A Mended Man (The Men of Halfway House Book 4) (46 page)

He couldn't let his mind dwell on what may have happened in this room or if Jessie had lived under similar conditions so many years ago. He tried to calm the pounding of his heart echoing in his ears. Wall stood by the table with his back to him. His biceps flexed, anger radiating from his large, rigid frame. "Wall, what is it?"

His teammate turned; the rage in his locked jaw and scowl instantly sent Aidan a silent warning message. Aidan took the two steps needed to reach him and yanked the tiny, ripped slip of paper from his gloved hand.

He stared down at the paper.

A few words, unmistakably meant for him, neatly written in sharp strokes.

He will always remember his first, Detective Calloway.

The beast within clawed to the surface and possessed him with a violent roar, tossing the wooden table across the room, against the other wall, shattering two of the legs into pieces. Strong, vise-like arms wrapped around him from behind, locking his movements. His internal beast fought the hold, violently fighting to free himself from the enemy who dared sneak up on him from behind.

"Calm down, Calloway. Don't play into his game," the voice whispered.

Aidan closed his eyes, fighting for each intake of breath against the crushing hold around him. Even through the red haze of rage, he'd recognize that bitch named Logic anywhere. He needed to be sharp and focused. And he needed Jessie. The arms around him unlocked, and he eased out of the hold, spinning on his heel.

Wall.

Aidan frowned. He glanced at Travis standing in the doorway and Manny and Sunny staring at him from out in the hallway. "I'm fine," he said, his voice hoarse. His teammates nodded and retreated while Wall stayed behind with his arms crossed. "Thanks."

Wall grunted and turned, picking the note up off the ground and shoving it into an evidence bag he pulled from his vest pocket before making his way out of the room with the rest of the team.

Great. Now he was hearing voices. He raked his hand through his hair, trying to block out the taunting words of the note. Son of a bitch baited him.

At least they now had a face for the bastard. He'd figure this out. Him and his team.

But right now, he needed Jessie.

* * * *

"Hey," Aidan said, closing the door behind him. It had been five hours since he'd seen Jessie and he couldn't stand another minute away from him.

"How'd it go?" Julian asked, switching off the television and rising from the couch. "Did you guys arrest him?"

Aidan winced.

"Sorry."

"How's he doing?"

This time, it was Julian's turn to wince. He rubbed his shaved head then crossed his arms, staring at Aidan without uttering a word.

"It helps if you actually say the words out loud." Aidan frowned, angry at himself for the inappropriate moment to dish out any sort of snark to the one guy who seemed to be at his side when stuff went sideways. Julian didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of his frustration. And Aidan certainly wasn't an authority on the whole talking thing. "Sorry about that."

"You're pissed. I get it. Matt's in the room with him. He's quiet now, so I'm assuming he's better."

"Quiet
now
?"

"He couldn't sleep so he took a pill. I'm guessing it knocked him out. I don't know. Matt usually handles that kind of stuff at the house."

Aidan nodded. "Thanks for staying with him. I know it took a while."

"Not a problem. I could watch TV here all night with your setup. It's cool."

Aidan nodded again, patting Julian's shoulder before he turned away. He walked down the hallway, hesitating for a moment before pushing the door the rest of the way open. Matt immediately glanced up, sitting in the desk chair, bedside to Jessie. He stood as soon as he saw Aidan, quietly lifting the chair and returning it behind the desk.

Jessie slept on the bed with his arms tightly wrapped around a pillow.

"Hey," Matt whispered, walking up to Aidan.

Aidan couldn't take his eyes off the pillow in Jessie's grip. "How's he doing?"

"He switched the music on and that seemed to help a little. He's been trying to keep it together, but…he ended up taking a pill because he was too edgy. It knocked him out." Matt crossed his arms, looking over his shoulder at Jessie on the bed, still holding the pillow in a death grip. "He was worried about you," Matt said absently.

Aidan's focus snapped back to Matt. "Me?"

"He was worried about what you'd do when you found Michael. I think that had him more worried than anything."

