A Twist of Fate (8 page)

That look stabbed through my heart.  "The whole point
to my existence is to bear children, Cameron, and you want to take that
opportunity away from me."  My voice softened, as I lost my fuel.

He tried to soothe me with his mesmeric voice.  "You
won't be without a child.  We’ll have Pheobe."

My anger stewed, as we pulled into the parking lot at work. 
"It's not the same."  As soon as the car stopped, I got out, slammed
the door shut and stomped into the office, scowling.  I couldn't face him. 
Right now, I only wanted to shake some sense into him.

"Abby, wait!"

I had a good head start and, though he jogged after me, there
was no way I would let him catch up.  I thrust open the lobby doors and dashed
inside.  Taylor greeted me when I stormed in, but I was too preoccupied with
myself to respond.

Cameron followed behind me.  "Sorry about that,"
he said to her.  “She's having a rough morning."

I was out of sight, but not far enough off to be deaf to his
remark.  "Speak for yourself!" I shouted, putting the entire office
on notice not to mess with me this morning.

Cam came up behind me and gently grabbed my arm.  "Can
we please leave this conversation for home?" he asked, with harsh,
accusatory eyes.

I yanked my arm from his grasp and lowered my voice. 
"Don't worry.  I'll be professional.  It'll be as though that conversation
never happened," I said, bitterly.

He let out a breath of exhaustion.  "Please don't do
this, Abby.  I don’t want to fight."

"Give me a family and the fight is off.  It's as easy
as that."  I had made my point loud and clear to all that listened.

"We'll talk about this tonight," Cam said, warning
me that our argument was far from over.  He spun on his heel and disappeared around
the corner.

After glowering at the wall for a few more seconds, I turned
to find Owen standing there.

"Everything alright out here?" he asked.

"It is what it is," I said. 
None of his damn
business
.  I walked straight to my desk, leaving him standing there,
confounded by my behaviour.

***

AFTER A SILENT DINNER, Pheobe went
to her room to play.  Even she didn't want to be around me.  I couldn't stomach
the thought of suffering through another week like this, and it was
devastatingly clear that none of us would be able to tolerate it much longer.

Cameron was a handsome, caring man and an amazing father. 
There were plenty of women who threw themselves at him every day and they
wouldn't give a second thought about giving up having children to be with him. 
But I wasn’t one of those women.  I could see it in his eyes, when he decided
it was time to get back into it.

"This isn't over, Abigail.  Not even a little bit.”  He
sighed.  “Don't think I'm going to quit on you like that, because I'm not.  I
don't give up that easily."  He grabbed onto my hand and pulled me into a
hug that was so tight my lungs became starved for air.

"Are you saying you'll give me a baby, after we
marry?" I whispered.

He replied, softly.  "I didn't say that."

I swallowed back my disbelief and looked up into his tired
eyes.  "Cam, I love you so much, and I've found the more I learn about
you, the more there is to love.  But this?  This really hurts.  And I can’t get
over it."

"You took my ring," he reminded me, but pointing
fingers wasn't going to fix anything.

I couldn’t help but return the jab.  "That's because
you promised me endless happiness, and at that time I actually believed it could
be true.  I want to know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me,
Cam."  I rested my hand on my flat belly.

Cameron stole my hand and held it in his.  "I know
you.  I could still make you happy."

I shook my head to disagree.  "You don't know a thing
about me.  Because if you did, you would realize how important this is to
me."

"I know that I love you, Pheobe loves you, and you love
us back.  Isn't that enough?"

I fought the tight feeling in my chest as a tear streaked
down the side of my face.  "No.  No, Cam.  It's not enough."  I cried,
softly, unable to bring myself to make eye contact with him.

It felt like my swollen heart was slowly oozing toward my
throat, making it difficult to breathe.  There was no stopping the imminent
doom that was closing in around me.  I gasped for air, but sucked in a mouthful
of fear instead, not knowing what to do next.  "I should go."  I wanted
to tear out of the room, but my legs were so wobbly.

Cameron didn't move.  "You said you would never leave
me."

I stopped at the door, unlocked it and turned back to him,
tears falling steadily down my face.  He approached me slowly and held my
blurry gaze.

"It's not the end until I say it is."  He reached
by me and relocked the door, blocking my only exit.  Then someone knocked at it. 
He reluctantly opened the door and found his mother waited patiently on the
other side of it.

"Is Pheobe ready?” she asked, ignoring the nature of
our dispute.  “I told her yesterday I would take her to the store for a special
treat tonight."

"I'm sorry, Mom.  I totally forgot.  Come on in." 
Cam started to walk down the hall and hollered out to Phoebe.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Sadie said
to me, acknowledging my fragile state.

"It's okay.  We're just trying to work some things out."

