A Twist of Fate (7 page)

"I have to tell you something," I stuttered,
hoping to pass it off as a response from the cold.

"Let me guess.  You haven't eaten yet," he answered.

My stomach growled on cue, loud enough for him to hear, but
I wouldn't let him control me that easily.  "It's not that.  It’s important,"
I insisted, slamming my purse on the chair.

Edwin waved me off and walked away.  "It can wait.  I'm
starving."  He entered the kitchen and left me standing at the door.

I stomped after him and stopped abruptly, with my hands on my
hips, keeping my distance.  "I'm really not up for this right now, Eddie. 
Look at me.  In case you haven’t noticed, I'm a natural disaster."

He raised a sexy, arched brow.  "Who said you needed to
get all done up?  We’re not going anywhere.  It's cuisine
à
la Edwin tonight, baby!"

That was enough to make me smile and, even though I tried so
hard not to, my mouth puckered against my will.

"I'll take that as a yes.”  He pulled open the pantry
door, searching for something to throw together.  "Hmm.  What's on the
menu for tonight?"  His hand scrubbed his soft, stubbly chin; the same
chin that had scrubbed all over mine a few short nights ago.

As I walked away, I could hear the clatter and clanging of
pots and pans and started to wonder how long his little stunt would take.  It
was late and I hadn't yet told him the point of my visit.  Edwin just seemed
happy to see me back home.

I raced up the stairs and hurriedly pulled together my
favourite outfits from my closet.  While Edwin cooked, I packed, knowing that
the longer I took the more worried and suspicious Cameron would become.  I had
to do my best to hold onto his trust while I still had it.

After dinner, Edwin stared at me for a long while with a
half-smile on his face.  "You're beautiful," he said at last, breaking
the long silence.

How can this man make me feel guilty for moving in with a
man that I love?
  "I'm a mess.  You don't have to try and sugar coat
it.  I'm not blind and you certainly aren’t making this any easier on me."

He flashed a devilish smile.  "I'll make it easy for
you.  Choose me."

"Hah!"  And if I hadn't laughed, I surely would
have cried.  I had dreaded this day ever since the day I signed the deed to our
house.  My smile faded as I dropped my dishes into the sink.

I left the room and dove onto the couch, face down, wishing
that I could bury myself from this existence.  I heard Edwin's heavy footsteps
approaching, then nothing.  I peered over my folded arms to see where he had
gone, only to realize that he was kneeling right next to me.  I jolted back,
startled by his closeness.

He rested his hand on my back and gently rubbed me. 
"I'm here for you when you're ready to talk."

I sighed and buried my face again. 
Why does he have to
be so good to me?
  Knowing that pouting wasn’t going to fix anything, I clambered
to my feet and sat back down.  Edwin slid up beside me and carefully placed his
hand on my thigh.

"Eddie," I warned, taking his hand off my leg and
placing it on his own.

"Oh, come on," he replied, playfully pushing me back
down onto the sofa.

Before I could pull myself back up, I found him over me,
with a very serious look on his face.  Then he leaned in and kissed me before I
even realized what was happening.  My eyes had never closed, but that didn’t
stop him.  It also didn’t stop the tingle in my lips that lasted long after his
mouth had left them.

I pried myself from his vice grip and pushed him off of me. 
"What do you think you’re doing?”

He let me have the ounce of space I had placed between us. 
Then, the look I dreaded appeared on Edwin's face.

"This game of cat and mouse; it's not fair to Cam and
it's not fair to you, Eddie.  I'm so sorry..."  I swallowed, but my voice
still sounded hoarse.  "… but I'm moving in with Cam."

A look of horror and disbelief formed instantly on his face,
but Edwin quickly covered it up with anger.  “No, you’re not.”  He leapt to his
feet and opened his mouth twice to say something, then just didn't.  After
burning me with a fiery glare he stomped angrily to the bottom of the staircase.

I knew the very moment when he found my packed bags, because
he mumbled some obscenities then heatedly punched a hole through the drywall. 
Edwin stormed outside, into the blustery weather, without grabbing a jacket.  His
truck engine roared alive and he stepped on the gas, shooting out of the
driveway sideways before speeding off.

