A Haunted Heart (10 page)

When the heavy metal door clanged shut, I stood for a few minutes simply staring out the little 6 X 6 inch window in the door. Pain radiated through my wrist from where the fucking chair landed on it. If I ever saw the light of day…I would hunt Adam Stroud down and kill him. I had plenty of time to think about how I would do it and there was no doubt it would be a slow and torturous death.

As I lay down on the paper-thin mattress that stunk, the springs squeaked beneath it and I thought about the lives that had been taken by my hands.

Thinking back about that night…I never would have killed Jack. Bringing Anna back to life after that was nearly impossible. Seeing her face when I told her what had happened…knowing it happened at my hands. I rubbed my head wishing for the millionth time that it would have worked out differently.

When Michael brought the Ambien and Valium to me that night…I wasn’t prepared when the fucking bitch screamed out from the bedroom from where she was tied up.  I’d sedated her enough to nearly kill her and yet she woke up somehow. Never, never did I keep the women at the city house…ever; and that particular night…Halloween…I got the call.

I heard voices outside the cell and a different door clanged shut. Halloween!  Of all nights to get the call. So, I’d brought her to the house, sedated the shit out of her with what I had in stock and waited for Michael to bring me the prescription.  The look on Michael’s face when he heard the scream… Instantly, I knew what I was going to do. I couldn’t chance him talking.

I slammed the cement cell wall with my already possibly broken and throbbing hand. Michael dressed like a police officer for Halloween and it couldn’t have been more perfect. When I pulled him over, he actually got out of the car to talk to me…laughing a little; but I could see in his eyes that he knew something was off which only concreted my plan.

It was when he spotted the silencer on the end of the gun that his eyes went wide; and he threw open Jacks door and pulled him into his chest. The act was honorable but stupid. I wouldn’t have killed the kid. I’m not a fucking monster.  Besides, I thought the kid was ok. Outside of Michael crying out his name…there was nothing. Not a single cry. 

Scraping the build up of gunk off my teeth with my fingernail, I laughed out loud in my cell at how easy it was to explain to everyone what had happened. Threw in some heroin for good measure…a made up stop…left the bodies along side the road. Boom…the girl I’d fallen in love with years ago was mine for the taking.

Adam Stroud’s god damn, mother-fucking, model-perfect face flashed in my head. Anna’s face when he touched her.  The thought of her tasting him…touching him. It wasn’t until the hair was in my hand that I realized I had pulled my fucking hair out because of him. 

I hopped off the bed and glanced in the mirror, if that’s what it could be called. My reflection coming off the steel was fuzzy but the bald spots were visible. As I glanced around the cell for another way to hurt myself—I knew I needed to do anything I could to prove mental instability.  The quicker I could get out of this fucking hellhole, the better. And the faster I’d be able to get back to Anna and kill Adam.

When the cell door opened, I spun around as a guard stepped in. Fuck.

“You have any concerns or questions about what you should or shouldn’t say?” he asked and I raised my brows.

“I’m not sure what you mean?” I said wanting to back step but I held my ground.

When his fist rocketed into my gut sending me to the ground, he bent next to me. “Belinsky needs to know that you stay quiet. In fact, if there is any question as to why you might not want to do that, I will fuck you in the ass with a chainsaw just for a simple reminder. You got that?”

I nodded from all fours still trying to catch my breath. His shoes were still next to me.

“Do we need to discuss this further?”

I shook my head and watched as his foot shot backward then blasted into my ribs. And as I lay there in agonizing pain, I heard the cell door clang shut and I knew he was gone.

Halloween day…a year anniversary. Twelve months. Fifty-two weeks. Three-hundred-sixty-five days. I’d been through every holiday without Michael and Jack and yet now—I would be starting a new count down. One without Adam…  

As I lay in bed that morning, the gray sky absorbed my mood—dark and dreary. Five days had passed since I’d seen Adam. Lying there tucked under the warm blanket, it was Adam’s touch I missed…his touch I craved…his touch that my body ached for. When I closed my eyes, I could still fill the rush of his breath roll over my skin.

Each time he’d touched me it left me wanting more.  The porch swing, my living room, his bedroom…how could I have so horribly misread him? The look…the hunger…even the gentleness in his eyes was there. Never did I see this coming. I knew in my heart he was planning to leave after his work here was done, but I hadn’t been prepared for the… Lies. 

After a quick shower, I dressed and headed to the cemetery. The harsh wind blew dead leaves across the browning grass, and as gravel crunched beneath my shoes, I pulled the scarf tighter around my neck.  Winter was knocking.