Distracted by the glimmering rock dangling from my finger,
she picked up my trembling hand, inspected it and smiled at me like only a
mother could.  “I'm sure you'll be able to work it out."

Pheobe came speeding down the hall.  “Grandma!”  After a
squeeze around her thighs, Pheobe happily slipped on her hat and mitts with her
grandmother’s assistance and together they stepped out into the darkness.

"Be careful," Cam hollered after them, then closed
the door.

The house fell quiet; so quiet, it was suffocating me.

"Where were we?" Cam asked, pinning me with his
sardonic gaze.

I was just leaving.
  "I believe you were just
telling me that it's not over."

His stormy eyes confirmed that story.

Damn him.
  Cam had a way of making me feel however he
wanted me to feel.  There was no refuting that I was incredibly attracted to
this man.  Of all the things I could think of in a moment like this, there was
only one factor that hung in the forefront of my mind:
he is damn good in
bed.
  And in the shower.  And on the table.  And wherever he wanted me at
this very moment.

With all of the barriers dividing us lately, I couldn't turn
away his silent invitation to reconnect.  I pounced on him, full of emotion,
and he was more than willing to accept my desperate mouth, drinking from his
lips and breathing from his lungs.

Cam eased me to the floor where he urgently showed me just how
good we fit together.  Then he stopped, as he nearly gave me a gift I would
have loved to accept from him before the surgery that stole his lively essence.

Reigning in his emotion-filled desire, he lifted me from the
floor and into his arms.  He carried me to the bedroom, laid me out on his bed,
and showed me all the other reasons why I should stay.  While my every sexual
desire had been fulfilled, that was not and had never been the problem.  Yes, it
was the best I'd ever had; but it was hardly enough to make our relationship
work as is.

Lying there, curled up on his bare chest, I considered how
much he loved his daughter.  If anyone could convince him to have another baby
it was her.

Yes.  There are ways I can change his mind
.

DECIDING TO TONE IT down for a few
days, to let things settle and give us all a break, was having a positive
effect on everyone.  Everyone but me.  While I appeared to be calm and
collected on the outside, it was only because inside I was secretly crafting my
master plan to convince Cam to give me a family.

Throughout the work day he continually, nonchalantly, brought
up things to show why having another child is not such a good idea.  Every time
he made a stupid comment, I just grinned and nodded, totally ignoring it.  My
mind had not changed.  It would never change.  I would have my baby, with him
or with another man who understood how important it was to me.

Another late work night just added to my stress.  While
sitting in the boardroom with Cam and Owen, I acted busy though wholly
distracted with my thoughts.  When Cam's cell started to ring, it gave me
reason to take my eyes off the useless scribbles on my page.  Then concern
spread across his face, and I thought the worst.

"Has there been an accident?" Owen asked him,
feeding off of my anxiety.

Cam shuffled his papers together.  "It's the babysitter. 
She says Pheobe needs me."  He picked up his things, rounded the table and
kissed my temple.  "I'll see you at home."

Cam blasted out of the room before I could even say goodbye. 
You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.  Getting anymore work done was
unlikely.  Owen turned to me, as if he had something important to say.

"That was odd.  At least now I’ve got you all to
myself.”

Stunned, eyes wide with horror, I watched Owen slide his
chair closer to me.  When he rested his hand on mine, it should have been
creepy, but instead I felt cherished.

"I know it's best to keep our relationship
professional, but, but…"  He paused; not hesitant, just choosing his words
carefully.  “I can't imagine a world without your babies in it."

I suddenly found the energy to pull my hand away when my
mouth dropped open. 
Did he just ask me to make babies with him?

"Cam told me that you want to have kids and he doesn’t. 
He's really struggling with it because he doesn't want to lose you.  But I've
known Cam for a long time and he’s not going to change his mind on this one,
Abby."  Owen watched me and repeated it, as if reading my mind.  "Trust
me.  He won't change his mind."

"You can't know that," I snapped, not wanting to
believe what I already knew to be true.

"I do.  And I know what I have to do."  The brief
silence did nothing for me to prepare for Owen's honest eyes.  "I can give
you the babies you've always wanted.  You can have as many as you want."  He
was being very serious and somehow sweet, but it didn't stop me from responding
with a full body shudder.

"Let me get this straight.  You want to make babies
with me?"

"Yes.  Exactly," he replied, matter-of-factly. 
"For you."

"Owen,” I said, with pause.  “You are very sweet - a good
friend - but you must know that I’m not
in love
with you.  I love you
more like a brother and I am deeply in love with Cameron."

"Forget about Cam.  You could learn to love me like
that.  It could work."

I giggled out of anxiety, though I knew it was
inappropriate.  "Owen…"

He pressed his fingers to my lips.  "Not another
word."  Before I could realize what was going down, he attacked me with an
awkward kiss.

