A Slave to the Fantasy (2 page)

“I didn't ask you if you were married,” Roberts
flatly and abruptly stated. Jennifer, in an attempt to create some
sort of trust and rapport, injected her husband and only child into
the conversation.

“Why do you do that? No I mean why did you do that?
Why did pretty women always do that with me?” Roberts asked in a
sorrowful but accusatory tone.

The fact is he never knew the answer. Even though it
was simply always one of two things, he never fully grasped it.

“Mr. Roberts can you explain to me what you mean?”
Jennifer asked in a blatantly falsely ignorant way, but in a way
that suited her purpose: to provide a psychological examination as
a paid consultant.

“Attractive women. When I meet them and have met
them, for as far back as I can remember they never seemed to be
single. They never could just go with the flow with me. Like they
could always with other guys.” Roberts whined in a shrill desperate
tone. “Why I never understood, but I felt lonelier and lonelier the
more I met and talked to women. I became more single, the more
single I was.”

Jennifer busily turned pages in her notebook between
two tabs, and scribbled furiously.

“I see, but I am confused Mr. Roberts,” she stated
curiously. “You were talking about your first grade experience at
recess where the kids teased you about a girl who liked you. Then
you scattered to me and my husband and me mentioning him.”

Roberts leaped up off the soft recliner chair across
from his red-headed and lovely interviewer.

“This!”

He stopped short of saying anything, then regathered
himself and began to stammer. Every word was ladened with deep
venomous dislike for women, attracting a woman and the “game” as it
is commonly known. It was clear to Jennifer having counseled over
150 men with sexual dysfunction stemming from closeness issues,
this was no unique case.

No matter how loud, obnoxious, inflammatory,
threatening, or aggressive he became, the signs were
unmistakable.

“Women are never held to being intelligent when it
comes to this bullshit,” Roberts yelled (loud enough to create an
echo in the concrete shell of what was essentially a garage
converted to an office). “Never. Look at you. You have an advanced
degree for chrissakes! Yet you can only come up with crap along the
lines of “I don't understand” or “I am confused”.

He stood straight up a mere feet in front of her, yet
she did not fear for her safety. She smartly crossed her leg the
opposite of what it had been before to add shapeliness to her calf
muscle.

If she felt fear, she didn't show it. This was the
nature of the job. This had to be mastered. The confrontation with
the frustrated and sometimes seemingly violent male.

After all, they were all frustrated and this level of
frustration was at it's heart, a product of lack of physical
intimacy with the opposite sex.

She often contemplated the nature of male and female
romantic relationships. Things like why they even existed, and most
especially the power they held over otherwise conservative people.
Basically, save some variation, they were all sort of the same.
This is what she learned scholastically in her Master's and
Doctoral level pursuits, and this is what she learned on a deeper
level when she actually began practicing in the consulting and
counseling arena.

All that we knew as love in the romantic and sexual
sense, was mostly sexual and stemmed from a man's deep desire for
physical intimacy with a woman. She knew that it was all more
primal than we cared to believe in a society that valued seeing it
on a deeper level.

If it were set to music, the reality of why we choose
love with a woman as men, is much closer to a gangster rap video
than any thoughtful romantic poem from a bygone era.

No, those poems were merely an attempt to add beauty
and reason to the deep carnal desires seeking satisfaction. That
power engendered inside a man when he was able to control and gain
physical favor from a woman he found attractive. She knew this, and
therefore she knew Samuel Roberts as nothing unique and definitely
not suffering from mental illness.

He craved physical intimacy and had issues with being
able to achieve it. She contemplated further that evening as she
penned her report. This was where it got trickier from the
counselor's perspective when assessing a man with seeming issues
creating adult relationships with women.

There were too many possible reasons to count why
this most basic thing enjoyed by so many, wasn't happening for an
otherwise normal, and from her perspective, desirable man.

What she ultimately was able to conclude read as
follows:

To: Stephen Brissette

Re: Fitness of Samuel Roberts to appear as a
contestant on “Marrying Kind”

Background:

Samuel Roberts is a 32 year-old attorney born in the
midwest but now living in the Houston, Texas area. He is unmarried
and has no current girlfriend. It is to be noted that he has not
had a girlfriend of any length for the 7 years he has lived in
Texas.

Mr. Roberts presents as an above average looking
male, approximately 6 foot tall, with blondish brown hair, and
medium but fit build. His current income is approximately $100,000
per year. He has a pet toy sized dog and lives alone in an
apartment in a small building he owns in a more at-risk area of the
city of Houston.

The fundamental fitness of Mr. Roberts to be a
contestant on this show is highly questionable for there exists a
fear of creating basic connections with women he finds attractive
and/or women who are considered above average physically
attractive. I do not feel he would be able to convincingly make a
female audience member in the desired target demographic feel
carnal desire for him.

Using my own feelings as a guide, I was not attracted
to Mr. Roberts very soon after we met and interacted. He fidgeted,
failed to look me in the eye, and spoke quickly. He lacked apparent
sexual confidence or presence. This despite me finding him visually
appealing in my review of his photo file and upon immediate first
meeting. He is by any standard, a classically handsome man.

Regarding the possibility, as originally contemplated
by your production team that he fill the role of the reserved
respectful virgin in the array ensemble arrangement of your show, I
would say this also would be highly suspect.

