Abbie's Gift (18 page)

She recalled the words that Isaac had spoken to her; the fact that these demons were simple creatures, and somehow this made her almost begin to feel sorry for the thing she had seen. After all, Isaac had said that it would be in awe of her, and surely it had had its chance to harm her if it had wished to do so?

She remembered her mum telling her to move on, but she hadn’t been fully honest with her: how could she move on when Peter was still a part of her life, a person whom she still saw, touched and loved? Moving on was not an option; in her mind she was still with him and that would never change.

That evening, her time with Peter somehow seemed shorter than usual; she didn’t know if this was actually the case or whether it was just her impatience and imagination, as time in that alternate dimension didn’t really seem to exist.

When she returned to her physical reality, the house was warm and comforting, but on opening her eyes the first thought into her mind surprised her: why do I have to come back?

Her memory of the time with Peter had been lovely as always, but she also recalled being sad at her departure, something that hadn’t previously happened.  Had Peter noticed this? She wondered. She hoped not as it would have distressed him, and she didn’t want that.

Over the last few days, Abbie had grown accustomed to leaving the main house lights on, as she now had an unconscious fear of the dark and its possible inhabitants, unseen in corners.

When she was in the shower, she found herself looking in the mirror regularly to check the view to the landing area outside the bathroom, but there was nothing there each time she looked.

At last she was able to relax into the torrent of hot water that flowed from above her head; it soothed her body and mind.

After emerging from the shower her skin was hot, so she put a towel round her wet hair but didn’t bother with one for her body. She walked across the landing to the bedroom where the lights were already on; there were no shadows for unexpected guests to hide in. She towelled dry her hair and combed it, but whilst looking in the mirror, she heard an unexpected noise from outside that made her jump.

Slowly she peered through the curtain covering the window, and realised the source of this noise was just her neighbours returning by car, nothing more than innocent frivolity. She then felt the need to check the rear of the house, so she went into the back bedroom, turning on the light as she did so; she checked first from behind the partly-open door, the brightness assuring her it was safe. She put the light out and went over to the window, standing to the side behind the drapes to hide her nakedness.  Looking out in the dark she could see the night was calm; bright stars lit up the sky, and all was quiet with no movement, even from the wind. The garden at the rear of the house stood still and empty.

Abbie had a real desire to go outside and feel the air on her skin. She went downstairs turning lights off after her so not to illuminate outside.  She opened the back door and stepped outside into the moon-lit garden.

Immediately she felt all her skin tighten as the sharp cold air caressed her body, her warm breath rising in a cloud of vapour. She looked up at the dazzling display of the starry night sky and, standing naked in the privacy of the patio area, she closed her eyes, enjoying the night air playing with her senses. After a few minutes she began to feel chilled, so she went inside, locked the door and turned on the lights, turning each one off behind her as she made her way upstairs to bed.

As Abbie settled under the covers, her skin was still tingling from the cool night air, and her senses felt alive. She remembered the first time she had been naked outdoors: the previous year when she and Peter had holidayed in France. It had been a liberating experience for her, something that had given her an immense self-confidence in her own body.

Eventually as her thoughts became foggy and disjointed, she was aware of herself falling asleep; nothing was making any sense, she thought, but then all thoughts vanished as she drifted off to a deep, restful sleep,

Chapter 13

For Abbie, dreams were something that, when they occurred - or rather, when she remembered them - generally left an impression on her.

She was deeply asleep in her bed when something woke her suddenly; she didn’t know what, but she was immediately alert and wide awake. She didn’t move but listened intently: there was not a sound, either inside or outside her house. She looked at the illuminated face of the bedside clock that read 2.32. She had been asleep for a few hours but couldn’t recall the exact time she had got into bed. She lay awake, looking up at the ceiling, then closed her eyes, willing tiredness to come back, but it wouldn’t take her to the sleep she wished for.

She felt herself getting restless and unable to get comfortable.  She turned over and, as she did so, her heart seemed to miss a beat, and then began accelerating for no reason.  She took a deep breath trying to calm herself but felt her heart pounding inside her chest.  There was a coolness in the air but Abbie physically felt very hot; the heat was rising to her cheeks, and she felt uncomfortable and pushed the bed clothes away from her, instantly pulling them back up again as she felt the chilly air on her skin. 

Abbie felt anxious and panicky, a sense of tension rising within her. This is not nice she thought, why this and why now?

She sat up and looked around the room and, peering through the darkness, she thought she saw a humanoid shape standing between the wall and the dressing table. It was still and did not move as she looked; she was certain its eyes were open and gazing at her. She froze in the bed, tension giving way to fear and chilling her to the bone. Moonlight was illuminating part of the room through the thin curtains and Abbie then realised that sitting up she was half naked, so she pulled the covers up to her chin.