Though he tried so hard to make it meaningful, I felt
nothing.  Looking into his desperate, hazel eyes, I wondered if what he was
proposing was so terribly wrong.  Edwin wouldn’t give me what I wanted. 
Cameron couldn’t.  We’d both get a loving family out of the deal.  Could I
learn to love him?

No!  What was I saying?
  I shook my head and closed
my eyes.  I couldn't live without Cameron, could I?

The room was soundless for a long minute and my mind went
blank.  Black.  Empty.  Soon the silence ambushed me with emotion.  When I
opened my eyes, Owen was staring at me, analysing my every expression.  Overcome
with nothing but guilt, I pushed my chair back, rolling myself a few feet away
from him.  I could tell from his expression that he understood my new
behaviour.

"Please don't do that ever again,” I said, with pain
soaking every word.  “This never happened."

Owen – my boss - nodded with understanding and wiped all
emotion from his face.  "I'm sorry.  It won't happen again.  I just,"
he paused and sighed.  "I had to try.  We could be great together, you
know?  I want children too and I had planned to have a couple of them by now. 
There would be lots of love.  You would love me for giving you children,
Abigail.  I know it."

I lowered my head and pressed my fingers across my
forehead.  "I seriously appreciate your sincerity, but it’s just not going
to happen."

Emotional pain was etched in Owen's expression, wrinkling
his typically smooth forehead.  "Maybe now's a good time to call it a
night."

"Yeah, I think we've had enough craziness for one day."

***

WHEN I GOT HOME I let myself in and found
Pheobe and Cam sleeping snuggly in her bed.  I headed back to Cam's room and
shut the door behind me.  I ran a bath in the ensuite and pulled out the phone,
deciding it was time to make things right with Aliah.  I dialed her up and she answered
on the first ring.

"Hey.  You up for a bitch-fest?"

"Absolutely," she answered.  "I thought you'd
never ask."

"Just so you know, I plan to do most of the bitching. 
But you can add in your two cents whenever you want."

"Bring it."

"Let me start by saying I think I'd rather fall on a
knife than lose this debate with Cameron.  No, I refuse to lose.  It's the very
reason for my existence."

"Okay, what about a knife?" Aliah asked,
confused.  "You aren't going all suicidal on me are you?"

I ignored her ridiculous question, feeling more sure of
myself now than ever.  "I really believed that Cameron was the one, but he's
being super difficult about the baby thing.  I’m finding it hard to justify
staying with him if he refuses to have a family with me, when I rejected Edwin
last summer for the very same reason.  I have to convince him."

“He’s really that sure he doesn’t want another kid?”  Her
disbelief startled me.

"Let’s just say a doctor’s taken care of that decision
for him.  I swear life would be so much easier if I had never met Cam at
all."

“Yeah, but if he came to you right now and said
let's
make babies
, you'd be all over him and then live happily ever after."

"I wish."

Hunter was in the background.  "Who are you talking
to?" he asked Aliah.

"Abby.  She's going to break up with Cam."

"Aliah!  I never said that," I corrected, but
Hunter couldn’t hear me.

"You didn't have to.  But at the end of the day, you're
the one who has to live with yourself."

I glanced at the closed bathroom door.  "I don't want
to leave, but he's making it hard to stay.  He has to change his mind."

"You can tell yourself whatever you need to, but I
can’t see it happening.”

"Thanks for the encouragement,” I moaned.  “I'm sure
Edwin will have some
encouraging words
for me too.”

"Don't you dare,” Aliah warned.  “You steer clear of
Edwin.  That's the last thing you need right now.  If you want to discover
yourself again, then do it.  But do it yourself.  If you want Cam, then keep
Cam."

"You're right."

"I'm always right."

"Don't listen to her," Hunter hollered.  "She
lies."

"Hunter!  You stop that right now," Aliah yelped,
in my ear.

"It sounds like you've got your hands full,” I said,
smiling.  “I'll let you go."

"Hope you figure things out.  Now I'm gonna go beat up Hunter
for being such an ass.  Laters."

I hung up the phone feeling a lot better about things.  No matter
how mad I was at Cameron for not wanting children, I hadn't stopped loving him,
and he wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with if he didn't stand his ground.

***

IT WAS DIFFICULT, BUT I managed to
get through the next morning; even with Cameron's hackles raised the entire
time.  I stared at the clock on my computer, waiting for lunchtime to arrive. 
I planned on doing lunch somewhere.  Anywhere but there.

As the clock flashed 12, I reached for my bag and when I
spun around to leave, Edwin was standing there with his jacket on.  "Hey!"

My breath hitched.  "Oh!  Hey, Eddie."

"Do you have plans for lunch?" he asked, all bundled
up in preparation for the winter wonderland outside.

