Addicted After All (40 page)

“Fuck you,” Rose adds, practically spitting at her. Connor tries hard not to smile while he gives Rose a commanding look.

Daisy starts marching towards the woman.

“Now’s not the fucking time to be a hero, Calloway,” Ryke says, grabbing Daisy around the waist.

I stare down at Lily. “You’re not moving out of my arms, Lil.”

“See, I told you you’re better than Wolverine and Spider-Man and—” she scrutinizes all the characters on her PJs “—Captain America.”

I shake my head at her, but the corners of my lips have already curved upward.

Ryke lifts Daisy
on
his shoulders, like she weighs nothing. His upper-body strength is insane. Her legs dangle against his chest, and she stops fighting with him. In fact she inhales like she can breathe better up high. It’s times like this where I see how well my brother knows Daisy.

He looks over at me, and he scans my body, as though assessing how I’m doing.

I’m not shaking anymore. Thanks to Lily.

He motions with his head down the street. And I know he’s going to return to the house with Daisy on his shoulders, just like that.

I nod to him, and he heads towards our house.

 “Walk, darling,” Connor says to Rose, rotating her so she’s in line with the car and not the stone mansion.

From the “safety” of her lawn, the woman keeps antagonizing Rose, “I’m sure she’d prefer you to
force
her to the car.” Her husband is calling her to come inside.

Connor speaks fast in French, and he ends up carrying Rose in his arms.

“Put me down, Richard,” she snaps.

“I’ll put you down if you can tell me the first twenty digits of pi,” he says casually, only about ten feet from the Escalade.

“3.14-I-fucking-hate-you,” she practically screams. I’m surprised she hasn’t bitten him yet.

“Incorrect.”

Rose huffs, “Why can’t you be angry? They called me a—”

“I’m
livid
,” he says, letting some of his emotion deepen that word. “You just can’t see it, and I’m not showing it in front of these people so you can go to jail.”

I speak up. “Sounds smart to me.”

Rose lets out a growl. “Don’t compliment him.”

“Well, I’m definitely not going to compliment you,” I retort. Connor sets Rose on her feet beside the passenger door.

When Rose notices the babies in the car, she swats Connor’s arm. “You
woke
up our daughter? Are you insane?”

“I assure you, my sanity is more intact than yours tonight.” And then they both start talking in French again, shutting us out of their conversation. Whatever. I’m used to it.

The front door to the house slams closed, cementing the fact that the girls got off the hook tonight. But Lily and I stare up at that damn window again, and the two teenagers are still there, snickering.

I flip them off.

Lily notices it and copies the gesture. With both hands. From Lil, in a Marvel onesie with a feather headband hooked around her wrist, it’s hardly threatening. But it’s goddamn adorable.

I feel like we’re seventeen again.

The best seventeen. Where every time I stared at Lily Calloway, I wanted to drop to my knees.

But I can’t ignore the chill in the air. The eerie presence of what may come after tonight. Whatever it is—I just hope we all can handle it.

{ 39 }

LOREN HALE

Almost three weeks into Lily’s celibacy period, and I’m feeling the effects. I step into the shower, expecting to do nothing else but wash. Then subconsciously, I mentally file through an image of Lily last night. She grinded against me, digging her pelvis into mine, on impulse, but she rolled over and controlled her urges on her own.

Still, I remember how she scooted her ass into my cock. And I just wanted to slip right inside her.

Christ.
Standing naked underneath the shower water, my dick throbs, screaming to be rubbed out. I haven’t masturbated yet. I thought it was only fair since Lil’s not allowed (ever). I didn’t realize it would be this difficult. Going from fucking multiple times a day to nothing at all.

I feel like I’m walking a mile in Lily’s shoes.

I lean my shoulder blades against the tiled shower wall and shut my eyes. My brain has warred against me. All I see is Lily lying naked, with her legs spread open, begging for me, clutching the sheets like she may touch herself if I don’t hurry.

And when she stares at my hard cock, her pussy starts to soak. She cries and pleads.

I rest my head back, my hair wet. The longer strands stick to my forehead.

I’m torturing myself. She’d want me to jerk off. She’d feel guilty otherwise, but I’m going to feel like an ass if I do it. I just hate that she can’t touch herself but I can. Beads of water drip off my eyelashes as I think.

