A Woman Gone Mad (22 page)

I can’t help but pant and rub harder and harder, trying to dull this growing ache that is lighting me up like the fourth of July from the inside out for this man and this man alone. “Nick.” My breath is coming in gasps and my skin feels tight. His thumbs and forefingers pinch and pull at my nipples. Then his warm tongue laves the sting away. He pushes my breasts together and sucks one whole nipple into his mouth, scraping his teeth across the tip before pinching my other nipple then licking and sucking the pain away.

God Almighty, I love this man and the things his mouth and fingers do to work my body into a frenzy. “Nick, baby…” I reach down, line his erection up with my drenched core, and sink down, impaling myself onto him.

I’m so deliciously full of him that it borders on pain. He whips my nightie the rest of the way off of me and grips my hips hard but he doesn’t move me. It’s like he’s holding on to me to keep himself in control.

We look into each other’s eyes quietly for a moment before his thumbs start slowly making circles around my hipbones. “Okay, baby?” His eyes watch me as his left hand moves from my hip to my core and he begins rubbing my swollen clit.

“Oh my God.” I start rocking back and forth. I grab on to his hard, broad shoulders, moving my hips harder and faster, using my thighs to lift up and sink back down over and over.

“That’s… Shit yeah, just like that, baby.” His groans encourage me to move faster, grind back down harder, pushing his thumb against my clitoris. And then, as quickly as I feel the beginnings of my orgasm, it’s splitting my skin and a hoarse cry bursts from me, my back arching, my nails scoring him from his shoulders down to his chest as I convulse around him, on top of him.

His mouth swallows a nipple and his fingers dig into the flesh of my hips as he starts thrusting up. I’m barely coming down from my first orgasm when the bite of his teeth on my nipple and the bite of his fingertips into the flesh of my hips have me at the brink again. His thrusting hips drive him deeper and deeper into me and it has me spinning into oblivion and over the beautiful edge once again, my sex gripping around him. I feel his warm come flooding, bathing my insides.

I love that I affect him as much as he affects me. It’s exhilarating and powerful and the most erotic feeling in the world.

“Jesus Christ, I love you.” His warm hands envelope my face before his mouth devours mine. I love this man. I love him, and for the life of me, I can’t remember why I was so nervous and scared about marrying him, spending my life with him, because in this moment, there is nowhere else in the world I’d rather be than in Nick’s arms as his wife.

He pulls me off of him, jumps up from the bed, and then slides me to the corner of the bed. “Here, baby. Wrap your arms around my neck and those sexy little legs around my waist.”

I do, and Nick carries me into the bathroom. With me still wrapped around him, he starts the bath water, testing the temperature, then walks over and sets me down on the countertop. Sitting Indian style with a huge smile across my face, I watch Nick pour the same bath oil I used the last time we were here into the bathtub before grabbing both robes and slipper sets and setting them on the bench at the foot of the tub or pool—whatever.

After he turns on the Jacuzzi jets, he walks over to me, and like a good little monkey, I latch my arms and legs around his massive body. His chuckles reverberate through my chest, making me shiver until he settles us into the warm, heavenly jet-pounded water. Turning me to cradle my back against his chest, he bathes me slowly, studying every inch of my skin, marking each freckle on my shoulder with a kiss, touching the tiny mole on my left hipbone with his fingertip, and copping a feel here and there, claiming, “Oops.” Then he giggles with his lips against the nape of my neck.

After he’s satisfied with bathing me, he keeps the wet skin of my back against his wet chest and begins pulling the hair pins from my hair until the blond waves are floating around us in the bubbling water. “Lillian, I swear to God, I’m gonna make you happy, baby, even if it kills me… I’ll make you happy.”

“I am happy.”

“No, you haven’t been. I know you haven’t been. I’ve had to walk on eggshells these last few months. I stepped aside and let you pull away because you needed it, but I’m done. You hear me, Lil? I’m done. You’re my wife and you don’t get any more space. I’m your space from now on. If you need to breathe, you breathe me, only me. You aren’t alone anymore. It’s me and you, baby. Me and you against the world.”