I raced to my room to grab a few last minute things.  The
more I took now, the less of a chance I would find myself in this kind of
predicament again.  I dropped my last bag into my trunk and slammed it shut,
relieved to be on my way.  It was getting late and I was sure Cam would be
getting worried by now, so I drove straight there.

Not feeling quite at home yet, I knocked on Cam's door before
letting myself in.  Hands full, I nudged the door open and dropped a pile of
things into the entryway.  To my surprise, I heard little footsteps galloping
toward me and then Pheobe appeared, hobbling at full speed for a hug.

I went down to one knee and opened my arms for her. 
"You're back!"

"Abby!" Pheobe cheered, wrapping her arms around
my neck.

I pulled her back to check her over.  "Look at you.  You
must have grown two inches since I last saw you."

Pheobe shook her head no and giggled, with the biggest, most
happiest smile on her face.  I couldn't help but smile back.

"Cute pj's," I said, winking at her.  She was
wearing the adorable nightgown Cam and I had gotten her for Christmas.

"I love these ones.  They're so fuzzy and warm,"
she said, hugging herself.

When I looked up at Cam, I didn't receive the same warm welcome
I had been looking forward to.  "Pheebs, can you please go brush your
teeth and get ready for bed?" Cam asked.

"Oh, Dad.  I want to stay up with Abby.  Can I
please?"

"Pheobe.  Now.  You have school tomorrow."  Cam
had made it clear that he was angry, but I found it hard to believe he could be
mad at her.  She had seemed so happy when I arrived.

Pheobe huffed and puffed, then grumpily made her way to the
bathroom.  With her out of the room Cameron's gaze fell to me.  I felt more
than a little uneasy, with the tension between us being at an all-time high.

"Is there something you need to tell me?"

"No," I answered; his heated stare causing me to
speak more vulgarly than I intended.

Cam stroked his bristly jaw.  "I just got off the phone
with Ashley.  She tells me she was driving past your house tonight and saw you
making out with some guy in your car."  Cam paced so close it hurt. 
"Please tell me she's lying, Abigail."

I could tell his pride had been wounded and he was furious
with me. 
He actually believed his back-stabbing sister, Ashley?
  I scowled
at him, aggravated with the thought.  "You know what?  I think we’d better
have that talk now,” I said.  I had planned to tell him everything anyway.  I
only figured I could get through the god-damned door first.

He stormed away from me and sat down on the couch.  The last
thing I wanted right now was to be fighting, but I couldn't help the ache in my
heart itching me to face the situation head on.  Suddenly the phone rang.  Cam
slammed his fist on the coffee table, nearly breaking it in two, as Pheobe returned
to the room.

"Daddy?"  She looked so concerned that it broke my
heart.

Cam narrowed his eyes at me.  "I'm going to put Pheobe
to bed.  Why don't you get the phone?  Then we'll talk."  His voice had
softened a bit, but I had to believe it was only for Pheobe's sake.

Not wanting any further confrontation, I hurried to the
phone and answered quickly.  "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Edwin?" I said, my voice scratchy and low.

"No, the milkman.  Yeah, it's me."

"I can't believe you’re calling me here; especially
tonight."  I flashed an anxious glance down the hall.  Cameron didn't materialize.

"Just let me say my part and then I'll leave you to do
whatever it is that you do over there."  He sounded calm; too calm for the
little time that had passed since he had taken off.

The words had left my lips before I could think them
through.  "Make it quick."

"I think you're taking things too fast with Cam.  You
need to slow it down a bit.  You don't really want to move in with him.  If you
want me to tone it down, I will.  But you're making a huge mistake."

"If you're worried about how this will affect our
arrangement with the house, don't.  I'll still pay for half of the mortgage and
taxes.  You’ll just have to pick up the utilities."

"That's not it and you know it.  Don't do it, Abs." 
His voice was strong and thick with emotion.

I hung up the phone, stunned by his orders.  My hand clung
to the receiver with a death grip and I stared at its base, waiting for it to
ring again.  It didn't.

Cameron walked into the room observing me in my frozen state. 
"Who was that?"

I swallowed the lump from the back of my throat.  "Edwin."

"What did he want?" he asked, his voice cool and
assessing.

"To tell me what a big mistake I'm making moving in
with you."

Cameron nodded, like he wasn’t surprised.  "And what
did you tell him?"

"Nothing.  I hung up on him."

