Addicted After All (36 page)

“Updates?” Samantha asks the room as she hawk-eyes the streets below. They’ve been jammed with camera crews for the past two hours, hoping to snap a photo of any of us leaving the building. I’d like to say they’re not important, but Lily perks up in interest.

“I have one,” Daisy says. She’s sprawled out on the white couch, her feet on Ryke’s lap. She reads an online article from her phone. “According to an inside source, Lily Calloway is in labor and has been admitted to the hospital. We’ll have more information in the coming hours.”

“The main thing is to keep Maximoff away from the paparazzi,” Greg tells Lily and me. “No child needs that stress.”

Lily blows out a breath, and I squeeze her hand. Having a kid is anxiety enough. I brush her hair back and whisper, “We’ve got this.”

She nods a couple times like she’s trying to believe it too.

My dad sidles next to Samantha to peek out of the blinds with her. “I’m going to call more security for when we leave. This is ridiculous.” He points at the window. “That chubby one is eating a goddamn happy meal while he waits.”

On a shorter couch, Connor wraps his arm around Rose and says, “The cameramen are allowed to eat, as all human beings are.”

My dad gives him a surly look and then snaps, “Whose side are you on?”

“The logical side,” Connor says easily. “You’re probably not familiar with it, but it’s the side that wins ten times out of ten.”

My dad’s eyes flash hot, and it’s pretty apparent that his beef with my best friend is still ongoing. This isn’t the time for that shit.

“Hey, this isn’t the fucking time,” Ryke cuts in. I nod to my older brother in thanks.

I’m almost regretting making the birth of my son a family event, but I can tell Lily appreciates everyone’s company. Even if it’s stressing
me
out.

My dad grips his coffee a little tighter, but his voice has less edge. “I’m just making conversation.” He sips his drink, and Samantha finally pries herself off the window.

Her gaze surprisingly lands on Lily and me. “Are you two really set on his name?” she asks, sitting stiffly in a chair next to Greg. “There’s still time to change your minds.”

Lily shakes her head repeatedly, and before I accidentally say something nasty to her mom, Rose begins to defend our choices.

“Leave them alone,” Rose says. “You shouldn’t be adding to Lily’s stress. This is a calm,
zen
environment.” She inhales a deep breath to demonstrate how zen-fucking-like it is in here. Only her collarbones protrude like she has trouble exhaling.

“You were saying?” I tease Rose.

Her yellow-green eyes narrow to pinpoints at me.

It’s
tense
in here, though it could be a hundred times worse. It feels like how it should be, probably. The unease from unexpected outcomes.

Ryke rests an arm along the back of the couch and holds his girlfriend’s ankles with the other hand. “Maximoff is a good fucking name. It’s strong.”

My dad butts in, “It’s strong until a kid calls him Maxi Pad.”

“Says the man who named me Loren,” I retort.

My dad faces me and counters, “It’s about rising
above
your name. I’m not complaining about Maximoff. I think it’ll be a testament to his character how he reacts to it.”

I don’t want his name to be a fucking test.

But I’m not letting our parents talk us out of something we chose together. Something we truly love. I hate that they have to taint it with their opinions anyway. But there’s a place inside of me that’s grateful for having people who care. For better or for worse, that’s what family is for, right?

Lily’s grip tightens on my hand, and she lets out a staggered breath before sinking back into the pillows. A couple nurses push through the doors and check her vitals. “I think she’s about ready.” One of the nurses leaves to retrieve the doctor. “We should clear out the room, a two-person limit during delivery.”

I step off the bed.

“Don’t go!” Lily clasps my one hand with two of hers.

I edge closer to her. “I wasn’t going to, love.” I kiss her nose lightly and she exhales a large breath. Everyone stands to exit the suite.

Greg buttons his suit jacket and nods to Lily, “We’ll see you afterwards. You’ll do great.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Lily looks high off the encouragement, or maybe it’s the drugs. Either way, I’m realizing this is turning out to be a good memory, for both of us.

Samantha even acknowledges Lily with a smile, no words. But right now, I think it’s better that way. The room is dwindling in seconds. My dad toasts us with his
coffee
like he has some giant glass of bourbon in his hand, and then he leaves with Lily’s parents.

Ryke squeezes my shoulder, and Daisy gives her sister a side-hug.