When I turn around to look into his eyes, my arms slide around his neck and I’m smiling. I can’t stop if I want too.

“Okay. Me and you,” I whisper against his lips.

“Always.”

“Always, Nick.” Kissing his warm lips, I hold him tight against me. Me and him, always. An intense surge of happiness floods into my heart and runs through my veins. Nicolas Wade James, my husband, has made me a very, very happy wife…

I
’ve been to see my OBGYN Dr. Majors once a month since the second week of February. Today is May 15
^th
and this is my fourth visit.

By the way ladies, if you ever find yourself in the same boat as me, pick this doc. The man’s a genius, and he’s crazy enough to make you feel both comfortable and safe in an odd way. Hell, it works, and I give him kudos for it.

This is the first time Nick has met him and I’m nervous as hell. I’m actually praying that there aren’t any vag look-a-roos today more than anything else. I’ve heard the baby’s heartbeat, and you know what? Before you judge me, know this—I don’t care. No. It didn’t make me giddy and happy like the pregnancy bible ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ told me to
expect.

As far as I’m concerned, my body is harboring an alien from another planet. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m explaining. Walk a mile in my… No, here—just try my shoes on. You got something to say after that, then I’ll listen.

“Lillian Sh—” Nick nudges me, chuckling under his breath. “Ahh, Lillian…James?”

“Yes, ma’am.” I stand up and make my way to the nurse. “Hey, girl.”

“Hey, Lil. How’s the nausea going?”

“Oh God, so much better, Teresa. You have no idea.” She leads Nick and me down the hall.

“Ahh, I bet I do. Here, babe. I’ll hold your purse. Step up on the scales.”

Handing my stuff to Teresa, I do the damn weight game. Then Teresa takes an unexpected left on me. Instead of ushering us into one of Dr. Majors’s exam rooms, Nick and I are sent to a dark room with a machine the size of a dinosaur.

A nurse I’ve never seen before comes into the dark room. “Hey, I’m Shannon. Here’s your gown, Lillian. If you’ll step behind that curtain, please change. I need it open to the front but you can tie the top tie.”

“Thanks, Shannon.” I make it quick, shucking off of my clothes and put the gown on. “Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“Is the nurse still in here?” I whisper through the curtain.

“No. Why are we whispering?”

“I don’t know.” We both start laughing, and I come around from behind the curtain.

“Get over here, you nut.” He reaches his arms out for me to come sit in his lap.

“Nuh uh. Besides, I think I’m supposed to sit on this thing.” Sitting on the table, I pull up the flat sheet to cover up my bare legs before the door opens and the nurse comes back in.

“Okay, Lillian. Dr. Majors has you scheduled for an ultrasound today because you’re twenty-one weeks a long in your pregnancy, and since that’s the halfway point, it’s a good time to measure the baby. We’ll also be able to tell the gender of the baby. Have you and your husband discussed whether you’d like to know or not?”

Nick and I look at each other for less than a second and both say, “Yes.”

“Yes you want to know the gender?” Confusion is on her face.

“Yes, ma’am,” Nick and I say in unison.

“Awesome. Now, Lillian, if you will, lay back for me.” Lying back against the exam table is a little uncomfortable.

Nick rolls his stool over to me. Smiling down at me, he brushes his lips across my forehead. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” I whisper through a smile.

“Okay, I’m just going to pull back this sheet so we can get to where the baby is, all right?”

“That’s fine.” Shannon pulls the sheet down under my belly then grabs a bottle.

“This gel is going to be cold. Sorry.”

Damn the gel is cold—like ice cold. I suck in a breath and Nick’s hand squeezes mine.