Cam's face didn't hint as to what he was thinking, but he
swiftly approached me and wrapped his arms snugly around my waist.  He tucked
my head gently on his shoulder and I nuzzled into him.

"I'm sorry for taking Ashley’s word," he
whispered, next to my ear.  "I should have given you the benefit of the
doubt.  Can you forgive me?"  He pulled back and pressed his forehead
against mine, our noses touching, his breath warm on my lips.  "Please?"

My heart fluttered at his passionate pleading.  I couldn't
resist him another second.  I tilted my head and softly brushed my lips against
his.  Once.  Twice.  Electricity passed through every soft touch, reigniting my
desire for him.

Cameron exhaled a deep breath, dousing the flames running
across my body.  "Now that we have that out of the way, what is it you
needed to tell me?"

I TOOK A SEAT on the edge of the bed
and twiddled my thumbs, procrastinating.  "Why don't you go first?"

"Alright.  It's about Pheobe," Cameron said.

My heart squeezed, worried that it was a bad thing.  My hand
rested over my heart, as I placed my other trembling hand on his knee.

"I had a talk with her about you moving in.”  He paused
and my heart stopped.  “Of course she's ecstatic about it."

Relief settled into my bones, making my limbs feel like
noodles, my heart pattering at a terrifying pace.  Then he spoke again and it
terrified me.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking lately.  When I ask you to
marry me, and trust me I will ask you again, I would love for you agree to
adopt Pheobe as your own."

My eyes grew wide and I held my breath, every emotion
crashing together as I considered what he had just proposed.

"I know it may be premature and maybe a little sudden,"
he said, "but I think that Pheobe would love nothing more than to have a
mother figure in her life.  If that's something you'd be willing to consider,
then I think it would make both her, and me, very happy."

"Wow.  What can I say?  I'm shocked; honoured, but
shocked."

His thumb brushed softly over my knuckles.  "I don't
need your answer now.  We can take it one step at a time.  But I just wanted
you to know where I see things going.  If you ever think you're getting in too
deep, you need to tell me."  He rested his hand on top of mine and stared
me in the eyes, his expression turning more serious.  "You said you
weren't kissing Edwin in your car and I believe you."

I swallowed, wanting to make myself clear, so there was no
confusion later.  "Edwin was in my car, and he did try to make a move on
me after dinner."

Cameron winced, but squeezed my hand to stop me from
explaining further.  "Did you kiss him?"

"No."

"Then I don't want to hear another word about it."

"But you need to know he did kiss me,” I blurted.  “I
stopped him though, and I told him how it was going to be from now on.”

"And how is that?" Cam asked, an angled smile
lighting his handsome face.

"I told him I'm moving in with you and that I need some
space.  He's pretty hard headed, but I think he finally got the point when I
hung up on him tonight."

Cam smiled, and the twinkle returned to his eyes, just in
time for my turn.

“I guess what I have to say is similar in nature.  It’s
about blended families,” I stated, drumming up some courage.

"You're going to have to elaborate on that one," Cam
said, smirking.

"Babies," I blurted.

Cameron's eyes popped open and his mouth rounded out, his
stunned expression rather disturbing.  "Oh!"

"I've always wanted kids of my own and, while I would
love to be that mother figure for Pheobe, it's just not the same.  As long as
I'm physically able, I'd like to make a baby of my own.  Or two.”

Cameron’s mouth held that puckered O and his eyes drove
through me like a dagger to my heart.

“Do you think Pheobe would be okay with having a little
brother or sister?"  More pressing, how do
you
feel about it?  I
was too petrified to ask.

"I can't," he said, releasing my knee, breaking
all physical contact with me.  "I'm sorry.  I should have said something
sooner."

My heart skipped a beat then began to pound hard and fast. 
"What?"  I couldn’t even form a sentence, my tears clouding my
thoughts.

"I can't have any more children, Abigail," he
said, spelling it out for me.

"You're impotent?" I blurted, my disappointment
obvious.

"No.  I have no problem getting it up.  But after Tessa
died, I couldn't imagine ever bringing another child into this cruel world."

"And now?" I breathed, ready to shed my tears.

"I’ve been fixed.  Problem solved.  Now I can never do
to another child what I’ve done to Pheobe.”

