A Will To Change (Hope) (4 page)

And the guilt trip begins.
“Yeah. I wish I could go, too, but I’m working.” I hated lying to her, but me being anywhere near my dad was just a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to ruin her birthday, not to mention that I still felt like total shit, even after sleeping it off the entire day.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to work. I know that you’re busy. But thank you so much, sweetie, and thank you for the phone call.”

“No problem. Happy birthday, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too, honey,” she said as she hung up. It amazed me how a simple phone call and flowers that I didn’t even order totally impressed her. She either had really low expectations of me, or it didn’t take much to please her.

I decided to scroll through my plethora of messages. Cathy, Janelle, Tabitha. I half-listened to all of them until I got to the one from my station. “McAdams, if you can get your ass in here tonight, do it. Kroger got injured today, and Thompson just called out.”

Karma. That’s what I get for lying to my mother on her birthday. I called the captain on duty and let him know I would get there as soon as I could, which meant after I ate the frozen pizza that seemed to be the only edible thing in my apartment and showered. I tried to look at the positive of going in on my shift off. At least I wasn't lying to my mother or the women that I had just texted back, letting them know that I wasn't available tonight.

“What's up, douche bag?” Brian…or Peterson, as I referred to him…said as he walked into the locker room to change. 

“Yeah, I am a douche bag for coming in to help you douche bags out on my day off. I could be getting some serious ass right now, you know.”

“Didn't you get enough last night? You left Clancy’s with Delia, or were you too drunk to remember?” 

I smirked. “Don't remember a thing. Just waking up in her bed and having her flip out on me.”

“Ha. What the hell did you do?”

“I told her we needed to cool it. She was gettin’ way too possessive. You know I don't do that.”  He shook his head and laughed. “Oh please, Peterson, like you aren't the same way.” 

“I'm not saying I'm not, but Delia, man? That body alone would make me consider becoming a one woman man.”

“Yeah, well, she's not all that. I'll give you her number and you can see for yourself.” 

“You are a dog, McAdams.” He grinned.

“Aint a damn thing wrong with that, my friend. At least I’ll die a happy man.” 

I had just finished changing into my uniform when the alarm sounded. “Ah, fuck, really? And I was hoping for an easy night!” I shouted, slamming my locker door shut.  

I geared myself up and jumped in the truck. We got to the scene of an abandoned two-story building billowing with smoke. Peterson and I entered first, moving toward the back of the building where the fire seemed to have started.

“Hold on. The hose is snagged!” I shouted as we approached the flames.

I stepped back two feet to remove the hose from the piece of wood that it was wedged under. Looking up, I realized that the ceiling right above Peterson’s head was about to cave in. “Peterson, get the fuck out of the way! The ceiling’s gonna give!” I screamed. He tried his best to move out of the way just as the ceiling came crashing down, pinning his leg. I ran to him, dragging him out from under the debris as the flames came dangerously close. “I can’t move my leg, Will. I think it’s broken.”

“Flynn, Jackson, get him out of here!” I said to the other two guys that had just reached us.

They dragged Peterson out of the way just as Flynn looked up at the ceiling. “Will, look out!”

Exhaustion was finally setting in after working sixteen hours straight. I couldn’t wait to crawl into my bed, trying my best to forget that I had to be back at the hospital in twelve hours. I walked into my apartment just as Evan was exiting the shower. “What the hell happened to you? You look like you got run over by a truck.”

“Yeah, I feel like it, too,” I said, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. He stared at me with his piercing green eyes and pulled away as I went to wrap my arms around him.

“What’s the matter?” I asked in defense.

“Nothing!”

I knew it was something, but I was just too tired to care. I looked at the clock. 6:23. Only thirty-seven minutes to go and he’d be on his way to his cushy job at his father’s advertising firm that he worked at where he would get to sit around all day and bark out orders to everyone else. Then he would come home and get mad at me for not wanting to go out because I was too tired from my long day at the hospital. He was clueless about anything going on in my life. He was clueless to a lot of things. Even though he was totally gorgeous on the outside, it didn’t make up for what he lacked on the inside and, to me, that’s all that mattered.

Our relationship didn’t start out that way. Three years ago, when we first started dating, we actually did get along, but now we were lucky if we could be in the same room for five minutes without getting into an argument. Of course, my mother adored him because he came from money and since that was all that mattered to her, she thought that he was a great catch. On a few occasions, she actually expressed her confusion over what someone like him would be doing with someone like me.

Once Evan was gone and out the door, I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed, falling into a much needed deep sleep. I woke up eight hours later, feeling totally rested and ready to face the world once again. When I hopped out of bed, I was happy to see that it was only three o’clock and I had three-and-a-half hours all to myself before I had to leave for work. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a bowl of cereal as I checked my emails. I looked up in surprise to find Evan walking through the door. He wasn’t due home for at least another three hours.

“Hey, what are you doing home so early?” I asked.

“I have that awards dinner in Long Island. You did remember that you’re going with me, right?”

“Oh, shit! Evan, I am so sorry. Rochelle needed someone to fill in some hours and I –.”

“Damn it, Gabby! What the fuck?!” he shouted, throwing his keys on the counter and storming into the bedroom.

Even though I didn’t want to go, I was still feeling pretty bad. He had asked me to go weeks ago, and I had been so busy that it totally slipped my mind. I got up and put my bowl in the sink. Evan was in the closet getting his suit together when I walked into the bedroom. I stood behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry,” I said, kissing him on the shoulder.

“Yeah, whatever, Gabby!”

I took a deep breath, figuring that I would accomplish two things at once. I would fulfill my weekly sexual duty and, at the same time, try to ease the blow of not attending his work function with him. I stood behind him as my fingers unfastened his belt buckle, then his button and zipper. I slid my hand down his pants, stroking him up and down until I felt him becoming harder. He turned around, wasting no time lifting my pajama top and bottoms off, wrapping his lips around my breast. We slid down to the floor and had our normal methodical sex that we had been having for the past year. It lasted for about five minutes, with me faking it like I did ninety percent of the time just to have it end.

Evan quickly rolled off of me and pulled away when I went to kiss him on the lips. “Hey, do you care if I jump in the shower before you?” he asked as he quickly stood up and grabbed his clothes, not even waiting for my reply.

“No, not at all,” I answered after he was already in the bathroom with the water running.

I lay on the floor, listening to the running water and staring at the ceiling fan. “Someone please tell me that there is more to life than just this,” I whispered.

It felt like I had just left the hospital and here I was again. It still beat the alternative of spending the night with Evan’s boring co-workers, pretending to have a good time.

“Hey, Gabs,” Callie said. “Thanks for covering for me last night.”

“No problem,” I replied, looking up at the board and my list of patients.

Callie took a sip of her soda and smiled. “Hot fireman in room three seventeen. Got burned pretty badly on his arm last night. Tall, dark hair, beautiful blue eyes, great smile. He was transferred here this morning and he’s all yours!”

I picked up his chart and lightly smacked her with it.
Will McAdams. Thirty-four-years-old, third degree burns to his right arm.

“Is he due for his dressing change?”

“Yup, hasn’t had it done yet. Poor guy doesn’t know what he’s in for,” Callie sighed.

“Oh, sure, make me be the bad guy.”

“But you do it so well, Gabby.”

“What? The dressing change or playing the bad guy?”

“Both,” she giggled.

I rolled my eyes at her and gathered his meds that he was due for, preparing myself for the torture that I was about to inflict on mister tall dark, and handsome.