Absolute Surrender (32 page)

“That was…” Charles’s voice was gruff, breaking at the edges.

“Yes,” Hugh said quietly.

Hugh faced Amelia on the bed as she curved into Charles’s strong frame behind her. Charles had his head propped up in his hand and was staring down at her with a wondrous look on his face.

“I wasn
’
t sure I could do this,”
Charles said.

“You mean watch another man pleasure her?” Hugh asked.

Charles nodded.

“More than that,”
he said.
“I could see her connection to you, and what
’
s more, I could feel that connection through her. I—”

“
I don’
t understand,” Hugh said.

“I mean that…I could feel her calm come from you.” Charles closed his eyes and breathed slowly. “She truly needs you, Hugh.”

“Soon she will be with only you, as it should be,” Hugh said.

“
No, I don’
t think so.”

Hugh stopped the hand that was caressing hers gently as she slept. Stared at it. “Charles…we did all of this so she could be with you. I don
’
t understand.”

“Neither did I…I can
’
t begin to explain to you the feeling.
I don
’
t even know how to put this into words. I could
feel
her physical reaction to your proximity. When you moved away, she tensed. When you drew near, she relaxed. When you spoke, she nearly melted into me. It was a tangible thing. It was a physical reaction. She needs you.”

“Are you attempting to cry off?” Hugh was confused. He didn
’
t understand what Charles was trying to say in explaining this to him. Further, he wasn
’
t entirely sure Charles wasn
’
t simply looking for excuses to be done with this situation. Perhaps he couldn
’
t manage the three of them, but it was a temporary arrangement. They both knew that.

Charles’s eyes clenched, and his hands drew to the bridge of his nose and pinched as his hand shook. His entire arm shook. As Hugh concentrated on the slight movement, he realized the
whole
of Charles shook, as did the bed they all lay upon.

Hugh wasn
’
t sure what to do.

Charles still hadn
’
t answered him.

“Charles,” Hugh said again quietly. Charles didn
’
t respond. “Charles, you must marry Amelia. It
’
s what she desires above all else. But more than that. She belongs with you…Charles.” Hugh reached out over Amelia, placed his hand on Charles’s forearm, not gently—because that would have been awkward—but not so strong that he would jostle Amelia between them. “Charles.”

Charles’s hand dropped to her shoulder then swept down her arm and rested around her waist, his hand taking the sheet and fisting it. Charles dropped his face to the crook of her neck and seemed to just breathe of her. Hugh
’
s hand found her hip, below Charles’s, and he waited for Charles to speak.

“She belongs with me,” Charles said finally. “But she belongs
to
you. I…you belong with her. You should always be at her side. I cannot come between you. I
will not
come between you.”

“Charles, we
’
ve only just begun to settle this whole matter. We cannot possibly go back again, change everything we agreed on…”

“Then find another solution.” Charles paused. “There isn
’
t one, is there?” he asked, full well knowing the answer would be no.

“Her father will not allow me to marry her. He
’
ll not allow us to be together,” Hugh said, then shook his head. “Regardless of my position in her life…she
’
s meant for you.” Hugh attempted to control the timbre of his voice so as not to disturb Amelia, but the control was becoming more difficult.

“If I step aside, if I cry off—” Charles tried, but Hugh cut him off.

“You will
ruin
her! None of this will have mattered!” Hugh tensed, attempted to rein his anger again.

Charles shook his head. “Then help me figure this out. I will never be for her what
you
are for her. And I won
’
t…I can
’
t…take that away from her. It
’
s part of what makes her whole,” Charles leaned into her, pulled her close. “
I don’
t want pieces of this woman. I want all of this woman. Without you…” Hugh watched as Charles breathed deep of her, seemed to hold on as if to the last thread of his lifeline. Charles looked as though he was saying good-bye, and an answering pain sounded somewhere in the vicinity of Hugh
’
s heart.

If ever Hugh had a doubt about the honor of this man, he repented for that now. Hugh would see Charles and Amelia married if it was the last thing he ever did. Amelia deserved this man. She deserved this unwavering strength. She deserved to be loved, the way Hugh could plainly see that Charles loved her—whether Charles was aware of it or not. Hugh knew that this was what Amelia wanted for herself. She wanted to be with Charles. More than anything else, she wanted to be Charles’s wife. Knowing how difficult her illness was for her, how much she would face and need to overcome, Hugh knew, more so than any person in the world, how powerful her need of this man was. To face these difficulties, she needed Charles’s strength.