“If you two would watch the screen, I’ll talk you through what we’re looking at during the ultrasound.” Nick and I watch the screen go from black to black and white. “See the rib cage there.” She points to it and I can make it out, “And here.” She makes the screen zoom in. “This is your baby’s heart.” She flips a button while we’re watching and then the baby’s heartbeat floods the small room.

I look up and watch a smile go across Nick’s face. Instantly relief floods throughout my body. Seeing him happy makes all my worries and fears about this baby disappear. Nick has tears in his eyes. Squeezing his hand brings his eyes to mine. Smiling up at him, I mouth, “I love you.”

He bends his head down and softly kisses me. Then he whispers, “I love you, too. So much, baby.” And the baby’s heartbeat continues around us.

“Well, definitely a good, healthy heart rate. Let’s do some measuring. See here? Those are the feet.” She points them out but it isn’t necessary because I can make them out perfectly.

Oh my god! My baby has feet, and I can count ten perfect tiny toes! I’m so excited and happy for the first time about this pregnancy that the biggest, goofiest smile spreads across my face.

“Here are the baby’s legs.” She clicks some buttons and makes a line that she measures the legs with pop up. “Wow, long legs like Daddy, I guess.”

Pride, something I’m not used to feeling, blooms in my chest and spreads through me. I’m proud of my baby for already growing long legs like Nick and not short ones like mine.

“All right. Boy or girl? Any guesses before I reveal this little baby’s gender?”

“No, no guesses. We just want to know.” And I really, really do want to know—badly. I’ve never even thought too much about it, but right now I would do almost anything to know.

“Okay, let’s see.” I have no
idea
what we are looking at when Shannon the nurse turns to look at me and then Nick. “Congratulations, Momma and Daddy. It’s a girl.”

Holy mother of God! It’s like I’ve been struck by lightning even though there isn’t a cloud in this building. Then the nurse moves the ultrasound around and knocks the breath out of me again when I see, as clear as I can see Nick’s, my daughter’s profile.
My daughter.
Tears flood my eyes and stream down my face. The love and pride I feel over this baby take my breath away.

“She’s beautiful, Nick. Look at her…” My hand flies up and covers my chest.

“I see her, baby.” Nick has tears running down his face too, and I’m so happy that he loves our baby girl as much as I do.

“I love her,” I whisper, looking at the screen, hoping she can hear me say it.

Smiling down at me, he wipes his tears away before wiping mine and whispers, “I love her, too.”

After that doctor visit, Nick takes me to every single one. He and I ask the doctor and the nurse every question we can think of. During the month, we start a question journal full of next month’s questions. And the following visit we go through them together with Dr. Majors and Teresa. I’ve also accumulated every pregnancy book known to Barnes and Noble, and Nick has read ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ a hundred times.

Things settle into a nice routine after graduation. Yes, I graduated, and yes, you may clap. It was an impossible feat that I conquered successfully.

In June, Nick and I start working on the nursery in the second bedroom of the house we’re renting. It’s a very nice little house in one of the older neighborhoods. I love it on this side of town. Every yard has an oak tree that’s at least a hundred years old. The houses have so much character. They’re a little small because they were built right before World War I, but each house is an individual on its own.

Ours is a two-bedroom, one-bath. It has gleaming hardwood floors throughout and four to eight windows in every room that let the sunshine through and give it a warm, homey feeling.

While Nick is at the paint store picking up the paint I ordered, I decide to get to work and tape around the windows, doorframes, and baseboards. Nick really wanted to pay someone to have this done, but I wasn’t having it. I love to paint, and I love my daughter. So I will paint her room—end of discussion.

I’ve just finished my job when Nick comes in with the paint. “Baby, what the hell are you doing?”

“What? I taped everything off. Did you get the thick canvas floor drapes? I don’t want to use the thin ones. The paint will seep straight through it.”

“Yeah, I got the thick ones. Isn’t it a little too much for you to be crawling around on the floor and climbing ladders?” His fingers rake through his inky black hair then scrub down his face.

Is he pissed? “Are you pissed?”