She took a deep breath, recalling what Isaac had said to her.

“What do you want?” Abbie asked. It did not respond or move.

“What do you want with me?” She said again.

In response, the creature in the shadows rose up on its haunches as though it had been crouching, watching her, and it stepped towards her.

Abbie’s heart pounded as the adrenaline surged through her.  She was terrified and was frozen to the spot where she sat in the bed.

She asked again, her voice now quivering with emotion

“What do you want?”

The creature took another step forward; it had now covered half the distance between the wall and where Abbie sat in her bed. It was now standing on the edge of the moonlight coming in through the window, and she could see it in the half light.  She was sure it was the same creature as before, its piercing dark eyes that seemed blank and empty, human-like features, and muscular build with short legs.

Its gaze never moved from her, and she again noticed its gnarled, erect penis was twitching between its legs.

Then it opened its mouth, as though to speak, and a noise emanated from it that sounded from another world, a sound so low and terrible it made Abbie physically shiver.

Whatever it was trying to say was unfathomable, but it made two short and separate sounds which it repeated and then stopped.

“What do you want?”

It opened its mouth again and the sound emerged: “El…ith, El…ith”, then the sound seemed to change to  “ill… ith”.

“What do you want?” demanded Abbie again, her voice sounding somehow stronger and more confident due, she realised, to her mounting sense of anger.

The noise came again:  “ill…ith, ill…ith”

“Lilith” said Abbie, as she tried to make sense of the strange, guttural noise “Lilith, did you say Lilith?”

The creature took another step closer; it was now at the end of the bed fewer than five feet away, the moonlight exposing more of its grotesque features.

It seemed to compose itself, as though it had not spoken in a very long time, and was only now remembering how. It took its time, as though forming the words in its mind before uttering them, and when it opened its mouth this time the word it spoke were unmistakable.

“Lilith”.

With a raised hand it pointed at Abbie and repeated “Lilith”.

In the next moment as Abbie reached over for her bedside lamp, she caught her hand on her glass of water knocking it over, and she turned her gaze away as looked for the lamp and flicked on the switch; in the few brief moments between darkness becoming light the creature had vanished, and Abbie was alone in her bedroom.

Lilith? What on earth is this about? She wondered as she lay down under the bed covers and tried to calm herself enough to sleep again.

When Abbie next opened her eyes, it took a while for her to recognise her surroundings: she was in her bedroom, it was warm and her beside lamp was still on, the clock next to her reading 06.55.

She gathered her thoughts, telling herself that what had happened had in fact been a dream. She looked around the room: everything was in its place, nothing was disturbed and she realised more importantly, there was nothing at the end of the bed staring at her.

She sat up, her mind feeling dazed in a kind of foggy recollection of the dream she’d experienced. It had been so vivid, so life-like. Although physically she felt all right, she even pulled back the bedclothes to check that she had in fact experienced no harm; as she expected, there were no marks or bruises anywhere apart from in her mind.

Abbie knew any further sleep was now beyond her so decided to get up. She was coming to terms with the fact she had only experienced a dream rather than actually coming face to face with that creature she thought she had seen in her house. She remembered that in the dream, it had tried to speak, but now she couldn’t recall what it had tried to say.

As she sat on her bed, she didn’t feel fear, as she had done in the dream, but a real sense of curiousness to try to understand what this might mean. In the back of her mind was the thought that understanding this might be significant for her. She had no idea why, but felt she had to find out.

As Abbie got up off the bed, she saw that her glass of water had been knocked over onto the floor. She remembered that it happened in the dream when she reached for the light switch, so she had lashed out in her sleep, she decided, that’s not uncommon when dreams seem very real. She thought she must have forgotten to turn off the bedside lamp.

As she put her dressing gown on she reassured herself, Yes it was only a dream.

                            …………………………………………………………..

Generally for Abbie, the days now often seemed to merge into one. She easily lost track of time and regularly forgot things far too easily. She checked her diary and saw that her appointments with the doctor and the counsellor were approaching, so she wrote them on the kitchen calendar as a visual reminder.

Abbie tried to recall more of that dream, but it seemed the harder she tried the less she could remember. She wished she could remember what had been said to her but she couldn’t bring it to mind, and the more she thought about it, the more important this piece of information seemed to become.  She didn’t know if she was maybe barking up the wrong tree, but she had to try to work it out.

Outside the skies were dark and overcast, and clouds hung perilously low threatening a downpour. Abbie sat in her lounge by the window drinking tea, deep in thought. She watched people pass her house, starting their days. She wondered what her day held for her, mysteries or pleasures?

