A Year to Remember (38 page)
“Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me the truth once you knew I wasn’t engaged?”
“I wanted to. Every day I had to keep myself from calling you or showing up on your doorstep. We promised to give each other three months. It seemed easier to have you mad at me if I couldn’t change ... if after the three months I still didn’t believe in marriage.”
“What did change your mind about marriage?” Now that I knew he hadn’t been with another woman, I started to open my heart to let him in.
“I’ve been seeing a therapist,” he admitted. “After listening to me bitch and moan about how much I missed you these last few months, he pointed out I couldn’t be any more miserable if I was married.” He laughed.
“You saw a therapist? For me?” As a psychologist myself, I understood what a huge step he had taken. It isn’t easy bearing your soul to a stranger.
“I’d walk over hot coals for you, Sara. A few months of therapy didn’t seem too high a price to pay for what I’d get in return ... you.” He kissed me, evidence suggesting he was ready for round two.
“I’ve been making some changes, too, these last few months. There’s only one thing you should know about me,” I said, kissing his chest.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“I’m a cat person. You’ll have to come over and meet Spock.”
“Spock, huh? So we have Spock, Leia, Luke, and Yoda? I sense a theme here,” he said with a chuckle.
“Don’t you think we should go out and tell Seth and Emily the good news?” I asked as he pulled me on top of him.
“Let ‘em wait.”
And we did.
A Year to Remember Blog
Sara Friedman’s journey to find her soul mate
January 1, 2013
You’ve Always Had the Power.
Happy New Year, friends! I hope everyone had as wonderful a holiday as I did last night. My boyfriend Adam and I stayed home and watched
An Affair to Remember
. I liked it as much as
Love Affair
, if not more. They don’t make men like Cary Grant these days. (Ouch! Adam just nudged me.) Except, for my Adam. (Is that better, sweetie?)
For the first time in my life, I’m happy. It’s not just because of Adam, although he is a huge part. It’s because I’m whole. I can make my own decisions! I used to rely on family, friends, and lovers to make decisions for me. When I came to Overeaters Anonymous, I thought God would make the decisions for me. I was wrong. God doesn’t make the decisions. He just guides me as I make my own healthy decisions. I had the power within me all along. Who knew?
I found a calling as well. It turns out I’m excellent at providing psychological treatment to girls with eating disorders. I’m working with an expert in the field in order to focus my practice on the specialty. God definitely works in mysterious ways.
I’ve also gained more friends this year. I have Adam, of course, and my BFF, Missy. Now I can add so many others including Alison, Hannah, and Nate. My weekends are never dull anymore!
Most days, I live free from the need to compulsively overeat. Notice I said “most.” I’m not perfect, and my life isn’t perfect, but I no longer freak out over those things which used to overwhelm me. Little things like traffic. Sure, I hate it. Everyone hates it. But I don’t have to yell at the idiots holding up the traffic as they rubberneck a crash scene. Now, I crank up my music and sing at the top of my lungs. Whatever I’m rushing toward will most likely still be there when I arrive.
Have a safe and healthy year, my readers! May you all find peace and happiness this year!
FEBRUARY 25, 2013
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
Backstage of the
Morning
show, I tried to gather my courage. In just a few minutes, I would sit with Bethany Williams and explain to millions of viewers I had failed in my mission to marry by this day.
My thirtieth birthday.
At least I didn’t come here alone this time. I brought Missy with me backstage, and Adam was planning on supporting me by hanging out with the cameramen, so I could see him while Bethany grilled me.
They had requested I dress in a wedding gown and veil, even though they knew full well I wasn’t getting married anytime soon. Adam and I hadn’t talked about marriage since we’d reunited on Halloween.
We’ve been living together officially since December and unofficially since November 1st. His cats had been living with me and Spock since the middle of November. Luckily they all got along.
Instead of a wedding dress, I wore an off-white pantsuit and my hair in a fancy updo. Adam said I looked hot, but I still only felt comfortable in black. That’s why Adam suggested, and I agreed, to wear a black bra and panties underneath.
Missy sat with me in the Green Room while I waited for someone to come get me. She leaned back in a chair, her hands resting on her pregnant belly, laughing every time the baby kicked her. She was the happiest I had ever seen her, although her life was turned upside-down. Nothing mattered to her more than the health of her baby.
“How you feeling over there?”
I realized I had been shredding a napkin out of nervousness. It was times like these I missed sugar, wheat, alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. I had to do something with my hands. Adam preferred I use my hands on him these days, but as I pointed out, it wouldn’t always be appropriate. Instead, I shredded napkins and peeled labels off Diet Coke bottles.