I gasped for a breath, unsure how I was supposed to take the
news.  "You haven’t done anything but love her, Cam.  And if you truly
feel guilty, don’t you think leaving her as an only child is equally as
wrong?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head, placing a difficult
distance between us emotionally.  "You don't understand."

He was right.  I didn’t understand.  I didn’t understand why
he didn’t tell me this before asking me to marry him.  I didn’t understand why
he thought I wouldn’t want a child of my own.  And I didn’t understand why he
was still so grief-stricken, that he couldn’t bear to bring another child into
this existence.

I had fallen for Cameron hard and fast and his daughter was
wrapped right up in that ball of mistakes.  The happiness and pride that I had
felt when Cam suggested I adopt Pheobe had swelled my heart to an immeasurable
size, but I still couldn't imagine a life without bearing my own child.

I was too exhausted to think about it anymore, so I dropped
it.  I literally zipped my lips shut, plunked my head down onto the pillow and
let the tears stream, complete with unattractive sobs.  My heart stung with the
painful knowledge that I would never have a child of my own blood.

Cam swathed his arms around me and whispered his apologies
in my ear.  He truly did sound sorry, but I was more sorry; sorry I had made
the same mistake twice.  Edwin had only said
not now
.  An icky feeling
rummaged through my innards with the realization that Cam was saying
not
ever
.

That night I fell asleep sobbing in Cameron’s arms, mourning
the child that I would never have.

***

A HEAVY DEPRESSION HAD settled over
me and even after all the time that had passed, it hadn’t changed a thing.  Day
after day I tried to stave off the loneliness I felt, but nothing could take my
mind from it.  I pushed away all of my friends and it wasn’t long before Aliah
grew tired of my moaning and stopped calling altogether.

It was too difficult to see Maddie with her growing belly
and Hunter with his glee about the gymnastics his child was performing before
his very eyes.  My jealousy raged silently and I felt myself pulling away from
any and all sources of socialization.

I stared out the car window at the dreary, winter sky, as
Cam drove us to a local video store one night.  “This is just what we
need," Cam said, certain it would brighten my rotten mood.

I didn’t respond.  Instead I turned my gaze to the mirror on
the side of the car.  Pheobe stared out the window too, equally as lifeless.  She
looked miserable.  I was bringing everyone down.

Cam had tried to explain to her why I was feeling the way I
was, but she was much too young to understand.  Nobody could understand.

As we strode toward the new releases Pheobe ran ahead to
check out the video games.  We stopped in front of the tall wall of blu-rays
and Cam read the backs, likely in search of a movie that wouldn’t set me off.  I
was uninterested in choosing a movie.  Instead, the young kids nosing around
the bottom shelves for their own show claimed my attention.

A little boy, with shaggy brown hair, who couldn't have been
more than two years old, had his finger in his nose.  He came out with a huge
booger, much too big for a boy his size, and looked around for a place to wipe it. 
I zipped open my purse looking for a tissue, but it was too late.

Cam was standing closest to the toddler, and the boy grabbed
onto his leg, wiping his snotty little finger all over Cam's pants.  Cam smiled
at me and patted the cutie pie on the head, but the boy didn't budge from Cam's
leg.  I hadn't laughed in weeks, but the fact that Cam hadn't even noticed what
had happened, just made me hysterical.

A few bystanders flashed me a curious glance, together with
Cameron, but he seemed the most surprised to see me smiling.  I couldn't stop
laughing and when the little girl next to me realized what I was laughing
about, she started to giggle too.  She pointed at Cam's pants and covered her
mouth as she squealed about it

"Ewww!  Look at his pants!" she chirped.

An older boy, with a healthy round belly, laughed next to
her.  Then he started slapping his knee.  "Ha, ha, ha!"

When Cameron finally realized what the hoopla was all about,
he didn't seem very impressed.  "Aww, that's just great!" he said,
looking at me sternly.

Cam looked so adorable, with the cute, little boy still
clung to his leg.  I imagined what my little boy would look like attached to
his thigh and his anger couldn’t even phase the fantasy that I had created for
myself.  I tried to stop snickering, but I couldn’t.

"It's really not a big deal," I said, with a huge
smile on my face.

The mother of the children came running up to Cam to pry her
little guy off of him.  "I am so sorry.  He just snuck away.  You look a
lot like his father," she explained, scooping the the boy into her arms.

