Absolute Surrender (53 page)

“It
’
s insurmountable,” she whispered.

“No.” This came from Hugh, but Charles shook his head in agreement immediately. “It
’
s merely something to be dealt with. The most important thing is your marriage to Charles. Once that
’
s done with, the
ton
will look the other way for a while, because you
’
ll then be uninteresting. We only have to ensure their interest is not piqued again. Somehow. It will take some time. There are other factors that…well, we can deal with this later.”

“I grow tired of being a slave to society. First for the protection of my family, now for the protection of Charles’s position to the crown.” She said it offhandedly. She hadn
’
t thought it through before, as she did most things.

“My position with the crown is irrelevant. I
’
ll give it all up and be done with it if need be,”
Charles said.

“That wasn
’
t at all what I meant, Charles. I…you misunderstand. It was merely a wish to be left to ourselves, that if we didn
’
t have this—” She released Charles and waved her hand about her head
.
“Please do not…not on my account.”

She saw Hugh take Charles by the arm, give him a shake.

“I
’
m just not in the right mind at the moment,” Charles replied, then he did reach for her, pulled her into his arms to soothe her, and himself. “I promise you, I
’
ll not do anything without us all coming to an agreement first. I promise.”

The memory of what had happened before her episode came back suddenly, as it always did, and she tensed. Hugh stepped closer when her hand tightened on his clothing. “My father?”

Hugh looked away, and Charles spoke as he set her back so she could see him. “When Smythe came for me, all I knew was that the need was dire. When I got here, you were already…on the floor. It was the most disturbing sight of my life. While Hugh attempted to get to you, your mother cowered and your father railed at Hugh. He was determined to have you taken away.”

Charles fell silent, and Amelia considered his words, allowed them to sink into her. “He is not as weak as he pretends to be,”
Charles said.

“He is quite done with me,” she whispered finally.

“Which is of little consequence, as you are no longer his concern. Amelia, we are to remove you to my town house immediately. Whatever happens from there is with his
outward
blessing.” Ever concerned of the opinions of the
ton
, her father.

“And my mother?” she asked.

“She
’
s chosen to remain with your father, as is her place. Her words, not mine,” Charles answered quietly.

“What will they think?” she asked. “I shouldn
’
t go to your house, not before we are wed. There will be talk.”

“Their talk is irrelevant to me. We
’
ll be married as soon as we have the license.”

“And Hugh?”

Before he could answer, Louisa burst into the room.

“Oh, bless your heart, Amelia! What the devil happened?”

Charles and Hugh both swayed away from her instinctively.

“The servants are all in a bind. I could
’
t find Lord Endsleigh or His Grace—and here you all are.” Louisa threw her arms in the air in exasperation. “Apparently, I should have stayed in tonight. I
’
m so terribly sorry.”

Amelia released her men and turned to sink into a warm hug from her maid. “Pack your bags, Louisa.”

“My lord, if I may have a word.”

Louisa stopped Hugh as he walked for the entry of Charles’s town home. Amelia was finally settled, and Hugh was headed for his own town house and some much needed sleep. They
’
d considered him staying, but he wasn
’
t but a five minute ride away. Close enough, being as the situation was precarious as it was. It would have to do.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“My lord, I wanted to speak with you about this predicament we find ourselves in,” Louisa said.

“Which…predicament is that?” Hugh asked carefully.

“The predicament of you, living with them as a family…for lack of a better term. You can
’
t possibly live with them at Castleberry and not raise some sort of suspicions. You do realize.”

Hugh took her arm and led her into the parlor, away from any remaining servants. They walked to the settee, then he sat next to her, heavily. Hugh wasn
’
t sure he was prepared for what she had to say. It would be the first of many
how inappropriate
!
discussions to be had with the people who were closest to them.

“My lord, I may have a solution.”

Hugh froze. This was unexpected. Louisa had always been a cunning sort, but this…

Hugh was willing to listen, however, and hope that she truly had a way to manage the mess they found themselves in.

“Go on,” Hugh said.

In the end, Louisa saved them all, but watching Hugh marry another woman was the single most heartbreaking moment of Amelia
’
s life. She held on to Charles’s hand as though he were the only thing left in the world, and in some respects, he was. Hugh was standing before God and country—marrying another woman.

Hugh can
’
t marry me. He simply cannot. He can
’
t. It simply isn
’
t a possibility in any fashion. This, this is for the best. Because he must marry. Hugh must marry.

