A Haunted Heart (5 page)

After dinner and nearly two shared bottles of wine—we cleaned up and walked into the living room with our half full glasses.

“Adam?”

“Anna.”

“After I gave you my number, you didn’t call me. Why?”

My breath was deep, as I considered what I was going to say. “You’re right I didn’t call you, intentionally.”

I knew she didn’t want to hang her heart on this end-of–the-summer fling, but no doubt, my words hurt. Sensing that, I sat my glass down and wrapped my hands around her tiny waist keeping her in place.

“Anna. I don’t know how fair it is for me to lead you on and then leave.”

Little brown tendrils of hair fell around her face when she glanced down shifting her weight from side to side. It was when she looked up that I knew I was fucked.

The flame in her eyes burned into me, and I knew without a doubt that I could make her melt. What I didn’t bargain for was my extraordinary reaction to her.  The sexy sway in her hips made me harden, and, as she brushed up next to my body, her eyes devoured me.

“Adam. That is my choice,” she barely whispered.

The AD’s words fired off in my head like a damn rocket but were a distant second to the tug coming from my body. I was so sexually wound up right now.

“Adam…” she spoke softly, but her silent plea was deafening.

Her head fell forward resting on my chest in defeat, as she understood I was standing my ground. But the mixture of the smell of her hair and her dusting of perfume enveloped me. As any remaining fight abandoned my body—I tugged gently on her head forcing her to face me.

College degree, master’s degree, academy training, specialty training—yet so ill prepared for this moment.

When her mouth parted with a pant, I gave her what she wanted. My lips covered hers and once again, I breathed life into her. Yet her breath…her touch…did something to me too. As her tongue skirted along my bottom lip, I fell under a spell I’d never been under before.

The softest of whimpers echoed up her throat. I started to pull away when her elegant hands became a trap ambushing me and finding me untrained for this type of mission. Her passion was inescapable as her tongue dove into my mouth searching for mine. This kiss was like no other kiss I’d experienced.

Instinctively, I broke free and forced myself away, taking the risk of hurting her. 

“Anna,” I said, catching my breath and not wanting her to see my protruding shorts.

Suddenly she flew past me, grabbed her purse and walked out onto the porch. “I get it, Adam. It’s ok.”

Catching up to her, I captured her in my arms and tugged her back against me. “Listen to me. What do you want from me?”

When her back relaxed against my aching chest, she shook her head back and forth.

“Anna. Tell me,” I whispered next to her ear.

“I want to be with you,” she barely said.

I kissed the top of her head.

“You’re referring to sex?” I asked unable to believe I was having this conversation and thanking God my predecessors never got this far—the thought pissed me off.

She nodded. “It’s been so long, Adam. I’m not upset though. I understand that you’d rather not and that’s ok. But…”

Almost violently, I spun her around so she could witness the desire in my eyes. “Anna Brice. If I for a second made you feel as if I didn’t want you, I’m sorry. I promise you I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman.”  Truth.

With both hands, she gripped my face and reared up on her tiptoes brushing her lips over mine. “Give me the days you’ll be here. I know it’ll only be about thirty more but be mine during that time,” she implored.

I gathered her hands and led her to the porch swing. “Just so I’m clear. You want to use me for sex over the next thirty days,” I joked with a slight chuckle.

Her face flushed scarlet.

“Lie down,” I said, patting my lap and she did. Her little body curled up next to me with her head on my thighs.

I might be on strict orders not to stick my dick in her but that didn’t mean I couldn’t give her something to enjoy. I’d do my best to maneuver around the assistant director’s orders.

She rested her knees against the back of the swing looking up at me.

I kept swinging us and could feel my muscles tighten beneath her head every time I pushed us forward. Her smell continued to infiltrate my senses and begged me to touch her.

“Think you’ll ever tell me about your parents?” she asked.

She stared up at me and I swallowed hard knowing there would be no truth to my words.  

“Someday,” I lied sifting my fingers through her hair. “You are beautiful, Anna.”

As I watched her nervously squirm, she found discomfort with my compliment and attempted to sit up, but I held her securely in place.

“Don’t go.”

She shivered with the sudden cool breeze.

“Why is that hard for you to hear?” I asked, drawing the back of my finger down her face.

My stare was meant to intimidate—I wanted an answer.

“I haven’t felt beautiful for so long. I’ve felt vacant…void and empty. When you kissed me the other night, Adam, it’s as if my body resuscitated.”

My chest rose and fell with a deep breath.