Thank goodness today was the final day of my contract. I would no longer have to report in on my marital status.
“Five minute warning, Ms. Friedman,” an intern said.
“Well that’s my cue,” I said to Missy.
“You’ll be great. And if not, who cares?” She laughed.
Easy for her to say.
I followed the intern out into the hallway and to the soundstage. “Wait here,” she demanded before running off.
Another woman greeted me with a mike on her ear. “They’re almost ready for you. They’re going to play the Wedding March and have you walk onto the set. Then you’ll sit down for your one-on-one with Bethany. Any questions? No? Good.” She didn’t even slow down to give me a chance to ask one.
This wasn’t my first interview with Bethany Williams, but I hoped it would be my last. Before, I had waited in a chair on the set and Bethany came to me. I just kept one thought in my head as I waited for my cue.
Adam.
Suddenly there were lights shining on me and voices shouting out stage directions, and I panicked. I couldn’t see beyond the lights and I didn’t know how to find my way onto the set.
“Just breathe, Sara. Hee Hee Hoo.”
I tried to tell Missy a dozen times Lamaze wasn’t appropriate in this type of situation, but she refused to listen. It’s not easy arguing with a pregnant woman.
The Wedding March blared through the speakers, and I walked onto the set carrying a bouquet of fresh flowers. On impulse, I handed them to Bethany. “These are for you.”
“Thank you. Have a seat. Here we are one year after you vowed to marry by the time you turned thirty. Let’s show the audience your speech from your brother’s wedding once again.”
I hadn’t watched it since last February. I thought I’d be horrified, but I actually felt relieved. It didn’t seem as bad as I had remembered.
“Tell our audience, did you succeed in your mission?”
“I am not married. But I did find my soul mate,” I revealed, trying to find Adam in the studio. I didn’t see him anywhere.
“You had a chance to get married this year, but you turned him down?” she asked gently. She and I had discussed my intention to spare Caleb’s feelings.
“I dated a wonderful man, but in the end, I decided we weren’t compatible. I could have gotten married, but it wouldn’t have been to my soul mate and that wasn’t enough for either one of us.”
I started to worry about Adam. What if he’d changed his mind about his feelings for me and decided to go back to Michigan? What if I declared him as my soul mate on TV only to have him run away?
I chastised myself for reverting to my old ways of thinking and behaving. I trusted Adam, and I knew now he’d never intentionally hurt me.
“You did find your soul mate. Tell us how you met him.”
“I’ve known Adam since we were children. He’s my brother’s best friend.”
“Yet you didn’t fall in love until recently. Why do you think that is?”
“We both had issues we needed to resolve before we could admit we belonged together.”
Neither Adam nor I wanted to reveal we had fallen in love in Israel while I was technically still committed to Caleb. The only people who knew other than us had agreed not to say a word. Besides, we believe we fell in love a long time ago, only both of us were too scared to admit it. It didn’t matter when it had happened. It only mattered that it did.
“Any plans to get married?”
“No, we’re taking things slow.” If slow meant living in sin together with no talk of marriage.
“Why don’t we ask him? Adam?”
He walked on the set, smiling, and looking handsome in his tuxedo. What was he doing?
“Hi, Bethany.”
“Welcome, Adam. So I’m asking you, any plans on getting married?”
“Nothing official, but I can tell you this. One day, the woman sitting next to me will be my wife.”
“Why don’t you ask her right now?”
“No, it’s not romantic enough for her. Trust me, when it happens, she’ll be surprised.” He smiled as though he had a secret.
“Will you let us know when it happens?” she asked to the both of us.
“No,” I responded as Adam said, “Sure.”
“We look forward to hearing all about it,” she stated, then finished the segment.
When the red blinking light on the video camera went out, I punched Adam in the shoulder. “We were almost in the clear! No more media coverage and you had to say sure.”
“By the time we get engaged, we’ll be old news.”
“Why, will it be a long time from now?” I asked, trying to pry the information out of him.
“It could be tomorrow, and we’ll be old news. She was just being nice. No one will care about you and me and our little Michigan wedding. Trust me.”
“I do trust you. It’s them I don’t trust.” It was then I remembered Missy had been waiting for me backstage. I didn’t see her anywhere.
When we got back to the Green Room, Missy was hanging up with someone. She’d been crying.
“You guys were great,” she sniffled.
I gave her a hug. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Let’s just go.”
“Happy Birthday, Sara,” Adam said, kissing my cheek.
I linked arms with both Missy and Adam and walked out of the studio without looking back.