Aidan closed his eyes and lowered his head, the strength leaving his body with the deep exhale. After the hell Jessie had been through and all the thoughts that probably circled in his mind, the one thing that worried Jessie was
him
?

"Thanks for being here with him. I appreciate you guys doing that."

"Not a problem at all. We would have just gone back to the house, so it was a nice break. But I wish it would have been under different circumstances," Matt said, in his usual proper tone.

Aidan nodded. He walked Matt and Julian out and locked up for the night.

The one lead that had led the team to Michael after searching for him for so long was now, officially, a dead end. At least now, they had a face. And maybe the message deliberately aimed at Aidan could justify pursuing the case further or allocating more resources. He definitely didn't have enough brain cells at that moment to explore all the options.

His mission for the weekend: to make sure Jessie returned to some form of his usual optimistic spirit.

Aidan stripped out of his clothes and took a shower in record time, just enough to wash away any remnants of a place where that monster had resided. He grabbed the soft sleep pants Jessie liked him to wear and stood by the bed, still surprised by the tight hold Jessie had on the pillow.

The pillow encased in one of Aidan's T-shirts.

Jessie's grip was so tight his arms must be aching, but it didn't seem as if he had any plans on letting go during this lifetime. Aidan tugged the pillow, trying to remove it from his hold. Jessie's brow lowered and his lips thinned, yanking the pillow back into his body and letting out a grunt of protest.

A searing pain sliced through Aidan's chest as guilt gripped his throat. He should have stayed with Jessie, should have been with him during this rough time, should have caught Michael, should have ended this nightmare for the man he loved.

He couldn't breathe. Aidan looked away from the pained expression on Jessie's sleeping face and stared down at his own hands, fisting them, willing the shake to stop. He needed Jessie, the warmth of his body and his calming spirit…something, anything to let him know the tether that bound them was still intact. That he hadn't broken the delicate thread he needed as much as he needed the air in his lungs.

"With every breath and heartbeat."

He knew the meaning of those words and felt them deep within, each and every day.

He slipped under the covers and wrapped his arm around Jessie's waist. He leaned in, placing a few kisses on Jessie's shoulder. He stroked Jessie's hair and peppered more kisses on his skin. "Jess," he whispered, barely above the forced push of each breath as he fought the suffocating grip at his throat.

Jessie released the pillow, turned, and wrapped himself around Aidan like a vine. He buried his nose at the base of Aidan's neck as a whimper escaped. "Aidan," he said in a breathless sigh.

"I'm here." Aidan stroked his back and tugged him closer, screwing his eyes shut to fight the storm of emotions threatening to erupt.

Jessie's fingers dug into Aidan's skin and his legs tightened around him. He tilted his head up, scraping his nose against the ever-present stubble, reaching up and gripping the hair at the back of Aidan's head.

Aidan leaned into the embrace, pulling Jessie flush against his body. "I'm sorry," he whispered, burying his nose in that dark hair he loved so much. He swallowed heavily, struggling with the knot in his throat as he held Jessie close, hoping to provide enough comfort to ease him into sleep.

That feels so fucking good
. The rhythmic stroking in his hair always settled him. Aidan opened his eyes when warm, soft lips pressed against his mouth.

"Good morning," Jessie said, lying on his side, one hand tucked under the pillow and the other extended, stroking Aidan's hair.

He brushed his thumb along Jessie's cheek. "How're you doing?"

A warm smile spread across Jessie's face, softening his features. An emotion Aidan couldn't quite place welled in his blue eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jess."

Jessie bit the edge of his lower lip as if trying to hold back something he was going to say.

"I should have been here with you."

Jessie's brow furrowed in confusion. "I asked you to go."

"You asked me to be there…to make sure he was caught. I didn't. I…couldn't. He wasn't there," Aidan said, sounding far more defeated than he cared to admit.

Jessie placed his palm against Aidan's stubbled cheek. "And there's no way you could have known that. So stop beating yourself up."