Her daughter pointed out the booger and she blushed, biting
her lip, as she wrestled a tissue out of her purse.  "Here's a Kleenex."

Cam didn't accept it, and so I did for him, wiping the
sizable nugget from his pants.

"Again, I do apologize.  Kids," she stated.

I nodded, smiling.  "Thank you.  Really, it's nothing."

Cam continued brooding silently.

The mom smiled at me.  "You must have kids."

I pressed my lips together in disappointment.  "I don't,
actually.  But I’ve always dreamed of having them."

Cameron flashed an annoyed glance at me and my misery
returned with a vengeance.  He was being a total jerk.  I would have thought
that, being a single father, he would have been a little more forgiving.

The woman rested her free hand on my shoulder.  "Well
I
think
you'll make a good mother someday," she said, before flashing a
sharp eye at Cameron.

The fact that this woman could read into our situation so
easily gave me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.  The woman hiked
her son up higher on her hip, then turned on her heel to head back to the
children's section.

After the lady walked off, Cam whispered in my ear. 
"That's exactly why I don't want to have any more kids."

He had to know that would hurt me on so many levels.  And if
it weren't for Pheobe coming back to my side, I would have shared a few choice
words with him.

Later that night, after suffering through most of the movie,
Cam carried Pheobe to bed.  When he returned, he could tell that I was done
with it.  I felt like a useless shell of a person and couldn’t stop thinking
about it.  I was put on this earth for a reason: to reproduce.  I struggled
with defining the point to life, if I didn't make babies.

Cam watched my eyes as he turned off the TV.  "What's the
problem now?"

I turned my glare on him.  "As if you don't know."

"Please tell me this isn't about the baby thing again. 
It's all you ever talk about and it's really starting to test my
patience."

"Why?  I'm not entitled to have feelings too?"  I tried
to stay hushed, but it was difficult in my angered state.

Cam seemed very distant, but he was sitting right next to me. 
"I didn't say that."

"You might as well have."  I forced him to look at
me, to see just how serious I was.  "I've dreamt my whole life about
having babies and raising a little person that I can say is a part of me.  I
want that, Cameron.  Don't you see?"

"Yeah, well, forget it.  Been there, done that.  It's
not gonna happen.  Not as long as you're with me," he added, with such
ease that it hurt.

"See, there's the problem!  You've already experienced
all that and you refuse to look at it from my perspective.  This is really
important to me, Cam.  I’m trying, I mean really trying, to get over it.  I
don't know if it's something I can give up."

"You don't mean that," he said, understanding the
consequences of what I was saying.

A tear fell down my cheek.  "I do."  I started to
wonder if he truly loved me.  If he did, wouldn’t he at least consider having
his surgery reversed to try to make a family with me?

"It's late," he said.  "Why don't we go to
bed and talk about this in the morning with clear heads."

As if another night would change anything.  "My head is
clear, Cameron.  But I'll do it.  For you."  I let out a long, slow
breath.  "I'm telling you now, though, it’s not going to change how I
feel.”

***

I DECIDED TO GO along with Cam as he
drove Pheobe to her school.  It was rather sunny for a cold, February day and
it gave me hope that my mood might follow suit.  I waited in the car, as Cam brought
Pheobe inside.  It was then, watching him holding Pheobe’s hand, with her
smiling up into his eyes, that I admitted: I
have to
have my own baby.

When Cameron rounded the hood of the car, he watched me
intently.  After sliding into his seat, he cupped my cheek and gave me a brief
kiss.  His eyes begged me to tell him what was wrong. 
He didn’t want to
hear what I had to say.

Even I was getting tired of rehashing over it, but I had to
tell him the truth.  "I'm having a hard time getting over what happened
last night.  How you treated that little boy.”

He searched my eyes, then dropped his hand to put the car in
gear.  "Didn't you see what he did?  And his mother, she was no
better."  He glared out the windshield.

"What is your problem, all of a sudden?  You're so
great with Pheobe and I thought you loved kids."  I raised my voice and I
couldn’t believe the emotions it evoked.

"I love Pheobe and I do like kids, but that doesn't
mean I want another one.  I know that's what this is all about," he said, waving
his hand over the steering wheel.

I didn't reduce my volume.  "Even if it means losing
me?"

Cam turned his head and shot me a fathomless, blue glare. 
"Are you breaking up with me?  I thought we made a promise."