch, always would be.

His head turned in my direction. “What’s your life been like, Tea?”

“That’s a loaded question.” Leaning back on my hands, I looked out at the sea. “College sucked because for the whole of it I felt like a zombie, going through the motions of life, but not actually living it.”

“Tea.”

“No, I need to say this. I need you to understand. When you left me, I wanted to die. Simon wouldn’t let me give up. He forced me, berated me, strong-armed me into living without you. When my feet were back under me and I had come to terms with your wish to move on, I came home to find you had returned and were married. And worse, you cut me completely out of your life—every part of it, including our friendship.

“That was even harder than you leaving me, but somehow I moved past it, started a business, tried to find joy in life again. Simon helped a lot with that, but no matter how much I tried to fill the hole left by the loss of you, I always felt empty. Being here with you, I don’t feel empty anymore. For me, it’s always been you, Kane. And I know we have a long way to go, but I want—no, I need—you in my life. Maybe you don’t want me the way you used to, but I meant what I said. I’ll take you any way I can have you.”

“I’ve never stopped wanting you. You need to know that.” His head was lowered so I couldn’t read his expression. “It’s not my place to ask, but you must have dated in all that time.”

“I did. Nothing meaningful, nothing close to what we had. I never wanted that again, not the beauty of it or the pain when it was snatched away.”

His hands clenched, and I knew what he was thinking, that he hated that it hadn’t been him with me all those years. “I wanted it to be you. Sometimes I closed my eyes and pretended it was, but never did anyone ever come close to giving me what we shared.”

“I hate that others have known you that way. I know it’s unfair, since I was the one to push you away, but I hate it. You’re mine.”

“I am. Still am, Kane.”

He closed his eyes as he settled back on his hands, his face looking up to the skies. “I really like hearing that.”

Kane

Working out with the bar, I tried to move past the jealousy I felt knowing that Tea had slept with other men. It was wrong of me; I’d driven her to it, but the ugly emotion still twisted in my gut. She was mine, no other man should know her taste, the feel of her skin, the sounds she made when she came. I hated knowing that there had been others, I hated that I had asked. It was the one thing that only I had given her, but I had fucked that up too.

I sensed her friend Simon before I heard him calling my name. I liked him, liked that she had him to help her through all the shit I had done to her. I couldn’t deny I liked it more that he’d never had her.

Dropping from the bar, I turned.

“I’m about to leave, so I wanted to say good-bye.”

My hand reached out. He grasped it, hard and fast. “It was nice to meet you. I’m glad Tea’s got someone like you watching her back.”

“Happy to do it.” Silence fell, which always made me uncomfortable. You don’t appreciate how much you read from someone by just watching that person. Losing that ability put me at a disadvantage.

“Teagan loves you, has always loved you. Even when she hated you, she loved you. I never want to see her suffer the way she did again. I knew her when she was with you, and I knew her when she was without you. Seeing the two of you together, I understand now why she reacted so severely. I don’t know what it’s been like for you—can’t imagine going through what you’ve gone through.”

“But?”

“If you can’t move past whatever is holding you back—whatever is keeping you from taking her into your arms and loving her, making up for all that time you lost—let her go. Her life has been on hold for nine years; she needs to start living it and that includes love and family. She wants that, I know she does. If you can’t give her that, you need to let her find it somewhere else.”

“How do you know that I don’t want that too?”

“I think you do, but I think you’re afraid to reach for it. I get it, you’re blind, you’re scarred, and you think that makes you less of a man to her.”

Even though he nailed it on the first try, it pissed me off just the same. He steamrollered right past my angry expression.

“Look, if it was me in your shoes,
I
would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. But she deserves all, not part, of you. She’s waited long enough for it.”

She hadn’t waited with everything. It was completely unfair, and yet it was still how I felt.

He chuckled and fuck if he hadn’t read my mind.

“You would deny her sex? You fucking told her you were married to another person, living in the house that should have been hers. Yeah, she’s had sex, Kane. Far less than I would have had in her shoes. And now she feels guilty, like she’s betrayed you with those men. You took it all away from her, you gave her no choice, and now
you’re
jealous? If that’s the best you can do for her, leave her alone. Cut the cord now and set her free for good. She’ll find her way. She’s stronger than she gives herself credit for, and I’ll be there to get her through it,
again
. She can and will find happiness without you.”

“Are you purposely trying to piss me off?” If I could see, I would have fucking knocked his head off.

“Yeah, I am. Fight for your woman, Kane, before you lose her again.”

I knew he was gone even before I heard the sound of the engine firing up. Fucking asshole. He wasn’t wrong, I had been holding myself back. That he would go to bat for her, to confront me and hold the mirror to my face, so to speak, yeah, I liked him. His pep talk came a few days too late, though. I had already pulled my head from my ass. I wanted Tea, and I planned on fighting like hell to have her.

Walking back inside, I headed for the shower. I had a meeting with Mr. Lawson in the morning. I wasn’t sure what he could share with me about my mom that I’d find interesting. The woman had left and never looked back. A knot formed in my stomach, apprehension that I wasn’t going to like whatever it was he had to say.

Teagan

Kane went to see Mr. Lawson—I heard Mr. Clancy mention it to Mrs. T in the kitchen. Kane hadn’t asked me to come with him, and that kind of hurt. Standing on the back patio, I watched as Kane came around the house, Zeus at his side. I started to step off the patio to call to him, but the sag of his shoulders and the downward tilt of his head kept me from doing so.

His mother had been absent for most of his life, so what could he have learned from Mr. Lawson that would open up the wound again? I could feel his pain even from my distance.

