A Slave to the Fantasy (6 page)

Trapped right now.

Tanya bled out the nose and the mouth. It had been 24
hours since Darren's attack and something was wrong. She needed
medical care. She called Blake.

“I have one more thing for you,” he said. “Let's get
your checked out right away. I spotted a girl near your home. I
know this girl. She's government. She knows your brother. I think
they work together. I think you know and I know the truth about
Martinez. No one else does. The American is no good to us now. He's
small time. See to it he never returns here again.”

Tanya looked out the back window of her home in the
slums into an empty shabby backyard and saw a man in black sitting
in the corner on a small wooden chair. He had a shrouded mask and
he never moved as he stared up into the window.

“They are everywhere,” she thought. “My only freedom
is my own death.”

Chapter 7—More Porn

Tanya remembered her dear friend like she wanted to.
It took the ultimate power of thought because it wasn't who her
friend really was. People wear masks. Everywhere they go. They are
hidden behind shroud.

She looked down and then opened the shade slightly
with hands. Two bulging eyes surrounded my pitch black stared back
at her a mere foot away.

She fainted to the ground. The only father she knew
understood the nature of fear. How it paralyzes anyone who believes
it's real. Tanya had nowhere to run and no other options

She thought at that moment she died. It didn't feel
painful. It didn't feel peaceful. I didn't feel at all.

…

“I don't know. I don't know what to do.” the tired
Filipina beauty said. “I know not to....”

“Tan, don't say any more. I know what you are feeling
and I know why,” Tanya Carasco's long-time friend said. “You know
what you did was wrong, right?”

“I have done it more than once Mariel,” Tanya
admitted wearily but with no hint of any real regret. “He makes me
feel powerless. He makes me feel amazing.”

“It's those Shades of Grey books. You know that
right? You know they made you want it so much,” Mariel said. “You
are never going to make anything of yourself if you have his baby.
You know that right? He's got no job that pays him much of
anything. Plus there are other girls. There's always been other
girls. Didn't you know that?”

“I am late. I haven't had a period in a while. I feel
funny all the time,” Tanya said. “We never even thought to use a
condom. God Mariel, he makes love so good. It's addicting.”

“You are behaving like an idiot!” Mariel shot back.
“What do you want? You want me to make giggly girl talk with you
like we are in high school. Not going to happen. I don't approve of
this. You are going to end up an unwed mother and he'll skip off.
Worse, you'll keep looking away from better guys hoping your lover
will come around to marrying you. Let me tell you something, even
if it does happen, you'll end up miserable.”

“Mariel, I think you are a false friend, saying all
this,” Tanya said point blank and with no hint of emotion. “I love
him. No one has made me feel this way. THAT is why I had sex with
him and keep having sex with him. He makes me feel amazing. That's
love.”

“So your devoted boyfriend Louie wasn't enough?”
Mariel wondered aloud while shaking her head. “He respected you. He
never pushed for physical sex things. He respected your beliefs. He
was madly devoted to you. We all stuck with our guys like him.
Louie wasn't good enough for you?”

“I wasn't in love with him,” Tanya snorted. “He
didn't make me feel anything. I never felt like a woman. I never
really wanted him like I want Bendato. I'd let him take me right
now any way or anywhere he wanted. I am moist right now thinking
about him taking me. I don't care if you understand or approve. I
don't.”

“What about this American?” Mariel sharply retorted.
“It's his fault. You did that website full of loose women and
western men looking for dirty cam girls. You met him and lost
interest in Louie. That's what happened. That's what started all
this. Him and those books.”

“I can't believe you are saying this. Plus you are
just wrong. You're ignorant. You don't know what you are talking
about,” Tanya whimpered through some emerging tears running down
her caramel colored face.

“Does the American know?” Mariel asked.

“Yes. I told him right away.” Tanya said.

“That had to be tough, but good for you,” Mariel
said.

Mariel knew inside her that Tanya was lying. She knew
that Tanya had been stringing along the American for about 3 years
and she wasn't about to stop now. She felt like she didn't know her
old friend any more. She could feel them pulling further apart
every time they talked.

“Yeah,” Tanya said even more meekly than in her
previous whimpers.

...

The night was warm and she had to admit she never
experienced anything quite like it.

Tanya Geraldine Carasco, 20, was at the wooden desk
in her bedroom in the lower class northern suburbs of Metro Manila.
By comparison to what most American's knew about suburban living,
this was just this side of destitute squalor. Picture a low income
project neighborhood in a place like the Bronx or Queens but with a
row house or townhouse set up like you see might in Baltimore or
North Philadelphia.

In reality, this wasn't really her bedroom. It was a
room she slept in but shared with really anyone in her family. They
all came and went as they pleased. She shared everything with her
brother, her half brother, his girlfriend, another half brother who
came by frequently, multiple cousins, and her mother Gladys. They
shared because they were too poor not to. They shared because they
needed to survive. They shared because it was family and in a
country where corruption by the elite was an accepted part of life,
it was their way of measuring up. Their way of giving themselves a
chance for a better life.

Tanya had just made her mother proud by finishing
college with a degree in business studies. She was searching for
her first work in a real job with everyday responsibilities. It
wasn't going all that great and it frustrated her.

Worse, her relationship with her longtime boyfriend
was boring her. She saw him as a friend. He wasn't making her feel
sexy, desired or anything but what she felt normally. Nothing like
what she wanted to feel like in those novels or tv soap operas.
None of it felt right.

