A Kingpin Love Affair (2 page)

Jared

Present

I wasn’t sur
e
what bothered me more at this moment—the fact that my phone was ringing off the hook or that I had brought another chick home last night.
Fuck.
Regret filled every pore of my body. Every time I said I wouldn’t do it, I did. There was no point in trying not to. I had already admitted to being a useless piece of shit who used women repeatedly as a way to cope with the person I had become. It was the easiest way to deal with the pain.

Hesitantly, I gazed down at my phone on the nightstand.
Shit!
A red explanation point showed back at me, under it showed eight missed calls. Six from Zerro and two from my sister, Bree. This couldn’t be good. I ran a hand through my dark hair in frustration. I didn’t want to do this whole family reunion thing again. I loved them, but I couldn’t handle looking at their happily ever afters while I had nothing. It always felt like their happiness was suffocating me, drowning me without them even realizing it.

My nightstand started to vibrate again, and I pushed the red key sending it to voicemail. I knew I would have to answer it sooner or later. They didn’t give up easily and knew how to play the game. There was no saying no to either of them. I was learning their moves though. I knew if they got to ten calls, they would stop. Either that or they would come over here. That’s how it always worked. They wanted to save me from the personal path of destruction I was on
when they knew there was no saving someone as lost as me.

“Time to go,” I mumbled to the blonde-haired woman lying in bed next to me. She was gorgeous, I would give her that, and her body was tight in all the right places, but none of it mattered. She wasn’t what I wanted, rather a temporary fix that allowed me to ignore my inner demons.
What was her name anyway?
Joanna, Jessica, Jenn?

She murmured a complaint, but I ignored it. If she wasn’t out of here in ten minutes, then I would remove her myself. I had no reason to get up and move around right now, and truthfully, I didn’t want to, but if it meant getting her out of here faster, then so be it. This alone only lead me back to my original thought: W
hat the fuck was I doing?

Pushing her soft body off me, I got up and grabbed the pair of pants that had been ripped from my body the night before and thrown onto the floor in a haze. I pulled them on without a second thought. I knew better than to head out into the kitchen without clothes on. I had done that one too many times now. I knew what was coming and I would be prepared.

“You know, I expected a lot fucking more from you.” I shifted around, a small smile pulling at my lips. I would love to say that I was surprised by his reaction, but I wasn’t. This wasn’t the first time he had come over because I wasn’t answering the phone. To me, there wasn’t an important enough reason in the world for me to be answering phone calls. I wanted peace and I wanted quiet, not to be hounded by my family. I didn’t need to know what good they saw in me when all that mattered was what I saw in the mirror every day.

“Expecting something from someone is never a good thing, especially from someone like me who will only leave you disappointed. The only thing I can offer up is failure. Is that what you’re seeking?” I retort as I situated my cup under the Keurig.

I could feel the tension between the two of us growing, “The whole pity party thing is getting super old. It’s even worse when you know you have a family that loves and cares about you unconditionally, and yet you continue to live your life this way. And for what reason?”

Didn’t he know I asked myself that same question every day? Eventually, I got to a point where I had to accept the person I was and the shit God had granted me in life. I owned it as my own. This wasn’t a fucking pity party.

“I have no logical answer for you.” I smirked, pretending like I didn’t give a shit. It had been three years since everything went down. I had been glad, grateful even, for Bree becoming a member of this family, but I knew it would leave a gaping hole in my chest. Bottom line—my dad had found the one thing that made his heart whole again and I still hadn’t.

Zerro’s laughter filled the room. “You usually have an answer for everything, so I’ll just pretend I never heard you say that.” I turned around and leaned against the counter waiting for my coffee to brew. My eyes caught on Zerro. It had been a couple months since I had last seen him. He was almost always gone—off on missions left and right, bullshit here and there. We never knew where he was or what his jobs entailed and it had aged him. He looked older, more mature. His beard had grown out and his build was more muscular. He could probably kick my ass in flag football now. Did I care? Fuck no. I’d still give him a run for his money.

I gripped the edge of the counter, forcing myself to stay put, to not pour my heart out to my best friend. Men didn’t do that. We kept that shit bottled up real tight, plus heart to hearts weren’t my thing.

“Pretend all you want, Zerro. We both know I’m the best at it.” There was no hiding the hurt from showing. I could see the flash of recognition in his eyes. There was something about him that was different but still the same. Regardless, he still saw me as the person I used to be. The one I so desperately wanted to be again. He saw everything but mostly the pain, every little glimpse I allowed to escape.

“Cut the shit, Jared. We all know something is up with you. The family needs you now more than ever.” He paused and I could practically see his chest filling with happiness. “Bree, is having another baby.” His eyes flickered with joy. I knew how much he loved her and my niece. Hell, I loved them, too. I just didn’t have that—but I wanted it, and that, more than anything else hurt the most.

“I know everyone does. I’ll make a better effort.” I lied. I wouldn’t. There was no way I was going to force myself into that situation. I watched the glee in his eyes turn to anger. He knew me better than I knew myself.  

“No, you won’t. You said that last time and the time before that, and for the last three years. No one knows what’s going on with you.” He tried to sound sincere, but there was no way I was going to have this conversation with him right now.

“Save the mushy shit for someone who cares,” I growled as I turned to get some creamer from the fridge and the sugar from the cabinet. Once I had them both, I poured them in and began stirring.

“Jared, where did I leave my pant—” Janice, or maybe it was June——her voice cut off. Hell, I couldn’t remember her fucking name for the life of me. I turned gazing over my shoulder just in time to catch the angry stare that only Zerro could give me. He didn’t have to say he didn’t approve… it was written all over his face.