Screw this.
She’s in the nursery right now. She won’t even know.

I grip my shaft, and the touch instantly pulls me out of my confliction. My lips part, and I stare up at the ceiling. I stroke my length, every nerve amplifying the sensations. I continue the movement, harder and determined.

I imagine Lily.

She has the “I have to come right now” expression, an urgency that always makes me push deeper. I ram between her legs, and her fingers dig into my back like she might fall.

“Lo!” she cries.

What gets me off most are her reactions, not our positions. She writhes beneath me, delicate and ravenous. She wants to be filled so deep that she can’t see straight, and it’s written all over her face.

In the shower, my strokes quicken and I let out a gruff noise. God I want to fuck her. I want to feel how wet she becomes just by looking at me. To thrust until she clenches around me. It drives me over.

“Christ,” I groan. Here in the now, I release, so rapidly that I let out a staggered breath. My hand keeps moving, milking the orgasm for all its worth. I lean my head back against the wall again, taking a moment to come down.

After I clean myself off and shut the water, I turn for my towel that hangs on the glass. I freeze, noticing a shadow by the crack of the bathroom door.

I had closed that door…

Lily.

Please, no.

The bottom of my stomach falls.

The worst thing that could happen: turning on Lily Calloway while she’s supposed to be celibate.

{ 40 }

LILY CALLOWAY

He didn’t see me. He didn’t see me.

I’m a Peeping Tom. A loser who spied on her boyfriend jerking one off in the shower. A red-like rash has spread from my forehead to my toes, and I scamper into our bedroom, away from the shower, the bathroom, him…

The spot between my legs keeps clenching for his hardness.

That
hardness that I just saw. I want it. In me. Now.

I didn’t even mean to look. After I put Maximoff in his crib for a nap, I had a funny thought about panda bears or maybe superpowers. I can’t even remember what it was, but I planned to share it with Lo. And as I cracked the bathroom door, I witnessed something very hot. Maybe too hot. My body is overheating in a bunch of bad-good ways.

I could have stopped looking after the first minute but…

It’s just been so long since I’ve seen Lo masturbate. Hell, it’s been so long since I’ve seen
anything
remotely that sexual.

OhmyGod. Was that porn? Did I just watch a Loren Hale live porno?

Oh no.

“Lily,” Lo calls, and I take the opportunity to dart into our closet. It’s not as big as the master, but it’s a walk-in. I act like I’m searching for something important. Anyway, I really do need to. Rose said she didn’t believe that Lo and I used handcuffs, and I told her that I’d find them for proof. We also wanted to compare which guy buys the better ones. I think it’s Lo. She thinks it’s Connor.

It’s yet to be proven.

“Lily?” Lo opens the closet.

“Huh?” My heart is exploding out of my chest.
I can’t look at you.
I focus on the long rows of black, red, and gray graphic tees that he wears. He’s concerned about me. My coping mechanisms have always been sex. And babies are stressful. Even if Moffy is a good baby—it can be a lot. The lack of sleep mixed with the temptations at night, especially as the soreness wears off.

Without sex, I turn into a paranoid person who browses the internet for trashy gossip sites and craves touch like an itch I can’t quite scratch. It’s all a mess.

I’m a mess.

But I’ve been doing my best. No sex. No penetration. No self-love.

It’s the longest I’ve been abstinent in years.

The moisture on my panties is not helping things. But I won’t take back what I saw…unless it really is porn. Then I kinda feel guilty. My elbows are burning.

“Please don’t play dumb with me,” Lo says. “Lily.” He grabs my arm and twists me around. His amber eyes rush over mine, reading where my head is at.

He has a towel wrapped low around his waist, and my eyes travel along his wet, glistening chest. The ridges in his abs, the cut of his biceps. I am picturing a fully naked body. His hand on his erection, rubbing and stroking and pleasing himself. It’s so hot that I think my brain will fry.

“
Lil
,” he says sternly, pinching my chin and lifting my gaze back to his eyes.

“
Lo
,” I reply in the same voice.

He licks his lips. Those pink lips…
Kiss me.
“Did you see me jerk off?” he asks.