This was her choice. Charles was
her
choice, and Hugh would see it done. There was no other solution to this.

“Charles, I need you to keep the faith. We are not yet at the point at which either of us can leave her. We both knew this would not be easy. The truth of it, the physicality of it, is obviously more difficult than I believe either of us expected. But we
’
ve begun this. Have some faith, for her sake. Please give this a chance. Please let us finish what we
’
ve started.”

Amelia heard their words penetrating her dream, ever so slowly.

I cannot come between you.

It was disturbing at first, since she was dreaming of the two of them to begin with…but not quite in the way they were discussing here in bed. Well, they were in bed as well, but not—

She twitched. Just a quick shake of her head to move the thoughts along, to stop the circling. She opened her eyes slowly to find Hugh watching her, silently smiling. After a time, he spoke to her.

“You were dreaming,” Hugh said.

She brought her hand to her cheek to wipe some wetness away. Had she cried? She watched Hugh
’
s expression sadden, and she closed her eyes to concentrate on the words that had seeped through her semiconscious state.

None of this will have mattered.

I will never be for her what
you
are for her.

I can
’
t…take that away from her.

It
’
s part of what makes her whole.

I will not come between you.

Her eyes popped open and found Hugh
’
s. She knew why Hugh was sad. “Where is he?”

“I
’
m here,” Charles said quietly, from just behind her.

Funny, that. He was right there. She was burrowed into the lee of his form, and she was so comfortable there that she hadn
’
t even realized he was a separate person. Her heart picked up a beat to know it. Would that she could make this comfort with Charles happen at will. She wiggled into him, feeling the solid warmth of his chest behind her, his legs cradling hers, her head pillowed on his arm. She reached out to Hugh and pulled him close as well, his body curving around hers, his head resting against her chest.

Her fingers played in Hugh
’
s curls as she thought about the words they
’
d spoken around her, then her mind shifted to her tombstone. What would it say?

Here lies Amelia, between two mostly naked men.

An improper young lady.

A disappointment to her mother, and London in general.

And she realized…she simply could not be bothered to care.

“Can I tell you what I want?” She spoke to both of them as she stared at the ceiling.

Hugh nodded against her chest, as Charles’s deep voice acquiesced.

We will not judge you.
They
’
d said that earlier, and she hoped it still applied.

“I want for you to touch me. Again,” she said.

“Amelia, I shouldn
’
t—” Her hand reached up and covered Charles’s mouth, stopping his words. She knew he was attempting to distance himself because he believed she should be with Hugh…or something like that. But she refused to hear it. Right now, right here, they were together, and she
’
d never had this full peace, this whole self, this completeness.

While she
’
d always been safe with Hugh, there had always been part of her in want of Charles, and this was like the missing piece of her puzzle. Right now, right here, she had all her pieces come together, slide into place. Amelia wanted to hold on to that for just a while longer. And then they would face reality, difficulty…pain—
undoubtedly
—and the future. She realized she
’
d merely thought all these words and wished she
’
d actually voiced them. She tried to force them from her lips, to explain to these men, but couldn
’
t.

“Please just…touch me. That
’
s what I want,” she whispered. “For the moment, leave tomorrow for another day.”

Hugh moved first, pulling the sheet down her chest as he lowered his mouth to one nipple, ministered to it, swirled his tongue and gently drew on that nipple, and from there her world exploded. She could never get enough of how their hands worked in tandem, how they were everywhere at once, how they never collided or overlapped, but instead moved as if choreographed perfectly, covering the expanse of her skin with lightning speed, igniting her blood within. The sheer improperness of the situation once again attempted to sway her, but she locked the thought away, took her own request, and left tomorrow for another day. Doing that was easier at the moment, because she
’
d already suffered severely today. It would take longer to wind her up again. She had some time, and she meant to use it.

Charles’s hand slipped from her waist, pulling the sheet farther down her figure, then the bare skin of his fingers skated across her abdomen until his hand cupped her quim, the heel pressing just at the crest where she wanted his touch most. Charles wasn
’
t going to wait for another invitation, it seemed.

Thank God for that,
she thought.

Amelia arched against him, her hips pushing back into his, her breasts pushing against Hugh, who seemed perfectly happy to be drowning in her soft flesh.

Her hands moved down the ridges and valleys of Hugh
’
s chest, then curled around the waistband of his trousers and held on. He froze as if cold water had been thrown on him, his hands covering hers, and she looked at his face.