She continued, “That’s why I like being with you. You make me feel beautiful and wanted again.” Her chin quivered. If she only knew how wanted she was by so many.

In one swift movement, I wrapped her fully and brought her up for a kiss—her lips tasted mine; her tongue peeked out touching my lip, then retreated again.

“Let me make you feel beautiful. Allow me to touch you and love you tonight. I want to make you want to live,” I whispered.

My words were the gentlest I’d ever spoken before. I wasn’t sure where they even came from, but she sucked in a slight gasp of air.

I brushed a tender kiss over her forehead. “Anna. If you say stop, we stop. Period. I know you’re scared.  But trust me.”

Courage percolated in my blood as it raced to my groin. Never, and I mean never, had I planned to do such a thing to a woman. When I stared into her paralyzing gaze, doubt diminished from every shred of me. And as my fingers traced over her brows and raked into her chestnut hair, I trapped her head and brought her lips up to mine once again. 

Her ravenous kiss tested no waters…it was full of passion and a raw want that I’d never experienced. Our wet tongues swayed together in sync and this time when I elicited a whimper from her, she never slowed, only continued the soft assault on my mouth.

Unsure of what I was doing, I slowed the kiss and rested her head once again in my lap.

“I want to see your face. Your expression when I touch you. Is that ok?”

Hopefully, she understood that I would only be touching her. Hopefully, she found comfort in that. Hopefully, this one time would be enough for her to move forward without me.

With one finger, I delicately sketched over the skin at the base of her neck. With every slow zigzag across, my finger crept lower until I was outlining the swells of her breasts. Her nipples poked through the thin sundress and a slight moan scratched up her throat.

“Jesus, Anna.”

My hands moved over her pale skin then slid beneath her dress, beneath her bra and easily covered her small breast. Once I found her nipple, I gently thumbed over it causing her hands to fist—one in her hair and one in my shirt.

“You ok?” I asked with concern coloring my tone.

She nodded, panting and hid her eyes from me.

“Open your eyes, Anna.”

They fluttered open and her nearly black eyes burned with desire, which fueled mine.

My hand reluctantly abandoned her breasts and skidded down to her knee. I’ll be damned if my heart didn’t get out of rhythm. The effect this woman had on me was scary.

 After rubbing her knees and massaging up her thigh, my hand slid up to the apex of her thighs, warmth radiating from it. When my hand rubbed over the silky slick panties, they were drenched. Her legs fell open allowing me full access.

A low growl reverberated in my chest and her eyes shot open.

“What’s wrong?” Her words barely audible through her rushed whisper.

“Sweetheart,” I said with nearly clenched teeth and a flare to my nostrils. “You’re so wet, your panties are soaked. I think…I need…to stop.”

“Why?”

My jaw ticked back and forth. “Because I want to take every inch of you and the further we go, the harder time I’ll have stopping.”

“Don’t stop.”

And those two words were all it took for me to push her panties to the side and delve into her, stealing the breath from her body.

“Aaah,” she gasped, but nearly shot up off my lap when my thumb brushed over her sweet spot.

“Open your eyes.”

Her attempt was futile. Every time she tried, my thumb perfectly rotated bringing her closer. Her hips rose to meet the penetration of my finger.

My finger moved, not just in and out, but massaged the inside as well and the eruption brewing beneath her surface made me want to strip her naked and fuck her right here on the porch.

Another pleasurable moan ripped from her throat until I concentrated solely on her clit with the amount of pressure I knew to give until I felt her detonate. Her insides greedily tightened around me as she gasped for air.

Jesus she was perfect and beautiful and one hundred percent woman.

 “Oh, Michael,” she whispered and immediately, her eyes popped wide and my hand stilled while her contractions continued around my finger.

Unwilling to admit the hurt, the knife to my heart, I brushed a kiss over her forehead, removed my finger—making sure her panties were intact, then I lifted her to scoot out from beneath her.

“Adam. Please. Don’t. I’m sorry.  So sorry,” I stuttered all over myself, my body that was just shaking from pleasurable tremors was now cold.

“Anna, it’s ok,” he said facing away from me with his hands resting on the porch railing.

Nervously, I inched up behind him snaking my arms around his chest. He shuttered as I squeezed him.

“I need to take you home.”

Tears stung my eyes when he gently broke my grasp and walked away from me.

“Adam! He was my husband!”

