A Heart Once Broken (26 page)

“Will you be making the knee confession?”
Mamm
asked.

Daett
groaned again, but didn't answer.

Lydia stood and headed to her room upstairs. She ran her hands along the wall in the darkness for guidance. There was nothing but confusion in the house at the moment. This was what happened when
Daett
wandered aimlessly, as he had of late. But why blame
Daett
instead of herself for this trouble?
Daett
was still hurting from the mistakes he had made. She ought to comfort him, but how? She was in a fix herself.

Deacon Schrock's threat was no idle chatter. The deacon would speak with Harvey Miller. She couldn't imagine Harvey cooperating the way Amos had with Aunt Edna, but there was an outside chance he might. If Harvey showed up at the Troyers' doorstep to see her, she'd deal with the matter then. She could at least be kind to Harvey even if she couldn't marry the man. In the meantime, Deacon Schrock wouldn't suggest any further discipline for her. Not unless she rejected Harvey outright. For that much she could give thanks.

Lydia entered her bedroom with hands outstretched. She found a match on the dresser and lit the kerosene lamp. As she watched the flicker of the flames on the bedroom walls, Lydia lowered herself onto the bed and sank into the soft quilt with a sigh. Besides Harvey and Deacon Schrock, there was still Rudy. He would be back, and he was still a temptation.

What confusion! Would anything ever be right again? Lydia slipped to the floor for a quick prayer, but no words came. She finally gave up and rose to her feet to gaze out the window at the star-swept heavens until a measure of peace filled her heart. Only then did she climb into bed and drift off to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Five

E
arly Christmas morning Sandra was sitting in the buggy with her cast propped up against the dashboard. Her hands were clasped tightly as Mark drove Dixie toward
Mamm
and Amos's place on Todd Road. Sandra's fingers dug into the palms of her hands until the pain made her cry out.

“What's wrong with you?” Mark gave Sandra a sideways glance, but he didn't wait for an answer. “It's your foot, isn't it?”

Sandra shook her head. “Just nerves, I guess.”

Mark appeared skeptical. “You've been on pins and needles all morning, and we're only going to
Mamm
's place. Are you sure that foot isn't bothering you worse than usual?”

“It's okay,” Sandra said. “The truth is, what bothers me about going to
Mamm
's is that we were only invited this past Sunday. You know
Mamm
plans her holidays much further in advance. This must be Amos's doing.”

“You're still on Amos's case,” Mark chided. “You need to accept the situation. Amos is our stepfather, and a decent one at that. Why can't you see that?”

Sandra gave Mark a glare. “Maybe I'll feel better once we're at
Mamm
's for breakfast.”

Mark said nothing but stared across the snowy landscape. Dixie's hooves beat a steady rhythm on the icy pavement. She had to stay calm, Sandra told herself. Even though something about the day made her nervous. Would Clyde take today's occasion to present a marriage proposal?

Finally, Mark broke into her thoughts. “You ought to stop worrying about what's happening in our family and think about Lydia and what's going on in that house. It's not
goot
.”

Sandra didn't reply, but Mark was right. Though neither she nor Mark had been to the service on Sunday, they had heard the rumors. “Ben and Mary Troyer may be excommunicated along with Lydia,” one of the older girls had declared. “They've all gone off with wild ideas. Ben's losing control of his family, and Lydia's seeing some
Englisha
man from her
rumspringa
days.”

Chills had run all the way down Sandra's back at this public report. She didn't know about the excommunication, but there was truth to the rest of the story. Lydia had said so herself, and she had seen Lydia consorting with Rudy. On that subject she had kept silent, but word still leaked out. Such things couldn't be kept hushed in the tightly woven community. And Amos would not accept this state of affairs for long. Amos was known for his strong feelings against anyone who even threatened to jump the fence.

Sandra calmed herself as Mark began to whistle. They soon approached Amos and
Mamm
's place. Sandra tried to listen to the tune and hoped some of Mark's cheerfulness would relax her nerves, but she was still tense when they pulled up beside Amos's barn. There were no other buggies present, but perhaps other guests would come later. She had to keep up her hope. Sandra waited until Mark came around the side of the buggy and gave her a hand to climb down.

She had her crutches out when Clyde appeared in the barn door and said, “
Goot
morning. Happy you came so early.”

“
Goot
morning yourself,” Mark responded.

Sandra managed to smile. Grouchiness would get her nowhere, and acting nervous around Clyde wouldn't either.

Clyde addressed Sandra directly from a few feet away. “How are you this morning?”

“I'm here.” Sandra tried to answer calmly. “This foot isn't as sensitive anymore, and I expect
Mamm
will have a delicious meal prepared before long.”

The diversion seemed to work, and Clyde grinned. “Well, I'm glad you're here. It gets right lonely around the house.”

“Sandra's been talking about visiting you for a long time,” Mark quipped.

Clyde laughed. “That's
goot
news indeed. I'm thrilled to hear it.”

Sandra glared at both of them and they laughed even harder.

Clyde winked at Sandra. “I'll see you later in the house.”

Still laughing, the two men headed into the barn with Dixie. Sandra gathered her courage and walked up to the front door and knocked, then poked her head in the door. “It's me!” she called. “Can I come in?”