She thought that so much needed her attention, all sorts of issues with her life, but she found she lacked any sense of purpose or motivation, and besides even though she felt she ought to do ‘stuff’, she couldn’t exactly think what, if anything, needed such urgent attention.

She sighed deeply.  She felt trapped between these two lives and types of existence; one foot on the earth, and one foot in the astral dimension, destined to live between the two and a full resident of neither, getting a taste and a glimpse of another life but not being allowed to enjoy fully.

The next time Abbie looked at the clock it was late morning and the hours had again slipped by.  She felt again that there were things she should be doing, but again couldn’t quite decide what exactly. She noticed the dark skies had cleared and all the ground was very wet. Abbie realised she had not even noticed it raining.

Changing her clothes quickly, Abbie gathered herself together and jumped in the car to visit her mum. Rose as ever was delighted to see her, but surprised at the unannounced arrival.

“Come in love, lovely to see you” she said, kissing her.

“Thanks mum, just needed some company”.

“Anything the matter?”

“I had a bad night, a nightmare, it was a bit disturbing and the feeling is kind of lingering this morning that’s all, but the whole morning has just passed by without me noticing. So I’m here, cheer me up?”

“Of course, anytime”, said Rose hugging her.

Rose felt that Abbie’s embrace was tighter than usual, more determined, needier.

After tea and sandwiches, Rose suggested to Abbie that she could tell her the dream if she wanted.

Abbie took care with the words she chose, describing waking up, what she had seen, her sense of terror and that the creature had tried to speak to her, but she couldn’t recall what was said.

“It sounds like a typical nightmare if you ask me” said Rose, “and yes, the feelings can stay with you, but you did right in getting out and not being alone”.

“I’m back at the GP’s the day after tomorrow, will you come with me?”

“Yes love, of course I will”

Rose paused before speaking again “Can I ask you, any thoughts about going back to work?”

“No, it never enters my head unless someone mentions it, and to be honest, today makes me think I’m not ready if I can get so disturbed by a dream. Doesn’t seem like my brain is in gear yet”.

“Well, until both you and the doctor think you’re ready the main thing is that you focus on yourself, getting back to normal things again. I was wondering,” said Rose, “maybe a break for a few days away from here would do you good for a while, have you considered it at all?”

“No I haven’t, never entered my head.”

“Well maybe you should think about it, it might do you the world of good, and if you want company I’d come with you, you know that, but maybe time on your own if you wanted”.

“It’s a good idea mum, I’ll think about it, maybe after my next appointments with the GP and then the counsellor”. In saying this Abbie knew that wherever she went she would be able to go to Peter, he was ever only a short distance away.

After a few hours with her mum, she decided to do a few bits of shopping on the way home. The supermarket where she had felt unwell that day didn’t seem too bright and, although there were lots of people, they didn’t seem too close either. She took a basket and walked the aisles, pleased that she felt OK with no sense of rising heat, no difficulty breathing, no palpitations. While this made her feel more confident, she so hoped that she wouldn’t see anyone she knew who would want to stop and talk to her; she didn’t feel up to this yet.

Back home Abbie decided that she would not to run today.  Surprisingly that dream had put her off somehow, and besides she thought, the extra rest would help her legs and muscles. She would exercise tomorrow and run the hill; it had been a while and she remembered her goal to get to the top.

By early evening, Abbie was feeling a little hungry so made herself some scrambled eggs on whole-wheat toast while she listened to some classical music.  To her surprise she was hungrier than she expected, devouring all the food she had prepared. She decided to have an early night, to be warm and comfortable in bed and then go to Peter, and she hoped to wake with fresh memories in the morning.

Abbie relaxed in the warm water of the shower, yet despite racking her brains all day she couldn’t remember what the creature had said in her dream.

Then suddenly, as though a switch had been thrown in her mind, a name came to her in an instant.

Daphne.

That’s it, she thought.  It had been a female name, but Daphne did not somehow feel right.  She was convinced then it was something of an unusual name, but if not Daphne, what?’

She had never known anyone by that name, in fact she remembered with fondness the only Daphne she had ever known of was from the American TV show ‘Frasier’ that she and Peter used to watch repeats of on satellite TV. She loved it, and they both never tired of the characters or the classic humour. Daphne was the housekeeper/ physical therapist of Frasier’s father.

So if it wasn’t Daphne then maybe it was associated with another female in the programme, she thought as she tried to recall the other main female characters: Roz, Mel, Maris, although Maris was never actually seen. Then there were Frasier’s many ex-girlfriends from his endless search for love: Charlotte was the one he went to Chicago for at the end of the programme, and there was also Fay, Cassandra, Laura, Claire, Poppy, and Megan from across the hall.  Abbie smiled as he recalled that Frasier always used to announce ‘maybe this one will be the one.’