“Hey,” Ryke says, and I meet his brown eyes, more flecked with hazel than usual. “I’m here for you.” He’s the first person I’d go to if I ever felt overwhelmed. By now, he knows that.

I nod. It’s all I can do, emotions starting to constrict my lungs. Somehow, though, I choke out, “Thanks.”

He pats my shoulder before heading through the door with his girlfriend.

Connor slips his phone in his black slacks and nears the edge of the bed. Nurses begin to mill around the room. The doctor isn’t here yet, but reality is still hitting me full force. “Don’t blink,” he says in a smooth voice. “It’ll happen faster than you realize.” He winks at me before he departs with a confident stride.

Don’t blink.

My stomach is in knots.

“Rose?” Lily whips her head around the room, trying to find her older sister. Her eyes start to well with tears, thinking Rose left without saying anything.

I’m about to go find her, but she suddenly appears, walking out of the bathroom. “I’m right here, stop crying.” She fixes her glossy hair with her fingers. “I didn’t want to use the public toilets.”

I wipe Lily’s cheeks with my thumb.

Rose gives her a look. “We made a pact, no tears.”

“That sounds like something a demon would say,” I tell her.

She sets her hands on her hips, and Lily cuts her off, “Daisy and I rejected that pact. You were vetoed.”

I laugh, no fucking way. That almost never happens.

Rose purses her lips. “Thank you for the reminder. You may cry then.” She’s fooling herself if she thinks she’s not going to shed a tear when she sees Lily holding her son. Even if Rose isn’t the softest person, when it comes to her sisters, she can turn into a puddle.

Lily lets out a long breath. “Can you give me a quick tip?”

“Don’t be scared.”

“In case something happens to me,” Lily says—I shoot her the sharpest look. She holds her hands in defense and adds, “I just would like a hug.”

I tell Lily, “Nothing is going to happen to you.” I can’t entertain the idea without losing oxygen, my eyes burning. Two nurses and a doctor stand in the room. We’re in a hospital. Nothing is going to go wrong.

“IknowIknow,” she says quickly. She lets go of my hand and spreads her arms out at Rose.

Her older sister looks like she was just asked to climb a ladder and clean the drain pipes. But she leans down and gives a stiff couple of pats to Lily’s shoulder. “I love you,” Rose whispers before she steps away. When she stands up, she brushes her fingers below one eye.

I tilt my head at her.

She points at me, “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

She raises her chin and marches right out the door.

Besides the hospital staff, we’re alone. I keep my hand on her head, watching her eyes nervously flit around the room. “Are you in any pain?” I ask.

“No,” she whispers. “I can’t feel anything down below.” She scratches her arm, and I swiftly take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers.

“Lily Calloway,” I murmur, and she finally looks up at me.
I love you
. I don’t even have to say the words before her eyes well with tears. I breathe deeply, my muscles wound tight. Years and years with Lily, my best friend, rush through my veins.

It’s a connection that spawned early on, from chasing her around a golf course and hiding underneath pillows on a yacht. From escaping to a bedroom and playing pretend behind a bar. From shutting out the world until it was just us.

I open my mouth to say more, but it’s hard to put everything to words.

A tear drips down her cheek. “I know.”

I kiss her on the lips, one that nearly pulls her to my body, but I break it before she shifts out of place too much. My mind is spinning as the doctor says something to Lil, and then the nurses flock her sides. I focus mostly on Lily, holding her hand as I stand by her side. About two hours pass with Lily pushing, her cheeks splotched red from fatigue.

“One more,” the doctor instructs.

Lily’s brows scrunch as she tries again, not giving up. Time seems immeasurable. Too fast. Too slow. “Good job, Lil,” I tell her as she finishes another push.

Dr. Dhar says, “Last one.”

Lily collapses back in exhaustion and stares up at me like
she just said that, didn’t she?
Fear floods her eyes, and I kiss her head and my lips brush her ear. “You’re almost done, love. Everything’s fine.”

“Okay,” she says in a shaky voice. Her hand tightens around mine. And she closes her eyes to try to push again. She pants, out of breath, after that one.

The female doctor focuses on the monitors. “The baby’s heart rate is a little low.”

I turn back to Lily, and her eyes flutter like they’re about to close. “Lil?” I cup her face; she’s in a cold sweat. “Lily?”