Mamm
's voice called from the kitchen. “Of course you can. You know the door is always open for you.”

Sandra took a deep breath and hobbled in.
Mamm
was alone in the kitchen as bacon fried on the stove. Several plates of pancakes, which were covered by cloths, were stacked on the table. Sandra pulled a chair out to support her knee and reached for the handle on the bacon pan.

Mamm
refused to let go. “I've got things under control, Sandra. Sit down at the table and we can talk.”

“Please,” Sandra begged. “I want to help. You should have told me to come sooner, so I could have helped with the entire breakfast.”

Mamm
smiled. “That's some of your old spirit. But you have plenty of work at home in your condition. I'm the one who should be over at your new place on Johnson Road more often.”

“We're doing fine,” Sandra assured her. She settled into the kitchen chair. “Is anyone else coming?”

“No, just you and Mark.”
Mamm
gave Sandra another warm smile. “It'll be so
goot
to have both of you here for Christmas breakfast.”

Sandra grimaced. She didn't want to spoil their moment of togetherness with her complaints, so she said, “I'm glad you invited us. It gets a little lonely over at the house with just Mark.”

Mamm
reached over to give Sandra a quick hug. “Sorry, but with my own busy life I keep forgetting how things must be for you.” Sandra didn't answer as
Mamm
chattered on. “All I can say is that Amos keeps things interesting around here. The man has more things going than you can shake a stick at. Not only does he run the farm, but also Amos and Clyde went over to help our
Englisha
neighbor with his leaky barn roof two days this week. Winter's hard enough on old Mr. Harrison without the upkeep on their place. He might sell in the spring, Mr. Harrison said, and Clyde's looking at the property. It would be an excellent start for a young couple.”

Sandra kept her head down. “Did Amos put you up to this,
Mamm
?”

A hurt look crossed
Mamm
's face. “I'm speaking from my heart, Sandra. Please don't take offense. Amos has made no secret about his opinion of Clyde and you. And Clyde would love it if you accepted his attentions. It was Amos who said we should have you and Mark over for Christmas breakfast. I was thoroughly ashamed that I hadn't thought of it myself. I'm sure I would have eventually, but things
have been so confusing lately. And with the trouble Ben and Mary are in…”
Mamm
stopped to wipe her eyes. “All I can say is that I was glad Amos thought of the two of you, even before I did.”

Sandra said nothing, so
Mamm
laid her hand on Sandra's arm. “Just open your heart to Amos, Sandra. The man cares about you, and Clyde loves you. I'm not Clyde's
mamm
by birth, but my affections have been touched deeply by Clyde's kindness and concern for me. They both know how difficult things have been since
Daett
passed. Listen to Amos today if he speaks to you, Sandra.”

Sandra sighed and raised her cast higher on the chair for support. Oh, for the old days before
Daett
passed, when everything made sense and there was no pressure from an overbearing stepfather. And when there was no Clyde who wanted her attentions. Back then there had been only Ezra and her hopes of a married life with him. That chance was past now, of course. Ezra had taken Rosemary home from the hymn singing every Sunday night since their first date. Rosemary always seemed to be glowing with happiness, so things must be going well between them. There had been whispers this past Sunday that Rosemary had some sort of health problem, but no details had been given.

Mamm
touched Sandra's hand again. “You've heard about Lydia and her family, haven't you?”

“
Yah
,” Sandra replied.

A troubled look crossed
Mamm
's face. “I think that's one thing Amos wants to speak to us about. He takes these things quite seriously, as we all should. Being cast out of the church is a very grave matter, Sandra.”

Sandra nodded. “I know.”

Amos would have harsh things to say about the straying Troyer family. But
Mamm
wasn't the one to blame if Amos chose Christmas breakfast as the time to speak his words.
Daett
would never have
spoiled such a precious time with the family, but
Daett
was gone now, and there was only Amos and Clyde. Maybe Mark was right. Maybe she should be more accepting of Amos…and Clyde.

Mamm
lifted the bacon out of the pan and smiled. “Again, I'm so glad that you and Mark came over this morning.”

“So am I,” Sandra replied.

“Now stay seated while I call the men,”
Mamm
said.

Sandra waited as
Mamm
called from the front door. She could almost imagine that this was a Christmas morning from years past, only it wasn't. She had to remind herself of that today. She had to move on, let go of the past.
Daett
was gone, and so were Ezra and his love. And before long, Lydia and the relationship they had always shared might be no more.

Sandra wiped her eyes as men's cheerful voices mingled with
Mamm
's. She pasted on a smile as Amos appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“What a lovely maiden is sitting in my kitchen!” Amos boomed.

Sandra forced herself to laugh. That was not what
Daett
would have said, but
Daett
was gone.

“Cheerful and happy, I see,” Amos continued. He beamed and pulled out his chair to sit down.

Mark grinned and sat down beside Clyde. Sandra chose to ignore them both.

“Shall we pray?” Amos said. “I can hardly wait to eat this
wunderbah
breakfast Edna has prepared for us.”

“Oh, Amos,”
Mamm
demurred.

Amos smiled at
Mamm
. “I'm so blessed of the Lord, I can't find words to express my feelings.”