A Heart for Robbie (17 page)

“So, you said the wings are good here? What else?” Julian asked,

grabbing a menu of his own from the spiral metal holder in the center of the table. The holder stuck out of a wire condiment basket where ketchup, mustard, and hot sauce rested comfortably, waiting to be put into service.

“The fish and chips don’t suck, and I like the Italian beef. I’d skip

the pizza, though. It’s just frozen pizza that they bake here, nothing you can’t make at home.”

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An older waitress ambled up to their table, black hair falling from

the precarious bun attempting to keep it from her face. Her faded green

pub T-shirt stretched across her ample chest, and she brought up a pad and pen. The smile on her lips did not reach her eyes when she asked what

they’d like to drink. She seemed to want to be anywhere but there.

“What do you have on tap?” Julian asked as he set his menu on the

table.

The waitress looked up at the ceiling, drawing the list out of her head

as she recited them. They had quite a list. But, like good little patrons, they decided “when in Rome” applied and ordered Guinness in the Irish pub.

The pub always seemed to look the same, with the Irish banners,

neon boards of prices, and blaring sporting events. When no sporting

events were available, they blared ESPN instead. It was a straight guy’s paradise, and Simon spent a lot of time there, hiding in plain sight.

“So, what are you thinking?” Simon asked, pushing his menu back

into the spiral holder.

“Maybe the chicken wrap, I want something light. It’s not often I get

the offer of a designated driver and beer on tap. I want to stop thinking for a while. Turn my fucking brain off.”

Simon laughed, and Julian’s features relaxed. He hooked his feet on

the rungs of the stool and watched the bartender filling pilsners from the tap.

“What about you?” Julian asked, putting his menu next to the one

Simon had used.

“I don’t know. Since I have to put your drunk ass to bed later, maybe

I’ll just stick with half a beer and some not-so-hot wings.”

Julian laughed as the server came back with their beers.

The first taste of malt and hops went right to Simon’s soul. He didn’t

drink often but liked a good, solid beer. Of course he’d take that any day over wine and the reminder of his mother’s shrill voice that came with it.

Their food order went quickly and with minimal fuss as the server wrote a few squiggles on the pad and left.

“So, how did you become an….” Simon paused, the question left

hanging in the air as Julian downed half his beer in one long swallow.

Jesus, he hadn’t been kidding when he said he wanted to drink and not

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think anymore. Foam lined Julian’s upper lip, and a flash of heat crashed through Simon as he wondered what it tasted like.

“I’m sorry, what?” Julian asked, setting his glass back on the table,

the table that seemed to be perpetually off balance. The table lurched a bit toward Julian as Simon shifted his weight on the stool again. He pushed it back with an easy grin.

“How did I become a what? Father? Trust me, it wasn’t the old-

fashioned way.”

Simon snorted and shook his head.

“How did you become an author?”

“Oh, that process was easier and a hell of a lot cheaper. I loved to

read growing up, and I liked to make up my own stories. I went to school for a bachelor’s degree in English, and the rest just fell in to place.”

“Do you like it?”

“Sometimes.”

They let that hang in the air while the waitress came back with

potato chips for the middle of the table. Julian grabbed a couple and asked her for another beer before shoving them into his mouth. Simon took a

long pull from the glass and studied Julian out of the corner of his eye while he drained his own beer in anticipation of the next. Simon took

another hurried drink to erase the way Julian’s tongue slipped out over his lips to remove the foam.

“What about you? How do you become an insurance coordinator?”

Julian asked, running a hand through his shaggy hair to pull it away from his eyes.

“I went to school for business and got hired into an insurance

department at another hospital right out of college. The coordinator

position at St. Mary’s opened up, and I applied for it. Not exactly the sexy murder mystery you were expecting, huh?”

Julian grinned at him, a free and easy thing Simon would have paid

money to see more often. He started on his second beer and was into the

third by the time the food came. As they took their first bites, his phone chirped. Guilt crept up the back of his neck when he wondered if it was

Dr. Dane and how he would explain getting a patient’s father drunk and

dropping him at home.