On this night, her American “pen pal” from Filipino
Lover, was taking her to a place she never imagined. Not that he
was physically there. He didn't have to be. His words pierced her
soul and grabbed her by the chemicals in a woman which makes them
literally addicted to a man.

“I'll kiss you from head to toe, spending an extra
long delicious journey tonguing your sweet little love cookie,” he
wrote. “I'll stay there kissing all around there until you are
moaning softly and then panting and moaning even louder. You'll be
begging to put my fingers on your trembling pussy, but I won't.
I'll kiss you instead. On the neck and down gently nibbling on your
firm breasts.”

“Oh my Sam. Really?” She typed furiously while her
heart beat rapidly.

She wore the usual for lounging on oppressive humid
late summer nights in the Phils: some light shorts no underwear and
a t-shirt. Her legs were sweating so much on the bottom with
prolonged contact with the wood chair at the computer desk, that
she kept rocking back and forth to give them air on all parts. Air
conditioning to her: a simple fan.

She sent back an “emoticon” on the messenger system
conveying surprise. She didn't want to say anything but she'd never
felt like this before in her life. It was not like reading a
romance book or watching a tv soap opera. She began sweating a
little on her forehead.

Her hair was in a ponytail but pulled tight to the
skull. She didn't realize it, but she was twirling the hanging hair
of the ponytail with her non-dominant left hand.

“Was this sex?” she wondered as her clit and nipples
swelled. She could feel moisture running into her cotton shorts as
her heart beat more rapidly.

“Are you wet right now?” Samuel Roberts, 37, typed to
his newest obsession.

Without hesitating, she replied back with a “?”. Even
though she totally was.

“I want you to get somewhere private tonight and
please yourself thinking about me inside of you,” Roberts typed
while his penis grew harder than he could remember in a long while.
Maybe since the first time he masturbated to those girls near the
water in front of his house.

Fuck. He wanted this girl, but he'd be satisfied just
knowing what she looked like right then. What she was experiencing
inside. What her pussy and breasts felt like. He wanted to know it
all. He reached for a sock to pleasure himself into as he waited
for her to answer. He imagined her dark brown skin glistening from
sweat after a marathon session of fucking.

She had that abnormally larger, but not fat in any
way, body with shapely legs. That smile, when he first saw it in
pictures on the site, it was innocent and sweet but also naughty.
Her pictures all looked different from the others. She always
looked different, but she always looked tastier than the last.

Since he was also a virgin, he felt powerful for the
first time in quite some time dealing with women. Here he was
creating wild passionate desire in a sexy woman like he'd see in
his porn movies. It was a new reality.

Still she was 7,000 plus miles away and his prospects
for getting with her and making it all real we're bleak given his
financial situation. He had no money in the bank and his job was
self-employed which meant he wasn't making much money.

Despite the actual practical situation, he was knee
deep in his greatest fantasy yet. A dark-skinned luscious girl with
feline eyes, a hot smile, and a desperation for more in life. She
was young and clearly now into him. In the span of a couple months,
he went from casual pen pal, to Tanya's international
obsession.

She wanted him there and now. She wanted to be
penetrated by him and dominated. She couldn't put into words, but
an hour later, at approximately midnight Manila time, it happened.
Using her index finger and her memory visual of Samuel Roberts,
Tanya Carasco moaned and bucked her naked butt up and down under
the sheets, her shorts pulled around her ankles while she squirted
in a steady spray onto a towel she smuggled under.

Together they had filmed porn without the camera, and
she was now a woman. At age 20, this girl's life had changed
forever. The fantasy owned her but Roberts didn't and wouldn't.
However, on this night she belonged to him.

Still, the future would not, and death would follow
her. Her journey of discovery would lead her to accept that she
utterly lacked any true feelings for anything but her own feelings.
Tonight she was fulfilled in a new and exciting way. She wiped down
her throbbing clit with the remaining dry area of the towel as she
fell back into utterly peaceful slumber, transformed by her
gorgeous American man.

…

…

The first time she didn't respond, Samuel Roberts
knew. Every time after where he tried and failed to gain an
audience with the woman he knew he was destined to be with, his
spirit eroded.

He was determined to win her back even though he
never had her. Love was only a fantasy. The two can never exist in
reality.

He tossed and turn night after night battling his
thoughts. Battling his transcending and dominating desire for
beauty in his world. Not any beauty but the one he wanted. He would
fight the urge to watch porn to satisfy these needs.

The weeks with little sleep piled up.

He walked to the elevated train one day. His eyes
were red and throbbed from lack of meaningful rest. He never saw
the training coming as he walked in literal circles in place
weaving over the tracks. Unable to look anyone in the eye. Totally
drained of any real energy.

The oncoming train had to hit the emergency breaks.
Samuel Roberts was a lovesick zombie going through the motions
believing none of it mattered. Knowing his girl didn't care at all
about him left him a purely lifeless shell and his heart ripped
from him

He couldn't sell men on the idea of love and and he
didn't care. When you don't care about yourself, love shouldn't
exist. Because love is punishment for you. Love is punishment for
your lover.

Chapter 8--More and More Porn

Everywhere she went, out of the corner of her eye:
the man in the plack costume and shroud. Control by fear. She felt
as though one false move. One grasp for independence would cause
immediate harm to herself.

She was never able to show anyone else her dark
stalker. He would disappear. Not blending in but merely vanishing.
Only to return in her lonely moments.

...

“We checked your computer. You downloaded and paid
for a lot of porn. A lot of that is illegal in our country you
know?” The steely eyed Detective for the Manila Metro Police said.
“Mr. Roberts? Are you hearing me?”