I don't believe he could be coached at this point to
make advances toward any female on camera which could endear him to
your target audience. He lacks experience with physical intimacy
but more importantly, he lacks a deep basic confidence to follow
through with any urges regarding women. The reasons could be many,
but suffice to say he has deep seeded issues stemming from serious
childhood embarrassments.

This is often seen in his recollections. On one
occasion he related that a teacher in first grade allowed his peers
to make fun of him over a budding relationship with a girl from his
class. He remembers retreating from the girl and feeling deep fear
in again possibly creating that same outcome.

He often became belligerent during my battery of
questioning. An obvious issue is his deep disconnect between what
he thinks women should sense and know about his desires for them,
and what they actually do.

This man possesses a fundamental ignorance about
women and how to create any attraction for him in them. I would say
his knowledge of attracting women rests at a 5
^th
grade
level in development and maturity. Worse, he has latent anger which
blocks his paths to progress. At multiple points, he became loud
and emotional as he expressed layered and repeated feelings of
victimization.

I would welcome follow-up inquiries regarding Samuel
Roberts. My conclusion is he is not a suitable candidate for your
show.

Jennifer Fraboise, PHD

“But I like him,” Valencia replied after the report
was read to her by her agent. “He's really handsome and well
spoken. He's well mannered. You can see it in the video. He's
successful and driven. If he's sexually inexperienced, all the
better.”

“Honey we just can't put someone on there who our
audience doesn't buy, because the behavior doesn't attract you or
them,” her agent said. “This show is your ticket to bigger things.
The ratings matter. Your love life is only going to get better
regardless if you find the love of your life here.”

“Bottom line: This guy repels pussy. He's got no game
whatsoever.”

Roberts couldn't believe what he was about to do. The
police hadn't bothered to take away his phone.

His hands sweating uncontrollably, he quickly snapped
off a text:

“I love you and I want you to know I don't blame
you.”

A tear began to fall from his left eye and trickle
down his cheek as he pushed send.

…

“We're moving your lovers away from you,” the regal
professor in the beard announced to his beautiful pawn as he stared
out over the hazy night unfolding in steamy Manila. “You have more
imporant duties. Other men with more to bring us.”

Tanya felt nothing. Roberts text and only felt even
deeper dislike for him as a man. The good and evil in all people
just didn't register with her as relevant. She lived for temporary
pleasure and the power of manipulating her sexual prowess.

“I love you,” she said. “Thy will be done. As
always.”

With that she hung up the phone and embarked casually
from behind the garbage cans.

At about the same moment, a smile creased the bearded
face of the Doctor. He loved the pursuit more than the having. The
control more than the emotions. Reality more than the fantasy.

He was coldly uncaring but the most evil kind. He
made Tanya believe she was loved and cared for through it all. His
next move would depend only on his whim and plan.

His little girl grown up to be a spectacular woman
was expendable. Like everyone who stood in the way of his
vision.

Chapter 3--Dead Zones

No response. Nothing. Samuel felt this before and now
here it was again.

He wasn't taken to a cell. Instead to an office. A
nice office with wood paneling and a front reception area. He
didn't even think it was a jail. A distinguished looking man
entered in a black robe. He had to be a Judge.

Roberts was enjoying the mystery of it all. He was
also frightened beyond belief. He had no safety net but a few
contacts he couldn't trust. The corrupt were everywhere. He knew he
could be finished off at any moment and stored in Manila Bay. He
didn't want to die. Adventurer that he was, he feared death to the
depths of his core.

“You are fucking Tanya I see?” the Judge said.

Roberts was startled and suddenly speechless.

...

“That little bitch. I am done with her. Done. Oh
well, onto better things. I can't be a wussy. Focusing on one woman
is what always caused me to miss out on getting women.”

Samuel was alone again but his senses heightened and
his positive carefree energy was pulsating. He was about 4 beers in
and feeling it. That point when your drinking hasn't yet tired you
or depressed you. That point when it emboldened you, made you not
worry about outcomes. Where you felt unbeatable and most
importantly where you weren't thinking about the possible risks of
any move.

It feels manly to be this way. That's what Roberts
sensed and he loved it. He sensed that this was attractive.
Actually he knew it, but feared his inability to sustain it.

Like with anything else, there is yin and yang, hot
and cold, high and low. It is no different with attraction and
maximizing attractiveness for basically any man. Roberts failed to
understand or maybe accept this. At whatever level, he fought for
something but didn't understand what. He didn't understand himself
and didn't understand the universal weakness inside all men.

He suffered from false uniqueness. A pride that he
was somehow special and could do special things if only he could
perfect a particular problem causing this weakness.

This is the curse of the deep thinker when it came to
getting women. Maybe the beer dulled away that sharp sword. He
thought about things less? He thought more powerfully?

At any rate, it felt good and it felt right. She was
different and he wanted her. He had no money and no way to meet
her. She was thousands of miles away. A full two oceans apart. A
poor peasant girl in the Philippines, but with a powerful ability
to focus her english to attract a white man from the west, even if
she denied that was her intent.

It read something like this:

“I am completing my college degree (marketing). I
love experiencing and trying new things. I am looking to travel. I
want a man who is generous, thoughtful, and most of all
intelligent. I believe in equality and generosity for those less
fortunate.” On and on it went with some of the most well-written
prose you find on any dating site, even ones with predominantly
American users.