When I passed the oak tree, I spotted a flicker of yellow at the base of Jack’s grave…something was there, and my pace quickened until I was jogging. A beautiful arrangement of flowers tied perfectly with a bow lay there.  I picked them up and a note fell out onto the ground. I recognized the white note card immediately.
Adam.

I glanced around wondering how long it had been since he’d left the flowers.  There was no sign of him.

My dearest Anna, I knew today would be your hardest challenge yet…the day your life changed forever. Well my love…I’m sorry you are going through this today without me. But I need you to know something—the day I was assigned this case, the day I reached out to you on that sidewalk…that was the day my life changed. Anna, being an FBI agent was all I ever wanted—until you. My job was to protect you. My job was to get to know you. I was in that room today when you lied to protect me and I have to believe you did that because you don’t want to hurt me. My whole life I’ll never know the extent of what I’ve done to you. The hurt I’ve caused. And I promise you, I will never forgive myself for allowing him to hurt you…to get to you. If I hadn’t gotten there in time...

Please accept my apology. At a time when you needed me most, I turned my back on you, literally. I am truly sorry. Anna…please forgive me.     Adam

Silent tears etched their way down my cheeks.
Forgive me?
He wasn’t here to forgive. Maybe forgiveness in my heart… Someday I would give him that.

As I glanced up through a cloud of tears at Michael’s tombstone, I cried harder with the irony that I knelt before my husband’s grave crying over another man.

When I got home, I built a fire and nestled in for the remainder of the day. I’d bought candy just in case the children came to the door regardless of the porch light being off. The craziness surrounding this holiday and the enormity of my loss should not rob them of their smiles.

After six, the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, Miranda stood there with a twelve pack and a pizza.  We’d done this one other time at her place.

“Miranda…” I more like mouthed her name than said it.

“Trick or treat!” she said gruffly, pushing past me and coming in.

“What are you doing?” I asked closing the door.

“Oh, Shut up, Anna. You know I love you. You know I’m your friend and you’re mine.  Just because I don’t have the occupation you think I had doesn’t change everything else,” she spat out. “I rented some movies. We are gonna eat this pizza, drink this beer and answer this damn door because these kids need at least one more…” She sifted through the candy in my bowl. “…One more Kit Kat or a box of Milk Duds.”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at her words and demeanor. So much for a quiet night by the fire.

After three pieces of pizza, four beers, numerous super heros that made me cry and a damn scary movie…I was glad she was there.

Unable to resist any longer, I finally asked, “Tell me about Adam.”

She grinned. “I was waiting for that. What do you want to know, sweetheart?”

I shrugged, pulling the blanket up over me. “I don’t know. Anything. I feel like I don’t know him.”

“He’s one of the best men I know, and working in a field of men, that says a lot. He’s also very professional, Anna. Very. His job is important to him.”

I nodded, smiling but the realization that his job was more important than me hurt. “He told me he didn’t graduate from college.”

“I know. In the beginning he had to lie. That’s what he was put here to do. But in the end, it’s the last thing he wanted to do. These last five days, I wasn’t sure he was gonna make it.” She finished another beer.

My heart stuttered… “What do you mean not gonna make it?” I asked.

She slid her jacket over her shoulders as the doorbell rang again. I was tired of the interruptions. Flinging the door open, I smiled at the scary masked figure, dropped candy in the bucket and shut it just as quickly.

After she zipped up her coat, she gripped my shoulders and looked at me. The doorbell rang again.

“Don’t answer it. Just answer my question.”  The kids could go without candy!

She chuckled. “He was at the hospital 24/7 Anna. He never left until you woke up. He’s got a man watching you even now because he wants to ensure your safety. Without saying too much…you being taken helped us…locate other victims and bring them back to their families. You will surely hear about it in the news. In the mean time, he’s still worried about you. He’s taken a leave of absence.”

“Is he married?”

“No,” she laughed, and relief settled through me.

“Adam’s had
friends,
Anna. I won’t lie about that. But no one that he would have jeopardized his career for. No one who he would have sat bedside with for two days, with no sleep or food or drink. No girl has ever caused him to take a leave of absence. No girl has ever caused him to assault a suspect.”

He’d hurt TJ? My heart swelled so big it made my chest ache.

Miranda wrapped her arms around me, and as she did, goose bumps broke out over my skin. It felt as if an electrical current slowly zapped me sending shockwaves from head to toe.

“Miranda?” I whispered, trying to find my breath.

Her face said it before I asked.

“He’s here. I can feel him,” I murmured.

She nodded. “Yes sweet friend. He is here.” She kissed the back of my hand and opened the door, walking past him on the porch.

I swallowed dryly as he stood there, blue eyes staring at me.  He wasn’t wearing a shirt—he must have been freezing—though he looked hotter than hell. Jesus, his jeans rested below his waist and a tool belt hugged his hips.
A construction worker.
  