It wasn’t Dr. Dane.

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I’ve made reservations for brunch at Perry’s. Eleven thirty. Wear

something nice.

Simon frowned and put the phone back in his pocket. He would say

he almost dreaded going out to see his Mother on Sunday, but he

completely dreaded it. Nothing, it seemed, would deter her from getting

him and some poor unsuspecting girl to the chapel.

“Trouble?” Julian asked and popped a fry into his mouth.

“My mother is trying to marry me off. I have to do brunch with her

and one of her prospects on Sunday.” Simon shrugged and grabbed a few

fries of his own. It wouldn’t help to dwell on it right then. He’d get

through the brunch, as he always did. One day she would wear him down,

but that day hadn’t come yet.

“You’re thinking they’d have a hard time with you being gay?”

“Yeah.” The lump stuck in Simon’s throat had nothing to do with

wings or fries. He finished off his beer and signaled for the waitress to bring him another. He didn’t want to think about his mother right then. “If I lose them, I’ll be alone.”

Julian reached over and put an unsteady hand on Simon’s thigh, a

little too high for polite company, but the warmth of it through his jeans sent a shiver racing up his spine. He glanced up into Julian’s eyes and

found compassion through the haze of beer.

“They’re your family. You won’t lose them. They may be upset and

not agree with you, but you’re their son. Trust me when I tell you that

they’d die for you.” A tear welled up in Julian’s eye, and he brushed it away. “But you can have your family and still be alone.”

“Are you alone?” Simon asked quietly, unable to stop the question

from slipping through his alcohol-loosened lips. The hand slid from his

thigh, and Julian sat up a little straighter.

“I was. I was alone for a long time. Now, I have Robbie.” Julian

drank from his glass and then went back to the forgotten sandwich in the basket before him. He’d picked up the wrap when something struck him,

and he spoke again.

“I mean, I did the right thing by breaking up with him. All he wanted

was my money. He slept with other guys, stole from me, and treated me

like I was the most precious thing in the world to him so I wouldn’t figure it out. It’s sick that I still miss him even after five years of having him out A Heart for Robbie

97

of my life. Especially now, when I’m so fucking scared all the time, and no one else understands that gnawing fear that pierces my soul.”

Simon stared. It was the most personal thing Julian had ever told

him, and sick as it seemed, he wanted to know more. He asked the first

question that came to mind, though not the most pertinent.

“Did he steal a lot from you?”

“About twenty-five grand.”

“Jesus, is he in jail?”

“No. I was stupid, and I loved him. As long as he doesn’t come

around me again, I consider it a life lesson. I do miss the sex, though.

Kenny was a hot little bottom.”

Heat flushed through Simon, boiling water in his veins. His cock

nudged the inside of his slacks, vying to get his attention. When he looked up at Julian, unable to meet his eye in case Julian saw the hunger there, he noticed a bit of ranch dressing on the corner of the man’s mouth. Without thinking, he reached over and wiped it away with his thumb. Julian

grabbed his hand. At first, Simon thought Julian would yell at him, but

instead, he merely brought Simon’s hand to his mouth and, with slow

deliberation, sucked the sauce from his skin. Simon’s cock hardened

further, pressing against the fly of his dress pants, begging and needy. A voice in the back of his mind told him being attracted to Julian was a bad idea, but it became lost in the fog of booze and arousal.

Julian’s dilated eyes watched him as his breathing grew shallow and

excited.

“Will there be anything else, guys?” the waitress asked as she set

their bill down on the table.

“No, thank you.” Simon barely registered the numbers on the bill as

he dropped two twenties from his wallet and waved off Julian’s protest to pay half.

“Does that make this a date?” Julian asked. He popped a piece of

gum into his mouth and offered another to Simon. Date. Gum. Kissing.