“Yes.” I don’t deny it. I know I can’t.

He curses under his breath and rubs a hand on the back of his neck. His hair is damp, the sides shorter and the long top strands pushed back. He is drop-dead gorgeous. I’m a goner. “Lily, focus,” he says, his large hand holding my jaw. “Can you erase that image from your mind? Please?”

My lips press closed. No. I can’t.
Never.

He drops his hand and steps even closer. My breath hitches. Oh my God. Slowly, he fishes
my
button through my jean shorts. I watch in captivation. Once he loosens them, he lowers the zipper and reaches his hand down the front of my shorts.

I hold onto his arm.
Yes. Please.

He cups my panties, feeling how soaked I am. I press my head to his firm chest and let out a whimper.
Please. More.

This is torture. Sheer torture. “Harder,” I whisper. It’s my own fault. I was the Peeping Tom who couldn’t walk away.

He stays still. “How long were you standing there?” he asks, practically reading my mind.

“I don’t know.”

“Lily.”

“Like three minutes.”

“I was only doing it for three minutes.”

“Oh. Maybe shorter then.” Lies.

“Sure.”

He makes a move to retract his hand, and I cling to his wrist, forcing him still. Before he can say something about it, I blubber out, “It wasn’t porn, right? Like live porn?”

I glance up and see the concern flash in his amber irises. I’m not sure if it’s from the fact that I’ve taken his arm hostage or my confession.

“It wasn’t porn, love. I’m your fiancé.”

Relief lifts my shoulders to a natural state.

“Can I have my hand back?” he asks.

Oh. Yeah…I release my grip, and he pulls his hand away from the spot that craves him. My fingernails dig into my palms, resisting the desire to replace his touch with my own. Surrounded by T-shirts, hangers, and boxes of miscellaneous things, I should just go back…to something.

“I’m ugly,” Lo suddenly tells me.

“What?” I frown, staring up at him like that’s the most impossible thing of all things.

He rests his hands on my shoulders, a great deal of space between our bodies. “Just know how ugly I am, and maybe you’ll be turned off.”

That’s a strong maybe. “You’re ugly,” I say, trying to buy into his words. “So ugly.”

“Grotesque and
smelly
. Oh, God, you don’t even want to inhale around me, I smell so bad.” He wafts his hand in front of his face with a mock cringe.

I bite my lip, suppressing a smile. He smells really good actually. Like soap and citrus. “You stink,” I say.

“You are incredibly repulsed by me.”

“I’m repulsed by you,” I say, nodding my head, playing into it. Yeah. Sure. Repulsed.

“You can’t stand to look at me.” What? “And it even
pains
you to touch me.”
No.
I don’t like this game anymore. He must see the hurt on my face because his features shatter. “Lil…”

I shake my head and tears begin to sting my eyes. “I love you, Lo,” I say. “I don’t want to feel badly for being turned on by you, and I don’t want you to have to work me up into hating you for it.” This feels like another fight, when it shouldn’t be. We have about three weeks and then we can fuck like rabbits again.

I rub my eyes and inhale a deep breath. “Let’s just forget about it, okay? I’ll be fine.”

I go to pass him and leave the closet, but he sidesteps and blocks me. That didn’t work. “Please don’t end a conversation with
I’ll be fine
,” he says, frustration in his voice. “I don’t want you to
just
be fine. You know that.”

My throat begins to swell closed. I don’t know what I feel anymore.

“Come here.” He motions to me, and I walk into his outstretched arms, sinking into his bare chest and warm embrace. I sniff a little bit, and when he draws back, his lips suddenly meet mine. He catches me completely off guard. Lately, he’s been stingy on the groping and kissing.

He doesn’t hold back.

His tongue tangles with mine, his hand cupping the back of my head with firm force. A pressure that I’ve missed. I melt beneath his weight, intoxicated by another person. Skin-to-skin. A pleasured noise scratches my vocal cords, and I reciprocate the kiss with extra intensity, probably too much.

My arms glue to him, my body bucking forward into his.
Please…

He pulls away almost instantly.
No.
“Relax, love. Take a breath.” He strokes my hair kindly, and I hide my face in his chest, my body trembling against him.