He shrugged, lifting his hands out to the side—a plaster cast covered one of his hands and at least five day’s of growth almost hid his chin and cheeks. I’d never seen him look better. My tongue betrayed me as it jetted out wetting my lips; I wanted to bite it in revenge.

“A construction worker, eh?” I said because it was clear he was just going to stand there half naked and torment me.

As hard as it was, I turned away from him and walked back into the house. He followed me.

“Yes.”

The house was dark because Miranda and I had been watching movies and the flicker of the TV and the fireplace combined provided little light. I don’t know what it was inside of me…but I was scared to look at him.  His tan, suede work boots were in my line of vision and even those made my insides clench with anticipation.

His hand reached toward me.  He was going to make me look at him—I’d be toast. Sure enough, he lifted my chin until our eyes met and the tears I’d held in most of the evening flooded my eyes, but thankfully didn’t spill over.

“I’m Adam.” His voice cracked as he took in a slow, deep breath. “I am NOT a construction worker. I’m a federal agent. My parents live about six hours from here and I’d love for you to meet them. I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I hurt you. Please…please…tell me I didn’t lose you.” 

When his chin trembled, I lost it and couldn’t hold back.

It had only been five days. I thought I could survive without her. I was wrong. Now that I once again found myself staring into murky puddles of the most beautiful brown eyes, my emotions got the best of me and I lost complete control of my own reaction. Tears broke free, exposing my weakness, and I back stepped away from her ashamed and embarrassed of my response.  

Her hands wrapped around my elbows holding me in place. With her fingertips, she forced me to look at her. Then she leaned up on her tiptoes and rubbed the wetness on my cheeks with her nose. I wanted to kiss her. Instead, I dragged my hand the length of my face erasing all evidence of my tears.

“You haven’t lost
me,
” she whispered. “I thought I lost
you
.”

Inhaling the first deep breath I’d been able to take in five days, I silently thanked God, and then I cupped her jaw on each side…making extreme efforts to be gentle with her face.

“Anna,” I said softly. “Search your soul. If you ever feel like you’ve lost me…that’s where you’ll find me. Always. From this day forward, I’ll be there, but I never want to share you. With anyone. But…”

I gently stroked my finger down her battered and bruised face. 

I continued, “I am willing to share your soul with Michael and Jack. And when you hurt because they aren’t here with you…I need you to let me hold and comfort you.”

“Oh Adam. That will be the easy part.”

I didn’t want to hear anything negative right now, but I had to ask.

“Is there a hard part?” I asked.

“Kiss me, Adam.”

I chuckled. “That for damn sure isn’t a hard part.”

Softly and slowly, I melded my mouth to hers—breathing my air into her…finding any way possible to make her mine…to make her a part of me. I know knew what it felt like to lose her, and I never wanted to feel that again.

As our kiss slowed, I gazed down at her.  I wanted to know what he’d done to her. If he’d touched her. I knew he’d hurt her, but not how badly. So many questions and hopefully the rest of our lives to answer all of them.

There was nothing in this world I wanted more in this moment than to be inside of her in some way. But this was one thing I needed her to navigate, so I simply pulled her toward the sofa.

“Tell me what’s hard, sweetheart.”

“Tell me what happened to your hand,” she countered.

I smiled, unfastening the tool belt and draped it over a chair.  I settled onto the sofa and cautiously pulled her down on top of me. The flicker of the flames in the fireplace ricocheted off her face, illuminating her beauty more.

I extended my arm out so we could give the plaster a once over.

“It was a couple of things actually. The glass at the agency when you were leaving.” I grinned.

She tickled my stomach. “I knew you were back there.”

“Then I punched the AD after your interview for asking you things about me. His quarrel was with me, not you.”

One of her hands flew up to her mouth, covering the gasp. “Adam! You love your job. You can’t do that!”

I leaned up and kissed her on the forehead.  “Anna, I do love my job. But I happen to love you more.”

We both froze. I knew I felt it, but saying it was another matter. Her eyes rounded and she seemed scared.

“Listen. That didn’t come out like I’d rehearsed. I meant it…I do love you. But, I wanted it to be romantic and passionate, yet now I’m rambling and fucking it up. I’m sorry.”

She pressed up onto her arms and looked down at me.

“Do you mean it? That’s all that matters…if you mean it.”

Skidding my fingers through her brown mane, I wrapped my hand around her head and gently forced her down to meet my mouth. Our lips immediately joined forces, and when our tongues met, she echoed a moan into my mouth. Midway through the kiss, I lightly tugged on her hair…once again forcing her to slow and look at me.