Sex. His mind swirled, and he couldn’t quite get a foothold on his

thoughts. They walked back to Simon’s place, a little faster than they’d gone to get to the pub. The heat between them seared, and a haze formed

around them, cocooning them from the world.

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In the parking garage, they made their way to Simon’s car, though he

wasn’t entirely sure he should be driving. When they passed the last

concrete pillar before his parking space, Julian glanced around and

grabbed his hand. He didn’t have time to think before Julian had him

pressed against the cold concrete, one hand behind his neck, pulling him in. Their lips met in a kaleidoscope of color and sound. Breathless moans in his mouth made his cock harder. Simon’s hands drifted to Julian’s ass, pulling his hips closer. He loved the feel of Julian’s hard cock against his hip. To know that Julian wanted him, no matter how closeted or scared he was.

“Let’s go to my place instead,” Simon whispered in between fevered

kisses, his mouth barely able to form the words before Julian’s took it again in a desperate kiss.

They made out in the elevator, the hallway, and even pressed against

Simon’s door. Everything moved too fast in bright shiny colors and a

dizzying array of hard throbbing need. It took Simon several tries to get the door unlocked with Julian grinding against his ass, his lips attached to Simon’s neck. Simon pushed Julian toward the bedroom and stopped in

the bathroom for the fastest cleanup job he’d ever done.

When he stepped through the door and into his room, Julian was

already naked. Simon took in the long lines of his body, not sculpted but solid and real. His cock, which peeked out around slender fingers as Julian stroked, was respectable and thick. Simon felt a little self-conscious

standing naked before his would-be lover. Julian took two steps forward, and their lips met again, gentler, as Julian seduced him. Tender hands

came up to stroke his face as their tongues danced and their cocks bobbed between them.

War raged in Simon’s head. This wasn’t just some Friday night

hookup to scratch an itch. It meant something. He didn’t know what yet,

but he wanted so desperately to find out. Only he was terrified what would happen when he did find out. Julian quieted his thoughts by kissing him

deeper, pulling their bodies closer together so that the heat between them flared.

“You’re so beautiful,” Julian whispered against his lips.

A tidal wave of something, lust, need, acceptance, crashed over

Simon, pulling him under. He broke the kiss, not to move away but to take more. Julian’s cheek, where the stubble from the day scratched against his A Heart for Robbie

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lips, his neck, where Simon could feel the pulse racing beneath his touch, his chest, where Julian’s taut nipples stood at attention, begging for him, and still lower until Simon rested on his knees. His lips pressed against the tender skin of Julian’s groin, exploring, tasting. Simon wasn’t sure when he’d ever get the chance to make love again, not just have some

anonymous rough-and-tumble bar fuck. So he cherished it. He cherished

Julian’s body, worshiped it with his mouth.

The first taste of Julian on his tongue made his own dick throb.

Simon generally didn’t perform oral sex on strangers. He wouldn’t take

that chance with his health and didn’t care for the taste of latex. But inherently, he trusted Julian. Julian, who seemed just as lonely as he was, just as desperate for human contact. You didn’t get that way by sleeping around.

Julian’s hands never left his skin, touching his shoulder, his face, his hair. God, even though the drunken haze, it scared him how much he

craved it. Then they moved onto the bed, and Simon grabbed a condom

and lube from the bedside table. He used them mostly with toys, because

the few times he’d gotten up the courage to pick a guy up at a club, they didn’t come back to Simon’s place. He didn’t want his neighbors to see, or the security camera in the lobby to record his weakness. Funny, he didn’t think about that while he and Julian were making out in the elevator.

Simon settled back on the pillows. With Julian, he didn’t want some

anonymous fuck from behind. He wanted to see the face of the man buried

inside his body. None of this came out in conscious thought, but more as a primal instinct. Julian’s mouth covered his again as his hips settled in the V of Simon’s thighs. Skin rubbed against skin, and Simon’s back arched.

He didn’t want to wait anymore. He wanted it. He wanted it so fucking