The second nurse runs to the nearest machine and she places an oxygen mask over Lily’s nose and mouth.

I comb back her hair. “Hey, Lil, look at me, love.” My eyes are on fire, and for a split second, the fear of losing her takes me for a ride. I can’t…

It’s a pain that tears right through me. It stretches. I swallow a rock.
Look at me. Please.
And as she takes a few deep breaths of oxygen, her eyes meet mine again and she gives me a nod.

Okay.

“Lily, one last push,” Dr. Dhar coaches. “I know you’re tired, but we all want this baby out.”

Lily looks like she’s about to cry. I hover over her, and tilt her chin so she meets my gaze again. “This is easier than every battle you’ve been through.” I wipe the tears off her cheeks.

“One more time?” she asks like a question, even though she’s trying to boost her spirits.

“Yeah, Lil. One more.”

She inhales the oxygen and then shuts her eyes tight as she pushes. I clench my teeth, my jaw hurting the longer this goes on.
Please let this be it.

And then, the next sound just floors me.

A cry.

Dr. Dhar has the baby in her hands.

I’m not the kind of guy anyone wants to see give life. Nasty, harsh, spiteful—a bastard. But I’m employing my brother’s motto for this one:
I don’t give a shit.

I don’t give a shit.

Maybe some people don’t deserve second chances. But I’m worthy of this moment and this girl and this life I live and the one I created.

No one can tell me otherwise. Because the minute they place our baby on Lily’s chest is the minute that I
feel
a piece of me that I’d been keeping submerged. She’s already in tears, joy erupting through her features. And I feel all of it course inside. I’d been unwilling to let myself experience this. I’ve been filling the hollow places with pain, and I’m done.

I’m done with that torture.

One nurse dries the baby off and keeps a warm towel on him. And the other removes Lily’s oxygen mask. “Lo,” she chokes into a laugh, her chin trembling as tears cascade. I realize my cheeks are wet.

I lean closer to her, feeling lighter than I ever have before.

He’s tiny, his eyes pinched like the light is too harsh for him. But he squirms a bit and lets out a couple high-pitched noises, not cries exactly. Just saying he’s here.

After about fifteen minutes, the world feels calmer, people start slowing down. He’s swaddled in a blanket and content. “Will you hold him?” Lily asks me like she’s wondering if I won’t.

I don’t hesitate. I lift him gently in my arms. God, I can’t get over how small he is.

“What do you think?” she asks.

I realize I haven’t said a single word. And I break into a smile, my eyes glassy. “He looks powerful.”

Even through her exhaustion, she beams like she’s risen a million feet. “Like a superhero?”

I nod a couple times and brush my finger over his soft cheek. He responds with a mumble of acceptance. I never thought I could love someone the way that I love Lily, but my world has just expanded, plus one.

I whisper softly, “Definitely like a superhero.”

{ 35 }

LILY CALLOWAY

For the past week, we’ve been camping out in Maximoff’s superhero-themed nursery on the long blue couch. I may be biased, but the city painted on the wall, the
X-Men
blanket, and Thor’s hammer mobile beats Jane’s pink princess room any day.

This afternoon, we’ve been watching FX’s
X-Men
marathon on our bed with Maximoff between us, and he’s been sleeping well past his usual nap time. “Is he alive?” I whisper to Lo. We both sort of hover over him, watching him sleep more than we’ve been watching the films.

Paranoid, yes. We’ve been reading too many pamphlets about Sudden Infant Death syndrome. Which can be caused by what feels like
anything.
The baby can’t sleep on his tummy. He can’t be wrapped too tightly in a blanket. One wrong move and
bam!
Baby down.

I have this dark, horrific image of waking up and finding Maximoff blue and…yeah.

I’ve already made Connor give me refresher tips for baby CPR.

“I’m sure he’s alive, Lil,” Lo whispers, but his brows knot with as much uncertainty as mine.

“How do we know he’s breathing?” I ask.

Lo stays quiet for a moment, and then he says, “Maybe one of us should poke him or something.”

I nod wildly. “Good idea. You do it.” Our baby barely stirs, so peaceful, and he rarely ever cries either. Jane has more fits than him…maybe that’s why I’m more nervous about his quiet nature. I can’t tell if it means something’s wrong or if he’s just a really good baby.