“Yes.  I mean it. I lost you once, Anna Brice. The pain of that is still pretty raw and real. I don’t want you out of my sight for a while. But I seriously need to know what the hard part is for you so we can deal with that.”

She rested her forehead on my chest breaking eye contact.

“You don’t live here, Adam. How will this work?”

“Anna. I’m with the FBI.  We make it work.  I live four hours from you. My intent is to pluck you out of this town and implant you in mine.”

When her brows pulled together, I knew what she was thinking immediately.

“Baby, we can come back here every weekend if you want to leave flowers. Whatever you need to do.”

She offered a slow smile. I knew this would be hard for her.

“I want to be with you, Adam.” Her smile grew. “But…”

“No buts! I won’t allow any.”

“Saying goodbye to you every day when you go out into the field—will be the most tortuous, grueling goodbye and paralyzing absence. I can’t do it. I can’t…not know if you won’t be coming home to me.” Her voice cracked and her cheek lay flush with my chest.

I snaked my arms around her.  There was no promise I could make that could ensure my safety. This was my life.  I placed a kiss on top of her head.

“You’re a doctor, you’ll take care of me.” My lips curled up even though she couldn’t see.

“I need you to come home to me, Adam. I couldn’t survive…losing you…if you didn’t.”

“Sshhhh,” I whispered hugging her gently. “You’re not going to have to. Have you seen Miranda? She’s got my back.  Besides,” I kissed the tip of her nose. “I can’t breathe without you…so I have to come home at night for me to survive too.” I winked at her. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

When her pelvis rotated down pressing against me, I stopped breathing just for a second.

“Something
is
going to happen to you,” she threatened. “The question is can you handle it coming from an older woman?”

I playfully smacked her ass. “I think I’m up for the challenge.”

As she started to get up, I stopped her cradling her in my arms. “Are we gonna do this here?” I asked pausing for her approval. Baby steps. “Or you want to head to my place?”

“I’m good with here,” she said resolutely. I walked to the bedroom, continuing to gauge her reaction.  Her cute little giggles were the green light I needed.

She winced when I lowered her onto the bed.

“An-na! I’m sorry. I tried not to hurt you,” I apologized and pulled back, but she caught my good hand. I’d unintentionally hurt her.

“Stop,” she whispered.  “I’m OK.”

Her eyes held no pain—quite the opposite in fact. The hunger inside them fueled my need. I wanted to fuck her into next year so that she would have no doubts she was mine and I’d always be there.  But, I’d settle for loving her as gently as she needed.

Towering over her, I slowly drank in every inch of her with my eyes, causing her to squirm with unease.

“You’re beautiful.”

Her lips curved slightly.  I lowered myself over her, brushing my lips across hers. Then I ran the tip of my tongue lightly over the seam of her mouth until she opened just slightly—our mouths fused together making one. Our tongues, her whimpers, our bodies…all responding.

I left her shirt on for the moment, knowing that when I spotted the bruises on her I would have a difficult time maintaining composure. So with caution, I slid her baggy gray sweats off her hips, exposing green polka dot panties. I glanced up at her.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” she whined.

With my thumbs, I hooked the elastic and slowly worked them down. “They weren’t meant to be on you long anyway.”

She bit her bottom lip.

“My mouth, however, was meant to be on you.”

The perfect brown eyes I’d grown to love rolled back into her head as she blushed. I think my girl liked dirty talk. I chuckled with the thought and decided to test my theory. As my finger traced up one of her thighs and slowly back down, I said, “Anna. I love you. And if it’s ok with you, I’m gonna make you come.” Her eyes closed as her ass arched up off the bed toward me. “First I’m going to use my finger,” I teased, and she moaned as I deliberately slid my middle finger into her as torturously slow as possible. With my thumb rubbing small circles on her clit, I gently rotated the finger inside her, making her writhe with pleasure.

“Mmmmm,” she moaned again.

“As soon as you come around my finger baby, I’m gonna make you come with my mouth.”

I smiled when her insides greedily clenched around my finger.  Her breath quickened, and I knew she was close.

“Then after I make you come with my mouth, I’m going to make you come with my cock.”

“Aaaah,” she cried out, and her body began to convulse around my finger, making me about blow my own load.

Jesus. Watching her come undone in the matter of a few minutes beneath my hand—there was no greater pleasure.

I planned to hear her cry out in pleasure several times before this night was over. No one could hear us anyway.  Glancing up at the windows, I noted that the even though the windows were shut, the blinds were open. Leaning down and kissing her thigh, then running my tongue gently over her wetness, I stopped at the top teasing her sweet spot…

“Give me just a second,” I whispered, leaving her lying there, beautifully bared. I walked over and twisted the handle on the blinds, shutting out the world. She was mine, and I would never share her again…with anyone.  Happy Halloween to me.