“No idea, sweetheart. I do assume you can show yourself out, though?” I placed the cup against my lips, some of the liquid sloshing over the rim. The hot coffee burned my skin, and for a very brief amount of time, it allowed me to feel something even if that feeling was nothing but pain.

She stood there unmoving, her tits all but popping out of her dress. “Really? After everything that happened last night?” she questioned, her hands on her hips. I could feel the anger radiating off her in waves as she opened her pretty little mouth. A mouth that had served a way better purpose than what she was currently using it for. Why did I have to go for the blondes? They were the hardest to get to leave the next morning.

“This isn’t like a new thing, sweetheart. The doors over there.” I pointed to the front door ignoring the daggers that were being shot at me.

“You’re an asshole. You know that, right?” She shot over her shoulder before grabbing her pumps and heading toward the door. There was a smartass retort that was begging to be let free, but I held it in as I waited to hear the slamming of the front door. That was my signal to move on and let go of the words that were never said.

“You know it’s really shitty of you to be like that.” Zerro butted in. I rolled my eyes. Of course, he would—as if he were the most gentle of men back in the day. Instead of letting it go, I turned it around on him. The king of mafia had done far worse than I ever would.

“If I do recall, you did worse things…” I raised an eyebrow in questioning. His face fell and his eyes down casted. I didn’t mean to be a dick, but for him to tell me I was an asshole when he had done the same thing not all that long ago was a complete contradiction. He was throwing stones at me for doing the same thing he had once done.

“I realize that now, but that doesn’t mean you should go about—” I placed my hand up to stop him. I had no need to be lectured, let alone questioned. My motives and choices were mine alone, and I could live with that. I
was
living with that.

“I don’t need a lecture, Zerro. I’m a grown man, and at the end of the day, I can handle the decisions I’ve made.” I paused. He was ready to chew my ass out again. “What did you come over here for?” I asked changing the subject exceptionally fast. What I decided to do with women and my life was none of his concern. My hand clenched the cup tighter as I waited for him to speak.

I lifted my eyes to meet his only to realize he was growing angrier as the seconds passed. With his eyes narrowed at me, and his fists clenched, one would think he was ready to fight. I didn’t want to do such a thing, but if I had to, to prove a point… my point, then I would. Just like that, the anger was gone replaced with a softness. One that said he understood.

“I need a favor.” The second the words came tumbling out, coffee spewed from my mouth. Laughter on my part echoed through the house as I sat my cup down and got a napkin from the counter to wipe away the coffee on my face. This was rich coming from him. Especially after all he had just thrown in my face.

“You what?” I asked astounded.

“I need a favor, asshole. As in I need you to do something for me.” I could hear his teeth grinding together. Alzerro King hated being indebted to anyone. If he had to pay back a favor, he would make sure he did it in blood. That’s just how he was—well, how he used to be. Now he actually had to ask for help if he wanted it.

“That’s weird. I’m pretty sure you just said you need a favor, and it looks like I’m chuck full out of em.” I was being a dick, pouring salt into a wound I knew very well was already bleeding.

His fists released, and with them, so did the rest of the tension in his body. “I need your help. I have a woman who needs somewhere to stay. It’s only temporary, for a couple months... maybe tops, but I don’t have anyone else who can watch her nor that I trust with her.”

My mouth hit the counter top. I was lucky I wasn’t holding my coffee cup any longer because, had I been, I would’ve busted it to pieces. I couldn’t form a word yet, but in my mind, all I was saying was
Oh, fuck no!

“Did you just not see the blonde leaving my house?” I stopped mid sentence, flabbergasted that he would even consider asking me. “Women and I don’t click unless it’s for one thing and one thing only.” I reached for my cup but was halted as Zerro’s hand shot out shoving the cup away. Coffee sloshed over the sides and down onto the countertop.

Fucker.

“I don’t care about that shit. I care about this girl being kept safe, and I care about giving you something worth caring for. She’s your responsibility. She’s been hurt, Jared. For fuck’s sake, man. Hurt in ways that I couldn’t even imagine. I have done some bad shit, but finding those women in that basement made me cringe.”

I wanted to slam the cup down and watch the glass shards fly. I didn’t want him giving me anything to care about. There was nothing for me to care about but myself, and I wasn’t even doing that properly. Instead, I sat it down on the edge of the counter, anxiety forming in my belly. The mere thought of caring for another human being pushed me over the edge.

“I can’t do it, Zerro. You know it, I know it. It’s not worth it.” Zerro smiled and shook his head at me as if in disbelief.

“No, you think you can’t do it. You can and you will. Just tell me, what if she was your sister? What if it were Bree? Better yet, what if it were Gia? You’re telling me you’d turn your back on my wife and daughter? Your fucking blood, huh? I think not.” His words hit me directly in the chest like a punch to my soul and my heart ached.

Moments seemed to pass as we both questioned our next choice of words. “She’s relying on you and so am I. You need to take care of her. Make her comfortable and talk to her. Be the man we all know you can be. I’ll be in touch.” He turned away from me, walking away, and I hadn’t even agreed to anything yet.

“You’re leaving, just like that?” I was a bit amused with myself. Just minutes ago, I didn’t want anyone here, but now—now, I felt like a part of me wanted to reach out to him.

“Yeah, someone has to go get the fragile cargo. See you in forty-eight hours, asshole.” He pulled out a pair of black aviators and slipped them on as he started to walk away.

“Congratulations, man... On the baby. Tell Bree for me.” My words had stopped him before he made it out the front door. He looked over his shoulder, lips drawn in sternly.

“I would if you actually meant them, but thanks. Next time though, actually sound like you’re happy for us.” I wanted to say something—sorry, thanks, anything really, but stopped short of letting the words out as I watched him walk out the door.

Anger surged through me, and before I could think of my next move, the cup in my hand was flung across the room, the contents splattering as the glass shattered against the wall