"Umm," I mumbled, as I tried to think of a good
excuse to stay out of trouble.  "Uhh," I said as I struggled to come
up with anything worth saying.  "Nope.  I guess I don't.”  I yanked on my
jacket and did up the buttons, steadying my trembling hands.

"I’m heading out to Jaci's and wanted to see if I could
bring you something back.  But since you don’t have any plans, you might as
well come with me."

"I don't know."  I really,
really
shouldn't.

"Come on," he coaxed.  "I promise, no
trouble."

Leaving with Edwin would spell trouble, and yet I couldn’t
stop the words from exiting my lips.  “I'm starving and I haven't had Jaci's Almond
Soo Guy in months.”  My brain must have been starving too, because I clearly
hadn't thought of the consequences of our
friendly
lunch date.

"Let's do it then," Edwin said, showing way too
much enthusiasm, as he led the way to his truck.

He played nice for a change and with a full belly, all
seemed right in the world.  When I returned to work after lunch, Cam didn't
show the same enthusiasm.  Now, even though I hadn’t yet shared Owen’s
proposition with Cam, I had to deal with his concerns about sharing me with
Edwin too.

The drive home was silent, but I was getting used to that
these days.  There was always something, and it always stemmed from the same
things: Edwin and babies.

To add to the trouble, I told Cam about the past 24 hours.  The
last thing I needed was him to believe I couldn’t be trusted.  To my surprise,
he dropped the Edwin thing relatively quickly, totally overcome with irritation
from Owen’s actions.  His annoyance began to swallow his features, his face turning
dark and mean.

After dropping Pheobe off to her art class, I kicked my boots
off and settled down for a fight.  I patted Cam’s arm to calm him, but he was
seeing red and started to pace the living room.

"Please calm down," I pleaded.  “It was only a
friendly gesture.”

His face looked hard and cold.  "Why should I calm
down?  I knew that bastard was going to make a move on you.  I warned him.  I
fucking warned him!" 

Everything started spiralling out of control.  Cam took off
toward the door.

"Stop!  What are you doing?" I squealed, making my
fear known.

"What's it look like I'm doing?  I'm going over to Owen’s
house to kick the shit out of him."

"Cam, you don't want to do that."

"Uh, yeah.  I definitely do."

"Please don't," I begged.

"Why?  Do you love
him too
now?"  He swung
his sarcasm at me and I took the blow straight to my heart.

I was crushed and it was like my chest had caved in and
punctured my lungs.  I stormed past him and slammed one foot into my boot.  "That’s
it!  I'm leaving.  For real this time!"

Tears flooded my eyes before I could jam my other foot into
my boot.  It had felt as though Cam had ripped my life out from under me and left
me dangling by the ankle.  I couldn't bear to hang around and assess the
damage.  I whirled away from him and stepped toward the door, but suddenly he
was just there.

"Wait.  This is not how it ends," he said softly,
turning on the charm.  "I’m sorry.  That was uncalled for."

I swiped the back of my hand across my damp cheek and
snuffed unattractively, squinting at him through weary eyes.

Cam wrapped his hands firmly around my upper arms and pleaded
with a mesmeric voice.  "I love you.  I'm just so afraid of losing
you."

I blinked away another tear and shook my head, trying to
clear my mind.  Maybe if he didn't smell so incredibly good it would have been
easier to break away and move one foot after the other.

"I love you too, Cam.  But we can't keep on like this. 
This tension between us is killing me, and it's no good for Pheobe
either."

"I want you to be happy.  It's just…" he broke
off, then took a deep breath.  "We're good," he said, as if he were
trying to convince himself.

Neither of us were convinced.

I managed to press out a smile, but the edges of my lips
trembled and it almost hurt to keep it up.  "Goodnight, Cam.  I will see you
tomorrow."  With that I pulled away from his hold and he let me go.

When he spoke next, it was as quiet as a whisper.  "Don't
give up on us."

I slipped on my jacket, slung my purse over my shoulder and
turned the icy doorknob.  "I never did," I breathed, then walked out
the door into the lonely chill of the night.

I felt his desperate gaze scorching my path, but I started
my car and left without turning back.  I made it half way home before I relived
the sting from when Cam made the less than gentle suggestion that I might have
a thing for Owen.  I knew in my heart that his warning had nothing to do with
Owen. 
He thinks I’m still in love with Edwin.
 
How could he think
that?

My tears froze to my cheeks, as I zoomed into my driveway
and parked my car.  I squinted my eyes, in no shape to face my nightmare, but
Jenny magically appeared in the seat next to me and made no move to leave me
alone.

"You are not here right now,” I said, not expecting a
reply.

“Oh, I’m here alright, sister.  So listen up, and listen
good.  Stay away from Edwin.”