He needed time, and I’d give him that, but then I’d offer him my shoulder. Give him the comfort he had given me after my parents had died. Turning, I went back inside. Mr. Clancy usually had tea now; maybe I could join him.

I tracked Kane down a few hours later at the boatyard. He got around really well, but then I suppose he’d had nine years and was determined to not be a burden to anyone, as if he could ever be. Fool.

He was working on painting, Mr. Miller right at his side to help guide him. I was happy to see that the sadness I had spied earlier no longer seemed to haunt him. I waited until he pulled his brush from the boat, so I didn’t startle him and screw up his work.

“Kane.”

“I wondered how long you would wait.” Placing his brush down, his head turned in Mr. Miller’s general direction. “I’ll come back later, if that’s okay.”

“Sure thing. I’ll seal everything up, so if you don’t make it back, we can work again tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

Kane stood. Mr. Miller helped him around the boat. “Hi, Teagan.”

“Hi, the boat looks beautiful.”

Mr. Miller smiled, admiration and pride in his expression. “It sure does.”

Kane held his hand out to me, and I immediately linked our fingers.

“Where’s Zeus?”

“Home. I had Sam drive me.”

Sam—the same man who had driven Kane and me to school as kids. The few times I had seen him since I’d been back, he hadn’t seemed to have aged at all. Kane and I started to walk, not really sure where we were heading, just around, I guessed. He was upset. I didn’t need to hear his voice to know this.

“You went to see Mr. Lawson,” I said.

“Yeah.”

“Tell me,” I urged gently.

“My mom lives two towns over. She’s married and apparently has been for over ten years.”

Clenching my jaw to keep from hurling the curses that I was choking on, I pressed myself against his side, offering comfort. There could be any number of reasons why his mom had moved away and remarried, but none of them were acceptable, given that she’d abandoned her child. He was better off without her. He had found a very loving family at Raven’s Peak; and, while logically that all made sense, the heart of the nine-year-old left behind still beat in his chest. Logic didn’t mean shit to him.

“All this time, and she was right there, so close and so far away. Not a phone call or a birthday or Christmas card. How can a woman bring life into the world and then turn from it?”

The scenario sounded awfully familiar—like mother like son. Kane had done that to me, his intent to protect, his goal my well being. What if his mother had done the same? I wanted to say this to him, but he wasn’t ready to hear it. He was angry, and I understood that feeling all too well. When he was calmer, when he’d had more time to think about it, I’d broach the subject.

And even with that course of action in mind, I opened my big mouth and blurted, “Maybe you should contact her.”

“No.”

Stupid. “Sorry.”

“For years I wondered—hell, I still find myself wondering—what did I do wrong? How could she not love me enough? How could she just forget about me? Why did she hate me?” He stopped walking, and his entire body went so taut that I thought he was going to break. Pulling his hand from mine, his expression turned to one of profound disgust.

“I fucking did that to you. Jesus, I made you feel exactly what I have spent my entire life feeling.”

Well, yes, he had. He could have been describing me for the past nine years, but I wasn’t about to confirm that.

“Your intentions were in the right place,” I whispered, leaving it to him to make the inference.

“And you’re here with me now. Why?”

“I can’t stay away from you, never could.”

His arms lifted. I walked right into them, and they closed me in for a tight hug. “Love you, Tea.”

It wasn’t necessary for me to respond. For a few glorious minutes we stayed like that, exactly my favorite place to be. His voice was soft when he asked, “You think I should see her?”

“I think you might find there was a reason she left.”

“Lawson has her address and number. We’ll have to call him.”

“Okay.”

Silence fell for a moment; Kane clearly had something on his mind. He said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you feel all the things I did. I wanted to protect you, but I didn’t realize I was hurting you anyway.”

“We’re here. It took us a long time to get here, but we’re here. Let’s leave the past in the past, okay?”

“Okay.” A slight smile touched his lips. “Wise words.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes,” he said.

“How do you—”

He laughed, the sound easing the tension I hadn’t realized was stiffening my shoulders. “You always rolled your eyes at me when you thought I was being a clown.”

This was true. My smile faded when I thought about him never seeing me roll my eyes at him again, never seeing the boat he was building, or the sea he’d so loved to look at.

His hands moved up my back, his fingertips finding my lips. “Why the frown?”

“What’s it like?”

“Dark.” Trying to lighten the mood, a grin pulled at his mouth, but looking into those beautiful eyes and knowing he couldn’t look back caused an ache in my chest.

“At first it was maddening, frustrating. I broke so many things, both unintentionally and intentionally. Lonely is a good word to describe it, and terrifying. Disorienting—places I thought I knew with my eyes closed”—another grin—“I learned I didn’t know, because my sense of direction was completely screwed up. I couldn’t make it from my bed to my bathroom without walking into something and stubbing my toes.”

“But now you walk through your house like a sighted man.”

“Because I forced myself to learn it again. Counting the steps to get to the bathroom, listening to the sound of the water and knowing it needs to be on my left side if I’m heading to the bathroom. Even smells help to guide me.

“I’ve adapted, but I miss it. I miss seeing the horizon. I miss the sunrise and seeing the full moon in the sky. But most of all, I miss your face. I wish I could be looking at you right now, but”—his fingers ran along the curves and lines of my face—“I do see you.”

Emotion tightened my throat at his beautiful sentiment. My hands covered his, expressing silently just what his words meant to me. “I’ve developed a lazy eye. It’s probably best you can’t see me.”

A second passed as my words sank in, and then that fabulous face tilted back and he laughed, a deep belly laugh. I loved his laugh. His hand moved down my arm for my hand. “Let’s get something to eat, my lazy-eyed love. And then we’ll contact Lawson and get my mom’s information.”