Amelia hadn
’
t expected it to hurt so very badly. She hadn
’
t expected so many of the feelings she was having lately, but this…

When she truly considered what was happening—right before her very eyes—Amelia had to stop and force herself to breathe, because Hugh
’
s one request was that she be here, that she sit behind Miss Elliott and be present throughout the ceremony.

Hugh could have asked her to fly, and it would have been easier.

Charles’s hand
swept
warm circles into her back, across her spine, helping her breathe. What Amelia wanted to do was scream. To fill the rafters of this church with the air from her lungs and frighten all the doves from the tower. Or perhaps curl into herself and disappear into the darkness for a while. Would that she could command it as such. Amelia closed her eyes, then opened them and watched. Breathed. Held on.

Hoped
.

Amelia allowed the words to flow over her. So many words. Words to consider, fear, love, and look forward to upholding.

The officiant spoke of the purpose of marriage.

“First, it was ordained for the procreation of children.”

No problem there. They intended to make children. For all of them, as many as was practical, as often as they wished. They
’
d decided that any of Amelia
’
s children would be raised as Charles’s heirs, as it should be. Then, of course, Maitland wanted children as well, and of course she did. And, of course, Hugh would need an heir. And, of course, they would see to that.

Of course they would.

Of course.

“Secondly, it was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication.”

Well,
this could get interesting.

“Thirdly, it was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity.”

Yes, they all needed each other. They all intended to support each other. They all purposed themselves with being the strength for one another, whenever one was needful. They would be a society unto themselves. Amelia knew in her bones that she was the most needful of them all. She felt somewhat guilty about that, regardless that none of them ever gave her cause to—she did.

Amelia watched as Hugh looked to Maitland, who smiled up at him. Practically beamed. The joy in her eyes was nearly blinding, and Amelia
’
s heart kicked its revolt.
I
t ha
s
nothing to do with him,
Amelia told herself. Yet it did have
something
to do with him. Hugh was saving Maitland, after all.

But Maitland saved us all. Remember that. Maitland and Louisa saved us all.

“Wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

Hugh said, “I will.” Then he looked to Amelia, held her gaze, and spoke to her very soul. “I will,” Hugh repeated, his voice deeper, thicker, somehow heavier as it settled across her senses like a warm, soothing, blanket. Amelia felt her breath stop then, and Charles raised Amelia
’
s hand to his lips, placing a kiss upon her knuckles, which were white with tension.

Amelia tried to loosen her fingers to no avail, and Charles swept his hand across them, back and forth, until she felt the blood rush her digits, the stinging numbness slow to recede.

“Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?”

Amelia didn
’
t realize she was nodding until she felt Charles’s hand steady her. He pulled her closer, tilting her chin up so he could place a kiss on her cheek. Amelia opened her eyes and looked back toward the ceremony as Maitland closed her eyes and said, “I will.”

In that moment, Hugh turned to Amelia, expectant, and Amelia
’
s cheeks were wet with tears as she said those very same words to him,
sotto voce
.
“I will.”

Then it was time for Hugh to repeat the officiant’s words: “With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.” Amelia watched as Hugh closed his eyes, knew he spoke to all of them, knew he was pledging himself to their care and safety.

The rest of the ceremony fluttered by in words like heartbeats.

Pledge
, d
eclare.

Safety.

Protection.

Gracious
and f
ruitful.

Consecrate.

Loving.

Cherishing.

Faithful
and o
bedient.

Peace.

Husbands, love your wives.

Husbands.

Wives.

Husbands.

Wives.

The phrase rolled in her head like stones in a tumbler, slowly polishing to a perfect shine.

Husbands, love your wives.

Amelia was quite certain they had not meant it, the way it sounded to her. She smiled.

“Louisa, you
’
re no longer my lady’s maid. Please stop, sit, have some tea with me,” Amelia said as she listened to Louisa fidget in the other room with the dresses in her wardrobe.

“Well, your new girl has packed your summer dresses in with the winter, instead of moving the winter dresses to the other wardrobe! You
’
ll be a…a…fright of wrinkles,” Louisa said in her typical worry pitch, her voice carrying from Amelia
’
s bedroom.

“Louisa, she
’
s young, she
’
s lovely, and who
’
s to know if I
’
m a bit wrinkled anyhow?” Amelia said with a giggle.

Louisa stepped through the doorway, her hands fisted on her hips, head cocked to the side.