"I should have been here for you. I should have—"

"Stop it and stop apologizing. You're like a pit bull that just won't let go. I asked you to be there to catch him. After you left, it was all I could think about. The fact that I had pushed you into a situation I knew would test every ounce of you. And that wasn't fair at all. It was very selfish of me."

"You're the most selfless person I know."

Jessie withdrew his hand, tucking them both under the pillow. He kept fighting a smile that tried to break the surface.

Aidan frowned. "I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"Yesterday was a fucked up day. I know it was hard. That was the only lead to work on the case. The only plus right now is that we've got a face to link to the other stuff we've got."

"Okay."

"Why are you smiling?"

The smile finally broke free. "You're in bed. And it looks like you were in bed for most of the night."

Aidan froze. How the hell had he not realized that huge detail? He slowly looked around at the sheets and comforter around them.

Jessie softly laughed, reaching out to stroke Aidan's chest. "It's not like the bed's going to suddenly turn into some Venus flytrap and gobble you up. Don't freak out."

Aidan swallowed heavily, still scanning every inch around him.

Jessie snuggled into his pillow. "Tell me what happened last night. When you got to the address."

He refocused on Jessie, trying to ignore the fact that he'd slept a full night in a bed for the first time in more than six years. "It was empty."

"But you're sure it was his house?"

The anger instantly surged through his body. "Yes."

Jessie's eyebrow twitched. "There's something you're not telling me."

Aidan debated what he should say and whether he should say it.

"Don't overthink. Just say it."

"He…left me a note."

Jessie sat up, frowning as he mulled over what Aidan had said. He finally glanced over to him. "He left
you
a note?"

Aidan nodded.

"What…did it say?"

"Jess—"

"Aidan," he said firmly. "I know he's a monster. I know him better than you do. And I know whatever he wrote was meant to hurt you and probably me. Maybe even…us. So—"

Aidan sat up abruptly. "So why the hell do you want to know what it said?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Because he obviously struck a nerve with you. Just because I do my best to make it look as if this doesn't all get to me doesn't mean for a second I don't feel scared. I'm fucking terrified! I'm scared he's going to hurt me or you. I'm worried every damn day when you walk out that door until the moment you walk right back in at night. I'm always looking over my shoulder the second I leave the house. I'm jumpy when I'm outside, and it bothers me that he gets to me, that he's managed to do this to me all over again. But I'm not going to let that bastard screw up my head for another fifteen years. I won't let him. I can't—"

"It said '
He will always remember his first, Detective Calloway
.'" He quieted, carefully watching every tiny possible reaction to his words. He couldn't lie to Jessie. At least he was here with him now to help him through the aftermath.

Jessie stilled, his eyes never leaving Aidan's stare. He slowly began to bob his head as if some decision had been made in his mind. "He's right."

The breath froze in Aidan's lungs.

"I
will
always remember my first."

Aidan hung his head, not wanting to see any pain in Jessie's eyes at a memory. Jessie gripped Aidan's chin between his thumb and index finger, raising his head.

"
You
are my first. You are the first man I've ever loved. You are the first man who's ever made me feel…wanted and important as if nothing else matters in the world. You are the only man I want to be with. Just because he stole
one
first memory from me does not make him the most memorable man in my life."

Aidan pulled Jessie into his arms. "I swear, you need to start an inspirational poster company or something. You'd make zillions."

Jessie chuckled, wrapping his arms around Aidan's neck. "Zillions?"

"Zillions times two." He kissed Jessie's shoulder and rested his cheek against the side of Jessie's head. He tugged Jessie up into his lap, holding him close, not wanting to let him or this moment go.

"Please don't let him get to you. That's exactly what he wants. He…thrives on that." Jessie tightened his arms around Aidan. "Just like a monster," he whispered. "He can't even take credit for being the first monster in my life. My father gets that honor. So Michael is nothing. He's a recurring nightmare I wish would just go away."

Aidan tightened his hold on the embrace, hoping to settle the slight tremble in Jessie's body. He stroked Jessie's back, enjoying the closeness, the peace that slowly began to settle between them.

"Aidan, I need you to make me a promise."