Adam spun so quickly on his heels with rounded eyes, brows low. “That’s right, Anna. He was. And if it were TJ’s name you moaned, I’d probably go punch his fucking face because that’s who I am. The thought of sharing you…” His eyes squeezed shut. “Sharing any woman,” he corrected.  “No man wants that. Let’s just say I would make it clear to any man, they are not to touch or even breathe near you.”

Scraping his fingers through his hair, he tugged on his longer strands then walked away again, my heart splitting with every step he took. When the screen door slammed, I followed him in.

“Don’t you understand? You don’t have to fight anyone!” I screamed as tears etched their way down my cheeks.

The brutal distance he was putting between us was unbearable.

“You’re right. Even if I wanted to fight him, I can’t fight a ghost,” he spoke quietly. 

“I’m right here. In front of you. This is where I want to be.” 

Our eyes locked for the longest time until he slowly strolled toward me, and with his thumbs he swiped away my tears. He brushed a delicate kiss over my forehead then hugged me.

“I’m taking you home,” he whispered over the shell of my ear.

Back at the house after the silent ride home, he quickly got out of the truck and followed me up as if he were coming in.

“What are you doing?” I asked. No one had been in my house in a year. Well, I guess TJ had twice because he needed to ‘look’ for things but that’s it.

“I’m making sure you get in safe,” he said, reaching his hand out for the key.

Handing it to him, he opened the door and I stepped in, turning to stop him from following. He literally picked me up from around my waist moving me out of his way.

“Adam, stop!” Panic seized every square inch of me. “Get out!” I clenched through a whispered grunt.

When he came to a sudden halt in the middle of the living room…in the middle of my shrine…his eyes roamed over Michael’s jacket, his untouched briefcase, Jaxson’s sippy cup, the toy cluttered floor, his unopened diapers in the corner, Michael’s empty beer bottle on the end table, and finally rested on the nearly empty Halloween bowl of candy.

“Jesus, Anna.” His tone held pain.

When he turned around, the pity in his eyes crushed me.

“Don’t pity me.” My voice trembled as I held up my palm to him, my battle with holding back tears failing. “You are the only one in this town who has looked at me in a whole new way. You looked at me like a woman…not some pathetic childless widow.”   Vomit lurched in the back of my throat when I uttered those words.

His brows lowered as an agonizing grimace crossed his face. I’d hurt him enough. This wasn’t fair.

The sickening pitiful steps he took toward me forced my gut to tighten.

“Adam, don’t. I’m moving on. I’m moving forward,” I stated, trying to convince even myself.

His arms wound around me and one hand skated up my back, through my hair. He buried my face into his hard chest. “Anna.” He breathed. “Sweetheart.” He reared back and captured every piece of my heart with his gaze. “You aren’t moving forward, baby. You are stuck. Paralyzed. Wedged in that moment of time.”

My hands gripped his cotton shirt with the realization of the words he spoke. My fingers like claws digging into the material as my legs gave out just like they had on that tragic night. The grief…the pain…all of the miserable, breath-stealing heartache back with a vengeance. 

“Aaaadam!” I cried and he cradled me in his arms and sat on the sofa. “I want it to stop hurting.”

“Sshhh. It will get better, sweet girl, I promise.”

Cranking another notch of pain—the awareness of what I was doing to him. I didn’t deserve his generosity…his kindness…pity. My tears flowed freely as he held me, his hand tracing up and down my back as I cried like a little girl. My breaths came in sputtered gasps and hiccups replaced those when the swell of anguish began to subside.

When I stirred, I realized I was in my bed. Glancing around the room, I saw Adam sleeping upright in the wicker chair in the corner; his neck uncomfortably slumped to the side. My dress lay at the foot of the bed and I lifted the sheets to see I had on a T-shirt, but it wasn’t mine. The T-shirt read Wrigley Field, and I glanced again at Adam.  His shirt was intact.

I went to get up and accidently bumped the end table sending Jaxson’s monitor crashing to the floor. Adam jumped up and grabbed for something under his arm but came up empty handed. He seemed out of sorts, and then recognition settled over him.

“You ok?” he whispered.

It felt like sandpaper scraped over my iris’s each time my lids closed.

“This yours?” I pulled the shirt away from my skin.

He nodded. “It was my undershirt. I didn’t know what to touch in here and what not to touch.”

“You put me to bed?”

He hesitantly nodded again.

I wouldn’t tell him that I hadn’t slept in this bed for almost a year. That the last time I did sleep here, it had been with Michael. I couldn’t do that to him.  I took four slow measured steps toward him, and I watched as his Adam’s apple jutted out and back in when I took his hand and led him back to the bed.  My bed.